My Dental Chronicle: The Final Chapter

[kitkat]

That is amazing. In a way, I’m happy to be a phobic because I feel like in the end, a phobic has the potential to be more okay with the dentist than a non avoiding phobic. As a phobic, we build up our fears for years (and decades!)... so much that anything done in a dental office feels far less horrible than what we’ve done to ourselves. We also do extensive research to find a great practice. We don’t settle for an okay experience. We usually have a few appointments over a few months, which fixes the issues over the past few years, but also builds trust.

So many people hate the dentist, and as a phobic. I USED to hate the dentist. Now, I worry about the aftermath of procedures but trust my dentist to numb me up during. In fact, I think dentists are very much miracle workers. How could I hate a miracle worker?!

I am happy to be a phobic who avoided the dentist. Not because it resulted in me needing work but because it has led to the discovery that dentists aren’t evil.

(Plus I avoided many of the dark ages of dentistry, which I know has created many phobics... both avoiding and not avoiding). ?

This is an interesting perspective that I haven’t considered. I think there is a group of people out there who have accepted that the dentist is awful but a necessary evil and put up with poor treatment not realizing that it can be a good experience with the right dentist. I am a rare breed in that I was phobic without ever avoiding...maybe I was “pre-phobic” (I’m inventing that term!). I was trying to avoid and absolutely 100% would have avoided if I hadn’t been forced to go by my parents as a teenager. If I hadn’t been forced to the right dentist at 15 years old, I would have been long gone as soon as I turned 18 for who knows how long before I finally circled back! I went into my “angel dentist” with the belief that all dentists were evil and she changed my opinion over the course of a couple months to where I chose to go back to her on my own when I became old enough to decide for myself. I actually wrote her a very long thank you card a few years back explaining that if I had not met her when I did, I would have gone into an avoidance pattern after 18 so her kindness and patience actually saved me from years of future neglect. She was so surprised when I gave it to her, she was almost at a loss for words.

 

[kitkat]

If she was stuck next to their dentist, I hope it was short flight. That reminded me of a time when I went to pick someone up at an airport. While waiting and watching the people leave I saw the orthodontist I had as a teenager. Our eyes met for a moment and he smiled at me. Immediately looked down at my feet. Thankfully he didn't stop and just carried on to the baggage claim. It's almost like when you are a kid and see your teacher outside of school. Its like wait they don't just live at the school and have an outside life?

I asked her how long the flight was and she said it was about 2 hours! YIKES! I ran into my “angel dentist” in a restaurant once a very long time ago and it did spook me a little but I managed to say hi. I wasn’t that comfortable with her yet. I don’t think that I would be as phased by it now as we have full conversations in her office now but at that time, I was still a shaking, heart-pounding mess in the dental chair and could barely make eye contact with her let alone carry on any sort of small talk.

 

[krlovesherkids777]

Speaking of running into dentists. and wow.. her running into hers on the flight and the seat next to her.. just wow.. anyways.. my son goes to a bouldering place that my previous dentist had recommended . I was there yesterday for his class and I almost thought I saw my dentist.. he knows I take my son there since he recommended but would still be weird to see him in public, as I would think , he wouldn't want to greet me in public , like he would be embarassed for me to approach him at all. anyways, I sort of hid in the book and checked out if it was him,, which it was not but looked like a near identical twin... close call .

 

[kitkat]

Speaking of running into dentists. and wow.. her running into hers on the flight and the seat next to her.. just wow.. anyways.. my son goes to a bouldering place that my previous dentist had recommended . I was there yesterday for his class and I almost thought I saw my dentist.. he knows I take my son there since he recommended but would still be weird to see him in public, as I would think , he wouldn't want to greet me in public , like he would be embarassed for me to approach him at all. anyways, I sort of hid in the book and checked out if it was him,, which it was not but looked like a near identical twin... close call .

Sounds like a really good chance of running into him there. I wonder how it is for them. They probably run into patients or former patients a lot with the number of people they see (especially if they work/live in a small town). It’s an awkward position to be in...the dentist not acknowledging could come off as rude or unfriendly but acknowledging could also be a breach of privacy. It’s complicated and there is no clear answer for how to handle it. I really wouldn’t be able to pick out any of my former dentists if I ran into them on the street...I honestly have no memory of what they look like but I feel like I only ever saw them with all of their gear on (masks, etc). None of my other dentists ever had conversations with me person to person but we also never stayed at one office for very long either before finding my current dentist. I did stay at a chain dentist for a long time (horrid experience) but thankfully, I never had any actual work done there besides cleanings and sealants so the dentist was just in and out briefly doing the exam once a year ...I’m not certain it was the same dentist each time...I feel like there were multiple at the office and I probably just saw whoever was there that day. It’s crazy to me now to think that I had no idea who my dentist even was for YEARS! My current dentist sees me every 6 months and we always have conversations about how things are going in life and then discuss dental stuff.

 

[kitkat]

I just realized something, I should mention that before my current dentist, I always kept my eyes tightly shut for the duration of appointments so that could also explain why I do not know what they look like! HAHA

 

[krlovesherkids777]

I get so much of what you are saying Kit Kat! First of yes I get how it might be so awkward to run into patients in public. And what to do. Now my previous or "the angel dentist " he is so fun and friendly. He may say hello but I wouldn't dare be first to approach or assume he'd want me to. He would joke about me being like an aunt bringing him sweets all the time I really miss him a lot sometimes when I think of how much He's helped and inspired me. I Wish He didn't have to go down another avenue in his work.

I also get the part about not really knowing other dentists that well anyways and closing your eyes through treatment to nor see.

 

[kitkat]

I have a hard time picturing myself going to another dentist but she’s 60 now, so I know that time will come sooner or later. I don’t think I will bond with any other dentist as well as I have with her because she helped me when I was at my most vulnerable however, I feel like I know exactly the kind of dentist that I want in the future thanks to her and will be pretty prepared to pick another one when the time comes. Having success with an unfamiliar endodontist gives me confidence and hope that I will be able to cope with it.

 

[kitkat]

My next appointment is not until January 7th which is still a very long way away but it’s been on my mind lately and I just don’t have a very good feeling about it for some reason. I feel like my teeth have been very sensitive in the last few weeks ...not any tooth in particular just sort of all over. I’m adjusting to a new job and it’s been a little stressful so I think I might be clenching my teeth more than usual. Also, I haven’t had any big work done in awhile so I feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop or something. I’m also due for a full mouth series of xrays the next time I go which means that I will be there for longer than usual and they are more likely to find something to fix. I don’t know...I just have a bad feeling about this one coming up and I can’t shake it. Time will tell I guess.

 

[kitkat]

My next appointment is in exactly 20 days which I feel like is going to just fly by with the holidays coming up. I’m still not feeling super positive about it. The problem with being on a 6 month recall schedule is that so much time passes between appointments that I’m no longer fully desensitized by the time the next appointment comes around. I remember at one point going frequently for several months for cleaning/exam, fillings, and eventually a root canal and by the time I went for the crown, I didn’t have a care in the world because I just felt so comfortable with being in the chair (and that’s sort of amazing because I had no idea what to expect at that appointment). Sometimes I wish that I could go more frequently like 3-4 months which sounds kind of crazy but I think I would deal with it better. I’m not really nervous about what will happen but I get nervous about what they will find and if I will need more work. I feel like my teeth are somewhat cavity prone and I’m always just on the fence with needing work. It seems like I always have teeth that are being watched/monitored and I rarely go longer than a few years without needing something no matter how much I do to prevent problems. But then I don’t why I stress about needing work when I like my dentist and know that it’s not really that bad. I get frustrated with myself that after 16 years with my dentist, I still get nervous but maybe this is just a lifetime thing for me...I always thought that I might be “cured” of this phobia one day but maybe not...I mean it’s SIGNIFICANTLY less than is used to be...I’m not a nervous wreck anymore and have made huge progress but the fear may never be 100% gone. The interesting thing is I don’t even know what I’m afraid of anymore; I feel like I’ve worked through all of my fears but the feeling is still there.

 

[krlovesherkids777]

Kitkat.

I can imagine those 20 day will fly by reading your thoughts I can so identify w you. Id also rather go every few months to keep things fresh and tgevpositive momentum going. I get really nervous if its been a while too. Then after I go for a few appts it all becomes more familiar again and more at peace. Also just get how it never fully goes away the anxiety . my therapist talk a about how we can kinda measure the anxiety by the number of times , the duration of anxiety and the intensity. I know for me the intensity and duration is down the more I go to dentist.

 

[kitkat]

Kitkat.

I can imagine those 20 day will fly by reading your thoughts I can so identify w you. Id also rather go every few months to keep things fresh and tgevpositive momentum going. I get really nervous if its been a while too. Then after I go for a few appts it all becomes more familiar again and more at peace. Also just get how it never fully goes away the anxiety . my therapist talk a about how we can kinda measure the anxiety by the number of times , the duration of anxiety and the intensity. I know for me the intensity and duration is down the more I go to dentist.

I think because it’s been so long, that sometimes I forget how badly phobic I once was and I may be at a point now where I’m really in a more “normal” range because some anxiety is actually considered normal (for a lot of people). I just have built this expectation of having no anxiety which maybe is unrealistic (for me at least). When I think back to my early days, I would get physically ill (throwing up a day or so before appointments) and my heart would just pound out of my chest and I would sweat and shake from fear during appointments and I still get a little shaky from time to time but all of that for the most part is completely gone and has been gone for many years. Also, the height of my anxiety used to be during treatment whereas now, the height of my anxiety is really in the parking lot/waiting room. Once I am in the chair and my dentist comes in and starts talking to me I typically calm down pretty quick. Also, I just put in headphones now when I’m getting actual work done and kinda zone out but I NEVER could have done that in my early days because I had way too many trust issues and really needed my dentist to talk to me and reassure me constantly throughout appointments. So things have definitely evolved with time but it would be nice to have no anxiety.

 

[kitkat]

Hmm...soo...I just thought of something that has never occurred to me before now (another post brought this to my attention). I had a lot of white fillings done 10-15 yrs ago that I don’t think have ever been replaced. This whole time, I’ve only been concerned about new decay and totally forgot about the fact that these things do not hold up forever. The only reason this concerns me is I do have more broad sensitivity lately just sorta all over which makes me wonder if these fillings are starting to leak. Great....one more thing to think about...

 

[Enarete]

I think there are many harmless reasons for teeth to be sensitive, it is surely not too probable that all your fillings are starting to leak at once. I have a really old filling that I wished would start to leak as I want to have it replaced because of how it looks (but not badly enough to go through that without a medical reason). My dentist told me the filling is ok and "dentistry actually lasts a long time if looked after well". He also said that filling can stay with me for a very long time. I also remember people here saying how old their fillings are and many of them go way beyond 10-15 years.

Have a very lovely Christmas, @kitkat and most importantly without any dental worries (with a lot of food and cake and laughter and love instead )

 

[kitkat]

Thank you @Enarete ! Merry Christmas to you as well! ??

 

[krlovesherkids777]

KitKat... I as well hope you had a beautiful Christmas.. I love your Chronicles and can't wait to hear how this all goes for you!!

 

[kitkat]

KitKat... I as well hope you had a beautiful Christmas.. I love your Chronicles and can't wait to hear how this all goes for you!!

Thank you! I hope you had a wonderful Christmas as well @krlovesherkids777 ! I hope you were able to eat some soft goodies too! Speaking of chronicles, I have been considering writing about past appointments that were important to me along my journey. I’ve mentioned tidbits in other threads but have never really gone into detail about them in my journal. At first I just didn’t see much point in it but now I think it could be good to reflect on those times and maybe it will help others to read about them as well.

 

[krlovesherkids777]

I think it would be awesome would love to read of the e experiences and times that really helped you!

 

[kitkat]

Okay now that I have had some time to sit down and be alone with my thoughts, I have finally started to reflect on and write about my past experiences...fair warning, some of these posts may be very long because they are pretty detailed but I will try not to ramble too much.

Part 1: The first and last avoidance.

I was 15 years old and we had just begun seeing a new dentist after spending many years attending a terrible dental chain. My dental anxiety was on the rise from a lifetime of so-so experiences. I had tons of dental work as a young child but I had not needed any dental work (aside from cleanings/sealants) for at least 8-10 years so I had been able to get by with my anxiety but now, I needed fillings. I was terrified. I could not remember what the procedure was like since last doing it as a very young child and my mother, father, and I had no experience with this dentist outside of 1 cleaning/exam. Also, I had concerns about her demeanor as I didn’t find her to be particularly warm or friendly at the first consultation visit. My first impression of her was that she was thorough but very clinical and somewhat cold. She had a direct, matter of fact way in speaking; she was not rough or mean but didn’t strike me as being super gentle or reassuring either.

The appointment day came for the first filling and I could not bring myself to go through with it. I locked myself in my bedroom and told my dad that I had a terrible migraine and was too sick to go. My mother was furious with me because she had to pay a cancellation fee. I was not forthcoming about my fear as I was too embarrassed to admit it or speak with anyone about it. I think my mother knew that I was afraid to go but also didn’t know how to help me. She rescheduled the appointment and didn’t tell me about it. When the appointment day came, I was sitting on the couch watching TV when all of sudden she sprang it on me acting as if she had forgotten about it (this was a lie; she never ever forgets appointments). All of a sudden she exclaimed “oh my goodness! You have a dentist appointment today for a filling and I completely forgot about it, we have to go! Go get ready!” I felt completely blind sided...I couldn’t believe this was happening. The panic started to takeover and I quickly tried to think of an escape plan. Alas, with no other viable options, I accepted my fate. I tried to talk to myself rationally, “it’s only an hour or so out of your whole life, you’ll be ok, people do this every day, it’s not a big deal, it will be fine!” See next post to read about the appointment...

 

[kitkat]

Part 2: The first filling appointment.

In a last ditch effort to save my pride, I put on a brave face as we get to the office, sign in, and take a seat in the waiting room. I feel sick to my stomach and my heart is racing. I feel like I can’t concentrate on any single thought for longer than a second. I am restless and contorting my body awkwardly to try to restrict it from shaking uncontrollably. My mother trying to be supportive asks if I want her to go back with me; I am angry with her for surprising me with the appointment and also do not want to appear foolish so I tell her no, that I’d rather go back by myself. My name is called by an assistant and I am seated in the treatment room.

The dentist comes in and tries to make small chat with me but I can only muster up short, single word responses while I try to concentrate on not shaking. She asks me if I’ve had fillings before noting that she did not see any in my mouth (I only had previous fillings in baby teeth which had all fallen out by this point). I tell her, yes that I had fillings when I was younger but that I don’t really remember it. She says “well, that must have been a positive experience because as kids we remember everything, don’t we?” I shrug in response not wishing to talk anymore. She begins explaining the procedure to me (how she will be numbing the tooth, cleaning out decayed areas, and filling the tooth).

She explains to me that she will be numbing the tooth and that I may feel a small pinch or maybe even nothing at all (she never called it an injection but I knew that I would be having one). She slowly and painlessly injected the local anesthesia. I don’t really remember her talking at all during that first injection. I remember waiting for pain and it never coming and feeling a tiny bit better about moving forward with her after that.

Prior to starting the actual procedure of filling the tooth, I remember her encouraging me to let her know if I had any discomfort during the process by raising my hand. I remember her explaining to me that she would be putting lots of cotton around the tooth to keep it dry and she warned me that there was going to be lots of noise and some water spraying. I was very numb for this particular procedure and I think she was already using the high speed drill at this point and I didn’t even fully realize it in the moment. I remember there being a pause when she switched to the low speed drill (and I really thought at the time that this was the only drilling she did because you could feel the vibration from the low-speed whereas, the high speed I couldn’t feel anything). I remember her saying “you’re going to feel some vibration on the inside of your tooth now, but it will be over before you know it.” The drill was my biggest worry so once she started with the slow speed and I only felt vibration, I relaxed slightly.

Throughout each step, she would check in to make sure that I was doing ok and would give me a percentage of progress and tell me how well I was doing. She would say things like “we are about 50% done already, you’re doing great!” At one point, she put the small wedge in her hand to show me and explained what she would be doing with it and how it would feel. I remember her saying “okay, see this...this is a tiny wedge that goes between your teeth while I fill the tooth to keep the space open so you can still floss...it’s going to be tight so you’re going to feel LOTS of pressure and that’s completely normal, don’t be frightened by that.” She didn’t show me the matrix band (I guess she thought that might be too scary) but she did explain that there would be a bit of squeezing sensation as she put it on. This seems like a minor thing but for me it was huge because I had never had a dentist speak to me directly as a person during treatment and acknowledge how I might feel. She understood that even if nothing is actually painful, some sensations could still be alarming if you aren’t expecting them and explaining those sensations beforehand was a huge part of building trust with me.

As she was actually placing the filling material in the tooth, I realized something. The shaking had stopped, the panic/racing thoughts had stopped, my heart rate was normal, and my body was completely relaxed for maybe the first time ever in a dental chair. I felt a huge sense of pride and disbelief that I was actually doing this and handling it so well. She finished up the filling and praised me again for doing so well with the procedure.

I really believe that this appointment was pivotal for me because I was able to establish trust just as that avoidance pattern was about to take over. I left that appointment with a willingness to come back. I sometimes wonder about where I would be if that appointment had gone differently. If the dentist had not been as kind or patient or understanding with me, I may have waited years to go back or may have never gone back or only would have gone back in an emergency situation so I feel very blessed to have had that experience at the time that I did. It was also nice that she was able to read all of the signs that I was scared and respond accordingly without me having to actually tell her anything which isn’t really a fair expectation (dentists should not have to be mind readers) but I’m very grateful that she had that intuition. In that situation, I would normally freeze but become very compliant so she would have been able to get the work done either way without really having said a word to me (this is what I was used to in the past) but she didn’t, she chose to talk with me and explain things and try to put me at ease. The was the first time I felt like a dentist was as concerned with my mental/emotional comfort as they were with my physical comfort. I think something not all dental professionals realize is that painless procedures can still be stress inducing and just because a procedure isn’t painful doesn’t mean that it isn’t stressful and she seemed to acknowledge that. There is so much more to “comfort” in the dental chair than simply being numb.

 

[krlovesherkids777]

KitKat,

I just love this share and how this dentist treated you at this appointment , it just seems so pivotal .. and I see how it could have went so wrong, but it went so right.. like a real crossroads in dental anxiety. I absolutely loved how she was so sensitive and intuitive with you and explained everything . I so wish I and so many others could have had this experience at that age.. This is just lovely.. everything about it. I can also so identify with locking in your room and just not going.. I can also identify with your mom trying her own ways to get you there , throwing it in at the last minute.. I can imagine her trying all she can to do what she could to get you in there to take care of you.