B
Bint37
Junior member
- Joined
- Sep 21, 2013
- Messages
- 4
So I sit here, while my boyfriend is out at the pub with his friends and this is on my mind. It always is when my mind is idol...and often when it is not am not because I am in pain to remind me!! But I can't bring myself to actually speak these words to anyone in the real world, it is my own private hell! Here is my story...
I am 34 years old. I have not been to the dentist since I was 16. Like many people on here I hate my teeth. I have horrible buck teeth and severe overcrowding. When I was a kid my mum took us to an awful dentist whom I hated. All I remember is that he used to tell me off, and that I had 2 extractions and it hurt so bad. I told him that I was feeling pain and he just did not care, I almost passed out it hurt that bad. From that moment on I became phobic. He sent me to the dental clinic at the hospital because my case was severe and would need complex orthodontic treatment. I vaguely remember having a couple of appointments but nothing happened. I live in England and this was NHS treatment so my parents would not have had to pay so money can't have been the issue.....even if they had to pay my family were reasonably well off. Anyhow, nothing got done. I went to the dentist for check ups until I was 16 dragged kicking, screaming and crying by my mother...but as soon as I could get away with not going I never went again. I was picked on and bullied at school for my teeth and even as an adult I still get the odd comment now and again.
In the last 18 years my dental health has gone to pot. I have lost 4 teeth, they just crumbled and fell out bit by bit (painfully). I have had numerous abscesses which I have 'treated' myself by draining the puss and taking antibiotics prescribed for other things. My teeth and jaws constantly hurt it is like I can feel them pressing on each other because there is no room. A wisdom tooth has grown so it is pushing into the side of my mouth it is super sore. I have been in pain 24/7 for years. As if that was not enough, I can't smile. I try and cover my teeth they are so horrid, overcrowded and I like I said I have awful buck teeth. I look and feel awful, self esteem is non existent, I have anxiety and depression which I am sure is linked to this. I toothpaste advert comes on TV I feel sick and embarrassed it is that bad. All I wonder is if it makes other people I am with think urgh she has horrible teeth. My boyfriend has perfect teeth, I think he had braces they are that perfect but he has never mentioned it (and is extremely hot, god only knows how I managed to end up with him) so I have no idea what he thinks of me and mine, he has never said but he must be horrified when he sees me smile.
I wish when I was younger I had pushed the dentist to treat me. Not only am I phobic and can't bear the thought of going to a dentist and them seeing the state of my mouth, but I can't afford dental treatment now, not even to fix the damage never mind correct the cosmetic problems which are causing me so much psychiatric damage. I was working in a good job and was made redundant. I now find myself working in an industry on a low wage, trying to pay a mortgage I took on when I had a better paid job where looks are everything and everyone has a perfect, white smile. I am cabin crew for an airline....not ideal!! All I want is for the pain to go away and my smile to be fixed...although the thought of wearing visible braces makes me feel sick, I feel bad enough about the way I look now I don't think I would even manage to leave the house with visible braces Not that I have any chance of being able to afford any treatment at all any time soon. I hurt so bad physically and mentally it is unreal.
Not sure what I wanted to achieve with this, just finally to get it off my chest I guess. Thank you for listening!!...well reading!
I am 34 years old. I have not been to the dentist since I was 16. Like many people on here I hate my teeth. I have horrible buck teeth and severe overcrowding. When I was a kid my mum took us to an awful dentist whom I hated. All I remember is that he used to tell me off, and that I had 2 extractions and it hurt so bad. I told him that I was feeling pain and he just did not care, I almost passed out it hurt that bad. From that moment on I became phobic. He sent me to the dental clinic at the hospital because my case was severe and would need complex orthodontic treatment. I vaguely remember having a couple of appointments but nothing happened. I live in England and this was NHS treatment so my parents would not have had to pay so money can't have been the issue.....even if they had to pay my family were reasonably well off. Anyhow, nothing got done. I went to the dentist for check ups until I was 16 dragged kicking, screaming and crying by my mother...but as soon as I could get away with not going I never went again. I was picked on and bullied at school for my teeth and even as an adult I still get the odd comment now and again.
In the last 18 years my dental health has gone to pot. I have lost 4 teeth, they just crumbled and fell out bit by bit (painfully). I have had numerous abscesses which I have 'treated' myself by draining the puss and taking antibiotics prescribed for other things. My teeth and jaws constantly hurt it is like I can feel them pressing on each other because there is no room. A wisdom tooth has grown so it is pushing into the side of my mouth it is super sore. I have been in pain 24/7 for years. As if that was not enough, I can't smile. I try and cover my teeth they are so horrid, overcrowded and I like I said I have awful buck teeth. I look and feel awful, self esteem is non existent, I have anxiety and depression which I am sure is linked to this. I toothpaste advert comes on TV I feel sick and embarrassed it is that bad. All I wonder is if it makes other people I am with think urgh she has horrible teeth. My boyfriend has perfect teeth, I think he had braces they are that perfect but he has never mentioned it (and is extremely hot, god only knows how I managed to end up with him) so I have no idea what he thinks of me and mine, he has never said but he must be horrified when he sees me smile.
I wish when I was younger I had pushed the dentist to treat me. Not only am I phobic and can't bear the thought of going to a dentist and them seeing the state of my mouth, but I can't afford dental treatment now, not even to fix the damage never mind correct the cosmetic problems which are causing me so much psychiatric damage. I was working in a good job and was made redundant. I now find myself working in an industry on a low wage, trying to pay a mortgage I took on when I had a better paid job where looks are everything and everyone has a perfect, white smile. I am cabin crew for an airline....not ideal!! All I want is for the pain to go away and my smile to be fixed...although the thought of wearing visible braces makes me feel sick, I feel bad enough about the way I look now I don't think I would even manage to leave the house with visible braces Not that I have any chance of being able to afford any treatment at all any time soon. I hurt so bad physically and mentally it is unreal.
Not sure what I wanted to achieve with this, just finally to get it off my chest I guess. Thank you for listening!!...well reading!
Last edited: