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New here and frustrated with my dentist



Junior member
Jan 30, 2018
So I have pretty terrible teeth. Quite a few needed root canals/crowns, and most needed fillings when I was 15. When my mom and I got to the front counter to hear the verdict of how much my mouth would cost it was over $10,000!!! Needless to say I didn't go to the dentist until 10 years later.

In pain with broken teeth I finally had to cave into the dentist. But despite having a horrifying experience when I was younger (being strapped down to the chair and getting the wrong tooth pulled) I actually don't mind dental work. Digging around in my mouth has never bothered me and I find it rather fascinating! But my upper mollar had been slowly deteriorating and the pain was unreal.
Going into it I knew that they were going to judge me. And they did. I got the root canal and they pointed out all the other problems I have. I got the temporary crown. They hounded me that I need to apply for their credit program (which I told them that I have and didn't qualify for). Today I got my perminant crown and I had the best experiance with the dentist herself and the tech (I even thanked him for not making me feel like a cruddy person)... until I got to the dreaded financing/appointment counter ladies. They asked me if I wanted to schedule a cleaning and I said, "sure, just as long as they don't mess with my broken molar." She told me that I could advise them not to touch it but it wouldn't be smart for me to tell them that since it helps prevent infection. I told her that there already is an infection and I can't afford to do anything about it. And if they go around digging into it it would cause me excruciating pain.
I've been thinking about just getting it pulled but the previous dental assistant had the ENTIRE OFFICE come into my room and tell me that it is better to save my tooth with a root canal/crown. I don't want to get it pulled but I don't think I have much longer to decide.
Anywho the reception lady went on to saying that I also haven't had a full exam yet either. I told her that I absolutely do not want that since that was the major reason that I didn't come in for so long. I don't need to know how much further my other teeth have declined before I even fix the other broken one. She then said that they can't do cleanings without a full exam. And I said, "well then forget it! This right here is the reason I hate the dentist! I always leave here frustrated and I am sick of it!" She said that she understood and blah blah blah. After that I pretty much walked out.

I know that they are just doing their job but I feel like a lowlife and leave in tears everytime!

Thanks everyone I just needed to vent about this, I just got home from the dentist and am so frustrated with them and myself and my parents for not getting me the dental help I needed when I was younger.


I'm sorry about your experience. I would either go somewhere else or flat out ignore the people behind the counter. Unless they have a degree behind their name, I'd ignore them and ask the dentist directly.

I had a similar problem with a nurse (not dental related) tell me information that was flat out wrong. It's unfortunate, but it does happen.

If you can save the tooth with a root canal I would try for that, unless you need so many it wouldn't be worth it. You then have to get a crown, too. You can't just root canal a tooth without a crown. So that's $2k each. Do you live near a dental school? It might be worth looking into.

However pulling teeth can cause them to shift, which can lead to issues down the road. It's a tough decision.

I'm very sorry about your parents.


Well-known member
Aug 18, 2017
Austin, Texas
Hi there, I can relate to your fears and frustration with feeling like you’re not being listened to. However I also understand where the dentist office is coming from in that they don’t want to do further work on your mouth unless or until they are aware of any and all conditions you may have. You could have a tooth that they need to be gentle with for example and how will they know that unless they examine you? If you leave to find another dentist you may find they have a similar policy.

I hadn’t been to the dentist in a very long time and knew I had multiple issues to address and I really wasn’t too keen on hearing the horrible news either, but continuing to be unaware won’t improve the situation in our mouths. Things can’t get better unless we are first aware of the issues and then take steps to make them better. Maybe you’re not ready to address the whole of the things that need fixing and need to go one thing at a time, and you should absolutely tell your dentist that. Explain you are overwhelmed and prefer to do one thing at a time and don’t care to be lectured or forced into any procedures. Usually they will examine you and come up with a treatment plan for you starting with things that are most critical and should take priority. Ultimately it’s up to you what gets done and when but I think knowledge is power and it would be good for you to at least know what the issues are so you can then begin to take steps toward improving them. Just a suggestion, you obviously don’t need to follow it.
In the meantime, I’m glad you’re here and posting so you can find support from others who understand where you’re coming from. You’re brave to see the dentist at all and took a big step in helping yourself with that alone. :) Please keep us posted.


May 31, 2017
Welcome! First off you are very brave and made a huge step in your dental
journey and that is something to be very proud of.
If you like the dentist and ONLY if you really like the actual dentist, I would email or talk to the dentist over the phone and explain your displeasure with the visit and explain that you were hounded into getting other procedures done when you really intended to focus on one thing at a time right now and will address the other things later. If your dentist cannot respect that then move on because there are really great dentist out there!
if you aren’t too fond of the dentist anyway, I would research some that have great reviews and mention nervous patients and set up a consultation. You are the patient. It’s YOUR mouth. They can’t just do what they want to do or pressure you into other things that’s very unprofessional and there are dentist out there that would be more than willing to move at your pace.
Good luck I know you will find a resolution to this


Jun 17, 2017
You have been so brave this far even going. It’s so not right for your needs not to be fully heard. If there’s needed work, I tell you from experience it gets done a whole lot easier with a dentist AND dental staff who are caring and kind. As for me I had to keep moving before I found a dentist I trust 100%. I’d start doing your research ask friends ask other doctors etc and try to get into another dentist who respects your wishes. I know I had a mess to fix and it took the right dentist to get me through this process with a plan we have. Keep your head up and don’t give up let us know how it is going. We are all sending you tons of support.


Super Moderator
Staff member
Sep 18, 2017
Hi Samarie,

this is really frustrating - you finally managed to go and then it gets spoiled in this way.

You say you knew they were going to judge me and they did. This is where the problem begins. The basis of a trusting relationship between your dental team and you is a non-judgmental manner and every single member of a dental team must know this. Knowing how to gently bring up the information about the work needed is an another point.

It's your mouth and your teeth (and your mental health) and only you can decide what you are ready to go through and how (and also with which information you can cope at a given moment and with which not). Everyone in your practice must respect this. They can give you options, explanations and reccomendations, but they should always respect your preferences. If they don't, it's not the right practice.

No one has the right to make you feel like they did. You have made a very courageous step and deserve support and compassion.

Well done with leaving, you took care of you and that's a good thing.

Hope you find a good practice you feel respected and cared for at.


Well-known member
Oct 1, 2010
In dental heaven
Hello Samarie

Just to add words of comfort and support as well. Nobody should treat you in that way; you have absolutely done the right thing by moving on; there are plenty more fish in the sea!

I think you are in a simular situation to me; as you may have read, I am just embarking on my latest dental journey and my fear is if I am going to get on with my dentist or not. However, in my case, clearly the practice seems very switched on with phobias and I guess at the very worst if the dentist I see is not suited to me, I am sure she or someone else in the practice will recommend an alternative accordingly. This whole situation is effectively a dating game - if one finds the right person, chances are very high that the rest will be successful.

Lots of love and good luck in your continued quest! Simon XX :)