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Panicing: Husband made me an appointment for tomorrow without consulting me first. Scared!

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nycmama

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Joined
Nov 22, 2011
Messages
4
Panicing: Husband made me an appointment for tomorrow without consulting me first. Scared!

Hello to everyone!
I am a 36 yr. old female, a wife and mother, and I live in New York City, U.S.

I have not been to a dentist in 15 years. The last time I went, they found three cavities, and wanted me to also get my wisdom teeth pulled because all four are impacted. I never went back.

When I was a child, I always got a ton of cavities, no matter how often I brushed. My father was strict with me about brushing and going to the dentist, and my experiences there were terrible. My dentist was not gentle or kind, and always told my father that I was not brushing at all. Even though I really was. So I always got into trouble.

I am in fear of everything about going to the dentist. The pain, the sound of the drill, the feel of the needle, you name it. I fear it. But I haven't had any pain, so it has been easy to ignore. However, for the past few days I have begun to finally feel some discomfort. And while it's not severe (just a dull ache), I know I need to be brave and get things done. So I asked my husband to book me an appointment with his dentist. His dentist has rave reviews on Yelp.com , and everyone says he is very gentle and kind and makes people feel at ease. I asked him to make the appointment for after the holidays, so that I had some time to get ready psychologically. I have a therapist, and wanted her to take some time to help me gear up for the big day. But instead, my husband made the appointment for tomorrow. Just one day after I finally agreed to go. It's for tomorrow at two. He thought it would be better for my anxiety issues to just get it over with. Now I have no time to feel more prepared, and to ask my therapist to help me.

I am so angry and so terrified, and was hoping to find some comfort here tonight. I feel like I'm sick to my stomach, and my heart is pounding. I'm so angry at him, but he says he thinks I will thank him later.

Does anybody have any advice for me?

Many thanks,
~Lenore
 
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Nicky201415

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Jun 30, 2011
Messages
19
Re: Panicing: Husband made me an appointment for tomorrow without consulting me first. Scared!

Maybe you could go in and just tallk with the dentist? Go in, meet him or her and get a feel for the area, then if things go well perhaps you could let him or her have a look around..

I'm kind of in an opposite situation, my appointment was booked two weeks in advance so I've got all this time to think about it, rather than just get it over with... Best of luck! let us know how it goes
 
M

mghstl

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Oct 16, 2010
Messages
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Location
Midwest USA
Re: Panicing: Husband made me an appointment for tomorrow without consulting me first. Scared!

In a way, I envy you your husband. Mine tried to get me to go to his dentist, but I always "denied" that I needed to go, and he never could bring himself to just DO IT for me. So I hope you'll not be angry with him...after you get thru this first appointment.
You deserve a great dentist, and a great dentist WILL NOT do anything during the 1st appointment that you are uncomfortable with. If you just want to chat with him/her, that's all you should do (don't think for a MINUTE that you might be the 1st patient to cry or seem tragic...he/she has probably seen worse!). If he/she makes you comfortable enough to open your mouth, the he/she could very well be a good choice for you. Everyone here thought for SURE that we had the worst teeth ever, but no one has truly claimed that trophy yet!!!!
Keep your husband by your side, hold his hand tight, tell the dentist ALL of your fears/concerns, do only what makes YOU comfortable...and just keep breathing.
Can't wait to hear how it goes. Let us know. I started my dental journey just before the holidays last year...I'm SOOOOO glad I didn't wait! Even with 20+ years of damage, I was finished before Christmas.
Big hugs. You can do this awesome thing.
 
brit

brit

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Re: Panicing: Husband made me an appointment for tomorrow without consulting me first. Scared!

I would say keep your OH alongside as he already has a relationship with this dentist. Insist that you just see the dentist and not the hygienist or anyone else until you are happy with the place.

Just a chat would be ideal and only let him look if he makes you feel comfortable about it.

Just because this place has great reviews, it may not be the perfect fit for you. You are an adult and have a right to choose your own dental practice. Remember you are in control and don't have to agree to do anything you don't want to do.

Had you thought about what you want in your ideal dentist/dental office? How many of the boxes does this place tick. If you are in the right place, there shouldn't be any pain during treatment. Did you have any fillings as a child?

I would go with the flow for now - and just see if you click with the guy. Either you will or you won't. If you don't then cast the net wider.
 
M

mambear

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Joined
Nov 22, 2011
Messages
2
Re: Panicing: Husband made me an appointment for tomorrow without consulting me first. Scared!

Be thankful you have such a caring and supportive husband. Even though, honestly, as I was reading your message, my own stomach turned over because I would totally be panicing about not enough prep time. I have a similar background as yours - lots of cavities as a child. I had a tooth pulled as child on my first dental appt. Then I became so terrified of the needle that I would have my cavities filled without any numbing agent - can you imagine?! Good grief, it's no wonder I developed a dental phobia. But this past year I decided enough was enough and gathered up all the courage I could mustar and did a lot of research and off I went. At my first appt, I carefully explained to my dentist and his asst that I was dental phobic. He was great about it! He did x-rays and a simple look in my mouth (no picks or anything). He told me we would progress as quickly or slowly as I felt comfortable. He said something so simple that made so much sense that it became my ah-ha moment. He said, "Trust me. I do this everyday. Trust me." For some reason, it never occured to me that it was a trust issue, but I guess it was, for me at least. After my x-rays and his "consult," we discussed a treatment plan. I told him I needed to think about how I wanted to proceed. He was fine with that - mailed me the treatment plan and we took each procedure at my pace. I had an appt two weeks ago and was actually comfortable in the chair - no panic, no cold sweat, no tears. It was such a victory, I almost did cartwheels down the hallway to the exit! Hope your story also has a happy ending. You can do it! Remember, it's never as bad as we imagine it will be. Just find good dental team and trust them to do their job.
 
A

April

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Jul 26, 2008
Messages
279
Re: Panicing: Husband made me an appointment for tomorrow without consulting me first. Scared!

:welcome: nycmama

Your husband has done exactly what mine did ...... and I do thank him for it!

My husband knew I had a phobia and knew how much it upset me but in spite of this I managed to hide the discomfort of my teeth for 23 years of our marriage until I had no choice. He booked the appointment without me knowing too.
He was my support, he would speak for me when I couldn't and my voice of reason, he knew what I wanted and didn't want ...... he stuck to this religiously, he didn't really have a choice or he would have to live with the consequences - literally!!!

Dentistry has changed so much over the years and is nothing like it was 20 years ago.
With the right dentist you will take baby steps, start to build a trust plus, you are an adult now and YOU make the choices - it really makes a big difference.

Yes it is scary and yes, it is emotionally draining but don't be angry with him (well, maybe just a little bit in the beginning), lean on him, shout at him, cry on his shoulder but most of all let him help you .... you WILL thank him in the end ;)

:)
 
N

norwegianchick

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Feb 13, 2011
Messages
191
Location
Norway
Re: Panicing: Husband made me an appointment for tomorrow without consulting me first. Scared!

Hi!

Take a deep breath!

Be thankful that your husband cares about you like this.

I think you should go to the appointment just to have a chat with the dentist and get to know him a little bit. You don't have to get anything done, or even sit in the chair, just tell him about your fears and what you want.

If he's really as good as the reviews say, then that should be fine, and he should be able to handle it in a professional way.

If you don't like them, then leave.

Good luck!

:)
 
T

tl200674

Member
Joined
Oct 28, 2011
Messages
34
Re: Panicing: Husband made me an appointment for tomorrow without consulting me first. Scared!

Hi
Dont be angry with him, I asked my husband to book me an appointment and not let me know so i didnt have the worry before hand but he never did.
I have just started treatment and i can promise that the waiting is the worst thing about the whole experience. Thoughts that go through your mind is more painful then the treatment.
Wishing you all the best
 
N

nycmama

Junior member
Joined
Nov 22, 2011
Messages
4
Re: Panicing: Husband made me an appointment for tomorrow without consulting me first. Scared!

Thank you all so much. I do feel better having read your replies. And as a result, I am being a lot nicer to my husband today.

He even took the day off of work to help me through all this. And he is taking care of our son, changing all of his diapers, and even made us breakfast. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and I had planned to be home cooking up a storm all day. I had already purchased all of the ingredients for a big Thanksgiving feast. So I don't know how we will have time to get it all cooked up now. But I suppose it's not that important in the grand scheme of things. I suppose if we have a side dish or two missing, nobody will cease to exist from it. And I suppose in the end I will have something to be grateful for.

Last night I went to our friend's house, and they go to the same dentist. They told me how great he and his brother are. They both share the last name "Love", so they are known around here as "The Love Brothers". I'm being serious. lol My friends gushed about how great they both are, and asked me which Love Brother I was going to get to see. I told them I hadn't a clue. All I knew was that I had an appointment for two o'clock. They insisted that both brothers are great, and that their father used to be a dentist as well. So "the love" of dentistry runs in the family. That was nice to hear. But then my friend told me she needed teeth extracted, and that they sent her to an oral surgeon for that, and she began to tell me about how painful that was. I don't know what she was thinking. I finally managed to change the subject, and then they were nice enough to watch funny shows on tv with me and have a little cake. Then I walked home (just down the block a few doors), and cuddled my son and my husband. I had a terrible time sleeping, and had scary dreams. I woke up frazzled and exhausted, and wish it were evening already so I could be done with it.

It's 9:30 am here now, and I have about 4 hours left before I have to walk to the dentist. My husband is being very sweet today, so I do feel grateful and much less angry at him. I just feel a sick pit in my stomach every time I remember that I'm going to the dentist today. I will keep you all posted on how it all went.

Thanks again, SO much. It's a real comfort to know that you are all here for me, cheering me on. :)

xoxo,
Lenore
 
N

nycmama

Junior member
Joined
Nov 22, 2011
Messages
4
Re: Panicing: Husband made me an appointment for tomorrow without consulting me first. Scared!

In the waiting room right now, waiting for my name to be called. My heart is pounding and I can barely swallow. Hands shaking. But I feel like you are all right here with me. Thank you so much.
 
L

Lizwhite28

Member
Joined
Oct 31, 2011
Messages
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Location
Essex , UK
Re: Panicing: Husband made me an appointment for tomorrow without consulting me first. Scared!

Good luck. Hugs :)
 
M

mghstl

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Joined
Oct 16, 2010
Messages
670
Location
Midwest USA
Re: Panicing: Husband made me an appointment for tomorrow without consulting me first. Scared!

Yup...there with you in spirit!
By now, you've gotten thru the HARDEST part, and should be so very proud of yourself. Whatever your eventual treatment plan is, you'll get thru it if you are comfortable with your new "Love Man".
I know what you mean about "the best laid plans" when it comes to Thanksgiving prep work; I was supposed to be off work yesterday and today, with a 24lb bird waiting to be brined and roasted by noon tomorrow. Guess who ended up working both days? Guess who just now got home to start the turkey marathon?
Can't wait to hear how you feel this evening!
And give your husband a hug for me...two, if your appointment went REALLY well!
 
N

nycmama

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Joined
Nov 22, 2011
Messages
4
Re: Panicing: Husband made me an appointment for tomorrow without consulting me first. Scared!

Thank you SO much! That was very sweet! Hugs back to ya!

It did go well. I thought they were all so nice, and really catered to my fears. I hated having my tarter scraped off, because it didn't feel nice. But I felt like she was trying hard to be gentle. When she had me rinse out my mouth after scraping off all the tarter on the inside of my lower teeth, there were little bits of greenish brown chips that were in the bowl. I asked what that was, and she said it was 15 years of built-up tarter. Yikes! At one point the hygienist was cleaning between two teeth where I have a filling, and then I went to close my mouth and couldn't. Turns out that filling is very loose, and was half-way out due to her cleaning. So she had me bite down hard until it went back into place, and she said she would tell the dentist about that.

Then I met the dentist, and it turned out my husband had told him all about me, and my fears, etc. So he was prepared for me. Also very nice. He told me something absolutely SHOCKING. Every single dentist I had ever gone to had told me that I needed all four wisdom teeth taken out, because they were all impacted. But he looked at my x-ray and said it was hogwash, and I didn't need them taken out at all. They never bother me, and he didn't see anything on the x-ray that worried him and made him want to remove them. He said I could keep them. This was one of many reasons why I had avoided going to the dentist for 15 years. I was afraid of getting my wisdom teeth removed. I was overjoyed when he said I didn't need that, and so when he told me whatever else I needed done, I was still excited and on a high from the good news about my wisdom teeth. That's why he then said "I have never met anybody so excited to have six cavities in one visit before!". It wasn't that I was excited to have 6 cavities. It was that I was excited that that's ALL that was wrong! Oh, except for the loose filling, which may result in a root canal. He said he suspects there is decay beyond the loose filling, and so he will remove it and have to clean in there and then see if I need a root canal there or not. But the rest of the work I need done is just 6 cavities to be filled.

I'm anxious about that. Especially about the pain I will feel with the loose filling, because it sounds like a deep cavity (and I saw it on the x-ray). I'm really freaked out about that one. But I was really expecting to be told "OK, you have 11 cavities, and need 3 root canals, and 5 teeth extracted". Or something along those lines. I was so shocked that it was just "Ok, you have 6 cavities, and you need a filling replaced. That might result in one root canal, but I'll see what I can do about being able to fix it properly without one". There is a huge difference between what my fears convinced me I would need done, and what my exam told me I needed to have done.

So I'm happy I went! And many thanks to my hubby! He was wonderful! He even went to the dentist this morning and got the paperwork for me to fill out with my medical history beforehand, and also went to the front desk and gave them my insurance card, his credit card so the co-pay would be paid for, etc. That way, when I arrived, all I had to do was to hand in my medical history sheet, and sit down. The rest was all resolved already. It was a huge help.

Thanks so much for all of your support! I only joined 24 hours ago and already you have all made such a massively huge difference in my life. Thank you. :)

Now I just have to work up the courage to get that work done!

xoxo
Lenore
 
L

lacuna

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Nov 18, 2011
Messages
54
Location
Ontario, Canada
Re: Panicing: Husband made me an appointment for tomorrow without consulting me first. Scared!

So glad to hear this update! :)
 
themombat

themombat

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Jul 9, 2009
Messages
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Re: Panicing: Husband made me an appointment for tomorrow without consulting me first. Scared!

Grats on a successful first appointment! My husband made my first appointment for me, too, and everything has been SO much easier after that first one. The anxiety I felt leading up to it was awful, in a way I wish I HAD only had one day notice, then I wouldn't have worried over it for two weeks :(

I need more work than you do (but I'm also a bit older), and I still have some anxiety, but it's such a relief to finally be doing something.

Give yourself a pat on the back :)
 
R

RP

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Re: Panicing: Husband made me an appointment for tomorrow without consulting me first. Scared!

Well done... and you even got through a difficult first cleaning in a long time all on your own power ...the rest with being numbed up should be a breeze.

Kudos to your husband. it would be awesome to hear his perspective as we often get loved ones who want to know what to do to help someone get to a dentist.

rp
 
M

mghstl

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Re: Panicing: Husband made me an appointment for tomorrow without consulting me first. Scared!

Dang it, girl...you had a cleaning?!?!
Triple kudos on an amazing job well done. Dozen hugs to you and 18 to your hubby.
I'm so happy for you!!! Now go fix turkey dinner and know that your life just took a huge, positive step forward.
Much to be thankful for...yes?
I am so thrilled for you. Haven't gotten teary here in a while, but, well, gosh...I'm just soooo pleased for you!
Thank God I'm brining my turkey; he's gettin' a little extra "salt" this year.
Have an awesome Thanksgiving.
 
brit

brit

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Re: Panicing: Husband made me an appointment for tomorrow without consulting me first. Scared!

Every single dentist I had ever gone to had told me that I needed all four wisdom teeth taken out, because they were all impacted. But he looked at my x-ray and said it was hogwash, and I didn't need them taken out at all. They never bother me, and he didn't see anything on the x-ray that worried him and made him want to remove them. He said I could keep them. This was one of many reasons why I had avoided going to the dentist for 15 years. I was afraid of getting my wisdom teeth removed.

I'm anxious about that. Especially about the pain I will feel with the loose filling,
xoxo
Lenore

Congratulations :jump: Amazing that you went through with a cleaning before even meeting the dentist.
I suppose $$$$ had something to do with being told you needed to have the wisdom teeth removed - it is criminal isn't it? Especially as it put you off going back. It is not uncommon for that to happen actually judging from posts on here. Teenagers with no cavities who have worn braces suddenly are struck down with fear when told they should get their wisdom teeth removed.
People don't seem to realise that they can decline to have their wisdom teeth out especially as they often get referred elsewhere for it and especially as they have to foot the bill.

I expect your tactless friend was moaning about afterpain from her extractions. If not and she experienced pain during treatment, make sure you never use the same oral surgeon.

Why are you anxious about pain with your treatment plan and with the loose filling? There shouldn't be any pain, you will be numbed up for all treatment? Root canals can be really easy and in the right hands do not deserve their fearsome reputation.


 
Last edited:
A

April

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Jul 26, 2008
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279
Re: Panicing: Husband made me an appointment for tomorrow without consulting me first. Scared!

Absolutely brilliant!!! :jump:

Well done hubby ...... and he changes diapers too!!


:)
 
N

norwegianchick

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Re: Panicing: Husband made me an appointment for tomorrow without consulting me first. Scared!

Congratulations!

So good to hear that you had a positive experience!

It's more common now than it used to be to leave wisdom teeth in. If they're not bothering the patient and not causing any damage to neighboring teeth, it's better to leave them. There's a risk with every medical procedure, and it's wrong to take that risk for nothing.

And don't worry about your potential root canal because they are nothing to worry about. I know because I've had five.

;)

Happy thanksgiving!
 

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