Scared

[Amyx]

Hi all
I've been a bit of a lurker on here for about 3 years.
I'm 36, a mum to an 8 year old. I've not been to the dentist for about 18 years..I know I know!! My back teeth are all rotten down to the gums and now one of my front ones had a hole in and now part of it has broken off ?? I'm in the UK and options are very limited.
I've signed up to an NHS dentist about 8 month ago buy can't see anyone till November 2022. I'm obviously terrified I'm going to lose this tooth and my partner to go with it.
My main issue now with dentists is embarrassment as my teeth are DISGUSTING!!
I don't actually know what to do, my dentist do a scheme called my options which is cheaper than going private or I may have to look at going private if all else fails.
I'm just such a panicked mess at the mo, I can't speak to my boyfriend boyfriend about it as it causes arguments so I think the only option is to get a loan out and get this sorted once and for all.
Anyone been through similar or have any magical words of support? I can't ring the de tist till next week as I'm at home on my own with my daughter being the school holidays ?
Thanks for reading xx

 

[Enarete]

Hi Amys ,

so sorry to read about your situation. November 2022 sounds insane . I‘m not very familiar with the system in the UK, so can‘t offer any idea, but hopefully someone experienced replies soon.
It sounds like your dental fear causes some turmoil in your relationship. May I ask you what makes you fear that your partner may go with the tooth? For people who do not suffer from dental fear, it‘s often difficult to grasp how much of an impact it can have, so please feel free to write and vent here - we all know how much courage it takes to see a dentist and nobody here will hold you a lecture.
Hang in there and keep us posted. I will keep my fingers crossed for you to be able to get help soon.

All the best wishes

 

[Amyx]

Thank you for your reply.
He isn't familiar with the fear and how difficult it is, I struggle to speak about the dentist without feeling ill and panicky. I think it will bring our relationship to a head ?

 

[Nicci]

Hi,
That's a long wait for the dentist. I gave up on my NHS one tbh. He gave me a filling to replace one that fell out, yet failed to address the decay on the front of the tooth.. now I have to go back in to get it drilled again.. all after the nerve was fired up for 3mo the first time.

Nothing was done to address issues on front teeth for years, inc decay on a front tooth that they wanted to leave.

I'm now paying a fortune privately. I'm trying to spread the appointments out, the first was £90, then £200 this month, I may need a root canal.. goodness knows how much that may cost, I darent even look.
I was quoted 5k to replace back teeth, but I just need to address this pain. It's relentless. I'm utterly miserable with it, it's been an issue for 3 years, maybe even 5, I've lost track. I feel I'm on the verge of depression tbh. Anyway, point is - you have my sympathy and I know how miserable it can be, esp when issues with front teeth develop.

Perhaps it's worth ringing around and seeing if they offer payment plans, that seems better than a loan?

I'm curious to know why you both argue over it? You need someone supportive, not sure why you don't have that.
I appreciate your concerns over losing him, but if he can't accept you have dental issues there's something wrong and its not with you x

 

[Amyx]

It's just so disappointing isn't it. I tried to get an NHS dentist for 4 years!!
I've spoken about a few payment plans but the amount of work I'd need is so extensive I'm not sure they'd cover it.

Poor you suffering with pain for that long, it doesnt seem right does it.

His opinion is that he's been telling me to go to the dentist for years and I never went. Partly due to money, partly due to fear and lately due to embarrassment.

Would you recommend going private? At least then I don't have to spend so much time worrying and fretting over what will be. It'll cost an absolute fortune but maybe it's worth it ?‍ xx

 

[Sunshine2]

I would absolutely recommend going private. Yes,it does cost more but the care and treatment is well worth it especially if you're a nervous patient like me. ?
A lot of them offer payment plans. You could check out Denplan. ATB

 

[Nicci]

Just try and have a conversation with him, stay as calm as you can. My husband is very opinionated and has a way of shutting me down or making me feel like I'm wrong, even about things such as my own feelings.. Just be honest about how afraid you were/are and that the 'I told you to go earlier' really doesn't help.
I mean let's be honest, most of us here would've gone earlier, hindsight is a wonderful thing. I wish I'd have looked after my teeth better.. I also wish I'd not been treated by not very good dentists who fueled my fears.. we all have reasons, financial, physical, mental.. not sure it really matters in the end, we just need support and help.

My first private one was all about the money, whitening, straightening.. little about my fears, concerns or what I needed. So that was money wasted, despite checking reviews etc etc. So go with your gut. I probably should've pushed for my money back, but I'm too anxious over it all to make a fuss.
The one I see now seems better, not as fancy a place but does seem to listen.

I'm sure there are great NHS dentists out there, I've seen one or two, but I just don't feel they are able to give the time/care that's needed when you have a mouth will quite a few issues. That's my opinion anyway x

I hope your boyfriend will be kinder towards your situation x

 

[Amyx]

Thank you for the replies ?
Think I just need to put my girl pants on and get on with it. I'm spending literally 4/5 hours a day thinking about what's ifs and worrying. It's making me so miserable. As for my boyfriend, he will never understand it but maybe he doesn't need to, it's my issue to deal with and get sorted ?
Gosh if only we could turn back time it'd be such a different story ? xx

 

[Enarete]

Sounds like a good plan. I promise your dentist won‘t find your teeth disgusting. If you decide to schedule somewhere, your anxiety and thoughts will likely get a bit worse for some time, but once you‘ve done it, you will be not only happy with your smile, but proud of yourself for conquering your fears as well.