Shaking like a jelly and feeling like a hypocrite!

[Aldridge]

OK, so my last check-up was October 4th 2011 and I got a 12-month break, which seemed like forever at the time. I got a reminder card from the surgery at the end of August, which I filed in the letter rack, and every day since then I have come up with all sorts of reasons why I couldn't phone them just yet. None of them were really true, I was just back at square one after such a long time away. Today is a year to the day, so I should have been there by today, and I thought if I don't book now, I'll get a card saying "overdue" and that would be mega-humiliating. I picked up the phone and called them (had to sit down to do it because my legs were going from under me) and requested a morning appointment, hoping they would say, "We're into November now" but she gave me next Wednesday morning (10th). IT'S NOT EVEN A WEEK! I am shaking like a jelly, feel sick, can't imagine how I will get through the surgery door, and now I feel like a right hypocrite for posting on here telling other people, "You can do it!" I feel like a complete fraud.

 

[Kim]

Come on matey - we have all been there, done that, and will continue to do that each and every time we have to go back to get something or another done. You are not a fraud at all, you are a really good person who has a dental phobia and genuine fear.

I am sure if you can cast your mind back to that year ago, you will recall that the wait was the worst part, and the feeling of elation when you walked back out of that surgery door, having got through it in the first place

You will get to that point again, but it is only natural for you to have those same fears come rushing back to you. I am glad in a way, that the appointment is sooner for you rather than later, as you will be all done and dusted I am sure in time for the festive season to begin, and not sitting there worrying about an appointment that is weeks away.

We will be with you through all of this, and will offer as much encouragement as we can to get you through this - and look at me, I am really good at dishing out all this, the same as a lot of us on here, but when it comes to me, whoa, different kettle of fish altogether. But together we will all get through and come out on the other side, besides, got to keep our phobia's fed somehow

Take care hun, and well done on picking up that phone, I know how hard that is too

Kim

 

[Aldridge]

Thank you, Kim, that's such a lovely reply and the bit about "got to keep our phobias fed somehow" made me chuckle (which I would have said was pretty nigh on impossible at the moment). I guess, having been deprived of fodder for a year, my phobia has woken up ravenous. It helps to think of it like that. You write so beautifully, you have a real gift. Thank you again.

 

[Kim]

Bless you sweetie for that - and I am glad I made you chuckle - job well done if that happens as it is a bonus

The week will speed by I am sure, your nerves will be in tatters for a bit, but just think, this time next week, you will be breathing a huge sigh of relief

 

[kitkat]

You are not a hypocrite Aldridge! You picked up that phone and made an appointment didn't you? I don't think that being fearless and encouraging others to be fearless is what this forum is about. It's about being fearful, accepting it and working through it, and doing what you have to do anyway. I know that regardless of how scared you are, you will do it and that is what inspires people! That is what is encouraging to people! Not the people who tell them to go when it's like a trip to the grocery store for them; quite frankly those people annoy me! Those people aren't courageous...you have to be afraid of something first to be courageous. Having no fear and having courage are two entirely different things. We all have our ups and downs, I had a really REALLY difficult time with my anxiety at my last appointment because of the amount of time that had lapsed where I did not need any treatment. I got a little down on myself about it but it happens to the best of us; we put it behind us and we move forward. We lean on each other here for support and offer support when it's not our turn! The goal is maintaining our dental health not being brave; so as long as we get treatment it's okay to be shaking like a leaf!

 

[Aldridge]

Thank you, kitkat! It's interesting and a big help to me to hear that you were also really anxious after a long break from the dental surgery; maybe we should just move in there, lol. I was worried that I was one of those people who are good at talking the talk, but won't walk the walk, as the saying goes. It's all very odd because I do have every confidence in my dentist; it's myself I don't have confidence in, if that makes any sense at all. The fantastic support on here from people who really understand helps tremendously. Without it, I would still feel like I'm the only person who doesn't see it as just like a trip to the grocery store! I do see what you mean about having no fear and having courage being two entirely different things. My friend and I keep our horses in adjacent stables. My friend is terrified of spiders and if she sees an enormous one lurking in her stable, she asks me to catch it, so I go in, catch it in my hands, admire it and let it go at a suitable distance. She says I am really brave and I say no, I'm not, because I've always been fond of spiders. I think they're lovely. What WOULD be brave is her picking one up! I guess with some folk, spiders are the bogeymen, and with other folk, it's dentists...Mind you, I'm scared of wasps as well...My biggest nightmare would be a wasp getting into the dental surgery while I was in there; I wouldn't know where to run.
,

 

[kitkat]

Thank you, kitkat! It's interesting and a big help to me to hear that you were also really anxious after a long break from the dental surgery; maybe we should just move in there, lol.

When I first started with my dentist I needed many fillings and so was seeing her on at least a monthly basis and got very comfortable with treatment for awhile (relatively more relaxed and sometimes even totally relaxed by mid-appointment). My last appointment was for replacing a filling and placing another new filling after not having any fillings for over a year. I was soo nervous that my dentist actually offered me a stress ball to squeeze about halfway through the appointment and she kept stopping to check if I was having pain because I was so tense that she presumed I must be having discomfort. I had to keep reassuring her that it was just the sounds/environment making me tense. Kinda funny when the patient has to keep reassuring the dentist that everything is okay! It's one of those "it's not you, it's me!" scenarios. I was just getting caught up in my own head.

It's all very odd because I do have every confidence in my dentist; it's myself I don't have confidence in, if that makes any sense at all.

I think I see what you are saying here. Like I said above about being caught up in my own head. My dentist is lovely and I know she will do everything that she can to ease my fears but just the environment makes me tremble. My fear really does not have much to do with her, she's just associated with the environment/situation if anything she helps things outside of the fact that she is a dentist. I do not fear her though specifically and usually calm down quite a bit when she starts to do her thing.

I do see what you mean about having no fear and having courage being two entirely different things. My friend and I keep our horses in adjacent stables. My friend is terrified of spiders and if she sees an enormous one lurking in her stable, she asks me to catch it, so I go in, catch it in my hands, admire it and let it go at a suitable distance. She says I am really brave and I say no, I'm not, because I've always been fond of spiders. I think they're lovely. What WOULD be brave is her picking one up! I guess with some folk, spiders are the bogeymen, and with other folk, it's dentists...Mind you, I'm scared of wasps as well...My biggest nightmare would be a wasp getting into the dental surgery while I was in there; I wouldn't know where to run.

I'm afraid of spiders, wasps, and dentists but I can kill a spider without much hesitation unless it's the size of a tarantula. Then I tend to look like this !!!!

 

[Aldridge]

"I do not fear her though specifically and usually calm down quite a bit when she starts to do her thing."

Thank you again for your great support! You sound just like me. I usually calm down when things get going, but there were problems last time (as I have just written in a post to shamrockerin) and that's making me even more scared than usual this time. Our dentist dresses up as Santa at Christmas, to raise money for the local Lions Club, and he did the BBQ at the annual RNLI summer fundraiser...he is a really good guy...it's the whole surgery environment/situation that freaks me out. In a way, it makes me feel worse that I am a rubbish patient when he is about the most considerate dentist I've ever had, certainly the only one to set up a stop signal arrangement. It makes me feel guiltier for being nervous!

It made mewhen you wrote about spiders, as I had a sudden vision of trying to catch a dentist in one of those glass traps you can buy to catch spiders, wasps etc. from a safe distance. It would have to be a heck of a big trap...

 

[kitkat]

I read the other post you referenced:

Last time I went to our dentist was a year ago, for a check-up and he did some cleaning. It didn't go well. I just couldn't settle somehow, he seemed a bit rushed (running late) and he had a new assistant who wasn't very adept with the water suction. I had to swallow twice; it was either that or a mega-choking fit and that made me almost panic. I pulled away a bit - couldn't help it - and he thought he'd hurt me, and apologised to me. I felt so guilty about that (no dentist has ever said sorry to me before! and he wasn't the one who should have done!) that I sent him a letter saying it wasn't his fault. I said I'd had a bit of a sore throat and swallowing made me wince. (Not the truth, but I didn't want to say it was feeling like I was drowning that did it!) I have my next check-up on Wednesday and I keep thinking, will he have my letter in with my records, will he mention it, will he think I'm really weird? All this in addition to the usual nerves...I know just how you feel. I'm spending half my day in the bathroom at the moment and the other half functioning like a zombie. A shaking, jellified zombie.

In a way, it makes me feel worse that I am a rubbish patient when he is about the most considerate dentist I've ever had, certainly the only one to set up a stop signal arrangement. It makes me feel guiltier for being nervous!

From what you have described, it sounds like you are pretty self-conscious about displaying your fears around your dentist. I have the exact same problem. My current dentist is also the first to arrange a stop signal with me...unfortunately, I typically only use it when I'm about to gag in a panic! But she always honors it and hey, that's what it's there for! She also tells me over and over again that it's there to use anytime I need it but I try to reserve it for dire circumstances (I guess I just don't like to be a bother). The last time I was unable to settle at my appointment she kept making comments about how nervous I was (well intended and not at all rude or mean-just out of concern for how I was doing and making suggestions to make me feel more comfortable). I felt bad because she cares so much and I'm concerned that she may interpret my nervousness as a lack of trust but that is not the case at all. Sadly, I think she's more comfortable discussing my fears than I am! My dentist startled me a little once with the air/water sprayer. I was just zoning out during a filling (probably searching for my happy place) and she usually warns me before stuff and it caught me by surprise and I jumped and she said "sorry, I didn't mean to scare you" and I felt so self-conscious for reacting that way to just air and water and obsessed about it for the rest of the appointment and how she must think I'm ridiculous. Anytime something little like that happens it really bothers me and I get down on myself for it. I appreciate that she's comfortable with my fears and addresses them even if I don't like to address them; since they really need to be addressed. I guess I'm just aware of my own over-reacting and less compassionate and understanding towards myself and my fears than my own dentist.

I also wonder sometimes what my dental records say about me! Especially when I have had a particularly difficult treatment! I'm glad I'm not the only person who is concerned about how they may look down on paper! I don't think he will mention your last appointment. Even though, it seems like a big deal, they see much worse reactions than yours and he probably hardly remembers from a year ago. I also tend to worry after a difficult appointment if it will come up at my next appointment and she never says anything. In fact, once after several appointments where I had been really anxious I had a particularly difficult time when she went to start a filling and my lip was quivering so much that she could not start the work. She turned to her assistant and said "She's never been like this before..." a bit surprised. My first thought was "oh no! I've topped myself this time!" But all of the other times prior to that seemed like a really big deal to me and obviously they never left a lasting impression on her because she was surprised when I acted that way which is in some ways comforting.

It made mewhen you wrote about spiders, as I had a sudden vision of trying to catch a dentist in one of those glass traps you can buy to catch spiders, wasps etc. from a safe distance. It would have to be a heck of a big trap...

My reaction to dentists and large spiders are really quite similar and I think this is also my favorite smiley of all time!

 

[Aldridge]

Thank you again, kitkat; you DO sound exactly like me! Any little upset winds me up and then I feel ashamed and embarrassed, especially as I do like my dentist and I wouldn't want him to think I didn't trust him when he has always been good to me. I feel like I've let both him and myself down if there are any hiccups, so of course it's double the guilt trip. Maybe you and I are too hard on ourselves?
Dental records; oh Lord, I dread to think what mine say. "Fifty Shades of Nervousness"? A new bestseller in the making? You have to laugh or you'd cry.
I will post how things go on Wednesday. It might help someone else in a similar position. I hope so anyway. Back to my hiding place now...that is my favourite smiley!

 

[FearfulInMA]

I also find that I'm most anxious after long breaks. It really doesn't matter what the procedure is. Even for a cleaning, after a long break, I'm a mess. Like Kitkat, when I started going to my current dentist I had to have a lot of dental work done and I was there pretty much every week. I would still get nervous each time, but not nearly as bad as when I started. Then in August of this year I had to in for a cleaning and I was a mess for 2 months beforehand. I also have total confidence in my dentist and almost alway 'settle in' once he starts working, but the time leading up to appts is horrendous. So I too am glad for you that you don't have to wait long for your appt. I also feel quite badly that I continue to be such and anxious patient b/c I know that it makes my dentist feel bad.

I do think that, on the subject of courage, I totally agree with all that's been said above. We are all here b/c we have fears and we all have times that we are able to provide support and encouragement to others b/c we know how difficult it can be just to get in The Chair. That being said, providing support and encouragement doesn't mean that we no longer have our own struggles. And, I think that we all know, when encouraging others to do the things that they thought they never could, how relieved they will feel once they've done it. And, you will feel relief too!

All the best to you!

 

[Aldridge]

Thank you for such a lovely post. It is reassuring to know I'm not the only person who freaks out just at a check-up/cleaning appointment after a long break. It was making me feel bad that there are people on here facing much bigger procedures without wimping out as much as I am at this moment. Hopefully, I will be able to write a happier post on Wednesday and hopefully that will help to support someone else.
I really want to be able to use that "victory" smiley...

 

[Kim]

I have often referred to myself as the BIGGEST wimp ever, and now I just know that I am I have been following your thread and chuckled about the spiders and wasps, 'cos I get in a right old pickle over those too - I even had a time at work not so long ago, when I went to the loo, just got myself 'comfortable' and saw what I could only describe as a tarantula sitting in the corner staring at me I couldn't even begin my business because of it, so quickly got myself out of that loo and sought a hero to step in Now, his version of the tarantula and my version of it are two totally different things. He said it was more like a money spider (it wasn't) but to me, if you have a spider who looks like this ^0^ but a bit bigger and with legs like that are all around it, then it is of the tarantula family and not to be messed with

There is a point to what I am trying to say, in that we are not wimps for getting into a state of going to the dentist, we are just people who have a genuine fear. The fact that if we had any other 'problem' we may get a lot more people sit up and take notice. Because for some strange reason our fear is of the dentist and or procedures, a lot of people just cant grasp it.

I can't even believe that I got myself in such a state on Saturday when I went to see Lincoln on my own. But I did, and I will probably be the same again (maybe not so bad as I will have company) on Wednesday, and I'm not having any fillings, extractions, cleanings done, so I am not going to beat myself up over it. It is what it is, and I am what I am - doesn't make me a worse human being than the next

So missus, chin up, deep breaths, you will feel so much better after Wednesday is out of the way.

Kim xx

 

[Aldridge]

Thank you, Kim, you made me laugh so much I nearly spluttered my tea on the keyboard. Hubby and I are still debating whether the THING he evicted from the kitchen for me yesterday was a wasp or a hornet.
Him: It was a wasp and not a very big one at that.
Me: It was right in my face and it was a HORNET.
Him: Hornets are a)massive and b)very uncommon.
Me: If that was a wasp, it's on steroids.
And so the debate continues...
What time is your appointment on Wednesday? Then I can send you good vibes...
I've read some of Lincoln's posts on here. He sounds a lovely guy. Seems to me that having a lovely person as your dentist actually backfires sometimes in that you feel bad for being nervous with them even though they are not trying to pin you down and attack you with a pair of pliers.
Wishing you a spider-free week...xx

 

[Kim]

Ha ha - I have decided - we no longer need weapons of mass destruction, we just need to arm ourselves with spiders, wasps/hornets and dentists - we'd have no problems with anyone giving us grief then

10.30 on Wednesday for me, what time for you? Yes Lincoln is a lovely bloke, and Jean also - but not a bloke and I have had a lifetime of feeling guilty about one thing or another, so having a nice dentist is just another thing on my list

And as for your hubby, well he is a bloke, so he will inevitably think he is right - hah, what does he know

I've made you laugh twice (at least) in one week, and this is from someone who didn't think she would

 

[Aldridge]

Yes, your posts have made me laugh out loud and I am very grateful for that and for all the support from DFC.
My appointment is 10.15, quite close to yours; can't "do" afternoon ones, lol.
My old school dentist was definitely a weapon of mass destruction. I am not sure I would even wish him on my worst enemy. I like your idea though...

 

[Kim]

Well missus, how did you get on today, have been thinking about you

 

[apples]

Well missus, how did you get on today, have been thinking about you

Hi Aldridge,
I've been following your posts and am just wondering how you got on today. I've been thinking of you and sending courageous thoughts your way, did you get them!

 

[Aldridge]

I thought about you too, as I was dawdling down to the surgery...how did you get on?
It's really sweet of you to post me a message.
I guess I can post this in that I was a shaking wreck in the waiting room, and the 20-minute delay didn't help any, but once I got in the surgery, I was actually what passes as reasonably relaxed for me. I realised about halfway through that I hadn't got my hands clenched into fists, which is a first.
It was so funny though; after the cleaning work was done and I'd cleaned myself up, I was poised on the very edge of The Chair, ready for my Olympic take-off back to reception when he said he wanted to do some X-rays and I had to lie back again...talk about gutted. He said he would look at them and phone me if anything was wrong. I have thought for the last year that there is a wisdom tooth trying to get through at an angle - I can feel the point on it under the gum - so I don't know if that's what he's really looking at. So myis tempered with a little.
I think I am addicted to these smileys.
Something else that was funny...when I got into the waiting room, there was a lady huddled up in one corner, legs crossed, pretending to be absorbed in a magazine. I thought, yep, you're scared too. I sat in the opposite corner, legs crossed, pretending to be absorbed in a magazine. After about 10 minutes, my IBS kicked in as expected and whimpered for attention. Usually, there's music on, but today there wasn't. I was mortified! I felt myself go really red. Then, from the opposite corner, came an answering whimper! It was so good to be with a fellow worrier. Usually, everyone else is as cool as blimmin' cucumbers.
The dentist never mentioned my letter, but he did seem extra kind and gentle today. I must put him in the Recommended section on here.
Anyway, I've rambled on, as ever: just 2 more sentences:
THANK YOU to everyone. I would not have got there without your support.
ANYONE WHO IS THINKING THEY CAN'T DO IT, YES, YOU CAN.

 

[Aldridge]

Hi apples,
Thank you so very much! Your post crossed with mine. I think your courageous thoughts must have bypassed me in the waiting room, lol, and got to me in the surgery. Thanks again and