• Dental Phobia Support

    Welcome! This is an online support group for anyone who is has a severe fear of the dentist or dental treatment. Please note that this is NOT a general dental problems or health anxiety forum! You can find a list of them here.

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Really need help to get this sorted out please!

K

king

Junior member
Joined
Aug 30, 2008
Messages
2
Hi,

I really need help, I think I have a serious phobia when it comes to dentists.
I just tried to call to make an appointment and almost ended up in tears.
I'm a 32 year old male, my teeth are beyond repair, all molars are decayed to the point of
them only being sharp bits pointing out of my gums. My front top incisors are now going,
one broke in half while eating a baguette a few months ago and the other will do the
same soon I'm sure.
I want to have my life back. I can't smile, I can't even laugh properly without feeling
so embarrassed. It's affecting my job, they will never send me to a meeting with clients.
And obviously it's affecting my social and love life.
I just want to know how can I get this done if I can't even phone to make an appointment
without going into a complete panic?

Any help or advice very appreciated.
 
:welcome: to the exactly right place! I'm a bit busy right now, so just a quick question: Can you get someone else to make the call? Wife/girlfriend? That's completely ok and a lot of us (though not me) do that even when they are more ok with dentistry. You deserve a smile and YOU CAN DO THIS, one way or another! What is your main fear about dentistry? Knowing that would help us a lot to help you.
 
Welcome! I have on of your same issues. My back tooth is decayed to the top of the gums, so I know how you feel. This place is great...there are dentists that you can talk to so you can have an idea of what might be happening if/when you choose to make an appointment.

My greatest fear is PAIN. I can't handle pain...I have 2 tattoos that I said that about too. I said, "if it hurts, I can't take it." Well, look...I went back and got another one didn't I? Once I was in that chair and I actually got my tattoo, I was so relieved that I was panicing for nothing! Im hoping thats the case for the dentist.

I guess my fears come from my parents, (one has dentures, the other just has bad teeth) because they always told me how bad, and scary the dentist was, and how painful it can be.

I don't want my smile to be demeaned to dentures, or have bad teeth the rest of my life. Im an 18 year old girl, and a good smile is what I need!

So, join us in OUR journey to conquer our phobia! Its not easy, but slowly, you will muster up the courage to make that appointment. :cheers:
 
You're already past the first part: you know you must do something about your problem. That's good! You're not in denial.

Have you had a chance to see if there are any dentists in your area that specialize in people who are scared to go? Sometimes they are also specialists in reconstructive work because they know that dental phobics tend to have more complex issues than standard patients.

As bad as you think your mouth is the sooner you find a way to start working on the problem the sooner you will be relieved that you have put it behind you.
 
A big and hearty welcome to this board, king. You really have come to quite the best place for people like us - dental scaredy-cats, or phobics because we completely understand how you are feeling. Loads of us have been just where you are at now, others have moved on and started treatment, others have been fortunate enough to finish their treatment and just now have their regular 6 monthly check ups to look forward to.

So many of us have also been unable to ring through to a dentist to make an appointment. I was in just that position about 16 or 17 months ago and it was only through finding this site and making so many new friends here that I got up the courage. Even so, I was unable to make a phone call but what I was able to do, once I had found a dentist who looked like she might be the right one for me (dentist finder link at top of this page) I emailed. Found that much easier because I could put down in writing how I was feeling whereas it was hard to put into words. Even so, I won't pretend that was easy, I was still quivering and thinking to myself, what have I done, what if they reply. But it was the start, the dentist rang me, they sounded very understanding and sympathetic, made my first appointment which was consultation only and the rest was history.

I won't pretend it was all pleasant, but everything I had done was completely painless - dentistry has come around in leaps and bounds and with modern technology and dentists' attitudes of treating you like a person and being empathetic is so very different to what I had remembered of dentists in years gone by. There was even no smell of dentists that I remember, and in fact where I went was just like a modern office block, light and airey.

You have made a very good start, though you may not realise it, because it is so hard to admit to having a fear, but as I say, because we all share the same fear plus a lot of others associated with not going to the dentist, like embarrassment, perhaps a fear of needles, of gagging, all these can be overcome with the right dentist and believe me, for every dental phobic there is a right dentist in whom you can build up confidence and a rapport and who will make whatever you need to have done, as pleasant as possible.

You say your teeth are beyond repair - I think we all think that but hopefully at your age, the dentist will be able to save them. They are truly miracle workers and will never pull teeth unless absolutely necessary.

Although for so many years, the state of my mouth really ruled my life, its not until you get yourself to a dentist and get your mouth healthy again that you really appreciate just how important teeth are. I have finished all my treatment and I can honestly say my life has changed beyond recognition.

So, best of luck, you can do it. Just try and find a dentist who you feel comfortable with, you don't have to take the first one you find or if you do manage to get an appointment with one and just don't feel he or she is the right one for you, say goodbye and move onto the next. You are the patient, the client, the one paying for a service, therefore you are in control. Never, ever be railroaded into having a dentist you are not happy with and dfinitely not having anything done without your prior approval and having fully discussed it beforehand.

Keep posting here your thoughts, your worries, your progress and we will continue to support you in any way we can with our replies and our experiences. I know when I first found this site, even before I got to finding a dentist I felt so much better because after years of thinking I was the only one in the whole wide world who was scared stiff of dentists I found that there were hundreds, if not thousands of us.:grouphug:
 
Thanks so much for your replies.

No girlfriend anymore, and I put that down to my problem, I couldn't kiss her anymore. I
lost her and my kids because of this.

I could try and ask my friends to help me, but really I don't want to look like an idiot.

My main fear is just dentists! Last time I went to have treatment I passed out.
It's not just the pain, it's the whole experience.
I think it probably stems from my first tooth extraction when I was around 5 or 6.
I wasn't really pressured into brushing my teeth as a child, in my late teens I had a
drink problem and totally neglected my oral and other health. My teeth started decaying, when I brushed, my gums bled so much so I stopped. My teeth got worse and worse...
Now I'm pretty much in pain every other month with abcesses, broken tooth cutting
against my inner cheek etc.

I feel stupid, I'm not scared of much, just dentists and heights. Heights I understand because falling can kill me, but having panic attacks just phoning a dentist's surgery to
make an appointment? :(


 
Hi King :)

Congratulations with the first step - being brave to tell us! :thumbsup:

I was thinking, how about emailing your dentist?
 
Welcome to the board. There are many good people here who have had every dental experience imaginable and who are very generous with sharing their wisdom and compassion. As others have suggested, emailing a dentist is a good way to start. You can express your fears even before you meet the dentist, and if you choose to go in for a meeting, they will know a little about your history and will be able to help you in the way that is best for you. Good luck--you've made the first, hard step by posting about your fear here. :)
 
Phobias are completely irrational and you can't give them rhyme or reason. When I first confessed to people I knew, friends and family, about my phobia (and this was only after I had been on this board for a while and felt the confidence to do so) they were all so surprised and couldn't understand why because I always seem to confident in everyday life and the type of person that wouldnt be afraid of anything. However, when you do feel able to talk to people you know, it really is surprising how many will themselves say that they, although perhaps not having a fullblown phobia, are a little scared of dentists. It's much more common than we may think. It's only when you find a site like this that you really do realise you're not alone in your fears. I think that's what I found the most comforting thing when I discovered this site - that I wasn't the only one who was scared of dentists. You say your phobia is of the general experience, not particularly of pain - that again is fairly standard. I too have a high pain threshold and quite honestly couldnt remember a particularly bad visit to the dentist as a youngster, though of course none were pleasant then, so couldn't understand why I had such a phobia.

Anyhow as I said in an earlier message, you have made a tremendous start by coming here and opening up. You will find it so much easier to write down your fears and concerns and either email them if possible to a dentist before you make an appointment to gauge their reaction, or when you have been able to make an appointment, perhaps on the phone, to hand them to the dentist at first appointment.

You may be feeling now that to move forward is absolutely impossible - again so many of us have thought that. But.. you have wonderful motivation, you are young and have your whole life ahead of you and honestly having healthy teeth will change your life completely to the point where you will have girlfriends queueing up for you. So keep reading here, keep posting, try and keep positive and you will get there.
 
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