• Dental Phobia Support

    Welcome! This is an online support group for anyone who is has a severe fear of the dentist or dental treatment. Please note that this is NOT a general dental problems or health anxiety forum! You can find a list of them here.

    Register now to access all the features of the forum.

Prisoner of fear and shame

P

PrisonerSOS

Junior member
Joined
Feb 23, 2009
Messages
2
Location
California, USA
Making a long story short. I have been afraid of the dentist my entire life. As a child I was subject to many nightmarish appointments. Treatments I received as a child scarred me for life. The use of "chicken wire" to tie together spaced teeth was the worse. As a result, I have lived in fear of the dentist. As an adult, I have only visited a dentist in dire circumstances. My last visit was at least 20 years ago. I have neglected my teeth. And as each year has past the feeling of shame has grown as equal if not greater than my fear. A couple fillings have fallen out over the years. A couple molars are chipped. A couple lost teeth create openings. And there are the ever present gaps between my upper front teeth. How did I come so far to this point? How could I let this get out of hand, a grown man of my age? It was always the convenient, "financial" excuse. Although there is truth to that. The fear and shame are the real reasons.

Today, a developing problem (numbing sensation lingers in my upper lip which is adjacent to a tooth with a missing filling) has forced me to address these issues once again. But where do I begin? How do I find a compassionate dentist who will get me through this? How will I be able to face any dentist?

...sending a S.O.S.
 
:welcome:
Many people have posted on here and taken their first step to dental health.

Your dental history sounds appalling and provided you find a kind sympathetic dentist, I think you will be pleasantly surprised at how things have moved on and improved.

There are tips for finding the right dentist here: How to find the right dentist
:grouphug:
 
Til last year, I hadn't gone for 21-22 years and before that, only once in maybe 18 years. So know how that feels!

Things have moved on and changed so much! If you can find a phobic-friendly dentist, you'll be fine - honest!

That in itself takes the embarrassment out of it because a dentist who specialises in people like us, sees nothing all day but people who have a mouthful of problems due to years of neglect. I thought my mouth must be the worst in the world, only to find out that, according to my dentist is was probably 'the best I'll see today'! I had two totally destroyed teeth - a molar and a wisdom tooth, and many cavities. I walked in there feeling so embarrassed and walked out thinking "That wasn't so bad!"

The key thing is to find the right dentist - so use the resources here, then try emailing, maybe, if that's a gentler approach for you. You can stay in control of the whole process and go at your own pace.

Oh and :welcome:
 
The key thing is to find the right dentist - so use the resources here, then try emailing, maybe, if that's a gentler approach for you. You can stay in control of the whole process and go at your own pace.

Oh and :welcome:

Totally agree.

It is ALL about the dentist and the trust you have in him or her. I abstained from the dentist for "only" ten years, but then after two teeth breaking, I knew I needed to face my fear. And it was a great fear. Not a day went by that I thought about my teeth. In fact, hardly an HOUR went by without some fearful thought coming into my mind.

So I researched via the internet and yellow pages. I narrowed it down to two dentists. One a female and one a male. (Later I discovered an additional one, but I had already chosen). It was kind of a tossup, but I took the female because as a guy, I felt she might be more sympathetic to a fearful guy.

She was and is perfect for me. I can say that I have now overcome 90% of my fears regarding the dentist. And all of my life I have had a fear of the dentist, and it had only gotten worse. As my wife said (not unkindly), "It is all in your head." And I knew that, but it was a hurdle I needed to get over.

After seven fillings, three cleanings, and five extractions (three wisdom), I feel great.

And yes, I am a "grown man" of 45. ;D Interesting note...you will find that most who post here are women. Probably not because men are less phobic, but because they are less inclined to tell the world that they are.
 
Thanks for the welcome and the much needed encouragement. I'm doing my research and building a list of potential dentists to email. I'm ok with this so far. Making the initial appointment will be the real test. And of course then the actual driving there. And then the sitting in the lobby for eternity...I guess one step at a time. My stomach is starting to turn just thinking about this.
Anyways, I'm glad I found this site.
 
Tell you what, I don't like kissing my husband because of a couple of broken teeth I have and the fact that I need fillings, etc. It's not him--it's me!

My appointment for cleaning/fillings is tomorrow. I keep thinking, I'll feel so much better once that's out of the way. And next month I see the oral surgeon for the extractions. So once those bad teeth are out and my teeth are nice and clean, I'll feel so much better!

Yes, I am dreading these appointments...but it's better to get that done and over with than to worry about an abscess and even MORE pain.

I also remember being in labor with my son and thinking, wow, as bad as this is, I should be able to face a dentist! ;D
 
Back
Top