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A

Anon

Junior member
Joined
Jun 26, 2020
Messages
12
Location
India
I have not been to the dentist in some time. I know that I have a few cavities. I think the major reason behind my fear is my mother or the fear of disappointing my mother. I recently told my mother about the cavities ( I was so scared, I thought I was gonna throw up), and decided to get it taken care of. Last night my mother mentioned going to the dentist and for a few seconds I couldn't breathe or hear anything, I don't know what happened. I got so scared and the whole night I couldn't sleep. At some point I fell asleep but kept waking up. Couldn't stay asleep. I thought once I told her I would feel better, but i'm still so terrified of going to the dentist. I'm scared that my mother will think less of me, I'm scared of what the dentist will find and I fear the cost of what will have to be done. Are there any ways to reduce this tension I feel every time I think about going to the dentist? Please help.
 
krlovesherkids777

krlovesherkids777

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Hello Anon,

:welcome: to Dental Fear Central, we are glad you are here while going through your anxiety and fears with dental. you are in the right place with people who understand and can support you!

Physical reactions to anxiety are so real and happen, glad you can be aware and know what is going on. Just take step by step and day by day. Do you have a particular dentist you go to or are thinking of going to? Can you research and choose your own dentist? one who is friendly with anxious patients?

There are alot of kind and gentle and anxious friendly dentists out there who want nothing but to help you so if you get anything other than that please choose another . I hope you find a really good one straight away . someone so kind and approachable.. Its still hard and will take time, give yourself patience and kindness too.

Here is a really good article about some things you can do in the meantime while waiting for your appt. (even if you don't have one made already)


:grouphug:
 
A

Anon

Junior member
Joined
Jun 26, 2020
Messages
12
Location
India
Hello Anon,

:welcome: to Dental Fear Central, we are glad you are here while going through your anxiety and fears with dental. you are in the right place with people who understand and can support you!

Physical reactions to anxiety are so real and happen, glad you can be aware and know what is going on. Just take step by step and day by day. Do you have a particular dentist you go to or are thinking of going to? Can you research and choose your own dentist? one who is friendly with anxious patients?

There are alot of kind and gentle and anxious friendly dentists out there who want nothing but to help you so if you get anything other than that please choose another . I hope you find a really good one straight away . someone so kind and approachable.. Its still hard and will take time, give yourself patience and kindness too.

Here is a really good article about some things you can do in the meantime while waiting for your appt. (even if you don't have one made already)


:grouphug:
Thank you. I've heard that the dentist i'm thinking of going to is good. What can I do to reduce anxiety? I feel like crying, and breathless. What are some ways to cope with this?
 
krlovesherkids777

krlovesherkids777

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Messages
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Minneapolis, MN
Well you have taken one really good step taking the courage to come and talk about this here! Crying can be ok.. it is ok to cry, and get out all the emotions and recognize the fear and anxiety instead of bottling it up.. I know I used to internalize it all and finally let it go and just allowed myself to have every emotion. I know its hard.. mediation, breathing, taking small naps. eating good.. but not worrying too much if you have a treat you enjoy either. do something that makes you joyful and happy even if its just a moment or two during the day and I am a journaler, so writing down and getting it out that way really helps.. well.. I'm no expert but just sharing some personal things that have helped me. surely others have some good ideas too. also just taking things little by little day by day.
 
Enarete

Enarete

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Hi Anon,

I second @krlovesherkids777 . Anxiety sucks and can throw us completely out of order. I see how you look for ways to feel better. On the other hand, you are doing such a courageous thing here, it's ok to feel like crap for the days.. (and sadly how most people suffering from dental fear feel). So the best thing is to stay kind to yourself and take it one moment at a time.

Would it be an idea to have a chat with your mom to let her know you worry what she might think?

All the best wishes
 
A

Anon

Junior member
Joined
Jun 26, 2020
Messages
12
Location
India
Hi Anon,

I second @krlovesherkids777 . Anxiety sucks and can throw us completely out of order. I see how you look for ways to feel better. On the other hand, you are doing such a courageous thing here, it's ok to feel like crap for the days.. (and sadly how most people suffering from dental fear feel). So the best thing is to stay kind to yourself and take it one moment at a time.

Would it be an idea to have a chat with your mom to let her know you worry what she might think?

All the best wishes
Thank you for the suggestion. I did have a chat with my mom and it seems that she was only worried about my health. And I had a talk with another patient of the dentist I'm thinking of going to, and the dentist seems to be a gentle and kind person. I feel a lot better now. I have an appointment for tomorrow. I hope it all goes well.
 
Enarete

Enarete

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Fingers crossed for tomorrow! Let us know how it went! Glad you had a chat with your mom.
 
A

Anon

Junior member
Joined
Jun 26, 2020
Messages
12
Location
India
So I went to the dentist today. I was so nervous I couldn't sit still. I was called in finally after waiting for a long time. The doctor was very kind and gentle and I liked her. But what I didn't like was finding out that I had 7 cavities, which is the result of not going to the dentist earlier because of fear. I don't know what to do.. I'm so embarrassed and honestly, a little ashamed. Anyway, the dentist said all the cavities are in the initial stage and needs filling which has to be done over 4 days because it would be better to not rush the procedure. I told my mother and she was kind of upset and angry. But I understand where she's coming from. Still I think it would be better to just leave her alone for some time. Anyway I have to go to the dentist again for a minimum of 4 times. I don't know how to get all that over with. I'm still shaking from today's visit. One thing I'm thankful for is this support forum because without the support of you guys, I don't know what I would've done. Thank you
 
krlovesherkids777

krlovesherkids777

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Anon,

So glad to hear that your dentist was kind and gentle and you liked her.. and you made it through this!! One day at a time here .. and now you have a little positive momentum to build on with this dentist since you had one positive experience. I know for me I like to clump my appts fairly close together so I can have that fresh good memory walking in the door. and I'm kind of "on a roll".. So many of us have felt that shame and embarassement ,, you can always talk about it hear its real and good to let it out. I know I've had a ton of dental shame I've dealt with.. I was very open with my last dentist about it and that really helped me alot as he was very kind and reassuring . and that validation really helped. I'm glad your dentist isn't trying to rush things all in one sitting and is taking her time. That sounds like a very good sign!! We are glad you are here! :grouphug:
 
Enarete

Enarete

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Hi Anon,

this sounds kind of bitter sweet, you are having a kind gentle dentist who you like but you also need some work and had to tell your mom who seemed to be upset and angry.
It sounds like you assume your mom was upset and angry because of you or at you. May I invite you to double check whether this really is the case? Maybe she was just worried about you or maybe even was upset at herself feeling she didn't care enough of you? Maybe there was doubt about whether the dentist was right? Stressed because the visit took longer than she thought it would? Everyone gets frustrated now and then and there are many reasons why people get upset and it doesn't necessarily mean she thought you did something wrong. It also doesn't necessarily mean she will stay upset, it might have been just a difficult moment..
Talking about doing something wrong, you didn't. On the contrary, you did the very right thing: you told your mom, despite the fear, despite the worries.. and you went through the difficult time after that, with sleepless nights, difficulties to breathe. And you made it to the dentist. Looking at that, you are doing great! Conquering your fear and pushing yourself. Give yourself a pat on the back! You might have come across stories of people here who needed 20, 30 or 40 years to finally pluck up the courage to go to the dentist and you managed to do it this soon!
7 cavities in early stage is not a lot. Most people have cavities at some stage of their lives and seeing a dentist regularly alone is not the quarantee to stay free of them. If you can, stay kind to yourself and remember to celebrate the success instead of focusing on the bad news too much. You are doing great!

All the best wishes and keep us posted :)
 
A

Anon

Junior member
Joined
Jun 26, 2020
Messages
12
Location
India
So I had my first filling session today. The doctor was good but the filling was 😵. It's not the fault of the dentist. The drilling part was kind of painful.. Like I could feel it and it was not a good feeling.. I just shut my eyes tightly and clenched the armrest through the whole thing. Now I have yo go through this for 3 more days.. I just want it all to end.
 
Enarete

Enarete

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Sorry to read that it was painful :( it's not supposed to be.. did the dentist numb you up? Did they check on you whether you felt anything?
 
A

Anon

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Jun 26, 2020
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Location
India
They didn't numb me up. Maybe I should ask for it for the next session..
 
letsconnect

letsconnect

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Ouch that must have hurt o_O... I was really surprised when I read your post, but then did some googling and apparently it's extremely rare in India to use numbing for fillings. So your dentist probably did what he's used to... but that doesn't mean you have to put up with it. So yes, do ask for it for the next session!
 
Enarete

Enarete

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No numbing??? My heart goes to you! This is a good illustration of how different countries have different routines. Where I am originally from, numbing gets only used when absolutely necessary. In my current area numbing gets used every time and for everything. I second @letsconnect , asking for it next time might be a good idea.
 
A

Anon

Junior member
Joined
Jun 26, 2020
Messages
12
Location
India
I just got back from the second session. I asked about numbing and the doctor said that there's very little work to do regarding the drilling so to numb for each session would be a waste cause it would last for 2-3 hours and so on. Then she said that we can try once more without numbing and if it's too much then we can numb it. And this time it wasn't as bad. So I think its ok. Anyway hopefully the next one goes well too.
 
Enarete

Enarete

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Really glad it wasn't that bad this time. It might be a good idea to have a chat about numbing again in your next session, just to make sure they will check on you and see how it goes again. Dentists forget things sometimes so it's good to get some reassurance anew, just to be on the safe side.
 
A

Anon

Junior member
Joined
Jun 26, 2020
Messages
12
Location
India
Really glad it wasn't that bad this time. It might be a good idea to have a chat about numbing again in your next session, just to make sure they will check on you and see how it goes again. Dentists forget things sometimes so it's good to get some reassurance anew, just to be on the safe side.
I'll keep that in mind 😊. I have to say that this forum has helped me a lot, supporting me through this bothersome time. Thank you
 
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