• Dental Phobia Support

    Welcome! This is an online support group for anyone who is has a severe fear of the dentist or dental treatment. Please note that this is NOT a general dental problems or health anxiety forum! You can find a list of them here.

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lotus journal

L

lotus

Member
Joined
Nov 21, 2005
Messages
58
Location
Australia
The hardest part about this journal thing is where to start really! I guess the funny thing is, with my dental phobia, I don't really know where it started, although I can pin point major events which contribute to it, I can't remember not being scared of the dentist, and I'm also not a fan of most medical things altogether really. I guess my main aim is to start with a journal and eventually I'll have a success story to post! What a great day that will be!  ;)

My phobia has been something that seems to have followed me around my whole life. I cannot remember many days gone by, as a child or adult, that I haven't looked in the mirror and thought about my teeth and/or dentists. It's such a sad thing to think how much I have not done in this lifetime of mine, because of how sad I feel about the way my teeth look, and how sad I have been because I have not been able to face a dentist about them. It's such a nasty circle, I'm ashamed of the way I look, but I'm too scared to see a dentist about my teeth, which I need to do, to help me feel ok about my appearance, and for my general health, but I'm too scared to go, and around and around I go....

So here I am, trying desperatley to make an appointment to get to the dentist for the first time. I'm scared of everything, the sights, the sounds, the office, what will they say, what will they do, what will they say I have to get done, will it hurt, will it hurt more after I've left the surgery, will I cry, will I be embarrassed? They're all questions that have been asked before, but doesn't make it any easier for me to face them.

I found a practice in my city that deals with apprehensive and phobic patients, so I've emailed them a couple of times and got some nice supportive replies. Sometimes I can't believe after all these years I've actually contacted a dentist, just got to get to the visit now.

I'm just going to keep posting my thoughts every now and then, it helps just to vent sometimes, and this is a great place to do just that.  :)    
 
Just got to type to get things out of my head. So here I am, the appointment for my first visit made, and 13 hours to go. Actually, the appointment isn't even really for me, it's for my partner, and I'm still this nervous so how am I going to face it when it's my turn? The dentist is supposedly just going to have a chat with me tomorrow, and show me what happens on a visit (it's been a loooong time since I've been), with my partner as the human guinea pig.

I've written a letter to give her (the dentist) tomorrow, explaining my fears, but it's like, this is a lifetime of fears you know, as long as I can remember I've been afraid so how am I meant to explain that in one little letter? Every single day I carry around this shame and embarrassment and fear like a heavy blanket on my shoulders, and I just don't know how to let the dentist know of that, how to explain that. Going to see someone, regardless of whether it's a good or bad experience, is going to be a life changing experience for me, I'm just so nervous about it. Maybe I'm more nervous about where I go from here. I mean, what if everything works out ok, and I get along with her, and six months, a year, however long from now, I'm smiling like never before? I can't even imagine it. And the thought of not having this fear is somewhat terrifying too, I've lived with it for so long, what do I do without it? Is that crazy or what?  Oh, my brain's working overtime!  ;)

Will just keep going on through the hours until the appointment, I've come this far, I can' stop now. Hopefully I won't throw up at the door, with a stomach of nerves and knots before I go in!  
:scared: :p
 
So 'the next step' has been taken, and wow, what a big step it was for me!

Things didn't go perfectly to plan, I got held up in lots of traffic on the way to the dentist, so arrived about 10 minutes late, but luckily I was the first appointment for the morning so it didn't matter that much. The receptionist called when we were on the way to see if we were still coming, I think they thought I'd backed out at the last minute, but I'm proud to say I didn't.

I could feel myself breathing faster as we walked in the door, :scared: and I couldn't bring myself to say much, I was just cheking out the office, so my partner explained the situation and we were asked to take a seat and fill out a form, the dentist would be with us shortly. When she walked out to greet us, I couldn't believe it, but I just started crying! :cry: (Hope she didn't take that personally! ;) It wasn't her, it was the situation I was upset about!) She was very supportive though, and told me she was so happy I'd made it, and that I'd made a huge step forward by coming into the office. It sounds crazy, but her being so nice made me want to cry more, I couldn't believe I'd been afraid all these years and there was a nice dentist out there!

Anyway, she took me and my partner on a guided tour of her offices, showed me through the rooms and then asked if I was ok to sit in the treatment room while she looked at my partners teeth. I decided I would, and the receptionist gave me a cup of tea, and I just looked around the office and watched what was going on while she cleaned, polished and examined his teeth. I kept having to hold back the tears throughout, but everyone in the practice was lovely, and no one pressured me to make an appointment then and there, they just said to take some time and come back soon, which was excellent. And my partner was happy because he got his teeth cleaned, and he loves the feeling of newly polished teeth! ;D

She asked me what had happened to me to make me so afraid, and then I started crying, I just couldn't bring myself to talk about it, but she didn't pressure me at all to tell, she just commented on how she can't believe how much dentistry has changed and some people used to be so cruel, and it's so good things have now changed. I had written down some things about my fears to give to her while I was there, but chickened out! I think I maybe didn't give them to her because I'd like an excuse just to go back and walk in the door again, or at least communictae some more, to get used to things, before I sit in the actual chair! It's funny though, I can completley understand now what some of the posts on here have meant when people have said they just freeze in the office, and can't say anything! It's so weird, because I think I'm such a strong and somewhat talkative person in other aspects of my life except this one!

So now I'm feelling, on one hand, a little better than previously, as I feel like I'm on the road to a better place in my life, but on the other hand, I'm also feeling a little anxious, because I feel like my road is going to be such a long one, and I'm only at the beginning! Still, better to be at the beginning back than around the corner, nowhere at all....
 
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