My numerous fears

[totallyparanoid]

I am 33 years old and have not needed any dental surgery for at least 15 years (maybe longer) but I have all these fears. Even though I know they're kind of irrational, I can't help them.

1. The dentist I am registered with is evil and the last time I went to her I ended up in tears and having to double my medication for anxiety. Even though last time and this time I managed to get in with my husband's dentist at the same pratice, I always fear that I won't be able to or that the other dentist will see me and demand I go to her. Also that I can't ask outright to change permanently because there won't be space and because there is a shortage of NHS dentists I might lose my place altogether if I start being assertive.
2. Afraid that because of swapping round dentists kind of unofficially that the dentist will miss problems I might have and let them get worse.
3. Afraid that because I am on the NHS dentists don't care about my teeth and will let them get worse because I don't pay for my treatment. Feeling that the dentist might be lying when he says my teeth are fine.
4. Because my teeth are not 100% pristine I fear that they are rotting away or going to fall out. Feeling that whatever I do to help my teeth, it will not be enough.
5. Fear that if I needed a filling or something it would be the beginning of the end and that my teeth were inevitably doomed.
6. Fear of damaging my gums when I brush my teeth and that nothing can stop them receding away.
7. General fear of pain, needles etc.
8. Fear that when I am old I won't have any teeth and that I couldn't bear that.
9. Fear that if my daughter is not brushing her teeth properly it will be all my fault.

Sometimes I just spend ludicrously large amounts of time worrying about my teeth and gums, to the point of thinking that life is not worth enjoying because of it.

 

[rabidstoat]

Hello, just was heading out to lunch and caught your post. Trust me, if you start reading around posts here, you'll find a lot of people that are exactly like you! I mean, I read your post, and I'm in the US so I don't have the NHS issues you have, but some of the things I could just nod my head vigorously to and say, "Me too!"

People who aren't phobic of dental issues can't understand what a large toll this can have on a person. I was just mentioning in another post that the last time I went in to get a lot of dental work done, 5-10 years ago, my teeth were literally ruling my life. They were an out-and-out obsession. I was literally aware of them and anxious about them every hour of every day. It seriously impacted my quality of life for years -- not the problems I had with my teeth so much as the level of anxiety and misery I had over them ruling my life, making me depressed and anxious, etc.

I'm still struggling through this round of treatment, though I do have two root canals under my belt in this past month. I have another crown, a deep cleaning, and several fillings to go. I still get anxious. I can't wait for this to be over.

If it's like last time, though, once it's over, it will feel so liberating. I didn't realize until afterwards what a huge difference it made in my life, not being obsessed constantly about my teeth. It was just a really great thing, and what I remember in retrospect isn't the treatments I underwent then myself, but how great it was to finally not think and worry about them constantly, and not live with the physical pain.

I have a fear that my teeth are so bad, that they'll all fall out. Right now I am struggling with a fear that when I go in to my deep cleaning, my front teeth on the bottom -- which I am very, very sensitive about -- will just fall out. And then what would I do? I couldn't go to work with no bottom teeth! Would I have to hide in my house forever?

Slowly, though, I am coming to grips with this worry. I mean, I still have it constantly, and likely will until the appointment is over on January 2nd. But I've been reading the success stories on the other board, and the journals on the other board. Try doing that, it really helped me! I especially like scaredstiff's two-part journal! (If you're reading this -- and you probably are -- you're like my hero and role model, you really are!) I just could so, so empathize with the situation, the whole fear of "I can't live my life with no teeth, I'll have big holes, people will see and point and laugh!!!"

But reading that journal, wow. It was inspiring. In my mind, my worse case scenario is all my teeth just fall out while I'm getting them cleaned. I couldn't fathom life continuing after that. But now I know that, hey, people do get teeth extracted, and they can fear it beforehand just like me, but life continues on and things are happy and can be even better than before. Wow! So I still worry about losing all my teeth, but I feel somewhat better knowing that if I do, well, so what? It's not like your life ends there. It can even be better than before. So I'm still scared, but that helps me, a lot.

I also saw something on Biggest Loser (which I just caught flipping channels) where someone dove into a pool, and chipped her front teeth, big time. She had to have one or two of the top front teeth extracted, even. Well, she was on TV, so having big gaps sure would be noticeable! But she had them extracted and replacements put in same day, and continued on, and was on TV and everything. So I try to console myself with the fact that if my worst fear comes true, and if my teeth do fall out being cleaned -- which I've been assured won't happen, but my brain refuses to believe -- then they'll just get replaced that day. I won't be walking around with a huge hole.

Well, enough rambling, I'm late for grocery shopping. Good to see you on the board, try reading a lot, and you'll find so many people whose posts you can reading while thinking, "I feel exactly like that too!" It's comforting to know you're not alone, especially when confronted with people who don't understand the terror and are just like, "Go to a dentist, what's the big deal?" WE understand what the big deal is.

 

[scaredstiff]

Well, rabidstoat, you've made my day. I don't think I've ever been anyone's hero before. I'm so glad that my journal is still being read and that it is helping people.
I don't know if I've said this anywhere else, but now I've got my new teeth, got new glasses the other day (so in a sense new eyes), next off I'm down to the secondhand shop see if they've got any - no not hands, mine are still pretty good - but bodies. Or perhaps swapshop, exchange mine for a younger model. That will probably do me for sometime till I can save up, and the medical profession has moved on another couple of paces and I can get a brain transplant. That should all keep me going for another few years - a totally new woman.

Seriously though its only after us phobics actually start any treatment that we really do realise how greatly our phobias impacted on our lives. As you, I was obsessed by my teeth, or perhaps that is not quite the right word, I would say rather I was always aware that because of my teeth I could not be my real self, smile and laugh as much as I wanted or at least not without a hand covering the mouth - you know how it goes, we're all more or less like that.

Try not to think about your teeth falling out - I can tell you from personal experience, it takes a very, very long time for them to get to such a loose state. Eventually with the one tooth that fell out and made me sort myself out and get to the state where I knew I just had to go to a dentist now, that had been loose probably for about 10 years, but in the last couple of years, as it loosened and came away from the gum it looked very ugly, appearing longer longer and it was only because my teeth were very close together, no gaps at all, that it was held in by the others. Unfortunately, I hadn't counted on sneezing so hard which is what did for me, so to speak.

Enough about me: you've done brilliantly with your root canals so far, that a crown and the fillings should be a breeze. Isn't it a marvellous feeling as you progress, and get more and more done and each time is a little easier and you can see your life changing for the better.

So, rabidstoat, think positive thoughts, think about Christmas and before you know it, it will be a bright New Year, Jan 2 will be here and gone and another appointment down the hatch so to speak.

Just thought about another 'new' thing about me. I became a great aunt again this morning. One of my nieces finally gave birth to a little baby girl. I say finally, because it was due on 3rd December, but that's like us females, we like to keep everyone waiting while we make sure we look perfect for our entrance. And I believe she did - look perfect that is.

 

[totallyparanoid]

Feeling a bit better today, and decided the real fear is NOT BEING IN CONTROL. Next time I go to the dentist, I will make sure I SAY HOW I FEEL, instead of just pretending everything is all right. I don't want every trip to the dentist to feel like a lottery of who I end up seeing. Also, if I tell the dentist my fears, I might get more reassurance.

Also looking at toothbrushes, like how they say they are extra soft to protect your gums etc. Just buying a new one makes me feel more in control.

In a way, I feel a bit of a fraud for having come on here, when I do actually go to the dentist and I have never needed anything major doing, but I assure you that doesn't necessarily make it any easier. In fact, the fear of "falling from grace" can be just as bad...

 

[puppypusher]

Hi there,
You are not a fraud!!!! You have a legimate fear and are here sharing it with us.I'm glad dental wise you haven't had any big problems.Don't feel like you have to act like everything's ok at the dentist when part of you is saying it ain't.Communication is the key to a good dental visit.if they know that you're uncomfortable then they can work with you.When I found out I had 17 cavities and 2 extractions to deal with I was floored.I let them know that chicken little is alive and well.I now only use nitrous(never give that up) and things have been working just fine.When I get back to just regular cleanings I might even be able to forgo that as well(key word here "MIGHT")Good luck and keep us posted

 

[liberated]

Hi, I can't be of any help with an NHS related things.

4. Because my teeth are not 100% pristine I fear that they are rotting away or going to fall out. Feeling that whatever I do to help my teeth, it will not be enough.
5. Fear that if I needed a filling or something it would be the beginning of the end and that my teeth were inevitably doomed.

The fact that you haven't needed any treatment in the last 15 years shows that you are either looking after your teeth very well or you have a great genetics (or both) and you don't have to worry about loosing them. If they were rotting away you would definitaly have noticed.

6. Fear of damaging my gums when I brush my teeth and that nothing can stop them receding away.

By brushing you're not damaging your gums, but you're helping them to protect them from receding. The only way how you can damage your gums by brushing is using a hard toothbrush (but as I can see you've bought a soft one, so that's not your case) and an incorrect brushing technique (horizontal movements). Otherwise gentle and thorough brushing and flossing is that thing that can stop them receding away. If the plaque is being removed regularly, there's no plaque or tartar built up forming along the gumline and between the teeth and so there's no reason for gums to recede.

7. General fear of pain, needles etc.

Dentistry can be totally painfree nowadays. You can read some post in the Success section to find out more on this topic. In addition as long as your teeth are fine you don't have to deal with such problems.

8. Fear that when I am old I won't have any teeth and that I couldn't bear that.

With the proper care you can keep your teeth for a lifetime.

9. Fear that if my daughter is not brushing her teeth properly it will be all my fault.

Don't know how old your daughter is, but it is said that until about 8 years of age kids aren't usually able to brush properly themselves, so a parent should check them and help them to clean the places that they missed. However sometimes it's difficult to make the kids brush. If you're not sure about the right brushing technique you can ask a dental hygienist or a dentist (but if your teeth are in such a great shape I'd say you know how to brush). If you do the best you can, I'd bet you're giving your daughter a great start to her dental health.

 

[unhappyscared2]

Rabitstoat

Dont worry about the deep cleaning my friend, my teeth at the front bottom were black from tartar, smoking etc for about 8 years and really sensitive , i was sure underneath all the gunk they were goners, they really looked foul
But after the deep clean i had today ( you dont feel anything from the numbing, and im ok now, a little bleeding, very slight soreness where she injected, but fine) they look totally diffrent, pretty white and shiny in fact!!

You will be fine

 

[scaredstiff]

There's no such thing as a fraud where worries and fears over dentistry are concerned. It matters not an iota whether you go and have absolutely nothing wrong and so nothing to do (what a wonderful thing to happen, absolute heaven) or whether you have months and months and months of treatment to get your teeth to a healthy state. If you have even the tiniest niggling fear, you're a bona fide member of dentalfear central and every right to be here. So no more nonsense about being a fraud. You're one of us, the elite but growing band of phobics.