Not To Be On A Big Downer But Im Feeling Lower Than Ever

[MagicDuck12]

Hello Everyone

My appointment is inching nearer and nearer, and im getting more and more down every day. Again. Just like i was before my last check up. My life is falling apart.

Theres just no escape from the feelings. I dont know what to do. Im lost, scared and depressed.

When I wasnt going to the dentist, i never gave it any thoughts at all. Which on the one had was stupid, but on the other hand at least i could function as a human being.

Now ive started going again, i feel TRAPPED.

I feel like.....every time I go for a check up, there could be something wrong. Something wrong means injections and drills.

If the dentist tells me at THIS checkup nothings wrong....ok....in one respect thats good...

But in another respect youve just prolonged the agony of that inevitable day when you WILL tell me somethings wrong in 6 months time. or a years time. or 18 months time.

Even a CHECKUP becomes agonising as you know every single one of them means there MIGHT be something wrong with you, and youre pushed into the thing you cant cope with. The needles. The drills. The stinging. The noises. The mental torture.

You cant ever turn it off. Its not like lets say....we fix your knee. When you have your new knee its over.

This is NEVER over. It lasts until your teeth are all gone, or youre dead.

I cant escape from how I feel. Everywhere I go, everything I do, its overshadowed by the thought of the dentist.

I just feel hopeless knowing my appointment is in a few weeks. and that cycle of hopelessness will begin all over again in February at the next check up.

I dont know what to do. Ive lost my entire soul.

 

[Terrifiedintoronto]

I’m right there with you. I wish I had words of support that would help you through, but I am still a mess from my last dental ordeal. At first I was proud of myself for “facing the fear” although I had no choice. But now, I think I am even more afraid than ever.

I feel like I will need a lot of therapy to deal with everything; from the infection I had and the pain it caused, to finding out I’d have to have my teeth pulled, (although the first emergency doctor I saw said it was a brain tumour, so at the time finding out it was teeth was a relief!) to going through the surgery and now trying to recover. Physically, I’m worried the holes are not healing right and I will have to go back to the oral surgeon and have another surgery. I cannot tell you how afraid I am of that, how much I never want to see another dentist or oral surgeon again. I’m worried I will get another infection and the whole thing will start all over. I don’t want to have another surgery and start recovering all over again. It’s just non stop worrying.

And you’re right; two years ago I had my appendix removed because it was infected. Now I never have to worry about it again, it’s gone for good. Whereas my teeth…

Mentally, I’m a complete mess, and I don’t think I will ever recover. I don’t think I’ll be “me” again, and I really miss who I used to be. I was supposed to be moving to london next year (something I’ve dreamed of since I was 15!) to work my dream job for a year, but now, I’m back with my mom and basically can’t leave her side. I’ve regressed to being a terrified child. All because my teeth got infected.

I don’t know how so many people walk around without these fears! I am very jealous of them, they just get to go about their lives without constantly worrying like this.

I really wish I had something helpful to say, because I know how bad it feels to be this scared. I know how desperately I wanted reassurance before my surgery, and I wish so much I could give it to you. All I can say is, you’re not alone in this fear, I know how it feels for it to consume you. Maybe that is at least a little comforting.

 

[MagicDuck12]

@Terrifiedintoronto thank you so so much for taking the time to reply to me, it means so much to me.

I had hoped that by being a responsible adult, making a commitment to keeping up the checkups and treatment no matter how i felt, and coming to this forum, i hoped that id really start to turn a corner.

My reality is my whole personality has regressed into being a scared child. The feelings you describe resonate with me so strongly.

on any given day, i can cry 4, 5, 6 hours at a time. Just sit there with my head in my hands, missing whatever thing i was supposed to be doing at that time, because im inconsolable at the prospect of going to the dentist.

If i had my upcoming fillings, and it went the best it could ever go....I doubt i would feel empowered, because i never have before. No dentist is trying to hurt me or make me feel this scared (I hope)....

But it doesnt MATTER. Because ive suffered extreme anxiety and pain before. Just because i dont feel it THIS time, it doesnt mean its EVERY time. Every time is a new occasion to be anxious, scared, and hurt.

And just because i "faced my fear" that one time.... I could easily be forced to face it again this time next year. or worse....i might need a worse procedure.

Theres one half of my brain, the "childish" side of my brain that says, you can cure all of this by just not going. Just live, be happy. Be a bit crazy. Keep up the brushing, keep good hygiene (which isnt a problem i dont mind that thankfully, and just go and live. You did it before.

But the "adult" side, the more mature side of my brain says, you really cant do this forever, you must take your oral health seriously and get checked up. Youre getting older now, it MATTERS.

But sadly....the "adult" side of my brain creates an endless spiral of mental pain where i live, more or less every single day, scared to death of the dentists voice saying "you need (insert awful procedure)".

I really, really appreciate that you took the time to reply to me. To UNDERSTAND how I feel. It feels like we share the same thoughts very closely and I know im not alone. That someone posted back who could RELATE to how i feel, and not just say "its not that bad" means the world.

To quote a well known football manager I like..... "oh i know whats round the corner.....I just don't know where the corner is"

We keep trying with our fear, we have to