• Dental Phobia Support

    Welcome! This is an online support group for anyone who is has a severe fear of the dentist or dental treatment. Please note that this is NOT a general dental problems or health anxiety forum! You can find a list of them here.

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Newbie and terrified.

P

Peggy55

Junior member
Joined
Jun 17, 2011
Messages
5
In 1959, aged 4, I was taken to my first dentist for a check up...can't remember much.
My parents then thought they would do the best by me and registered me with a local village private dentist with whom I stayed with until I could legally say ' NO '

During these years, I suffering the worst butchery you can imagine. Extractions and fillings with no anesethetic...experimental gold fillings .....'odd' experiences in the chair.....and I am not proud to say as a 55 year old, 50 years on......I have never visited a dentist since, with one desperate exception. It left me with such sheer terror that the very suggestion of a dentist makes me vomit.

I always made sure my children had good teeth, resisting gagging as I enforced dentist visits... but I was happy to suffer any amount of pain rather than make that call for me.
Why have I just joined this forum ? Why am I typing ? Two reasons.........

One, none of my kids knew how I felt, how deep the fear is, vomiting / passing out fear. Two days ago for no apparent reason nor prompted, my son and I spoke of his recent dental treatment...and I just opened up and shared my fear.
Bless him, and the rest of my children, they have seen my dental deteriation over the years and said nothing...I guess not to hurt my feelings.

I shared that unless ' they ' could knock me out to do whatever I would never visit a dentist ever. He said he thought he had heard of someone..somewhere who could help. I dismissed this and we reverted back to talking about carburetters and fuel consumption.

The next day his girlfriend called me, not realising I had this huge problem ( damn did she think I want to look like this ? !!) and said she attended a clinic, they did IV sedation, and that could help and gave me their number.
So, first step...admitting all.

I googled this dentist till my eyes boggled......I read and read....I then googled and read hundreds of IV users and couldn't find ANY that were negative. So last night I rang the surgery. I was crying and felt so sick it was untrue. Could not believe I rang but did know this might be the help I needed if I could hack it.

I have got to the point I am ashamed now. It was ok while the decay and holes were far back, I could hide them with a half and forced smile, but now......my front tooth has gone and I cant. It is affecting my whole quality of life. I don't go out...don't mix...stay away from everyone.....shame on top of fear...

But I did ring, AND through the tears booked an initial appointment on the promise they won't touch me. The lady I spoke to was lovely, saying many clients in my age bracket were victims of early butchery.

Second reason for joining...selfishly ...I am scared at what I have done and scared I won't have the courage to turn up for that first appointment....

I know how pathetic I sound........but you can't believe how scared and frantic I feel.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.x
 
Hi Peggy55
:welcome::welcome:
I am very sorry to hear of your horrendous childhood experiences which are among the worst kind (no anesthesia, abuse of some kind) we ever hear recounted on here. If you are in the UK it would have been very unusual to use a private dentist back then so it rather sounds like yours was so bad the NHS wouldn't have him (lol).
You are trying to show your parents in a good light in your account but did he treat them as well or was it just you who was the victim here?
Did you share what happened with them at all? Did they stay in the waiting room?

You may find it therapeutic to write down all your experiences in the journal section as a way of releasing them and putting them behind you and Moving on albeit belatedly.
I can understand that you feel sedation is the way forward for you and for the bulk of any treatment you need it probably is but you still need to meet, like and trust the person sedating you.
Obviously the way you were treated which would have been 1950s and 1960s was not the norm even for that time-well ok fillings may have been LA free but certainly not extracting that is just plain sadistic and that guy should have been run out of the village and struck off!
Do you feel he treated everyone like this (if so how did he survive?) or were you and a few others maybe picked out for this brand of maltreatment?

As someone who was dentally maltreated in UK in 1970's and who experienced the 1960's let them rot, then gas them and extract approach, I can reassure you that modern dentistry provided you go to someone experienced competent and caring can be entirely pain free even without sedation but I can well see that you would be a good candidate for sedation at least at first, so horrendous were your experiences. I have never avoided dental care myself but have had a lot of mixed experiences and that is the reason I am able to say it is the actual dentist and their attitude and skills which makes the difference.
It sounds like your family have found you somewhere suitable to go and don't forget they can come with you and hold your hand if that is what you want or need.
Let us know how it goes and read up on sedation if you can bear to.
Congrats for having the courage to post:jump:You are now n e way to turning your life around for sure.
 
Thank you for the reply Brit.
To answer some of your questions......I was from a service family that was in the era of not openly sharing emotions, thoughts or concerns..you just knuckled down and did as you were told without question and I would never of questioned my parents on their experiences. Actually thinking about it neither of my parents used this dentist as their dentistry came part of a work package.

My parents were never let in with me, always had to wait outside. The dental nurse ( who looked like Sylvester Styonnes (sp ) mother ) was the dentists wife and I still remember her interest in her job was non existant. It was obvious it was just a husband and wife team and to negate the need to invest in outside staff. She was a cold heartless uncaring witch who from initially opening the door to the time she handed you back to parents and marched you out would not utter a word bar the occasional '' Don't be a silly girl now ''.
One of my most vivid memories was sitting in the chair and listening to them talk over me while pinning the rubber mask on me...where she tells the dentist she was unsure of the amount of gas left in the cylinder....and he said to run with it anyway rather than change it. Consequently I came round as a large molar was being ripped out !
They used my teeth experimentally I'm sure. Convinced my parents to let him drill right down and give me a gold tooth ( I was 9 ) .....attempted some early ' polishing ' ritual and ending up taking a lot of enamel off...pinning me down and forcing that rubber mask on me and if I screamed to much used the '' sod it go without it then next time she'll learn ' approach and just carried on with no relief.

We lived a priveleged life and didn't mix much as a family...for my parents social reasons :mad: and not many other kids went to him, they travelled to a neighbouring town for a NHS dentist. I can remember getting in a state before apointments but my parents saw it as their responibilty to guide / force my attendance as they were sure that being private they were giving me the best and I was just a scardicat.
The few kids who did go never shared anything but neither did I, as I said it simply wasn't done, but they did have the same fear as me but never explained why.

I do know that almost overnight he stopped practising and a 'For Sale ' board went up shorlty after ( the surgery was in their modified garage attached to their home ). The word was it was down to illness.....hmmmmm

I have to say that I always worried about what happened while I was out...and what was a gas induced horrid dream and what was actually real...

Thank you again for listening x
 
Ooh sounds awful, it makes sense though that your parents weren't treated by him themselves. This is a common pattern when children are dentally maltreated...it turns out that the parents don't use a dentist at all or see a different one.
That dental gas GA can induce hallucinations so it is possible nothing beyond crap dentistry happened while you were under. Glad you saw them go out of business....in your shoes I would have found that satisfying. I understand the not contradicting adults thing as that also applied to me in 1960s and early 1970's. Adults had much more power over kids then in a bad way basically although it was only one dentist of many who let me down and abused that power. I also never told details just said didn't like him and would not go back till he had left which he did within 6 months. Must have left the country as no one with his surname on GDC Register now. He was from SA not UK.
I hope you can move forward now from this point. I can guarantee that treatment such as you endured was and is very rare in UK.
 
I DID IT I DID IT !!!!!!:jump:

Not going to lie I lost every bit of fluid and food leading up to yesturday. I had vomited for England. I was short tempered, snappy and went inward. The 15 mile drive was purgatory...so many places to do a U turn. Parked, I walked past the door 5 times, had a hundred excuses to not go in, questioned why I was putting my self through this trauma and terror when I wasn't even in pain....but my need to overcome my fear and have a smile again was greater and I knew IV sedation was the only way I could cope and these people where IV specialists, So I marched my teeth, fear and nausceous stomach in.

A lovely nurse came and collected me, showed me through the door and Rhys ( the dentist ) imediatley came towards me and steered me to a seat away from the chair and equipment.
I lost it totally, felt a complete fool. His opening words, said with a warm and caring smile while holding my hand were ''Hello and don't even think of apologise for crying '
We talked for nearly an hour, he asked about my fears and why. He read me so well and pitched this first meeting so brilliantly as if he genuinely knew how I felt. Almost like he had been through it himself. He was so kind and understanding, explaining the need to get our mutual trust and respect right first to aid a successful dentistry journey. He said we would move forward at my speed, what I could cope with. I let him have a quick peek in for 30 seconds before I left.

I am booked for next week for a full check and xrays and the plan of attack and am confident that although will still feel horrid will be a little more confident and comfortable believing I am in understanding and expert hands.
Rhys ( and his nurse's ) abilty to put me at ease was equalled only by the expert way of dealing with my fear. I was so proud with myself that I had made this first step but was under no illusion that but for the care given I would not put myself through that again.
It's still early days....I have a long way to go still but I actually do believe I won't bottle it now.

I decided to wait until today to post, just incase the euphoria of my breast beating achievement paled back into terror in the cold hard light of the next morning - but no, I still feel the same.

I never thought I would ever go to a dentist again in my lifetime, destined for more regular pain as my mouth deteriated further heading perilously quickly to gummyland but this is the biggest personal thing I have ever tackled and these people / clinic have made it as easy as a first visit could be for someone so terrified.
Heartily recommend them.
 
Hey
You did great. I was so glad to read your last post.
I think your thread will be an inspiration for many other members of this forum.:thumbsup:
Your story shows how much the support is important to cope with the fear: from your children, from this forum and most importantly from your dentist. The fear from the dentist is difficult to maintain. Sharing and getting support are so needed.
 
Congrats Peggy :jump:
Keep us updated...it's lovely to hear of a practice chatting for an hour even though they have sedation as an option. That trust is so so important. Well done.
 
!!!AWESOME!!!
You've done a brave and wonderful thing!
I hope you will start a thread in the Journal section...so many good people here will watch for your posts and cheer you on to the finish line.
Whatever your gameplan ends up being, you sound like you will meet any challenge that comes your way. You will suceed.
"BRAVO"!!!!!!
 
Hi Peggy
Well done you!

I joined this site two years ago prior to going to the dentist for the first time in 20+ years.
I'm in UK too and I had similar experiences to you in the 1950s dark ages - deep, deep fillings and no LA!

Well Peggy, I promise you that dentistry has certainly moved on since those days.
Two years ago my initial course of treatment was fillings and a couple of extractions.

On the day of my first filling, the years rolled back and I was back in 1957! :cry:

But, I was gobsmacked as it was totally painless, and I mean that - TOTALLY painless.
The injection was delivered with care and I didn't feel that. Yes, there was the sound of the drill, but I promise you - absolutely no pain.

Last week I completed my latest course of treatmet - again totally painfree :)

I promise you ... you will be fine .. absolutely!

Take care,
 

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