Long day, just venting..(not looking for sympathy, just a release)

Soma

Soma

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 7, 2012
Messages
101
For the most part I keep moving on from day to day, I tell myself: if you can just keep moving fast enough and if you can just keep your mind busy enough - the things that can and will eventually devour you whole won't be able to do so today. But god, sometimes you stop for just a second too long, you slow your pace just a step too slow and you let that concentration that keeps your guard up relax. one moment of weakness is all it takes and by the time that you realized that you've slipped up, it's already too late. I don't care what anyone says, some things are just too big and dark to ever fully overcome. sure you can cope here and there, you can claim minor victories on a good day. It's temporary. Everything is temporary until it's over. Today I slipped up and let my guard down. Stupid me, I let a good song into my brain and heart and I let it disarm me. A song... Made me think and feel, and I had an epiphany. I will never beat this, no matter how many years I live, I will never ever beat this. I'm not bitter or angry about it. I won't sulk around, I'd honestly rather not bring any attention to it. I won't kill myself off. No, I will play the game out until my card comes up, and despite the misery this has caused me for 30 odd years, I will ask the dealer "Is that all you got?" A bags of tricks and pain, and kicks in the teeth when I was already at my low points.. Is that all you got? Please, impress me. All these years and you couldn't find a better way to hurt me? I'm not impressed. I realized today the outcome, and I guess I sort of always knew, but I was too busy running to really soak it in. And so in closing I am going to say this: go ahead and do what you will. pick a category, and from it take whatever you want, because it means nothing to me anymore all we are- are passing moments, and each that passes is one less I have to play your game. I'm just serving my time until I can finally leave this body. Thanks guys (it messed up my spacing, I apologize for the wall of words)
 
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K

kami

Junior member
Joined
Nov 26, 2013
Messages
1
For the most part I keep moving on from day to day, I tell myself: if you can just keep moving fast enough and if you can just keep your mind busy enough - the things that can and will eventually devour you whole won't be able to do so today. But god, sometimes you stop for just a second too long, you slow your pace just a step too slow and you let that concentration that keeps your guard up relax. one moment of weakness is all it takes and by the time that you realized that you've slipped up, it's already too late. I don't care what anyone says, some things are just too big and dark to ever fully overcome. sure you can cope here and there, you can claim minor victories on a good day. It's temporary. Everything is temporary until it's over. Today I slipped up and let my guard down. Stupid me, I let a good song into my brain and heart and I let it disarm me. A song... Made me think and feel, and I had an epiphany. I will never beat this, no matter how many years I live, I will never ever beat this. I'm not bitter or angry about it. I won't sulk around, I'd honestly rather not bring any attention to it. I won't kill myself off. No, I will play the game out until my card comes up, and despite the misery this has caused me for 30 odd years, I will ask the dealer "Is that all you got?" A bags of tricks and pain, and kicks in the teeth when I was already at my low points.. Is that all you got? Please, impress me. All these years and you couldn't find a better way to hurt me? I'm not impressed. I realized today the outcome, and I guess I sort of always knew, but I was too busy running to really soak it in. And so in closing I am going to say this: go ahead and do what you will. pick a category, and from it take whatever you want, because it means nothing to me anymore all we are- are passing moments, and each that passes is one less I have to play your game. I'm just serving my time until I can finally leave this body. Thanks guys (it messed up my spacing, I apologize for the wall of words)
It's great to vent soma! I totally get you. Don't apologize.
 
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