Mother with sexual abuse/dentist issues... please help!!!

[Plain Jane]

I have horrible anxiety and feel like I'm being raped every time I have to go to the dentist. I usually just don't go...

But now my 5 year old needs to have a cavity filled. I took him in for the cleaning and they found a cavity on his first visit just 3 weeks ago. We are due to go in this Monday for the filling...

I try not to let him know how terrified I am. I don't want him to suffer my fears too. But how can I take him there when inside I feel so sick... I feel like I'm hand delivering him to be abused and raped himself. They have already said they won't be using anything to numb him. They don't do needles on little kids because they say it just makes it worse. I'm so afraid for him. The horrible pain... Everything inside of me tells me I'm being a horrible mother by taking him to be raped and victimized... but my mind knows that's NOT what's happening, and that he needs to get the filling... But my heart is screaming at me making me so sick inside I want to crawl in the corner and sob for hours.

What do I do!?! Please please help me!

 

[brit]

I doubt the cavity needs serious attention and there is no need for dental treatment for a 5 year old to be traumatic or painful with the right dentist BUT I am concerned about what you have been told about no anaesthetic.

You need to clarify this and take him elsewhere (pediatric dentist maybe? who is likely to have much better injection technique) if their plan is indeed to expect him to put up with pain during drilling. This is the last thing that should be happening to him....duh.
It could just be that the cavity is very small and that this means it can be filled without causing pain..if so fine. If not then get him numbed up elsewhere but by someone with comfortable technique...it is 100% possible to give dental injections comfortably.
This link may help you understand how this can be achieved (gel and slow technique with child being instructed to look at ceiling so syringe is brought in out of their line of sight):

Painful Injections and Needle Phobia

Are you terrified of dental injections? Find out why shots may be painful, how to make them comfortable, and what to do if you have needle phobia.

www.dentalfearcentral.org

This is info on being an abuse survivor and dental treatment:

Tips for Abuse Survivors and Their Dentists

Tips for survivors of sexual, emotional and physical abuse and their dentists, written by a survivor of childhood abuse.

www.dentalfearcentral.org

Other options are that a baby tooth could just be monitored, other non-invasive treatment methods such as air abrasion or healozone. You do have a choice and some control here and if you are not comfortable with what is being proposed then trust your maternal instincts and go elsewhere.
Some pediatric dentists would use nitrous oxide on 5 year olds for fillings and it may work really well but I personally think TLC and good injection technique is infinitely preferable to reaching for sedation.

You may want to start to tackle your dental phobia. Once you have realised for yourself that despite your other issues, dentistry can be comfortable and even relaxing with the right dentist, you will probably find they can also equally effectively treat your child.