My Dental Chronicle: The Final Chapter

[Mikey Boy]

See I hope to be were kitkat is now I mean I'm pretty confident that I will but I think it's so cool that kitkat has come so far congrats on that milestone being with one dentist for 10 years wow

 

[vicki]

I do remember the Care Bears - can't really remember the cartoon but I think I had some of the teddies. This one definitely suits you!

I had a few of the small plastic care bear figures when I was younger (my mum used to get them for me as a reward for being in hospital so much ). I can't remember the names, but I had the pink one with hearts on, the brown one with a heart on it's middle, a yellow one (can't remember which one that was) and one which was sleeping on a pillow. I'm sure the story was something about them living in the clouds... I can't tell you how disappointed I was when we went on our first holiday abroad when I was about 7 years old and discovered that, once the plane was above the clouds, there weren't any care bears after all .

Great choice of avatar kitkat !

I totally get where you're coming from with the show vs hide my fear dilemma. I go through something like this thought process throughout every appointment: "I'm shaking/crying (/etc), how embarrassing - I must try to hide it.....oh good, I'm hiding it! .....oh no, I'm hiding it - now they'll think that I'm fine and will stop doing all the things that enable me to be 'fine' .....better let them see I'm anxious....oh, this is embarrassing....." I mean, it's the things they do because you're an anxious patient that enable you not to be so anxious, isn't it?

I usually spend most of the time getting stressed about appearing too stressed ! As a result, I've become quite good (or at least I like to think so ) at hiding my fear when I go and see my own dentist, so he probably thinks I'm coping better than I actually am, which then means that he tends not to explain absolutely everything as he's doing it. The thing is, I still need to know what's happening even though my eyes are shut most of the time .

However, at the past few appointments I've had for root canal treatment (with a different dentist), I haven't been able to hide my fear at all (despite taking diazepam... so it's not all it's cracked up to be!) and have ended up having to openly admit to it (it's kind of hard not to when I'm sat there very obviously shaking like a leaf, with a rather unattractive blotchy rash all over my skin and I'm wound up like a coiled spring ready to run at any minute! ). So I'm not sure which is the best strategy; spend an enormous amount of energy trying to act cool (when I'm definitely not) or just letting it happen (which leaves me equally exhausted ).

 

[carole]

I know I am going off it here but didn't the care bear teddies have a heart on them that lit up.

 

[kitkat]

I know I am going off it here but didn't the care bear teddies have a heart on them that lit up.

They all had a different picture that corresponded with their name and "power" and yes, their tummies did light up when they were using their care "powers." I also remember they lived in the clouds and slid on rainbows and played with stars! Baby Hugs and Baby Tugs are missing but I attached a pic I found with most of them in it.

 

[kitkat]

I totally get where you're coming from with the show vs hide my fear dilemma. I go through something like this thought process throughout every appointment: "I'm shaking/crying (/etc), how embarrassing - I must try to hide it.....oh good, I'm hiding it! .....oh no, I'm hiding it - now they'll think that I'm fine and will stop doing all the things that enable me to be 'fine' .....better let them see I'm anxious....oh, this is embarrassing....." I mean, it's the things they do because you're an anxious patient that enable you not to be so anxious, isn't it?

I struggle with this whenever an appointment comes up. Do I put on a 'brave face' or do I just own the fear. It usually goes like this. Step 1: In the parking lot I tell myself I'm just going to own it. Step 2: Get nervous in the waiting room about feeling I will be judged and revert back to brave face plan , Step 3: brave face fails due to Elvis Lip which usually comes on from being overwhelmed or not being given enough preparation/explanation of things, Step 4: I go back to owning the fear because I have no other choice since I've already been "found out" but I feel better about it because they put the 'kid gloves' back on! Meanwhile the adrenaline and energy exerted over the ordeal is exhausting! There was not as much anxiety at the last appointment to manage which is a huge help!

Not sure what the answer is because as Vicki said, if you are exerting a ton a energy to "play it cool" but then the dentist does not feel the need to do much hand holding the fear will only escalate a lot faster and end up even more fierce than owning it from the start. If you own it from the beginning, you get all of those extra kind gestures that inevitably calm you down (as Pianimo said) but you have to deal with the embarrassment.However, eventually I am always found out and embarrassed anyway because my brave face strategy usually fails! So if my fear is going to be revealed either way, I might as well just get it over with early in the appointment and let them calm me down from the start so things do not escalate. I want the hand holding and the brave face though..why can't they just treat every patient like they are terrified as a preventative measure?!

I know for a fact my dentist switches into a whole different mode with her phobics because I have seen both sides. She was not in phobic mode when I had my first consultation with her and I did not care for her at all. She was not reassuring at all and a bit cold and unfriendly in her approach. After battling with my parents and being forced against my will back into the office for a filling (I was a minor ), I showed up terrified with my very unsympathetic mother guarding the waiting room door. I remember shaking uncontrollably and thinking "This is going to be traumatic!" but still attempted the brave face to save my pride. She noticed my out of control shaking right away though and completely changed into a very gentle, warm, and reassuring person. By mid appointment she had me completely calm and relaxed just by explaining things to me first (a novel idea at the time), putting me in control, and just using a calming and reassuring tone of voice. Not hurting me helped as well!

Fortunately, she has never reverted back to that cold approach with me now that she knows me and in the last couple of years, has started using names like "sweetie, honey," and using a shorter, less formal version of my name that most friends call me by during treatment which she never did before. Some people may find the names annoying or condescending but I like them because I feel like we are interacting on a more personal level and that she genuinely cares about my well-being like an old friend of the family. I probably wouldn't feel that way if she had been that way from the first appointment and would find it superficial but she does not do it with all of her patients and only started doing it with me after many years of treatment.

 

[kitkat]

So this post is not directly dentistry related but I wanted to talk about it here because I have been feeling particularly brave lately and decided to confront some of my other quirky fears. I think I have grown a lot as a person from confronting my dental fears and gained a great degree of confidence in my ability to handle stressful situations. Consequently, I'm starting to look back and reexamine some of these things that have plagued me in a different perspective. Just recently, I drove by myself on the interstate which may not seem like a big deal for some people but this was HUGE for me. I have spent years finding alternate routes around these things and often going out of my way! I have had a long standing fear of interstate driving for as long as I can remember. I always thought I would I get into a terrible accident or miss my exit and get incredibly lost but I decided to just throw myself into it and deal with it and it actually wasn't THAT bad. I have to admit that in some areas it was more pleasant than city driving but like all routes in other areas, it was A LOT more stressful but I could cope if I absolutely had to do it again.

Onto my next ridiculous fear...Massages. I'm getting an hour long massage at a spa in 2 weeks! I have always been interested in massages because I have a bad back with a frequent pain from muscle tension but have never really pursued it. I'm not very comfortable with disrobing or being touched especially by strangers so you can imagine my dilemma! On the other hand, I like to experience different things at least once before I write them off. So a girl I work with said she and 2 other of our colleagues/friends were planning a spa day and invited me to join them. Caught up in the moment I said "yes"...now I'm having second thoughts and wondering what I've gotten myself into! I think the thing really holding me back is just the social awkwardness of the entire situation plus I'm pretty ticklish and not sure of how I'm going to react! I have dabbled a little in massage...I tried a foot and scalp massage on a cruise just to get my feet wet with it and I can't really say that I enjoyed it. I found the scalp massage more awkward than relaxing and the foot massage was uncomfortable and I honestly couldn't wait for it to be over. I found it impossible to find a comfortable pressure on my feet (especially the bottom/soles of my feet). Too hard and it was painful and made my foot cramp but any lighter and it just tickled and I couldn't stand that either. I eventually just settled for the painful, cramping massage because it was better then the tickling in my opinion! I have also done the 20 minute massage offered in the malls and basically a small Asian woman beat me up and then took my money! I'm almost positive it lasted longer than 20 minutes and I was actually sore for a few days afterward all over my body! I'm surprised I didn't have any bruises! I did have one pleasant 10 minute back massage with a massage chair so there is hope for me still I guess! I really hope this goes well..I'm thinking of having a glass of wine in advance to relax me. It is a little funny that I need something to relax me to go do something to supposedly "relax"! I will let you know how it goes. It should be an entertaining post at the very least! I would never be a good candidate for a dental spa since spas/massages also stress me out and make me nervous/uncomfortable! I'm hopeless!

 

[chickenjen]

One of my phobias is driving........period. I'm almost 50 years old and I have never had a license to drive. It's not something I freely admit to people , especially since I live in the suburbs. We do have public transportation, but of course, not as plentiful or reliable as in the city. You can get around with public transportation in my neck of the woods, but it's a bit tricky, and usually involves a lot of waiting (for buses and trains) and walking.
Although I have tackled my dental phobia (sort of), I'm not sure if I EVER will tackle my driving phobia.
It would be great if I could turn this half century mark free of all my phobias, but, uh, don't think it's going to happen.
I'm with you kitkat on massages................not exactly a phobia of mine, but not something I enjoy, either.
I went to a spa for my birthday a couple of years ago, and I DIDN'T get a massage.

 

[kitkat]

I've always been very timid about driving. I waited til I was 18 to get my license while most of my friends got them the minute they turned 16. I imagine it would be more difficult to learn to drive as one got older...I think kids are naturally a little more fearless and less inhibited. I had to commute to school for 4 years in college and became very comfortable with driving during that time (lots of aggressive city driving which was very overwhelming at first) but I managed to adapt and find my "routes" that were most predictable and simple to stick to. The interstate always freaked me out even though I drove on it a few times with friends and never had a particularly bad experience. I think part of it was all of fatalities and pile-ups you see on the news. Happy to say I have drove on it alone a few times since my last post (including once just yesterday) and did very well with it!

My massage is in one week and I'm not sure how I feel about it. Not feeling too nervous at the moment but not exactly looking forward to it either... I think I could really enjoy it if I'm able to just let go of my insecurities and live in the moment. But that is not my nature, I am neurotic and I over think everything!

I think if driving is your only phobia you are doing quite well ChickenJen. I don't think I will ever be phobia free. I have a very odd phobia of fish and sea creatures with the exception of sea mammals (dolphins, manatees, whales, etc). I can visit aquariums although I don't particularly enjoy them but I cannot and will not interact with fish (swimming with them, feeding them, eating them, so on and so forth). I have absolutely no desire to overcome this fear...I am perfectly happy continuing through life never eating seafood or swimming with fish as ridiculous as it sounds. I'm just not willing to go there and interact with fish of any sort. I have a more intense fear of fish than I do of dentists!

 

[chickenjen]

I do have a few more phobias.
I can't touch ANY kind of weeds (including dandelions). If I do, I have a panic attack.
I absolutely DREAD thunderstorms...................I will not go out in a thunderstorm.........even to work.
I CAN'T abide birds flying over my head. Again, if that happens, I go into panic mode.
I will not use real candles in my house for fear they will set my house ablaze...........even for birthdays, NO candles. I will put candles on a birthday cake, but I will not light them.
I think that's it.
I also have no desire to overcome these phobias (except maybe my fear of thunderstorms.........at the moment, I can arrange my own work schedule, so I can stay home when it storms).
's!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[kitkat]

I am pretty fearful of thunderstorms but ironically I live in the lightning capital of the world so there is not much I can do about that! This time of year we get at least 1 to 2 thunderstorms per day. I once saw a house across the street from my own get struck by lightning and burn down when I was quite young and I have never really been the same since . Our professional hockey team is actually called "The Lightning"! You would probably say moving is an option as it all comes along with living in a tropical climate (I'm in Florida) but another phobia I have is driving in snow so that's out plus my roots are here. Birds flying over my head really freak me out too! I hate seagulls at the beach and I'm always worried about getting dive-bombed when I eat outside near the water. Living on the coast of Florida, that's 2 fears compounded by where I live! I wouldn't call it a phobia but I am a tad obsessive compulsive about checking that everything is off before I leave and that my door is locked and sometimes I have to check several times over before I leave! I have this obsessive worry about leaving my hair flat iron on and burning down my house.

 

[kitkat]

Well I did it! I got a 'real' massage and I actually LOVED it! I would definitely do another! My only regret is that I got the 60 minute swedish massage instead of the 90 minute. Never saw myself as becoming a spa junkie but it is a definite possibility now; I'm hooked! The spa was gorgeous and the staff were so nice and accommodating. It was a bit secluded and surrounded by rolling hills and lakes. The structure itself looks like a castle in Tuscany. It was breath taking. I did have a glass of wine beforehand...turns out the spa offers them complimentary.

I did not specify the gender of the therapist although deep down I felt I may be more comfortable with a female; I decided to be open minded and leave it to fate. Of course as fate would have it, I was the only one of the 4 ladies in my group who got the 1 male therapist! It was a great experience though and I think I actually prefer male therapists now. I was completely at ease with him. I think my therapist could tell I was new to it and a little nervous and he really made an effort to explain every detail in the beginning and as I got more comfortable he became more quiet and just let me relax. I feel like I it really contributed to my personal growth with getting over my insecurities and allowing myself to enjoy things I normally wouldn't be open to trying.

Rethinking spa dentistry at the moment! Not that I'd ever leave mine but God forbid she ever retired or moved...

 

[carole]

Well I am impressed with you It is still not my kind of thing I hate my hair doing by anyone else which people think is odd. I don't want my nails doing or make up or anything else it is like a nightmare not a dream.

I am glad you enjoyed it though, who knows what you will be trying next. I do understand it is me that is odd not liking these things and not other people

 

[kitkat]

Well I am impressed with you It is still not my kind of thing I hate my hair doing by anyone else which people think is odd. I don't want my nails doing or make up or anything else it is like a nightmare not a dream.

I am glad you enjoyed it though, who knows what you will be trying next. I do understand it is me that is odd not liking these things and not other people

My mother is much like you in that she does not enjoy being fussed with. I think I have become more open to things but I certainly still have my limits.

I am also not keen on getting my nails done (although I've tried it) and dread anyone else doing my makeup except for myself and facials are absolutely OUT...I have no desire to try facials. I don't like my face to be messed with...that's probably related to my dentistry issues in some way or another. I only recently came around to getting my hair done in the last few years. I would like to try a hot stone massage or even a body detox mud masque (which I never thought I'd consider! ). They have a "Ashiatsu Barefoot Massage" which sounds like the therapist would be massaging your feet but when you read the description it is actually the therapist massaging your whole body using ONLY their feet kind of standing above you so in a sense, they step on you ...ehh ...I think I'll pass on someone rubbing their feet all over me!

 

[carole]

Oh no I think you should pass on that one too. I hate feet, I don't want to see them or have mine touched or have someone else's touch me, it makes me shudder

 

[kitkat]

Oh no I think you should pass on that one too. I hate feet, I don't want to see them or have mine touched or have someone else's touch me, it makes me shudder

Me too...during my massage yesterday he moved to my feet and I instantly felt myself get tense but he actually gave a nice foot massage that I didn't hate and he didn't spend much time on them (a plus IMO!). He also wrapped them in a hot towels after he massaged them ...I would have been happy with just the hot towels from the beginning and skip the massage. I had a long and terrible foot massage once on a cruise that went between ticklish and painful every couple minutes...not sure how long it was...it felt like 30 minutes of torture..(15 on each foot maybe?)...I swear getting a tooth filled was more relaxing! I don't know why I did that but trial and error...now I know that foot massages are not my thing.

 

[kitkat]

So this spa thing has been taken a step further and I have half-kinda-sorta committed to trying accupuncture...this definitely makes me nervous moreso than a massage. I have lots of back pain and have heard many success stories with it and am curious as is my spa-going friend. Needles don't particularly bother me (I mean I have a tattoo and am not afraid of them) but I'm not in love with idea either of lots of needles being stuck all over me even if they are small and you are not supposed to feel anything. The concept of it is mentally unsettling. Has anyone tried it and want to chime in with experiences? I will keep you posted.

 

[carole]

Well I think you are very brave, you are making me shudder I do hope you enjoy though and that it does your back some good

 

[kitkat]

Well that time of year is coming around again. My 6 month cleaning/exam appointment is in T-minus 25 days. I wasn't feeling too nervous about it til my mom mentioned yesterday that she went to the dentist the other day for her routine followup (we have the same dentist) and surprise..there is a new hygienist...again . They seem to have a new hygienist every 6 months for the past couple years (I think my dentist may be a tad hard to please because she is very much a perfectionist). On the brightside, she says that the new one is super sweet and so, so gentle that she actually told the dentist that she really needs to keep her around! My mom rarely speaks kindly about hygienists and only comments about them when they are horrible so she must really be quite exceptional! Still...I don't like getting new people every time...it puts me on edge not knowing what exactly to expect with them . I appreciate the head's up though!

 

[Pianimo]

Well that time of year is coming around again.

I know, because it's that time for me too! And I'm also dealing with a new hygienist. Glad yours sounds like she'll be nice. Will post more about mine when I'm able to...

 

[kitkat]

I know, because it's that time for me too! And I'm also dealing with a new hygienist. Glad yours sounds like she'll be nice. Will post more about mine when I'm able to...

I was thinking about my appointment buddy as I posted this last post Pianimo! We can do it!