T
thisisme
Well-known member
- Joined
- Aug 17, 2012
- Messages
- 359
Okay now that I have had some time to sit down and be alone with my thoughts, I have finally started to reflect on and write about my past experiences...fair warning, some of these posts may be very long because they are pretty detailed but I will try not to ramble too much.
Part 1: The first and last avoidance.
I was 15 years old and we had just begun seeing a new dentist after spending many years attending a terrible dental chain. My dental anxiety was on the rise from a lifetime of so-so experiences. I had tons of dental work as a young child but I had not needed any dental work (aside from cleanings/sealants) for at least 8-10 years so I had been able to get by with my anxiety but now, I needed fillings. I was terrified. I could not remember what the procedure was like since last doing it as a very young child and my mother, father, and I had no experience with this dentist outside of 1 cleaning/exam. Also, I had concerns about her demeanor as I didn’t find her to be particularly warm or friendly at the first consultation visit. My first impression of her was that she was thorough but very clinical and somewhat cold. She had a direct, matter of fact way in speaking; she was not rough or mean but didn’t strike me as being super gentle or reassuring either.
The appointment day came for the first filling and I could not bring myself to go through with it. I locked myself in my bedroom and told my dad that I had a terrible migraine and was too sick to go. My mother was furious with me because she had to pay a cancellation fee. I was not forthcoming about my fear as I was too embarrassed to admit it or speak with anyone about it. I think my mother knew that I was afraid to go but also didn’t know how to help me. She rescheduled the appointment and didn’t tell me about it. When the appointment day came, I was sitting on the couch watching TV when all of sudden she sprang it on me acting as if she had forgotten about it (this was a lie; she never ever forgets appointments). All of a sudden she exclaimed “oh my goodness! You have a dentist appointment today for a filling and I completely forgot about it, we have to go! Go get ready!” I felt completely blind sided...I couldn’t believe this was happening. The panic started to takeover and I quickly tried to think of an escape plan. Alas, with no other viable options, I accepted my fate. I tried to talk to myself rationally, “it’s only an hour or so out of your whole life, you’ll be ok, people do this every day, it’s not a big deal, it will be fine!” See next post to read about the appointment...
This is my experience... at the same age... in reverse. My mom sprung my 3 cavity appointment on me the morning I woke up. I knew it was coming but the last minute surprise was awful. I went. On my way there, I said I was never going back. I wish I had a positive experience there. Maybe it would have be different. I blocked out most of it, so I can’t tell you much about the appointment. Just that it wasn’t a positive experience. I think people are under the perception that a neutral or a “I don’t remember” experience isn’t bad. I think just because someone wasn’t abused or hurt by their dentist, doesn’t mean it was a positive experience. The sights, smells, the “coldness” of the office... all of these cause phobias. The being told you’re doing well or accommodating to your needs is what gets rid of the phobias. Those are things you remember and things that keep you coming back.
Anywho, I did not have a positive experience, and on my next cleaning, I locked myself in my closet and refused to go.
And that was me for 16 more years.
I loved reading your backstory, and I’m so glad the appointment went so well. It is great when the dentist acknowledges you as a patient and not you just as work to be done.