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Sherrie's journal - a journy to trying to defeat dental phobia.

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ACNLGal2013

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Chapter 1

Thanks mostly due to bad genetics, here i am with bad teeth. Not bad enough to qualify for "worst teeth" but bad enough to be an embarrassment.

I am currently freaked out to the max about the whole concept of going to the dentist even though i should and part of me is going "GO GO GO!" since my aunts offering to pay! I tried pushing it WAY to the back of my brain and focus on my hobbies instead but after my aunt, once again, recently offered, it's come bubbling up to the front my brain and i still am unsure what to do.

I guess my story starts when i was younger and did a lot of teeth grinding and had to get those sliver caps. over the years, i have blocked the dental work from my brain but i was papoosed at least a couple times which sticks out in my mind.

Over the years, I've had teeth break and never went. mostly a money issue along with having to help with my grandparents.

End chapter one.

Chapter 2 coming soon.
 
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ACNLGal2013

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Here's my current case: I can no longer deny that I need to go and that it should be sooner then later. After the first offer from my aunt of she'd pay, I began putting more series effort into unlocking the mysteries locked away deep into my brain of my phobias/issues.

I made a ton of progress but after about a month, the whole subject of the dentist got forgotten as my mother and aunt went in for their appointments plus mom's healing time. Mom got her bottom denture work which took a while to heal(and per my crappy luck, it's my bottom teeth that are worse) and my aunt started her progress of top dentures which she got the work done yesterday.

Well, the topic came back up on Tuesday and I froze. the problem is that the stage of "I THINK i'm ready" is something I never reached last time b4 I went on hiatus. Somehow the topic got dropped again but I don't think i'll get away with it a third time.

You can't believe how bad part of my brain is screaming "just call tomorrow and set an appointment up for Monday afternoon and get it over with!"(Monday morning is a no go due to 2 dogs going in to the vet for their yearly the morning plus one pup for a weigh in[rat terrier trio]) but it's like when I try to run to the side of "DO IT!", I feel like i'm getting bungeed back to the side of "I"M NOT DOING IT!"

I think part of the thing not helping is mom is automatically thinking that i'll want to do like she did and do local numbing. yea right! i'll have to figure out how to bring it up in conversation but i'll probably go to her dentist for an idea of what I need to have done(i.e. the first visit) but odds are that i'll either wind up talking to another dentist since hers doesn't do iv sedation or i'll be talking to here's about heavy oral sedation.

I've got low pain tolerance, I hate people in my personal space, and I got a dental phobia so I don't know what makes her think i'd even think about the only local route. a snowball has a better chance in hell then me going the local route.

End chapter 2

Chapter 3 coming ???

EDIT: included is an image of the current state of my teeth. there's still another 2 or 3 teeth on the top row towards the back but it's hard to photograph those.
 

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ACNLGal2013

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:hidesbehindsofa: Chapter 3

Well, unless something comes between today and Monday morning, i'll be calling first thing Monday to get my appointment for the afternoon lined up.

I've been pretty much doing nothing but looking up first visit/office tour videos and I've come to realize that if I don't at least try to do the first appointment now, i'll probably find myself thinking next year "crap, why didn't I do it last year and get it over with"

I am still not sure if i'll have the guts to go through with more then the first visit or if i'll stick with the guy mom used since I still don't know if i'll take the iv sedation route(not available at moms) or heavy sedation but I have got to try.
 
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kittykat

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have you tried looking at the find a dentist thread? you might be able to find one in your area that youd like if you dont want to go to the one your mom goes to
 
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ACNLGal2013

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have you tried looking at the find a dentist thread? you might be able to find one in your area that youd like if you dont want to go to the one your mom goes to
my plan is that if I try mom's guy first and if I like him and have enough confidence in him, I might just do oral sedation.

If I decide I want the iv sedation route, there is a guy I saw online who offers it in Lafayette.

I tried the find a dentist thread but no luck for a Louisiana gal.
 
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ACNLGal2013

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Chapter 3.5 - current thoughts.

t-minus 9.5 hours till the office opens and then it'll be time to call. Kind of hoping that I can get an afternoon appointment for that day and get it over with b4 I change my mind. Would LOVE a morning appointment but the problem is that we have something else going on in the morning.

Have spent the better part of the last 2 days doing random surfing online just to try to kill time and NOT trying to chicken out. Dentist office tours on youtube, child first visits on youtube, reading here on the forums, random videos online, and just trying to keep busy.

also managed to kill a little time after I realized that the last day I played animal crossing new leaf was the 26th so I time traveled to the 27th and played through each day until I got to today so I could make sure no one was sneaking out and so I could make progress on earning the mannequins from Mable and sable. Got the one from sable but am literaly ONE clothing item from getting one from Mable. REALLY?

Would be nice if I could send my teeth with mom and stay here. Can you blame a person for wishing?

Current game plan is to go brush, round up a few things for tomorrow, and try to get some sleep.

going to be a long freaking day.
 
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ACNLGal2013

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Chapter 3.75 D-day

Got an appointment for this afternoon. Geez it's going to be a long freaking day.

I got to get 2 dogs washed for a vet appointment that's this morning, we got my appointment for this afternoon for me, and we still have grocery shopping to do! ARGH!
 
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ACNLGal2013

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not really a chapter but more of a vent scenario:

While mom and I are alike in a lot of ways, in some ways I question how we can bet from the same gene pool.

she is thinking that i'll go out there today and make up my mind and maybe even do the molds today. I try to say no and she keeps pushing that the work can't wait any longer.

Problem is she's refusing to listen to the fact that I want to go today, get my options, then decide for sure another time.

plus she still thinks i'll be nuts enough to go through with it with just local numbing! If I wanted to be a fricking pincushion and be aware of it, i'd go get a tattoo! No way and im doing that! i'll take having crap teeth for the rest of my life b4 I take the local numbing route. Don't know if i'll go with oral sedation and getting the work done with him or going with iv from another dentist office but that's all part of the "exploring my options" category.
 
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ACNLGal2013

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Chapter 4 - survived the first visit...kind of

got a total of 3 xrays. one was the one where you stand at it goes 360 around your head plus 2 side views from one that was in the room. I didn't wait that long for the dentist(less then 10 minutes) but it felt longer.

Dentist chair was pretty comfy actually and when they did the whole looking in my mouth(once for an over view and once for tooth notes for what needs to be done) it actually wasn't that bad. decided to close my eyes while they were doing it since I don't like bright lights in my face.

he was beginning to talk about the work that'd need to be done and mom said about how I always hated dentists and when I was younger, I refused to open my mouth and had to be gassed and papoosed for needed work(dental phobia origin mystery solved!) at a different dentist and the dentist we saw today said that he could also quote us for an oral surgeon. NOTE: THANK YOU DENTIST! You get me!!!

Total amount of work that needs to be done is 15 extractions(ACK!), 2 fillings(EEP!), and upper and lower partials(could of been worse). Mom and I seriously almost got into a fight at the check out area. She is still trying to push to go through with all that work with only local numbing and maybe a valium b4 hand and wouldn't listen to the concept of an oral surgeon b/c it'd be more money!

I mean she seriously tried to do the "well, your aunt and I did it just fine" excuse while she was trying convice me to convice me to do the local numbing route! I am not her, I am not my aunt, I am ME!!!

mom and I are currently at a stalemate. I'm refusing to do the local numbing route, even if with oral sedation route, now that I know the extent and unless she changes her mind, she's being stubborn on the whole concept of an O.S.(o.s. = oral surgeon) So said, we are going to do a "sit down and talk" tomorrow. I tried to stop it bc it tends to be a sit down and ARGUE case but she claims that's not going to happen.

At this point, until we can figure out what to do, I decided to cut out almost all snacks(probably will be all once I finish my jalapeno popper flavored curls and the last pack of poptarts from the box I got) and even decided to take the desperate measure of skipping some meals just to try to prevent any further teeth damage and swinging things to moms side.

Look. I get we aren't the richest but is trying to force me to go the local numbing route, probably just b/c it works out to be a cheaper compared to the O.S. route really going to do me any good? All it's done is make me go from the side of "maybe I do want my teeth worked on" back to the "no f'ing way am I doing it"!

When I went in, I wasn't sure if i'd do the oral sedation route or the talk to another dentist about iv sedation. Once I learned the extent of the work and he said something about talking to an O.S., I instantly remembered reading that online. mom once again tried to talk me into the local numbing route and I point blank told her in front of the dentist about how I had been looking at oral surgeon stuff online 2months ago.

Side note: if it comes down to her way or no way, i'll take my chances and stick with my crappy teeth until I can find a way to get the money together myself.
 
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kittykat

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oral surgery can be pretty traumatic, especially with a lot of teeth taken out at once. some times they have to use instruments that are very loud. for a phobic patient, i would definable suggest IV sedation. it is the best option because if you get scared during the treatment, all of the courage you have built up will be lost instantly. i know that a lot dentists will let you pay in installments, sort of like buying a car, so you dont have to pay all of the money up front.

i think it would be a very good investment to save up for the IV sedation. it will benefit you greatly.
 
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ACNLGal2013

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Not really a chapter... more of morning thoughts.

Didn't sleep well last night. Stress of the whole situation is getting to me.

Haven't eating since early yesterday afternoon and still not hungry. Will have to force myself to eat lunch since I know from a past experience of not skipping meals(either by accident or not hungry) that my cut off point is no more then 22-24 hour mark w/ no food b4 I begin feeling bad. when I go to set up lunch at noon, that'll be at the 23 hour point. Thinking about doing noodles for lunch but after cooking them, letting them bloat up into "spongebob noodles"(lots of water absorbed into them) to make them easier to eat.
 
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kittykat

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eat soft food like pudding. i dont eat when im anxious either.

getting a prescription for ativan from your doc will help with the sleeplessness
 
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ACNLGal2013

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I've been trying. Like lunch today was noodles, hot dog slices, and canned peas and that's probably all i'll eat today since i'm just not even hungry. I wasn't hungry for lunch but had to eat since I know that 24 hours is the cap on not eating b4 I began feeling bad(I was right at that point today) and I am still not hungry.

Mom's still on the "we need to talk" kick and she put the deadline by Monday. Thankfully by then, she'll probably have dropped that subject or got sidetracked but she's STILL on the subject of just doing local numbing, maybe valium. She can keep dreaming!

She knows I hate dentists and she knows I hate needles and she saw yesterday that as soon as I could I was making bolting for the truck so i'd love to know what makes her think I could handle 15 extractions, 2 fillings, and a cleaning with just local numbing, MABYE a valium also.
 
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ACNLGal2013

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25 but the thing is that I've always been the type of person to be extremely sensitive to this type of stuff.

I hate feeling like a chicken but look, maybe mom or my aunt could tolerate this sort of stuff but I can't and I really don't appreciate mom trying to force me into the local numbing route when that's something I know I couldn't tolerate or it's even almost at the point she's trying to bribe me into it.

I mean seriously, she knows I am a big time lego fan and she recently tried to do the "are there any sets that are over 100 dollars that'd you'd want to keep you busy after you get your work done" routine like she's trying to lure me into going into to get my work done sooner then later. ARGH!

Thankfully though, I saw right through what she was trying to do and the fact of the matter is this on top of that: There aren't any $100+ sets(or even really a combo to make it to $100, even just with getting parts from a site I use once in a while) that I even need or really want.

However, I do have a correction about dinner tonight. I am going to have the last pack of poptarts. I am beginning to try and become less paranoid about food but the problem is that I am going to have to be extra careful what I do eat until mom and I can come to some agreement.
 
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kittykat

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as an adult, your parents can't force you to do something you dont want to do. if you dont feel comfortable having the procedure without IV sedation then dont do it. i had a lot of problems with my parents acting like my phobia wasnt a big deal. they didnt understand the severity of my case. if you give in, im worried that you might have a traumatic experience and your fear will grow worse
 
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ACNLGal2013

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Chapter 5 --- Why do I even bother to try to stand up for myself anymore?

After wasting the better part of the last 2 days trying to stand up for what I believe in, even going as far as even saying "lets find an IV sedation dentist for my work", i'm still getting forced to go through with the guy I saw yesterday with a combo of local numbing, valium, and laughing gas since he's within driving distance(moms excuse, technically there's at least 2 dentists over in Lafayette that does iv sedation but we'd have to ask for a ride from a relative since mom isn't a fan of driving there) plus I must of not heard him but mom said he was saying something about periodontal disease or something like that problem possibly going on.

as far as not hearing him, cut me some slack! I was stuck on my back like a turtle, trying to resist the urge to flee, and thinking "ok, what's coming next". I know that it was just x-rays and looking at my teeth 2x but from my point of view, it was just so much to take in at once.

Yes, the guy is sweet and was really gentle at the first visit[and not that bad looking also ;)] but I am freaking out here! that'll be a cleaning, 2 fillings, and 15 extractions!!! I know i'll have valium in my system plus the local numbing plus the gas but that's still a lot for me to mentally process. I'd rather go through my tonsillectomy again. Not joking, that was an f'ing cakewalk compared what this will be. And actually the worst part of the tonsillectomy was healing from the throat pain!

Mom will be calling in the morning to see when I can go for the molding process.

am defiantly having a "why was I born into this family gene pool disaster" moment. Grandparents on moms side had full dentures, mom has full dentures, my aunt(grandma's sister) has uppers, fathers history i don't know(they divorced when I was 5 and i haven't talked to him since I graduated high school) and now i'm getting 2 partials! Why me!

Anyone wanna take my place? :innocent::innocent::innocent::innocent:
 
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kittykat

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i think you should still stand up for yourself. as an adult they cant force you to go. if i were you, i wouldnt get in my moms car.

the dentist seems nice, but if youre going to go through with it, make sure that the valium actually works for you BEFORE the day of the surgery. for me, valium sends me into a panic attack, whereas ativan works like a charm
 
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ACNLGal2013

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i think you should still stand up for yourself. as an adult they cant force you to go. if i were you, i wouldnt get in my moms car.

the dentist seems nice, but if youre going to go through with it, make sure that the valium actually works for you BEFORE the day of the surgery. for me, valium sends me into a panic attack, whereas ativan works like a charm
I thought about trying to get out of it but then I thought "why should I even bother fighting". I could very well get tricked into going one way or the other. I don't drive yet(car I was learning with needs to get inspected plus cleaned out) so it's not like can just go somewhere I need to and I can't just stay around the house b/c i'll go stir crazy.
 
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ACNLGal2013

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Chapter 5.5 - D-day part 2. molds

Got an appointment for 2pm. Talk about a good way to lose weight! I kind of snacked last night but haven't eating since and still not hungry. Anxiety levels climbing at this point. Tried assembling the lego ninjago set I got(overborg attack) while listening to one of my utube play lists but that didn't really help. Just finished it a few minutes ago and anxiety levels are still climbing.

Apparently moms still trying to get on my good side b/c now the post procedure offer is standing at a lego shop.com order(would be b4 hand so we could get the order in), a video game that I really want(technically once it's out since it's not out for another 9 days), and while shes out shopping with my uncle this morning, she's going to check for uncle john bathroom readers and let me know what she's finds.

I'm still steamed with her but i'm not going to pass on the chance to knock out almost all of my lego want list(would just leave lego mixels Wave 2 this summer and a BrickLink order or 2), 1 of the games on my game wish list(3 on my list including that one and this one is the major one), plus a bathroom reader. I figured "Hey, I am officially screwed since I have to get it done moms way so why not get something out of it"

EDIT: correction, will be grabbing an early lunch today. Just noodles and hot dogs again. Not hungry but I don't know what the odds of me gagging or throwing up from the molding process and if that happens I don't think it'll do me any good to be throwing up stomach acid.

EDIT 2: Went. Turns out that first he wants to do the cleaning(will do it next week and got the valium in hand), THEN the molds. either a couple hours after the cleaning or the following week pending how I handle it THEN the extractions and fillings at some point after that.

:o :o :o :o :o :o
 
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