My healing year and new journey!!

[krlovesherkids777]

Part one.. and moderators I wasn't sure if this should be a journal or a success story but really it is success so.. please move it if you feel I placed this wrong.. also Trigger alert, descriptions of some procedures in some parts / not too descriptive but putting it out there just in case.


I was just thinking.... today ..July 8 is the one year anniversary of the start of my healing journey in a new way.. my dental journey and life experiences started many years ago with ups and downs.. but as of last year.. I was in a different place to receive and process a different kind of healing and experience and just led to the right people at the right time, in a time of crisis to help kick off my healing.. and so I start my journal with hopes to encourage others... as others have encouraged me by their stories.. ! It really helps to know we are not alone or isolated in these experiences.


To start with the precrisis.. well... long story short.. I have bottom almost full partial dentures. (only 5 crowns on bottom left) and all crowns and empty spots on top.. well. In May I ended up with a painful absess on a tooth I was supposed to have retreat root canal but had chickened out 3x almost 2 years before and it came back with a vengance.. I had no option than to go into dentist.. as it was infected and flaring of pain.. I had texted my dentist at the time to see if he could get me antibiotics until I could get in and get seen so I had been on them for a day or two before my appt. Well.. I was a little leary of going in because the dentist I was seeing had really been pushing implants alot and I'm a single mom with limited funds so I was afraid of that and didn't know if he would tell me the truth but I knew no other place and didn't have funds for immediate retreatment and would that even work at this point.. so I went to my then dentist and he told me Yes.. you need to get that tooth pulled, there is not an option to save it any longer.. but you can get an implant on the one next to it so you can have more chewing power and not a bigger empty space.. well so I remember I just cried and didn't know what to do..

I remember him just staring at the xray and then saying.. Go to the other room right now.. don't even think about it.. you will not do it if you think about it too much (he knew me).. and I was such in shock .. and he said he would work with me financially.. so I headed into the other room, and they took a very quick xray, and explained it seemed like nothing about the implant or procedure or much of what would happen.. just sit down and do it instructions.. "this is easy and quick"... no instructions much.. or information..and I was still processing my loss of tooth.. so he quickly gave me anesthetic, drilled the implant up my gums.. (I advise anyone awake,, don't keep your eyes open for this.. I can still picture it.. ).. it was an odd feeling though it didn't hurt. but the extraction.. ugh.. was awful.I wasn't fully numb in that area and felt him as he pulled that last part out and raised my hands to stop and he said. no I have to just keep going... The pain was a bit shocking and wish he had given me more anesthetic but I excused it as though well maybe he just couldn't stop at that point.. none of his work was painful up till then .. but he had gotten rushed the last year or so obviously so. well he gave me some gauze and sent me off with a pain prescription.. which.. he wrote wrong three times.. I had to go back and forth from dental office to pharmacy to get it revised until the pharmacy finally called him the 4th trip and agreed to change it on their end.. all while in pain and I bought a liquid bottle of ibuprophen mean time while making all these trips back and forth downing a bit of that before the other pain meds. The anesthetic was starting to wear off and I was feeling it.. It wasn't a good trip..a bit surreal..




I wasn't in pain for more than a few days and it seemed to all radiate around the extraction site and sensitivity there and not so much the implant area.. but I got them both done at the same time right next to each other.. so hard to tell. I did end up having shards of bone left from extraction site that were sticking out and creating no fun for my tongue brushing against them and very annoying! It was bugging me so much I walked into an emergency place to see if they could remove the pieces of left over bone , I didn't really know about shards and the whole thing. but it just seemed scary at the time.. but I just peeped my head in the clinic. looked around and left. and said. oh I'll be fine..


It was a bit hard to get used to having one more tooth gone on my upper right.. I already had a few missing then just another pulled.. harder to eat.. ugh. and opened my mouth less, a little more self conscious too.. and so unsure of this new implant journey as not much was discussed I started googling like crazy and youtubing... what your dentist won't tell you.. youtube loves to fill in the details.. some good some not so good.. don't advise google and youtube.... although it seems well meaning.. it can scare you pretty good and give a lot of misleading ideas and information that doesnt' apply to your case and get you anxious about something not near related to your case. .... onto part 2... The initial crisis..

 

[krlovesherkids777]

Part 2: The initial crisis and meeting my new dentist.

So.. it was July 8 of last year.. one year ago to be exact.. and I was eating some bacon.. and bit and noticed my crown came off .. quickly spitting it out in a huge panic.. washed it off.. What do I do.. well... it wasn't terribly sensitive so I could live with it off . Thought of using that temporary cement from walgreens.. but.. the last time i did I totally did it the wrong way.. so I scratched that Idea..

Because of the last visit from my previous dentist.. I just had in my gut and felt I could NOT go back to him.. I FROZE for 3 days... just keeping that crown in a bag and washing it. I didn't know what to do? ugh.. I had more than my share of awful dental experiences and a few good ones but who to go to??? I was SO scared they would tell me I couldn't fix it and would need another extraction... at that point I hadn't eaten alot for 3 days because one side had several teeth missing and the side with the crown the tooth was near front and missing and hard to eat..


So I decided to call the clinic that my other office had been formelly associated with.. they always had great reviews and I knew some of the gals from previous trips to the 3rd site of the clinic... (was a small chain related ). but had never been to this location.. I called and got the very sweet receptionist I knew and she knew me.. and thankfulily she remembered I was a very anxious patient... and needed someone that would be good with dental anxiety.. so she said she could get me in with my new dentist the next day.. I was relieved yet scared... always scary to go to someone new... you just never know what to expect.. but... the receiptionist reassured me I would be in the best of hands ... come to find out she was surely right!


The next day I went into this clinic . I was SO NERVOUS.. those moments before you walk in the door are killer.. anxiety.. It was relieving to see some familiar faces of the gals I knew from the other office.. they were so kind and put me to ease right away and helped relieve alot of anxiety just seeing them and familiar faces. They reassured me alot . Then my new dentist came in and I met him.. he did some testing and they took an xray, he came back in and said he could cement the crown back in but it wasn't going to last forever.. but it would buy me time until my insurance would kick in next year and I could do another crown best case scenario. I was SO relieved.!! phew.. so.. he was honest and saved my tooth which was huge!! Then.. there were several other reasons why I liked him right off the bat.. He gave me painfree anesthetic. I was scared to have a shot from a new dentist so as I was giving the assistant the death grip , realized he was done and I hadn't felt anything.. he very kindly led me through just breathing and closing my eyes. and it was just done.. no pain, not even a pinch... ok... great! Then... I told him about how nervous I was and how I was REALLY afraid of him dropping something down my throat.. and he said "me too".. I'm thinking.. ha.. did he really just say that? it was funny.. and I realized he had a sense of humor which also put me to ease more. Also in trying to help me he talked about his mother and him helping her with dental anxieties.. and the way he talked of her was so endearing and sweet. it just made me trust the guy even more.. so I asked him if he can please finish my implant... He asked me why and was I sure .. and then after listening... and understanding agreed .. the next step would be a cleaning and exam though.. so.. i made that appt next..


But all to say.. what a great introduction to an amazing dentist .. and also the gals that made the transition so smooth and easy..My crown was back on and I could eat a little better and worry a little less..

 

[krlovesherkids777]

Part 3: A great Hygenist!

So.. whats been sometimes an even harder part of dental visits is seeing the hygenist.. I've for decades and since I've remembered felt an immeasurable amount of shame as they see whats going on inside my mouth.

Some have not held back comments to confirm the shame I already felt. While some were extremely painful and harsh in cleaning, I never really felt comfortable in a hygenists chair and always hated the xray part too as I have a small mouth with a big gag reflux. Some would get mad at my repeated attempts to hold those xray cartridges in my mouth still enough to get the picture before I gag.. I've had the lectures and the tones of condescension that would make me want to run from any hygenist chair..


Fastforward to my cleaning appt when I would meet my new hygenist... She was a little late.. but something inside me said it was because she was taking her time needed with the previous patient so I really didn't mind a few extra minutes of wait..


I was quite nervous to meet her , would she judge me or hate me , or think i was awful or my teeth were awful? well.. she was absolutely sweet , kind, affirming , gentle and non judgemental the whole way.. I found we had quite a bit to talk about and it was actually a fun visit. Got to see my dentist for a quick exam and make an immediate plan for next step implant visit .. I do remember it was his birthday that day. anyways,, they advised me I needed to do one quadrant of root scaling .. which I was scared to death just hearing.. the words brought up scary thoughts.. and anxiety just thinking of the unknown and what I heard .


I had made the appt for a week or so later but really worked myself up into quite the anxiety over it watching all kinds of youtube and googling.. About this time is when I found DFC and it was a Godsend reading stories and thoughts on this and people surviving it but was still scared.. The morning of I emailed the receptionist saying I felt like cancelling and how scared I was and told her I had watched all these videos.. She very kindly encouraged me to still come in and said my hygienist would take the best of care of me and we had a laugh about youtube not being good to watch.


When I came in to see my hygienist, I right off told her all my fears, about it loosening my teeth to the point of losing more and how I couldn't afford to do that.. the pain, and how I was nervous for her to give me the anesthetic shots and asked if the dentist could since I knew at least his first one was pain free and I had one good experience under the belt.. and I was nervous because I had never heard of a hygienist giving a shot and didn't know how trained or experienced they were.. well.. she was quite experienced and a teacher even.. but I didn't know that yet... but she was so kind and just validating of every concern, no lectures, just compassion the whole way.. and gentleness. and she got the dentist who kindly gave me more pain free shots.. and actually she ended up giving me more after he gave me a baseline and i was okay with that.. I had such a nice, kind and pain free visit.. that I couldn't believe it!! There really are some amazing and compassionate , non judgmental hygienists out there who will do anything to help and not hurt you or cause any pain...


Just felt so blessed..

 

[krlovesherkids777]

Backtrack... my dental history up to that point. part 1

I had a pretty horrific dental background up to that point yet a few bright spots and one that lasted for a bit of my journey and one that changed my life.. so I have to definately affirm there are many compassionate , caring dentists out there we just have to find them..


As a child in my younger years I was fully sedated.. my mom would bring me in they would put me out I don't remember much and don't remember the dentist at all only the nurse who would bring me back with the bun on her hair..


Then I'm guessing around 10ish I started going to our family dentist. and this is when the trouble began.. and I began my real fear of dentistry . He was quite an older man , older than my parents. and even my grandparents. and he was never nice.. He didn't talk to me much and only really talked to my mom about me. other than telling me "I wasn't feeling something" "I was making up the pain".. "just be quiet".. "I was hopeless" etc..(much confirming the invalidation my mother gave me ) I remember how he would give me the nitrious to fix my cavities without the anesthetic.. and hold it down over my mouth and I would feel such in a panic and I would just dissociate as they would hold me there so I couldn't move while he was drilling telling me I was making up the pain and couldn't feel anything... I surely did... he just was not kind at all.. no empathy towards me as a growing child.. everything and my every experience and feeling was invalidated and I was shamed .. even starting the journey. The last I remember is having a visit where he was giving me the nitrious and went behind my back with an attempt to give me novocain "without me knowing' didn't discuss it or talk about it.. just wanted to surprise me.. I ended up biting him.. not proud of it , but I was scared, shocked and mad all at the same time.. then that was the last I remember seeing him. I think my parents gave up after that. I was around 15ish.


Then my mom had me go the braces route and at first decided to take me to the local university and have a student do it.. Which took much time going through that process , hours each appointment. Well, it was the first time I actually liked someone in a dental position.. this student was very nice and gentle.. and i was relieved.. only to find out after going to him twice I would need to switch because it just wasn't working with all the time for my mom.. Then she would switch me to an orthodontist who was actually more worse than my dentist personality wise who was even older and harsher. Granted I was a teen ager with a mohawk , punkrocker , maybe I looked a little different.. but I actually was a pretty quiet and nice person who could have really thrived if I had gotten some compassionate care. But this ortho seemed bent on making me suffer and tightening that headgear to the max level of suffering and giving no compassion when I was in pain in any way . There was no connecction or empathy and I didn't like the guy a bit.. At the time I was going to see the school social worker who was talking to me about being more assertive so in the spirit of trying out my new assertiveness I told this ortho he was emotionally abusive and he didn't like that so called my parents and said he wouldn't see me again and that ended that.. They took my braces off early.


After my braces came off.. I didn't go back to the dentist until when I was in college and I could choose my own. I went to one on emergeny filling who refused to treat me unless I let him give me Novacaine.. well.. He was nice enough.. the most pleasant to date.. so I let him do it.. and it was fine. nothing traumatic , I survived but only stayed in my college town for a year.


After this I had 10 years of experience with very interesting dentists.. some who lectured, some who were rough, others who didn't give enough pain meds during root canal and told me "its okay if I feel pain".. others who I surely felt I was a mannican head and nothing more , one that looked like he hadn't cleaned the equipment in a decade and had no hygenist or assistant.. I pulled the old bathroom trick on that one and a few more along the way..


The bathroom trick.. when anxious and wanting out or not getting the best vibe: excuse me can you tell me where your bathroom is real quick? then you take your purse and cruise on out before they get back.


During these years I had alot of fillings and some tooth pulls .. but it wouldn't last too long.. I was a dentist hopper as I didn't find one I had felt really comfortable with or safe and my teeth kept gettting worse as I'm addicted to sweets and soda and didn't have the best flossing habits.. yes I brushed everyday but flossing not as much as I should... My teeth were getting worse and worse... and worse.. and I was getting more and more and more ashamed..

 

[krlovesherkids777]

Dental history part 2. : A glimpse of hope..


So I was 31 and up to this point I really didn't have any great or compassionate experiences with dentists and some were quite scary, and alot of work and still teeth getting worse.. It was to the point I needed something desperately .

My daughter was 1 and I was on medical assistance for dental which doesn't give you a whole lot of options as far as who takes it.. after calling around. I found a gal that took it. She was a young dentist who just had opened her practice that year. She had a very cool edgy hip office with purple flourescant bulbs . and just a very relaxed feeling to the whole place.. I remember my first time walking in I would walk in with my hands covering my mouth I was so ashamed of my teeth and how awful they were. She would tell me.. You shouldn't cover your beautiful smile.. I'm going to help you.. and she was so nice doing it.. and began to gain my trust as she gave me a root canal, and fillings. and cleaning.. she then had a talk with me very compassinately about a choice I had to feel better and do something for myself.. I could either A. get a bridge on my bottom teeth. or. a partial denture.. I had 5 awful bottom teeth but I couldn't afford a bridge, and the only thing medical assistance would cover would be a partial. and I was married to a very controlling abuser who would not give any money for dental expenses. So.. I decided and took the leap to do the partial... I was SCARED TO DEATH... even though my teeth were barely even there any more there was still some security them being my own.. but she talked to me about how I would feel so much more confident and learn to eat and deal with the partial quickly and it would be so much better than what I had now.. Well..She was away on vacation before a job interview I had coming up so she got some associates to do the impressions (nice as he was I was very panicked and thought I would die of choking not knowing what to expect but he took me through it) and extractions and partial while she was gone.. They were both great ... very nice and quick and painfree. I went to her for maybe another year before my abusive ex had a conflict with her and long story short I just couldn't anymore.


I went through a divorce and meantime decided I would seek out her partner that helped me with the dentures who was very chill and even funny.. so I found him and ended up sticking with him almost 10 years.. He was fun and a perfectionist so he did great work.. and painfree.. except for one palatal shot.. I will never forget..well.. I still had fears through the work like gagging and not breathing with the anestheic,and things dropping and I would just freeze and get through it..He used alot of humor in dentistry and when I was nervous would nicely pat me on the arm reassuringly which worked for me. I didn't know how to tell him what I feared, or even explain it.. but he was good and his humor got me through. well.. I found myself in a spot of great debt because of major medical expenses and I couldn't pay him payments I had agreed the full amount , although I was willing to pay less for longer , I had to go bankrupt and I got a letter from the office I could no longer see them.. so 10 years of feeling comfortable after decades of not and now I'm starting over.. and with all my prior experiences I really was scared to even think of it.


The first place after was ok. not traumatizing, or horrible, not friendly though, and a bit condescending. There just wasn't a great connection there. There was a point I needed a root canal and they gave me referral to an endodontist . well. I went for an exam but it frightened me so I called a place around the corner and asked if they had a dentist that was good with anxious patients and they set me up with a dentist and said he was very good.. He looked and was very nice mannered and said "I can do it right now".. it was about 1/2 the cost so I said yes. and began my journey there at the new place.. He was very nice and I felt very honest up to the point about 2 yrs later he started really focusing on implants and started pushing them and getting quicker. and doing what I call the "switcheroo".. on my kids, myself and several friends that went there. Switching care providers at the last minute without permission.. really didn't do much for the anxiety.. before I left even a friend who went there commented he wasn't the same and had several people I knew said the same.. to this day I see poor reviews .. its sad.. I did appreciate him for a few years.. He is the one who rushed me into the implant..

 

[krlovesherkids777]

Background of abuse what is has to do with dental struggles
I really believe we are led to the right people at the right time who can help us if we let them . Sometimes we are ready and sometimes we aren't and sometimes they arent'.. but at the right time all of us can open ourselves to healing and I believe other people are used in this. When I started the journey with my new dentist I was finally at the point I was ready...


I had been going to therapy to to deal with the different kinds of abuse and abandonement I've had in my life and really getting a lot of healing and rewriting the scripts of my life, not letting my inner critic get to me as much.. (though he has a really loud mouth)... well.. more than 3 decades of of emotional and physical abuse it takes a while to unwind from all that. and get grounded.. I had started reading Brene Browns books about vulnerability and courage and being ok to be who you are and own your stories and be ok with being real with your fears and anxieties because others are too.. and just alot of self compassion and understanding and grace..


One thing that was hard was some of the words that were spoken over me by my mother were very harsh relating to my dental "you will never find a man because of your teeth" "no man will ever want to kiss or marry someone with yellow disgusting teeth".. I certainly started believing this and ended up with a very abusive ex telling me the same thing and how miserable he was with me and how he wasn't attracted to me in the least.. I already felt awful about my teeth and had several dentists and hygenists make me feel worse along the journey. so it it was really hard to show up and open my mouth anywhere and believe they would care for me compassionately... and.. if they did in front of my face. well surely they would laugh behind my back when I left.. To sit in the chair.. especially in all the way back position it seemed so powerless as well... and for those who have been through physical abuse.. well. its a difficult place to be. You need to feel very safe


Many times I would go through appointments at various places in a "i need to do it state" but not really there and dealing with it.. There is just alot of emotion we all go through.. and the shame of emotional /verbal abuse, and bad teeth together.. thinking.. They don't want you here, they think you are awful. you're a basketcase, etc etc.. well.. the inner critic words we were told can all come back.. and we can freeze, or panic,run,, or just never show up or even call....


Anyways, I had had therapy, I had been involved in small support groups I learned how to process through, I had been reading amazing books. and actually I went through massage therapy school after my divorce which was extremely healing for me and was a massage therapist for years before my son was born. Last year I thought after all this... What the heck.. I'm just going to put out my fears.. and instead of freezing or running or just surviving the appt I would challenge myself and put them out there.. and if I was rejected I was .. and if they didn't understand they didn't ,, but I would try, I would put myself out there.. and take a risk to fully embrace healing and really say what my fears were.. so I would tackle one fear at a time one appointment at a time. and I must say I was met with great care all along the way!! I couldn't be more thankful!!

I would share with my dentist my fear of him dropping things and choking (not once came close and was always extra cautious due to me telling this fear) , the anesthetic hurting (I barely even felt pinches) of being the worst mouth and teeth (he reassured me I was my own worst judge and he wasn't there to judge me) of him switching me to another dentist because he didn't like me as a patient (reassured me that it wouldn't happen with him ) my fear of the implant or procedures not working because my mouth was bad (answered every question patiently and said he has all kinds of ideas if anything didn't work for me and He's got this).. Well... all to say.. he completely reassured me in every way possible... every fear was pretty much banished as I very cautiously and anxiously put it to the forefront and dared to expose it.

and right after my starting at my new dentist.. I found DFC right before my 2nd appt there , and you all helped immeasurably knowing there was sooo many people who understood, have been there and could help along the way with encouragement and advice. I knew I was in good company for healing..Shame and is a great isolater but doesn't survive with the right company..


I read in all of your stories too that when we share our fears and anxieties and show up courageously even when we don't feel like it..and it takes every ounce of courage in us, // so many of us come out the other end stronger.. and able to trust more... and believe more and be more confident.. I really believe I was at the right place to start this time.. its worth taking a chance though...

 

[Dg6300]

Great great great.

So so much to love and respect in here.

I am am glad you are doing well.

This is a great help to others.

 

[krlovesherkids777]

Thank you Dg6300 and so much respect for you.. always encouraged by your posts!!

 

[Dg6300]

You’re welcome.

You have earned it.

You can look look yourself in the mirror and be proud.

 

[Surreyvwphobic]

Part 3: A great Hygenist!

So.. whats been sometimes an even harder part of dental visits is seeing the hygenist.. I've for decades and since I've remembered felt an immeasurable amount of shame as they see whats going on inside my mouth.

Some have not held back comments to confirm the shame I already felt. While some were extremely painful and harsh in cleaning, I never really felt comfortable in a hygenists chair and always hated the xray part too as I have a small mouth with a big gag reflux. Some would get mad at my repeated attempts to hold those xray cartridges in my mouth still enough to get the picture before I gag.. I've had the lectures and the tones of condescension that would make me want to run from any hygenist chair..


Fastforward to my cleaning appt when I would meet my new hygenist... She was a little late.. but something inside me said it was because she was taking her time needed with the previous patient so I really didn't mind a few extra minutes of wait..


I was quite nervous to meet her , would she judge me or hate me , or think i was awful or my teeth were awful? well.. she was absolutely sweet , kind, affirming , gentle and non judgemental the whole way.. I found we had quite a bit to talk about and it was actually a fun visit. Got to see my dentist for a quick exam and make an immediate plan for next step implant visit .. I do remember it was his birthday that day. anyways,, they advised me I needed to do one quadrant of root scaling .. which I was scared to death just hearing.. the words brought up scary thoughts.. and anxiety just thinking of the unknown and what I heard .


I had made the appt for a week or so later but really worked myself up into quite the anxiety over it watching all kinds of youtube and googling.. About this time is when I found DFC and it was a Godsend reading stories and thoughts on this and people surviving it but was still scared.. The morning of I emailed the receptionist saying I felt like cancelling and how scared I was and told her I had watched all these videos.. She very kindly encouraged me to still come in and said my hygienist would take the best of care of me and we had a laugh about youtube not being good to watch.


When I came in to see my hygienist, I right off told her all my fears, about it loosening my teeth to the point of losing more and how I couldn't afford to do that.. the pain, and how I was nervous for her to give me the anesthetic shots and asked if the dentist could since I knew at least his first one was pain free and I had one good experience under the belt.. and I was nervous because I had never heard of a hygienist giving a shot and didn't know how trained or experienced they were.. well.. she was quite experienced and a teacher even.. but I didn't know that yet... but she was so kind and just validating of every concern, no lectures, just compassion the whole way.. and gentleness. and she got the dentist who kindly gave me more pain free shots.. and actually she ended up giving me more after he gave me a baseline and i was okay with that.. I had such a nice, kind and pain free visit.. that I couldn't believe it!! There really are some amazing and compassionate , non judgmental hygienists out there who will do anything to help and not hurt you or cause any pain...


Just felt so blessed..

Thanks for sharing this with us. This is the one thing I need to find right now having got into clear space after so many years. The hygienists I saw as a child were just so hateful and not understanding of my difficulties at that time, even with teeth blatantly at awkward angles! (I was undergoing very arduous and brutal orthodontic work at that time). I agree such wonderful people are out there; just finding them is the difficult bit! This is my next quest. Love Simon

 

[krlovesherkids777]

Simon, I really wish you the best in finding an awesome hygenist.. it is quite the find to get one.. after 49 years its the first I"ve really felt comfortable with ... You are great person , resiliant and kind and deserve to find someone very kind and gentle as well!

 

[Surreyvwphobic]

Just picking up on previous chats regarding hygienists. I have struck lucky again, as my new dentist is also happy to clean for me like the last few have done. I see her again in mid October for my next clean as detailed in my ongoing journal titled "Enhanced Dentistry". Hope all continues to go well with your new lady. Simon XX