• Dental Phobia Support

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More afraid of dentist than dental work

G

Geophyre

Junior member
Joined
Jan 16, 2018
Messages
9
So... Here goes nothing. I'm glad I'm able to find people who get it. As long as I can remember I've had dental problems. I'll be 31 in June. I broke my two front teeth as a toddler and had a partial until I was six. I had fillings in almost all of my baby teeth and my permanent teeth came in with SEVERE crowding. I had a single mom who couldn't afford to keep me in braces so once I turned 18 and was off state insurance, I couldn't afford dental care... Then my wisdom teeth started to come in. I had to go to a free clinic here in GA to get several fillings done, some of which came out within weeks. They did a root canal which I later found out was done incorrectly. All four of my wisdom teeth were impacted and basically in the hinge of my jaw... They took out my 12 year molars on the bottom to hopefully make room as the wizzies were wrapped up in nerve clusters and they didn't want to cause nerve damage.

Cue the last 11 years of searing agony.

The teeth came in and ran out of room fast, considering my jaw could barely fit the teeth I had already. I already had weak enamel since birth and constant dry mouth which also leads to lots of laryngitis... My father had to get dentures when he was 40 for the same reason. My wisdom teeth started crushing all my other teeth, the bad dental patching I'd had done for free led to rot spreading. About 6 years ago I finally got the money and courage to be seen by a surgeon who looked in my mouth and asked me if I'd ever done hard drugs. I was mortified. Every dentist I've seen since I was 16 has had a horrible bedside manner. I've been too embarrassed to smile since I was 8 years old. I haven't been able to go to a dentist since then, even when I had insurance, because the work I need done is so extensive at this point I couldn't afford to take the time from work. My two pregnancies have made matters worse.

So... I'm 8 months pregnant with baby #2 and most of the teeth I have left are soft stumps ground down to the gums. My broken, rotten wisdom teeth are still moving and pressing into shards of bone and open sockets. I had to go to the er yesterday because my jaw is so swollen that I have a black eye and a swollen nose. I'm currently on caresourse through Medicaid and have an appointment later this week through Great Expressions and I'm scared.

I'm afraid of what they're going to say to me. How they're going to treat me. If they're going to look at me and think it's all my fault; that I have bad hygiene or took drugs. I never have. The worst things I've done are smoke and drink soda... I don't even drink alcohol. Even now I brush twice a day and sometimes more because it helps the pain in my gums. Sometimes I actually use Listerine 4x a day or more because it numbs the pain. For over a decade I've lived in Tylenol and ibuprofen just to get by. I'm so tired of hurting and would rather have no teeth and save for dentures... But I'm also terrified my insurance won't cover this. I've read that they only cover simple extractions and fillings and I don't think there's anything simple about this.

Thanks for reading, any advice is appreciated. Just needed someone to talk to.
 
Sorry that you are going through this.

I think the vast majority of people here can relate to your fear - I certainly can and it's what is stopping me making that big step myself. I'm too afraid of being scolded or humiliated by the dentist. You are most definitely not alone.

After spending some time here, it's quite a common theme that people build up a much worse scenario in their heads and what happens in reality is far better. I've been reading a lot of people's stories which tend to begin with "I can't do this!" and end with "This wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Why did I wait so long to do this?!".

I hope things work out for you.
 
Sorry that you are going through this.

I think the vast majority of people here can relate to your fear - I certainly can and it's what is stopping me making that big step myself. I'm too afraid of being scolded or humiliated by the dentist. You are most definitely not alone.

After spending some time here, it's quite a common theme that people build up a much worse scenario in their heads and what happens in reality is far better. I've been reading a lot of people's stories which tend to begin with "I can't do this!" and end with "This wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Why did I wait so long to do this?!".

I hope things work out for you.

Thank you for the support... I've been reading a bit. I'm glad (for lack of a better word) that I'm not the only one who's had some rude dentist say something like, "that's just pressure, you're not feeling pain!" While tears are streaming down your face. I've had a lot of rude hygienists, especially at that clinic I mentioned... They had students come in to watch/help, the dentists were supposed to be some of the best in the state. But in the few months I went there I was treated as disgusting or lazy, had a root canal done wrong, had composite fillings that abscessed days after, fresh amalgam and tooth bits dropped down my throat, got burned with the curing gun thing very badly by someone who wasn't paying attention... One of those molars that was impacted was wrenched at for an hour with multiple shots of anesthetic because a cursory glance at my x-rays would've told them the teeth were connected but no one bothered to look... And since it was church funded, if they hurt you your only recourse was to sue the state of Georgia, which is totally doable for a college student right? I still recall the way my pediatric dentist talked down to me as a little girl and my mom always thought he was awesome. ?

Oh, and you've gotta love those hygienists who pop floss really hard between your teeth while chiding you about how much your gums are bleeding. All you can think is, well maybe you should stop stabbing them, you dumb cow. ?

Anyway... I'll let everyone know how the visit goes on the 19th. I'm really nervous and just hope they're empathetic. I'm gonna tell them my history and hope for the best. I'm not scared of painful procedures... just really can't deal with another dentist acting all cold and impatient and trying to make me feel like garbage. I'm on penicillin and Tylenol 3 from the ER visit but they only gave me enough to last a couple of days.
 
It actually blows my mind that there are dental practitioners who treat their patients poorly. It seems like this is becoming less common as time goes by - thankfully - judging by the threads I read. I think most professions that work with people are placing more emphasis on interpersonal skill than perhaps in the past.

If you feel comfortable I'd consider expressing your fears to them. I've used that in other areas of life (such as with bosses or college professors), and have found that even people you'd least expect it from will respond in a positive manner or much better than expected. It's pretty hard to be mean to someone who has expressed some kind of vulnerability. It's human nature.

Please do let us know how you get on. I'll definitely be checking back to see how you have gone on.

Fingers crossed you get a kind and attentive dentist. Hope it goes well!
 
Dear Geophyre,

I am sorry to hear about what you are going through right now and about your experiences and I totally get your fear of the dentist. Suffering pain, getting wrong treatment and getting humiliated or forced to get through a treatment, that's a torturing combination and enough to keep you away from dental office forever. The fear of being judged or trated unkindly has such a huge power.

There is this cycle - avoiding treatment till the point of emergency, but then at a point of emergency there are not many options and not much time and space to find a caring kind practice so you go where you can and make a negative experience again which makes the fear worse and prevents you from dental visits till the next emergency comes.
I am happy you are here and considering solving your problems because this is exactly how you can interrupt this cycle and a beginning of tackling your fear.

All the mean rude cruel things you have ever heared from your dentists: that's not normal and that's not how dental care works. That's actually not even normal in any other area of life. If a postman / waiter / hairdresser / boss or any other professional person were rude to you or told you such things, you would be rude back, complaint, leave or whatever. You would consider it inappropriate and wouldn't accept it. Because this is not how people can get treated. No matter if the rude person is an authority or not. No dentist ever should treat you like this.

I wish you all the best for your appointment. Is it a practice? A place you feel safe with and respected at? Hope your insurance will cover everything necessary so that you at least win some time to think about the next steps. And hopefully you will come to a point of having a practice and a dentist you really trust and feel comfortable with.

All the best wishes for you (and baby #2 and also #1 - by the way I'm sure tackling your fear will help them too) and keep us updated.
 
Hi. I want you to know that I understand exactly how you feel. Literally. My mouth was in terrible shape. Half of my teeth missing, bad gums, and what I had left was barely in fair shape. I had been told I needed to have all of my remaining teeth extracted and to get dentures by a dentist I went to after 19 years or so of not going at all. Broke single mom, major fear of dentists, and yes some neglect on my part as well. I moved cross country so I had to find someone here to go to and discuss getting my extractions and dentures. Talk about humiliating! I went online and saw an ad for a compassionate dentist and thought YES I’ll go to go
him.

In short, it was my worse nightmare come true. He looked at my mouth took X-rays, made shocked and horrified ugly faces at me and proceeded to tell me that my mouth was the worst he had ever seen in his 25 years of being a dentist. I wanted to crawl inside myself and die. It took every ounce of courage I had to let him look at me and ask him for help, and that’s what happened to me. He said that I should look around and find someone else willing to work on my mouth because he didn’t know what to tell me. In retrospect I should have told him he’s an unethical swine and to go to Hell, but my self worth was so below basement at that point I thanked him for his time and left. I sat in my car just staring at the building for over an hour, unable to do anything but shake and cry. I was devestated.

I drove home and told my husband and he told
me not to give up and helped me find another dentist, this time an implant specialist because I had determined I want the all on 4 implant procedure instead of dentures. Well long story short that guy wasn’t much better. Told me I needed to see an oral surgeon to pull my teeth then I could see him and talk implants even though he had advertised that he pulls remaining teeth and does implants all in one day. That was in the beginning of summer and I was so sick and anxious and devastated for a good month. I couldn’t even enjoy myself, my entire world revolved around my mouth.

Meanwhile, I lost more teeth. I was in constant pain of some sort, and I couldn’t chew worth a damn anymore. I found the strength to research one more time. This time I said the hell with the regular dentists and went for a Prosthodontist. They specialize in worst case scenarios and total mouth reconstruction. The office also said they help with patients who have dental anxiety. I was still scared to death. I didn’t want to go. I cried and cried every day leading up to my appointment and wanted to cancel 1,000 times. What forced me to give it one more try is that I knew I wasn’t going to get any better and I couldn’t take the fear and anxiety or daily pain of living with missing teeth and unhealthy gums.
My Prosthodontist is thorough, professional and good at what he does and told me I had major bone loss and would need bone grafting before implants could be placed. The other dentists who saw me probably were in over their heads but instead of telling me that they made me feel small. What they did is disgusting and unethical and there is no excuse for it. What they should have done is compassionately referred me to someone who could help me instead of dismissing me like that. I had my extractions and grafting done in September and I’m waiting now for the implants.

I told you my story because I want you to know that even if the worst happens and a dentist scolds you or humiliates you, you can survive it. You can move on, and you can find the best dentist for your needs and you don’t have to settle for a jerk. And you shouldn’t. You are entitled to the best care possible. The first thing my Prosthodontist said before he even looked in my mouth was “ I want you to always feel free to tell me if me or one of my staff has treated you in any way that has made you feel uncomfortable, and we will deal with it right away.” I immediately knew my experience was going to be different. I can’t say I love the guy because I still hate having anything to do with dentists or dental work, but I know I’m in the best hands possible and that’s the kind of confidence you want to have in a dental professional.
 
Thank you for sharing your story. I teared up a few times because it all sounds really familiar. It's good you also have such a supportive spouse. Mine booked a dental appointment the same day - it's not a private practice but found out online it's one of the chain places so I'm nervous about that also because I've never had nice experiences with those, but then again some of the worst experiences I had were at a church-run charity clinic, so we'll see how it goes. My hubby needs a lot of dental work done also but not as extensive, he already had his front top and bottom teeth removed years ago and wears a partial, so his mouth looks a lot better at first glance.

I'm keeping myself motivated by the sheer idea of not being in constant pain anymore. I won't ever be able to afford implants but even the idea of getting dentures, of looking into the mirror at pretty teeth, makes me cry. So I know when do get prosthetics, even temp plates, I'm going to blubber like a baby in front of God and everyone. Lol.
 
Thank you for sharing your story. I teared up a few times because it all sounds really familiar. It's good you also have such a supportive spouse. Mine booked a dental appointment the same day - it's not a private practice but found out online it's one of the chain places so I'm nervous about that also because I've never had nice experiences with those, but then again some of the worst experiences I had were at a church-run charity clinic, so we'll see how it goes. My hubby needs a lot of dental work done also but not as extensive, he already had his front top and bottom teeth removed years ago and wears a partial, so his mouth looks a lot better at first glance.

I'm keeping myself motivated by the sheer idea of not being in constant pain anymore. I won't ever be able to afford implants but even the idea of getting dentures, of looking into the mirror at pretty teeth, makes me cry. So I know when do get prosthetics, even temp plates, I'm going to blubber like a baby in front of God and everyone. Lol.

I’m happy you have an appointment, please let us know how it all goes for you. Remember if you don’t like them you are not obligated to stay. The chains do get a bad reputation but I do know a couple of people who have had success with them. Just try and see. Having dental work done is not pleasant or easy but it really is better than being in constant pain. The pain you have while healing is tolerable because you know it’s a means to an end, and it WILL eventually end. ?

You will be much happier with your appearance once you have dentures. You’ll also be much happier because your general overall health will improve. I didn’t know how much my teeth were making me feel sick until I no longer had them. I wish I didn’t put off dental work when I had the chance to nip it before it got to this point but we can only move forward and do the best we can. Bravo on making your appointment!
 
Waiting to be seen now... I have to wait for my obgyn to open to send a releaseform before they'll see me. I'll post an update later. Between the nervousness and my 15/mo insomniac toddler, I literally got no sleep.
 
I went to the dentist for the first time in 20 years, for an emergency extraction. I cried making the appointment. I cried in the waiting room. I cried in the chair.

I also straight up said that anyone yelling or humiliating me would result in MORE tears and me running away, and I got through it. No ugly comments or faces, though I had a hell of a time opening my mouth for them.

I hope your dentist is similarly professional.
 
I went to the dentist for the first time in 20 years, for an emergency extraction. I cried making the appointment. I cried in the waiting room. I cried in the chair.

I also straight up said that anyone yelling or humiliating me would result in MORE tears and me running away, and I got through it. No ugly comments or faces, though I had a hell of a time opening my mouth for them.

I hope your dentist is similarly professional.

They were super nice and professional... Honestly it seemed they tried to make me feel comfortable. The first time since... well, EVER that I didn't feel judged in a dentist's office. They sent my records to caresource to get approval... Now I just have to hope they keep me on Medicaid after the baby's born long enough to do it because I have to get the mold done and I was told that takes 3 weeks, if they drop me before that comes back then it won't even cover the extractions.

So, anyway... Like I thought, all of my teeth have to be surgically extracted. 32 in total. I'm not worried about that part and really wouldn't mind doing it under LA as long as they give me some breaks. I'm going to call the Medicaid plan provider (caresource) Monday and see if they can push it through. If they can then I'm going to let my husband get his done now since they won't do mine at this stage in pregnancy and he can go ahead and recover, then when I'm hopefully able to get mine removed he can take care of the babies until I'm better.

You guys... Thank you so much. It's wonderful to have people who get it. No one really can unless they've gone through this. I feel like I wasted so much money paying into metlife dental since a lot of insurance plans don't really seem to cover much these days. I had them for 2 years and they only paid 1k per year, which would've covered maybe getting 2 of these monstrosities pulled.

I did start having flashbacks to being 14 and overhearing my dentist at the time making fun of me to the assistant, saying the enamel on my teeth was like eggshell. I told them about that though and they were horrified.
 
Congrats and very well done, Geophyre!:jump::jump::jump:
So happy to hear that they treated you kindly and respectfully and made you feel comfortable. And being ok with having all teeth extracted under LA.. wow.
Hope all will go well with the insurance so that you can get all the work done.
 
Wow.. It seems like you found a very nice and compassionate place, especially they were horrified how the other place treated you and seemed to be very understanding and taking things at your pace and making it understandable helping you with your options.

I'm sooo happy for you that at least you can work through this work at a place that seems caring.. that is a huge thing.. Please keep us in the loop and how everything goes !!
 
I’m very happy for you that you’re comfortable with your dentist and are feeling more confident in taking the next steps. I do believe having the right dentist is the biggest piece of the puzzle for us anxious folks. Lots of luck going forward, please keep us posted!
 
Oh my gosh, guys.

So I called my insurance today to see how the pre-authorization is going... And it got approved! So now I just need to wait for the letter in the mail. They MIGHT even cover my temp dentures which is really more than I can hope for. I just want to pain to stop... I almost cried. So now I need to get in touch with dfacs here in my county and make sure they're going to keep me long enough to at least get the extractions done because the dentist obviously won't surgically extract 32 teeth on someone this far along in pregnancy. To get this close to being pain free for the first time in 11ish years and get dropped after being approved, I would freaking die. But... Yes. Fingers crossed.

... I'm also wondering how the heck I still have 32 "teeth" (let's just say root stumps and shards of bone with no enamel) when I have had 4 permanent teeth extracted. ? I'm guessing the wisdom teeth.
 
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