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Regrets and Shame



Junior member
Mar 15, 2022
Manila, Philippines
Hi, I discovered this community by googling possible dental health problems I have thus making me anxious haha. Um so I just want to vent and express my anxious feelings about my situation. I don't know if I already have periodontitis because my gums are so bad and often bleed since I was 10, as far as I remember. Being a child, I didn't care about oral hygiene so I neglected myself. My mom used to take care of my hygiene back then until she got diagnosed with cancer so my parents didn't have the time to check on me as they were always in the hospital. After my mom died when I was 9, my father and I became so distant. He did not take me to the dentist and I thought it was normal to have very crooked teeth and braces are just for esthetic reasons only. I admit, not brushing my teeth often became a habit when I was a child and that's surely one of the reasons for my poor dental health. So my teeth are terrible and my gums are receding for a long time. I am 18 now. My first visit to the dentist is when I was 16 because I begged my father for a dental check-up, however, he didn't seem to care and my grandma was the one who accompanied me. I've been there only twice because my father wasn't willing to pay for it. And every time I voice out my concerns, he says "what do you want me to do with it?" It makes me feel bad, honestly. I feel like I'm just a burden to him. I'm not saying that he's neglectful, he provides me education and brings food to the table but when it comes to this issue and giving emotional support, I feel so neglected. We don't talk that much. I've never been to therapy but I know I have so many issues to deal with, especially about the death of my mom at a young age.

I want to fix my teeth because it's affecting my self-esteem. I said to myself that I will convince my father to take me to the dentist but the pandemic happen and it affected us financially. My teeth makes me feel so ugly. I cannot smile with my teeth because I became so self-conscious. I don't know if my friends don't really notice how bad my teeth are or they're just pretending. I think too much. Last Saturday, I woke up with a bump on my gum and this alarms me so much. This is the reason why my father already agreed to take me to the dentist on Thursday. I feel so ashamed of myself because I feel like it's all my fault why my teeth are terrible. I brush my teeth twice a day now. The only thing that I can do with my gums is to gargle warm water with salt. It's also hard to brush my teeth because they are crooked so I have plaques that need to be removed. My situation makes me suicidal and I feel like I should just end it all because no one is there for me, and by being dead I can stop being a financial burden to my father. I'm so nervous about my upcoming appointment because I feel like the dentist is going to judge me and my teeth are the worst thing he'd see. I've been crying a lot these past few days because I feel so stupid and worthless. After all, I neglected myself. I'm so afraid of what will be the diagnosis because what if my father can't afford it? What if it's too late and I'll lose all of my teeth? I already convinced myself that I will wear dentures at a young age and it just makes me feel so bad about myself. I don't know what will happen but I'm so afraid. I feel like I already ruined my life. I feel like my situation won't get better no matter what I'd do so thoughts like not being able to get a job because of bad teeth scares me so much. I'm also the eldest so the expectations are just so overwhelming. It's difficult to not think of worst-case scenarios. :( It's a mix of dental and mental health issues.

(Also, sorry for the grammar because I'm not a native speaker)


May 21, 2021
United states
Hi nostalgictoast. First off, please, please know that this can be fixed. you’re worthy and loved in this world, and there is help if you’re feeling suicidal thoughts. I’m so sorry you lost your mom. I know my parents would only take us to the dentist when something was wrong and not for check,ups as they couldn’t afford it. That’s where my fear came in. Just know that the dentist is not judging you. They’re there to fix your teeth and get you healthy. They won’t be the worst they’ve seen, and don’t be ashamed about a situation that was beyond your control. I think you’ll be pleased that you’ll probably need far less work than you think. Hang in there, and Please talk to someone counts or friend for the support you need.

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