• Dental Phobia Support

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PTSD, Abuse, Psychological.... Anger, Jealousy, and Resentment - Venting

K

Kilaya

Junior member
Joined
Jan 11, 2016
Messages
4
So, thanks to the wonderful service the Federal government gives youth age 16-24, most ALL of my dental issues have been resolved with time. (Despite the fact how I know fillings don't last forever)
However, this support issue isn't related to a fear of a dentists anymore, it's more about the Post traumatic stress disorder I have, due to having to go through what I went through.
When I was young, maybe 8 years old, I had a cavity I couldn't see or feel on my first adult molar. For *some* reason, my parents never went back to the dentist to have it filled. It wound up cracking, getting worse when I was 11. I remember even to one point I was like 10, told my mom "HEY *this is happening*" to try to get it seen, but I seriously wasn't ever taken to a dentist. I don't fucking get it.
I don't know if it was about money, and even if it was... there were child oriented programs for minors.... My dad was working... My mom and grandma got SSDI.... this was 2001 I'm talking here. All I can figure was that it was pure neglect, despite not being neglected in any other way.
Fast forward to my 16's in 2007, I lament over the fact that the decay has spread like wildfire between 2-4 of my molars right where it would've been stopped if it had only been dealt with as a child.... I stop brushing often because I hate to look at myself when I do, like how obese people hate showering because they don't like to look at theirselves....
I try to get over that, start taking better care of myself through my depression (And my now self diagnoses of High functioning autism syndrome)
But it's too late. We literally don't have any money by this time, I'm 18, too old for government dental now in the state where I was. In a lot of pain, having infection in one of the molars on another side that got cracked from a piece of rice.... it's really bad. Eventually the pain stops, but the infection continues because poverty...
I move to California and get into the Job Corps program, because Denti-cal wasn't a thing for people over the age of 21 when I finally get here. Job corps gave me free dental, and the first time I actually got a filling done when I was 21 years old. People looking at me like *I* was the one who did something wrong, when I felt I had to explain that it was because of parental neglect.

Eventually, to transfer to go to a different city for an advanced program, they say all of my medical has to be cleared, including my dental. This means either having RCT done on what was damaged, or having 5 of them pulled, all with money out of my own pocket because they didn't cover that much. Even the oral surgeon, after I asked didn't think they really could be saved.... So that's what I did, I had 4 teeth on one side pulled because tooth decay spread from my childhood, and one that was from a cavity that cracked on the other.

I never didn't go to the dentist because I was *too afraid*, though I was afraid of course... Gives me sensory issues... but I'm a brave person. I didn't go because 1. My family wouldn't take me, and 2. I didn't have the money or 3. When we DID have the money my mom didn't actually think to take care of it.

I'm with my boyfriend (Who was long distance in 10') of years long, and I am super jealous. Though he has had difficult family life himself, being in and out of foster care and on and off homelessness.... back in 2010 when he needed multiple RCT from not taking care of his teeth his dad still helped him out with the outrageous cost it costs in the USA to keep teeth via RCT/crowns, because it costs even more for bridges, and implants. He didn't have to have any pulled except for one measly rotted half out wisdom tooth....

My resentment comes from the fact that I eat less sugar and take care of my teeth more than he ever did, even still, and yet he still has all of his molars because *someone* was there for him to help, while no one was there for me. Even at this point, I wish to God I still had my molars or that I could've gotten RCT and crown sooner with ANY kind of financial/help with planning/executive function-/getting me to a dentist assistance when back then I was really really dependent and didn't know how to do things on my own. (A common symptom in those on the spectrum)
I wish I hadn't been left to pay my own way, and just abandoned by a society that didn't care.
I wish that someone had helped me because I wouldn't have wasted their investment.
A crown I finally just got on my front tooth because it didn't get filled in enough time before needing a RCT... for years I let go without one.... I'm not paying my own way for that. 68$ a month. No help from my parents, none from his, (not that his help him very much anymore with that, I guess he only gets one...), just me.
I wish I could get implants because it's like natural tooth and if it's not going to keep the jawbone in place why even get a bridge anyway...? It's really bothersome, sometimes, just to know that there's nothing there but pressure on my gum when I eat crunchy food.... At least it's not pain, yes... But still.... It takes me longer to eat things than others. I couldn't afford 5 implants anyhow, though even if I wanted. Freaking nearly 6k a tooth (Implant + tooth colored Crown) I can barely afford the $66 a month on my front tooth crown now. I'm still struggling in a different kind of poverty where things over 100$ for one use items are far out of my price range.

Just all of these things fill me with a pain and resentment and sadness that are far worse than any dental treatment does. When I have nice looking teeth now because my old dentist was a miracle worker with tooth colored fillings even on molars, and a new dentist asks me if the four teeth I had removed were an "accident" during new patient intake when I'm only 25, it really tears me up on the inside.... like Yeah, if you want to call parental neglect an "accident"... sure. But I was the one who had to sign the paper work for dental surgery because I couldn't afford RCT/crowns on my own in this screwed up country called USA.

It fills me with pain, resentment and anger to know that dental procedures are so expensive and that people are struggling with the fear of COST over the drill because if they pay the dentist, they lose their housing or go bankrupt/trash their credit. Some people like me aren't even eligible for care credit. These services are VERY important, a large part of our overall health, not just some kind of extra video game or someshit, and people can't afford them because they aren't covered in most states.

I'm sure others have things that are worse, or some may be similar in these kinds of neglect stories. It's just always emotionally painful and sad, especially when you also know the person next to you isn't as cavity prone, or had support you never had yourself when younger, when you knew you took and still take care of yourself better.... It's almost like blessings are wasted on those who are undeserving.
That's a very negative thing to say, though, and that's definitely not the Christian in me talking, just the ego of suffering... Sigh.
I hope my experience turns into something like out of an anime, like Full Metal Alchemist, where my sacrfice isn't for nothing.

Sorry for the long post. Thanks if you actually read my wall of text.
 
A

AsaGohan

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 13, 2015
Messages
156
Location
Las Vegas, NV
Re: PTSD, Abuse, Psychological.... Anger, Jealousy, and Resentment - Venting

I did read your whole post. Typing up your experience here will probably help other people. I've noticed other people on this website have experienced parental neglect when it comes to teeth.
 
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