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Rant: I've had more than I can take and there is a long road ahead

NervousUSA

NervousUSA

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 9, 2022
Messages
167
Location
USA
Just looking to rant and vent and hoping for some support.

I have had to go to the dentist 9 times this year and will have to go 2-4 times before the year is over. Every time so anxiety inducing, stressful, and hard. I have tried to be positive, and to help myself, and feel like I improved my ability to deal with a lot of things, but I don't feel good today. I feel like it has wrecked my mental state for the whole year, between health anxiety, social anxiety, financial anxiety, triggering memories of traumas, extremely stressful dealing with insurance companies, fear of procedures, and just plain straight fear.

I feel like my dental problems should be stabilized by early next spring, but have orthodontic problems and the thought of getting orthodontics to fix them makes me feel like this will be a never ending road that I can't face.

I feel like my orthodontic problems were at least partly, maybe fully caused by unnecessary orthodontics in the past, and a lot of my dental problems were caused by hygienists skipping cleaning my wisdom teeth when I have gone in for cleanings. This makes me feel really angry and bitter.

My family is tired of hearing me talk about these things. If I mention it to my husband he becomes visibly angry, because he is so tired of it, if I mention it to my mom she tells me I should be able to control how I feel, and feel however I want. Everyone in the family is angry and frustrated if I talk about it. I have to stop talking about it but its hard for me to do so. Especially if asked what is wrong.

I don't feel this bad every day, but today I do.
 
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mariyam

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 13, 2022
Messages
100
Location
California
@NervousUSA hey there. Really proud of you for how far you've come and I hope you're super proud of yourself too. It's hard, actually it down right sucks, when the people we are closest to aren't particularly supportive this far into the journey. But it's your personal journey, not theirs, they really don't understand it.

It's ok have bad days, everyone has them. It's also ok to feel mental fatigue at all that has been done and all that has to get done, but try to focus on how far you've come! Consider where you were last year and where you are now.

I get how painful it is when your mom isn't emotionally there. Really, I think most of us probably wouldn't have such horrible phobias if we had more supportive people around us when they started. They don't have the same fears as you do, they don't really understand what "the big deal is" and it's not your fault and it isn't theirs, it's just that no matter how we communicate the fears it just doesn't translate. But good news is we are here, we have a village that understands.

I hope tomorrow is easier for you. Try making a journal that combines what you're feeling/thinking and what you want to hear from other or what you need from others to feel better. Maybe expressing those "when I start to spiral I understand it's tiring for you to hear but I just need XYZ from you to get me to stop spiraling" and I promise the more times you get that jar of "what I need" filled the easier it gets. Also try to think of ways they may be supportive in their own way because that's the only way they know how/are comfortable being. (Some people still think the whole tough love is suppose to be a stellar way to soothe people ... Cause adding to the trauma makes sense to the world.)

Just remember, think of how far you've come from a year ago, 6 months ago, or even a week ago. It's a bigger leap in progress than you may realize. And if no one is going to celebrate those advances, nothing should stop YOU from celebrating you.
 
NervousUSA

NervousUSA

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 9, 2022
Messages
167
Location
USA
@mariyam Thanks! It is so nice to have your support, you made me feel a lot better. You have so many really good insights, too, you are very helpful. Everything you say is true and perceptive. I will take your advice about how to communicate about needs.

You are right, it's hard for people outside these situations, and who have never had these feelings, to understand them at all. And its so good to be able to come on here and find people who do understand. You are the only person I have ever talked to who had issues over wisdom teeth that were based around not wanting anesthesia or sedation, like me.
 
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mariyam

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 13, 2022
Messages
100
Location
California
@NervousUSA you're so welcome. It can be difficult talking about what you need, especially at the height of when you need it but try and approach it as you would any kind of relationship mismatch in communication or needs. Pick a method that keeps you calm and hopefully the family calm. Everyone involved has their own side and maybe they think they are being supportive. Communication is always hard when emotions are involved but you can do it. You've come this far.

The idea of what I consider invasive anesthesia is terrifying to me. I know it works for many people but I know from experience with other health related aspects, it won't work so well for me at all. I'm glad we've found each other and maybe if there are other people out there feeling the same way in the future they'll stumble on us and realize they aren't so strange too.
 
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