• Dental Phobia Support

    Welcome! This is an online support group for anyone who is has a severe fear of the dentist or dental treatment. Please note that this is NOT a general dental problems or health anxiety forum! You can find a list of them here.

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icandothis123

Junior member
Joined
Mar 26, 2021
Messages
11
Location
Seattle
Hi all. I have fear and embarrassment of going to the dentist. I haven't been in nearly 20 years and I know my gums in the last couple of years have not been great. :( I think for me, the shame part is the biggest motivator to not going. I don't like how my teeth and gums look now and know I could've prevented it, but each year that I decided not to go made it worse. You know the cycle. I'm almost just afraid of hearing all the things that I'll need to get done.

Anyway, I took a tiny, tiny step today and emailed a local clinic to get an idea of how busy they are. Mostly this is to get me prepared mentally for when I do make the appointment. I did let them know my anxieties and shame. Even getting this far was tough mentally. I kept going back and forth on contacting them every day this week and finally mustered up the courage to do just now.
 
While I haven’t been away from the dentist quite as long as you (11 years), I can 100% relate to everything you’re saying. I just started on my journey back to dental health earlier this week. I finally sent the email (similar to yours) and made the phone call to make an appointment. I pushed myself to do it because of an extremely painful toothache. I couldn’t avoid the inevitable. The front desk woman was so kind and understanding. I explained my embarrassment, fear & pain. She was so reassuring & told me all they wanted was to get me out of pain & help my teeth. I went in for my emergency appointment this week (to have said tooth looked at) and I was a hot mess- shaking, sick to my stomach, and finally tears when I got in the dental chair. The dental assistant and dentist were so calming and reassuring. They took x-rays and looked at the painful tooth. Turns out I need a root canal (yikes- more fear!) due to a cracked molar with a deep infection). She wrote me a prescription for antibiotics and a stronger pain med, if needed and connected me with an endodontist (I go in for the root canal on Monday). I also made an appointment for next month for a full cleaning and x-rays. I know that I’ll still be nervous and I’m certainly not super excited about going in, but it sure feels good to be heading down the right path to dental health again. You should be so proud of yourself for having the courage to email. The first steps certainly feel like the scariest. This is a great place for support! ❤️
 
Thank you for sharing your story! I'm so glad you were able to go in and your toothache checked out. I'm sure the root canal will go smoothly and you'll be done with it in no time. I was looking at my teeth closely again today and had to remind myself that I got root canals before, and had wisdom teeth taken out, so I can deal with it again. I even remember that when I had my second set of wisdom teeth taken out (I had 2 at a time removed) way back when that it wasn't so bad.

It does make me feel good to hear stories of dentists and everyone at the clinic being super helpful. I can be a bit cynical about people sometimes so I often need to remind myself these people are here to help me and want me to be out of pain and get healthy. It's so silly, but I keep thinking how everyone is going to be judging me, but I know they aren't. They're professionals and deal with these things all the time.

I know the first visit is probably going to be the scariest, but after that it can only get easier.
 
That’s what I keep telling myself too! The hardest step (for me) was making the appointment. The rest is scary, but the feeling of just getting the ball rolling is really one of relief! I think remembering to just take it one step at a time- looking too far into the future and worrying about the “what if’s” is too overwhelming. I agree with you, though, seeing the hurdles that other people on this forum have conquered really helps to push me forward. We can all do this! Best wishes to you. Please do keep us posted. I’m rooting for you! ?
 
Thank you again! I totally agree with not thinking too far ahead into the future. If I have to have several appointments, so be it. I shouldn't think about it too much. Just schedule each one, one at a time as needed and go from there.
 
Hi icandothis123:welcome:,

first of all, well done on emailing the clinic! What a huge step. You know, getting dental treatment is one thing and sometimes it looks like it it THE goal, but I believe that‘s not the entire truth. In reality, there are so many victories and so much growth along the way and the actual treatment is almost just a side effect. Just look at you, how you are pushing yourself. Just one week ago the thought of getting in touch with them seemed far too overwhelming and now? The email is out and you are, in your mind, preparing for an appointment. That‘s the progress to focus on and it has been taking place in your mind, every day.

Shame is one of the most painful emotions and people would go long ways to escape it. I sometimes believe that it‘s not even about what others think but more how we think about ourselves. Judging ourselves. With that being said, you are so courageous and doing the right thing. It doesn‘t play a role whether you haven‘t been for 20 or 10 or 2 years. In my experience from a dental practice, this plays no role. Your dentist will only take a look at where are you right now and how to get you where YOU would like to be in the future.

Hope the clinic responds soon and hope they will make their best to gain your trust.

All the best wishes and keep us posted :)
 
Shame is one of the most painful emotions and people would go long ways to escape it. I sometimes believe that it‘s not even about what others think but more how we think about ourselves. Judging ourselves.

Thank you for your response. I totally agree that it's often really about how we see ourselves. I think this touches on some more personal issues of judging myself and needing to be perfect. If I'm not perfect at something or make mistakes, I want to hide and not let others know. I hope this is a small step in other ways as well, to open up myself to be imperfect and to be vulnerable in front of others.
 
An update: I called them up on Monday and set up an appointment. When I emailed the receptionist who responded mentioned they could get me in just for an exam and x-rays in the next couple of weeks, but when I called I got somebody else on the line and she scheduled me for a full visit, which they could only fit in June.

I felt good about making the call and was happy to set up the first appointment, but was kind of kicking myself for not scheduling a sooner visit just for the exam and x-rays like the first person said was possible. Well, since Monday I've been looking at my gums and getting anxious about how bad it is and want to get looked at at least even if they can't fit in the initial cleaning, so I'm thinking I will call them up tomorrow and schedule the exam and x-rays sooner. Otherwise I think I'll go crazy worrying about how bad it is for the next two months.
 
An update: I called them up on Monday and set up an appointment. When I emailed the receptionist who responded mentioned they could get me in just for an exam and x-rays in the next couple of weeks, but when I called I got somebody else on the line and she scheduled me for a full visit, which they could only fit in June.

Hm. June sounds pretty far away. Do you think they are really fully booked until June or was it more the receptionist not understanding what you wanted? I was wondering whether replying to that email and checking would be an option? It sounds like there must have been a misunderstanding. Also, cancellations belong to life at a dental practice so you could ask them whether they could let you know if someone cancels so that you get in earlier. If you would feel comfortable doing that. I know that as a new nervous patient, every contact can be difficult and so can be voicing preferences.
 
Hm. June sounds pretty far away. Do you think they are really fully booked until June or was it more the receptionist not understanding what you wanted? I was wondering whether replying to that email and checking would be an option? It sounds like there must have been a misunderstanding.

Yeah, it was me being a little nervous on the phone and not wanting to go into too much detail about my situation. I was on the spot and didn't explain as much detail as in the email, but I also opted for their more comprehensive visit, which takes longer, and probably had fewer spots available. They did tell me that if something opens up sooner that they'll give me a call.

I'll probably respond to the original email again though because I think I can probably get just an exam in sooner (i.e. no initial cleaning or extra things they do on the first visit).
 
I'll probably respond to the original email again though because I think I can probably get just an exam in sooner (i.e. no initial cleaning or extra things they do on the first visit).

This is a great idea. I was glad that you have the offer of x-rays and exam in few weeks in written form because then they surely can't tell that nothing is available, so replying to that and accepting the offer in the email sounds good. I would hate for you if you lost the positive momentum and the commitment and had to start from zero in June due to anxiety. It's always better not to wait too long with the next appointment. I am also a fan of small gradual steps. Given the fact that you needed a week just to pluck up the courage to get in touch via email, I think taking it easy and gradually may be a better approach. I guess the receptionist was on autopilot and just run the "very normal usual patient"-program as she had not enough information at that moment.
 
I completely agree with Enarete. My first visit was also just scans and a talk with the dentist. That way I could get comfortable with him and the setting and most importantly with what needed to be done. Also, if you need to wait that long, the anxiety could get bigger and bigger with every day.
One more thing I thought about is the fact that when they see you, and do x-rays and it turns out to be something bad - some dentist have oppointment times reserved for those patients with more urgent problems. So there's a slight chance they will be able to schedule you for a full visit sooner.
 
Thanks for the responses! I was able to talk to the clinic today and get an appointment with the dentist on the 22nd. I've read good reviews of this dentist from those with a fear of seeing dentists and it seems she's pretty busy since that was the soonest they were able to get me just for the exam. (They had a different dentist I could've seen next week but he's newer and I'd rather see this more experienced one.)
 
Thanks for the responses! I was able to talk to the clinic today and get an appointment with the dentist on the 22nd.

Nice! :claps: that sounds much better than June. How did it feel for you to get in touch with them again?
 
How did it feel for you to get in touch with them again?

Really good! I was dreading having to do it when I got up this morning, but I just found the email and responded to it. They didn't have the additional dates I offered, so the person who answered the email this morning ended up just calling me and we talked through some alternate dates. She was very nice and I wasn't nervous at all.

I feel like the more I "interact" with my fear, it's becoming less scary. For me, the big thing is the personal shame and feeling like I need to hide my situation, but I'm getting better about it and slowly forgiving myself and feeling good that I'm taking positive steps now. I know I'm going to feel so good after that first visit, no matter what work I'll need to get done.
 
Really good! I was dreading having to do it when I got up this morning, but I just found the email and responded to it. They didn't have the additional dates I offered, so the person who answered the email this morning ended up just calling me and we talked through some alternate dates. She was very nice and I wasn't nervous at all.

I feel like the more I "interact" with my fear, it's becoming less scary. For me, the big thing is the personal shame and feeling like I need to hide my situation, but I'm getting better about it and slowly forgiving myself and feeling good that I'm taking positive steps now. I know I'm going to feel so good after that first visit, no matter what work I'll need to get done.
You will definitely feel like an enormous weight has been lifted after that first appointment! I’m sure you feel fabulous getting through setting up the appointment- baby steps! I think with each step of the process it gets easier. I went from no dental in 10+ years to 6 different appointments in a month! ?
Finally facing the fear/embarrassment is HUGE! Well done! Keep us posted on your progress.
 
Whoa! 22nd is much, much sooner!
And yes, I know the shame. Something came to my mind though, when I sat on the dentist chair today. Us, the patients that need much work, we are the ones that good dentists 'like' the most, because they can make much difference. And I don't even really care if it's true for my dentist - it helped me just telling myself that in my head.
Also, when I feel really bad, I sometimes look at dental makeovers pictures as it helps me to know that there ARE people on this Earth that have had worse teeth than me. And they were able to get it resolved, and so can I. I don't know if it's something that could help you, because I know some people get even more anxiety when looking at bad teeth pictures. But maybe think if it might work for you.
 
So I'm a couple of days away from my big appointment and I wanted to share where I am.

The clinic called me today and let me know they have an open time slot for a cleaning, so I can come in for the examination and then stay for that. Originally my cleaning was scheduled for the beginning of June, so being able to get it in on the same visit is great. I told them without even thinking about it to go ahead and schedule me for that.

As the day nears, I'm finding I'm getting a little scared, but mostly for the diagnosis. The unknown is freaking me out a bit and I'm scared of how bad it could be.

Surprisingly, I'm not as worried about feeling embarrassed or ashamed about the state of my teeth. I think the last few weeks has given me time to process my shame and get to a place where I have better acceptance of my lack of inaction and understand where I was coming from. I've also been thinking about how I'll communicate to the dentist at first and I'm feeling good about being vulnerable.

So I'm a little excited to get that first visit done, but also scared, which I think is normal. I'm reminding myself that being scared is totally okay.

One last thing I want to say is I've been doing a lot of soul searching since I worked the courage to schedule the appointment and I feel like I'm getting stronger! I've found that in other areas of life I've started pushing myself a bit and doing things that scare me just a little bit. I realized that one big thing about avoiding the dentist was that it revealed that I really had too little faith in myself to overcome fears. That lack of faith would lead to reduced self-confidence and more shame. Not pushing myself to take on scary things was in a way me telling myself that I'm not strong enough, which I'm realizing is totally wrong. I am strong enough to take on scary things!

Anyway, wish me luck for Thursday!
 
Wishing you all the best! It sounds like the shift in your thinking has been huge for you! I look forward to hearing how your appointment goes. Your strength is amazing! You should be so proud of yourself. ❤️
 
Hi all. I have fear and embarrassment of going to the dentist. I haven't been in nearly 20 years and I know my gums in the last couple of years have not been great. :( I think for me, the shame part is the biggest motivator to not going. I don't like how my teeth and gums look now and know I could've prevented it, but each year that I decided not to go made it worse. You know the cycle. I'm almost just afraid of hearing all the things that I'll need to get done.

Anyway, I took a tiny, tiny step today and emailed a local clinic to get an idea of how busy they are. Mostly this is to get me prepared mentally for when I do make the appointment. I did let them know my anxieties and shame. Even getting this far was tough mentally. I kept going back and forth on contacting them every day this week and finally mustered up the courage to do just now.

Hey, that tiny step you took is a step forward, instead of a step back. Through much hard work, research and many dental visits, I am proud to say I have no more fear! But that did not come easy. I’d love to help you. If you have anything I can answer for you, please feel free to reach out!
 

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