Need to move forward and want to run and hide

[Anne2021]

I need to take the next step in my dental journey. My appointment is on 4/18, but I need to call the dentist's office and tell them about the symptoms I am having. I am just terrified and keep freezing up when it's time to act. I have lost eight adult teeth, in addition to my wisdom teeth, and I know I need to keep moving forward if I don't want to lose more. I just had one lower left molar out in December and two lower right molars out four weeks ago. It's time to move forward with restoration work on other teeth, and the next two are in such trouble that I'm scared to make the next step. It's even scarier to me than the extractions.

I saw the dentist 1/31. At that time, she wanted me to go to the oral surgeon to get the two lower right molars out before we moved forward with other work because they were so decayed and could get urgent at any time. I was supposed to do that 2/16 and then go back for work with her on 3/9. Then we had a snowstorm on 2/16 and my extractions were delayed until 3/8, so I had to bump the appointment with her. The next available was 4/18. It is getting closer, but things have changed. The two teeth that need work are #12 (upper left bicuspid) and #13 (upper left first molar). #13 has a 23-year-old crown on it and started showing decay that was visible about six years ago. The current x-ray does not appear to make it obvious that it's too late to save without root canal. #12 has a filling and has a lot of decay that was also first detected about six years ago. Each time, I had something more urgent or scary to deal with dentally or life situations that kept my PTSD occupied, and I kept putting it off. I managed two fillings and five extractions in that time and never got back to these two teeth.

On 1/31, she said she wanted to try to fill both and see how it goes. But the crowned molar could end up needing the crown removed once she gets started and sees what she finds. That absolutely terrifies me! I don't do root canals. She knows that if it needs a root canal that I will have it extracted. (Not doing root canals is due to a lot of different reasons, but there is no way I can handle it at this point). I have already lost 12 and 15, so if I lose these two, there is nothing on the upper left and I will need an upper partial denture. I will already be getting a lower partial denture. I have doubts about being able to tolerate it/them, but I will try. I'm stressing now because I had so much on my mind on 1/31 that I don't think I told her how old the cavities are or that they were sensitive to cold. Now one or both are also sensitive to heat. Neither one is a lasting or severe reaction, but the temperature is noticeable. Now I'm thinking that she needs to know both of these things before we forge ahead with trying just fillings. I'm wondering if she would want to do the cold test - which I absolutely dread.

I need to make a list of my questions and call the office and tell them about the changes (heat sensitivity), as well as the fact that I don't think we talked about the cold sensitivity and age of cavities. I have been putting this off every day and think I really need to call tomorrow so she has some warning in case she wants to change the plan. I don't want to make that call. I don't want to go in for testing. I want to run and hide. I'm so scared to even touch teeth with crowns or with temperature sensitivity. The last three molars I lost had crowns and had indication of decay having begun before it was too late. I did not attend to them, and they became unsave-able. I never had the courage to do any work on a crowned tooth since they can't see under the metal and know how bad the decay is. It's all such a mess. I don't know where to find the courage to do anything.

 

[Enarete]

Hey Anne,

so sorry to read about your situation, it seems to me that right now everything is just scary and it would be for most of people, even without PTSD. I see how if one thing doesn't go according to the plan (snowstorm) it can entirely crush the progress and get you into a complete freeze.

The good thing is, you are moving on right now just by writing this post, because you are dealing with things in your mind and this makes you ready to deal with it in real life. That is courageous. Also, all the treatment that you've done till now is courageous as well.

I'm a huge fan of listening to yourself and doing things at your pace. If making that call is too difficult, what would make it easier? Could you write an email? Or could you prepare for that call a little bit better? Could you call them off hours first when they can't pick up so that you can exercise coping with the anxiety? Are there any things during a dental visit that make are helpful (if so, talk to your dentist) or some you don't feel you can cope with (if so, talk to them as well).

I totally hear you on the cold test, but here is the thing: depending on how the tooth looks like, your dentist may not even need one. Or if they need one and you don't feel able to do that, you can talk about that as well. You are in charge.

All the best wishes

 

[Anne2021]

@Enarete Thank you so much for your encouragement. Yes, the snowstorm really messed me up. I had momentum that was carrying me through and then it just stopped. Then I kept hoping for a cancellation during those three weeks, but that really messed with the anticipatory anxiety, when I had already gone through that the first time, but now it was like hoping and dreading at the same time that I would get the call any day. I didn't. Thank you for calling me courageous. It's very kind of you. I did stay up late last night and got my list all prepared. I may never get to ask all of my questions (there are a lot), but I have the list. I got up this morning and was trying to decide whether to call today or not and then realized that a lot of places in my city recognize Easter and the surrounding days. So, I blocked caller ID and called them to see if they were even open so I wouldn't agonize about the decision for no reason. (I was planning to hang up if they answered - sad, but true). They are closed today and Monday. Now I'm quite nervous that this will have to wait until Tuesday because that's only one week from the appointment, but the decision as to when to call is now out of my hands and getting worked up about it waiting until Tuesday instead of Monday is probably just OCD. I will try not to think too much about it this weekend (probably not going to work too well, but I'll try). Thanks again.

 

[Enarete]

I think it's great that you called them and it's not sad at all that you wanted to hang up if they answered. This are all step towards getting used to stressed and help you in the long run.
Not sure what the background of your need to let them know the additional information is, but if it helps: dentists are used for circumstances to change. Teeth sometimes do things that weren't planned and your dentist will be able to adjust the upcoming appointment based on what is going on. With that being said I appreciate that it may give you more safety if you have a chance to discuss your worries beforehand.

 

[Anne2021]

Well, I just made the call to the dentist's office. My dentist was still out of the office today, but she will be back tomorrow. I only got my two biggest questions out, but they were the most important ones I think. The receptionist/assistant said that she would talk to her in the morning and give me a call back tomorrow. I can't believe how hard this is just making the calls. How can this be so much more terrifying to me than extractions? I mean, I do want to keep my teeth. Anyway, I called earlier, and the woman that answered was one I didn't want to speak with, so I hung up and tried again an hour later and got someone else. I wish my life wasn't about my teeth every day.

 

[PAUL199]

Well, I just made the call to the dentist's office. My dentist was still out of the office today, but she will be back tomorrow. I only got my two biggest questions out, but they were the most important ones I think. The receptionist/assistant said that she would talk to her in the morning and give me a call back tomorrow. I can't believe how hard this is just making the calls. How can this be so much more terrifying to me than extractions? I mean, I do want to keep my teeth. Anyway, I called earlier, and the woman that answered was one I didn't want to speak with, so I hung up and tried again an hour later and got someone else. I wish my life wasn't about my teeth every day.

I sympathise fully with you. My appointment to I assume sort out my tooth is tomorrow week. I’ll have to call them next Monday (a couple of days before my appointment) to remind them (assuming they don’t call me tomorrow to confirm as it will be a week to the appointment ) - might have to remind them as my fall was some time ago. Totally agree, I’ll be terrified calling them on Monday - I know I have no choice but it’s incredibly daunting thing to do. I’ll be honest and tell them I’m anxious. As I say my appointment is Wednesday week, I’m absolutely petrified, not going to lie. Not looking forward to it whatsoever. I’m going to do my best and distract myself for a week! I agree, how can teeth be this much hassle.

 

[Anne2021]

@PAUL199 I feel for you, too. I dread this like it's impending doom. I'm trying to do extra work tonight because I work from home and my ability to focus has been close to zero. At least now that I made the call, nothing can change until they open in 14 hours, so I'll try to work. This is so terrible. I hope you'll keep me posted on your progress.

 

[NervousUSA]

@Anne2021 Calling is horrible, I get it, it always makes my heart pound, and I have to do box breathing to deal with it. I think it might be because calling is part of the anticipatory anxiety stage, part of a lead up to something so one is already dealing with that. I'm glad you got some of your questions answered though, it is hard to get the information you need and questions answered, while having to deal with a phobia, I know from experience all to well, so good going there! It is great you have the questions organized in a list, very smart. I am really impressed with the way you keep on plugging and going forward!

 

[Anne2021]

@NervousUSA You are so kind! Thank you for the encouragement. I want so much to move forward with the rest of my life, and this is sapping my strength, focus, and energy so much that I can't make any other decisions that need making. I really appreciate your comments.

 

[PAUL199]

@PAUL199 I feel for you, too. I dread this like it's impending doom. I'm trying to do extra work tonight because I work from home and my ability to focus has been close to zero. At least now that I made the call, nothing can change until they open in 14 hours, so I'll try to work. This is so terrible. I hope you'll keep me posted on your progress.

Thank you Anne. I haven’t heard anything so far today, they would usually call in the morning, as it’s a week away. I’m due to go in at 11:30am next Wednesday. I’m going to revert to calling them on Monday as I want to have some sort of a weekend and enjoy the next couple of week days. I’m terrified but have to get the tooth sorted, I’m hoping they then sort the chip out on the same day.

 

[Anne2021]

Okay. The dentist office called me back just before the end of the day. The woman on the phone said that due to the temperature sensitivity, the dentist wants to see me tomorrow morning because she had an appointment open up then. Then the woman said that she would cancel the Tuesday appointment. I stopped her quickly. I am not ready for actual work tomorrow. I'm not sure I understand what the dentist is thinking. I said that I thought tomorrow was to re-assess the situation and then decide whether to still fill them Tuesday or not. So the woman said she won't cancel Tuesday then. I'm panicking for sure. Technically, this is what I wanted, but I am so scared to have to deal with bad news if they can't be saved with fillings. I'm scared of the cold test. I don't know how to ask her all my questions that I need to ask in order to even begin to calm down to do this without her thinking I'm straight up crazy. I will also have to leave a virtual work meeting a little early so that makes me extra nervous, but I couldn't say no. How am I even going to do this? I have to drive myself at that time and I hate doing that when I'm stressed. I don't like driving myself to the dentist. How am I going to keep moving forward? I wish I could take four of five of you who understand with me to sit in the waiting room. I want one of you in the room with me and my doctor in there plus two or three dentists, while someone just keeps saying, "it's going to be okay" over and over again.

 

[NervousUSA]

It's a good thing you spoke up and stopped her from canceling the Tuesday appointment, so you won't be put on the spot tomorrow. It's hard not knowing what the dentist is thinking. Somehow they never give enough information or explanation and it adds that extra element of uncertainty or unknown. Maybe it would help to tell them you are scared by the cold test and ask them to do whatever might make it easier for you, like go over everything before hand, or give you a play by play description as they do it? For the questions things I have tried that worked are practicing with a script first, or using notes in my phone, and some people, I know, bring full written lists. I think my dentist and their staff think I am crazy though. The driving there is not great, I know, at that point the only thing that helps for me is telling myself I am getting pretty close to it being over, and have no choice, and then in the waiting room the box breathing and the 54321 coping technique. Really hoping all goes as well as possible, I will be rooting for you and sending you positive thoughts!

 

[Anne2021]

@NervousUSA Thank you so much! I think what scares me about the cold test are two things. First, I am scared that because I am so focused on my teeth, that when I feel the cold and they ask how long it takes to go back to normal, it will take longer because I am focused on my teeth. I have a couple of other teeth right now that seem to be symptomatic, but I honestly believe it's psychosomatic because they aren't in jeopardy and the symptoms are inconsistent. Anyway, I believe that once I feel it, I won't be able to be accurate as to whether it continues to feel it or goes back to normal as fast as a healthy tooth. So, I'm scared of a false result for irreversible pulpitis. I'm also scared that they may be too far gone and I just can't stand hearing the news when things were hopeful on 1/31. Less than two hours until I leave and this is just so much worse than the extractions, I don't even believe it.

 

[NervousUSA]

@Anne2021 I don't know if you will see this before you go, but if this were me, I would tell them about these things, I would tell them your concerns just like they are laid out in this post. I would especially tell them if you have any concern that you can't describe a feeling accurately. This is what I do when my dentist asks if I can feel my bite while under local anesthetic, I just say I can't accurately feel, I think it's best they know. I tell them when I think my pain might be psychosomatic too. I really hope you don't get any bad news and things will turn out to be hopeful again. I know, it is so hard to be going in for testing and you don't know how things will play out and there is all the uncertainty, really hope it turns out as best as possible. Best of luck, I am rooting for you!

 

[Anne2021]

Well, I went. It went as well as could be expected. I typed up all of my questions and had my list. She was very friendly when she came in. As I started talking to her and was open about my concerns and fears, she saw my list and told me to ask all of my questions. She answered them all patiently. She did do the cold test and thinks neither of them indicate irreversible pulpitis. I wasn't as confident about 14. I told her I'm not sure I felt anything or just thought I felt something, like maybe it's already dead. She just told me, no, that it could feel different through the crown. She didn't doubt the test. She is still hopeful, though not giving any guarantees, that the fillings will work. Of course, she doesn't know what she will find as far as how close to the nerve the decay is under the crown. We talked about what if she has to remove it. I almost wish she would, but we stopped short of deciding to do that. I wish it would just fall off just as I walk in the office on Tuesday morning. We'll see - she said she will try to fill it, but if anything is questionable, she may remove it. Of course, my brain is starting to come up with what if's and things that I didn't ask or push harder on for a fuller, deeper answer, but she was so patient with me already that I couldn't really have asked for more. Now I have to go on Tuesday for sure. (She asked me twice if we could just go ahead and get started today. I said, no, I'm not ready and I don't like work near the end of the week in case there is an emergency after). Now, I just need my acid reflux and uvulitis to be calm and not add to the feeling that I'm suffocating and not to chicken out on Tuesday.

 

[NervousUSA]

@Anne2021 I'm glad it turned out that well, and the cold test did not reveal irreversible pulpitis. It sounds good that the dentist is hopeful that fillings will work too. Sounds like you did a great job dealing with getting answers to your questions too, by using the list. I like the sound of your dentist, sounds like she is great about answering questions. I know it is really hard thinking of those what ifs, I do that too, and I have a tendency for "catastrophizing" I don't know if you do that. I will hope your acid reflux and uvulitis doesn't do anything and stays calm. You are moving closer to this stage being over and being able to put this behind you.

 

[Anne2021]

@NervousUSA Thank you! I'll probably be back here Monday as I mentally prepare to go in.

 

[Anne2021]

Tomorrow's the day. The only reason I'm doing this is because if I don't, I know extractions are coming. It may already be too late to avoid that and that scares me, but I guess I have to try. I hate this so much. I'm scared to death that something will go wrong or that one or both will be in severe pain afterwards because it or they are too far gone. Here's hoping I don't panic and either make a scene or have an emergency after the dentist gets started.

 

[NervousUSA]

I think it is definitely worth it to get a chance to have fillings instead of extractions, and to make a try at that. I thought it seemed like the dentist did sound hopeful about that last time you were over there which I think is a good sign. I will hope nothing will go wrong, and will cross my fingers and send positive energy to you! You are courageous and have faced a lot of tough situations and been able to do what you needed to do. One thing about being right at the end, the day before an appointment, even though this time is stressful, the end of the anticipation is coming, and soon this appointment will be done and in the past, just a finished step towards reaching the end of the whole process.

 

[Anne2021]

@NervousUSA You are so encouraging. She did sound hopeful that it was at least worth the try. Thank you for being here.