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Sherrie's journal - a journy to trying to defeat dental phobia.

carole

carole

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It seems that you are concentrating on what was and it is making you so depressed and down all the time, it isn't very good for you to be so angry about this all the time.

Could you try and concentrate on what you are dealing with now and get yourself comfortable with a new denture. There is so much life to live and it is a shame if you miss out on good things because of such a small part of your body. I know it is an important part and it does impact on every part of your life but you really need to try and get to a more positive way of dealing with this. You are going to make yourself ill with all this and it can be sorted out.

All the best to you :butterfly:
 
A

ACNLGal2013

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It seems that you are concentrating on what was and it is making you so depressed and down all the time, it isn't very good for you to be so angry about this all the time.

Could you try and concentrate on what you are dealing with now and get yourself comfortable with a new denture. There is so much life to live and it is a shame if you miss out on good things because of such a small part of your body. I know it is an important part and it does impact on every part of your life but you really need to try and get to a more positive way of dealing with this. You are going to make yourself ill with all this and it can be sorted out.

All the best to you :butterfly:
Problem is that what i'm dealing with now is non-functional partials and the inability to fully move myself back into dental Phobic-dom.

Its like the bulk of my brain is perfectly happy going back to being a dental phob. Things Get to the point that its stable. Its not like i'm back to my happy self 100% but things are looking up. Then its like this one part of my brain just explodes into "you need to go in for a cleaning/dental phob-dom isn't the answer" and things go back to being horrible. I hate it.

When it comes to the partials, i just wish i could flush them and get away with it. Seriously if it wouldn't be i don't want to start explaining it to mom, they would of gone white water rafting quite some time ago.

Trust me. I've tried being positive about things. I've lost track of the number of times i've gotten in fights with myself at night, crying myself to sleep in the process, trying to find anything positive. Trying to find any motive to keep me going.

The only positive thing I've been able to come up with is that giving the family history of bad teeth, there will very hopefully come the day that i will get to have full dentures.
 
carole

carole

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What is it about the partials that you cannot get used to? Would not a full denture just give you more problems?

It must be horrible to feel the way your partial is making you feel and I really hope that one day you will be happy with them. Would a new one help ? :butterfly:
 
A

ACNLGal2013

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What is it about the partials that you cannot get used to? Would not a full denture just give you more problems?

It must be horrible to feel the way your partial is making you feel and I really hope that one day you will be happy with them. Would a new one help ? :butterfly:

The partials feel really uncomfortable in my mouth. Having issues with 2 areas on the lower but am refusing to do anything about it since I've pretty much called it quits with dentists. And that's on top of the upper partials not functioning for eating and now the lowers are pretty much in that category as the result of one of the problems i'm having. Though reflecting on things, that's not saying much since the stupid thing only functioned for eating a mcdonalds kids meal(with gogurt, not the apple fries) anyway.

Judging by what I remember Both of my grandparents going through and what my mom and aunt experience, full dentures would be HEAVEN. Nothing stood in my grandparents way food wise and my aunt can eat anything.

Moms only problem is that once she can get the money together, she either needs to get a new lower denture or get it relined since its too loose. Even with Fixodent, it has fun popping loose on her. Not that much of a problem though since she can eat a lot of stuff fine w/o dentures(at home) or w/ just the upper plate if needed.

I doubt new ones will fix anything. My lower partial is the second one i got. The molds had to be redone about a week after lower extractions since the First partial was crooked. And the Top is... I don't even know how to classify it. Its not the original one but at the same time its not a completely new one. The fake "teeth" are the original ones AFAIK but the pink part and the wires had to be redone twice in November 2014.
 
carole

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Maybe if you could manage to see a dentist they could make a new set, I know you said you have given up on going to the dentist but I think the dentist that made the pair you have may not have made them properly for you.

You could always give it one last try to see a new dentist and see if they can do any better, whilst keeping the ones you have just in case things don't improve. You shouldn't be still having problems after all this time. It is very unfair on you to have to manage with ill fitting dentures.

I wish you all the best and if you don't feel like trying right now, maybe sometime in the future you will feel strong enough to deal with it all again. I hope so :grouphug::butterfly:
 
A

ACNLGal2013

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Honestly at this point, things are leaning way more in the favor of me giving up with dentists for good.... if my stupid brain would just let me.

I came close to throwing in the towel for good about 2 years. It was about the time frame that i had gotten the new lower partials and i was having problems w/ those from the start just as bad as the old ones. I had reached my breaking point and decided to pen one last note for my journal here, Like a "i give up. thanks to listening to my moaning. Sorry for wasting ya'lls time" thing. I was actually in the process of starting to write it out here and something in me foolishly went like "oh no you don't, you're not giving up yet you've dragged yourself to far". Wish i would of fought it, thrown out the partials, and gave up right then and there..

I've had more then one time where its been "i'll just give it one last try" and things never get better. Panic attacks? Yea. More denture problems? Yea. More regrets? Yea. Things get better? NOPE.

EDIT: If i have time later, i'm going to have to do a tally on number of times I've gone in for adjustments with the torture devices.

EDIT 2: Starting to go through the journal. Currently sitting on the bed doing it since in case i trigger a panic attack, at least i'll be somewhere that i can curl up in a ball and ride out the storm.
 
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A

ACNLGal2013

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Went through the journal and here's the list i came up w/ for adjustment sessions

May 7, 2014 = Lower
May 12 = Lower/new molds
June 3rd = Upper adjustment
June 12 = Lower Trial
June 23 = Got new lower/adjustments
August 5th = Upper acrylic stuff/lower adjus
September 15 = Upper wire/acrylic. Lower adju
November 13th = Upper wire/acrylic,
November 17 = 2x upper adjustment
April 7th, 2015 = Lower
Jan 7th 2016 = Lower

And i'm having a moment where i can't believe just how big of a bonehead i was. In part of 2014, there's multiple notes about having stomach problems. I still don't get how i didn't connection between wearing partials for eating and my stomach problems.
 
carole

carole

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This is where keeping a journal is good because we can look back and see what has happened and how we felt at the time. We never remember how things actually went fully so it is good that you have this to look back on.

All the best to you :butterfly::butterfly:
 
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Last week was a prime example of how much having to deal with partial wear time can just SUCK so much. I made an order w/ the lego guy(Guy nearby that sells/trades legos). Its not something i was in a rush to do since even though he's a great guy, it means an extra torture session since A) I had tradeables, B) I love meeting up with him since its fun to chat face to face w/ a lego fan, and C) a 1 lb 9 oz order would be pricey to ship.

That meant that i had to torture myself for a session on Thursday plus Saturday to get myself back on Schedule.

EDIT: And while i'm thinking about it, i need to drop a memo/note here. Over the last couple months, i added a couple dental related shows to the DVR(Tec episode and Carbonaro effect) and a total of 7 things to my Youtube favorites list.

Since i'm going back to being a dental phob, i cleared 6 of the 7 things out of youtube(I am holding onto the "little critter goes to the dentist" book reading), dumped the tec episode and once I watch CE, it'll be going also.
 
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ACNLGal2013

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Am so having one of those moments where i'm ready to call the dentist office and tell then to stay out of my dreams. Last night, i had another dental nightmare. This time i was in a computer chair leaned back getting my teeth cleaned by my dentist.

I am BEYOND sick of having dental dreams/nightmares. At this point, it seems like there's some force trying to drag me back in for a dental cleaning even though i don't see any legit reason to do so.
 
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Seriously wish there was a way to flush that little part of my brain Down the toilet. Two nights ago, it decided to come out kicking and screaming full force with nearly no warning. Things went from "I'm having such a fun time building the lego Emma's house" to nearly having a severe panic attack. Literally the only thing that stopped the attack was thankfully as a result of past panic and anxiety attacks that are a result of this failed journey, i have been able to, for the most part, have the bigger part of my brain kick into emergency action mode and keep things from getting severe.

Then tonight, the little monster decided to try and sneak attack on me again. You see, i was making myself a late night snack since i was really hungry and while i was going to get up my ramen noodles, the thing tried to sneak up on my and i barely fought it off.

Honestly at this point, i'm hitting the level of desperation that i'm seriously getting more and more tempted to just go in for the stupid cleaning to get the part of my brain to shut up. I can't take this anymore. I try getting that part of my brain to just shut up and get off my back but it's becoming a bigger and bigger battle by the day.
 
carole

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Hi I think it is a good idea to go and get it over with, that way it free's your head up for more enjoyable things without all this worry and stress you suffer :XXLhug::XXLhug::XXLhug::butterfly:
 
A

ACNLGal2013

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I'm going to take some time and think things through since shortly after I posted that last night, i realized that little part of my brain was completely silent. Things are completely silent still and its wonderful. Am in such a better mood today. Guess i found the way to hit the snooze button on that little part of my brain.
 
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ACNLGal2013

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Today has been a day that's made me want to crawl under the bed and hide. Had another dental nightmare last night and while we were waiting for a couple tires to be replaced, i could feel myself having a panic attack trying to rear its ugly head. It took every ounce of strength i had but i managed to fight it off... barely.


EDIT: One of these days, i'm going to have to learn that it's not a good idea to start just doing random reading here when i had a bad day like this. Am beyond bored so i just started randomly surfing around DFC and began randomly reading stuff. Journals, Questions, success stories. Whatever caught my eye. Started catching nasty flashbacks on top of the "Nitrous or no nitrous at my next cleaning" debate that's been going through my head.

On one hand, i really feel like i need the gas to be able to get me through the cleaning to keep me from running since the gas at the office gives me a "I don't want to go anywhere" feeling.

On the other hand, it seems like a running gag in my nightmares is me trapped in a dentist chair hooked up to the gas. I really do not want to risk being in the chair on gas IRL, being in a relaxed state and possibly have a nightmare flashback and possibly snapping into awake-ness and freaking out thinking i was having a dental dream and discovering it wasn't a dream. Plus on top of that, it seems like time slows down so freaking much when i'm on the gas and if i just want to get in and out, gas isn't a smart move for just a cleaning.
 
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ACNLGal2013

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For about the past month, I've been doing a trial run where instead of eating the morning of torture day so i have to get up no later then 10ish, i began just setting the alarm clock to go off at like 11:00 and then just do the brush, wait, and put them in part.

It actually works out fine for the most part but what had completely slipped my mind was the "If i have to go run errands" Variable. On days that i'm just hanging around the house, I can get away with not eating for close to 24 hours or so b4 i start feeling off but when running errands, i need to grab at least a snack either at the start of the day or some point running errands or i begin feeling really bad.

Today was a really bad day. I barely got to the 4 hour mark b4 i had to yank the things out b/c i was just so miserable and the only reason i didn't yank then 2 hours in was b/c i learned the hard way that less then 4 hours of wear = mess getting them out.
 
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ACNLGal2013

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Am officially freaking out. Just got word from mom that towards the start of next month the funds will be available for me to do the dental cleaning. Reality is that i don't even want to do it but the problem is that i'm afraid that the little part of my brain is going to start having a freak out again if i don't do this.

Guess part of what's freaking me out so much is that i'm not entirely sure when Doom day will be. Could be as soon as Monday or not for another week or so.

As far as the gas, i think i'm going to not do it. I think what its coming down to is that i want to prove to myself that I can get through some procedure at the dental office(partial adjustments don't count) w/o having to rely on the gas.

guess the only good thing is that the bad of the dentist will be countered by the good of my being able to get my hands on the last few series 9 mixels i need, shopkins series 6, DMW 2, and the EPIC "365 things to do with your lego bricks" Book that literally comes out on my B-day.
 
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Am officially BEYOND freaking out. Tomorrow morning I will be calling the dentist to line up for the cleaning/partial adjustment.
 
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GRRRRR! Called this morning and the only morning slot was for 9:30 AM which i really didn't want so I had to go for an afternoon slot which is nearly as bad but at least i was able to grab a couple extra hours of sleep.

2 PM. Can now remember why i hate afternoon appointments so much. Morning ones suck but are doable. On the other hand, the afternoon feeling gives me the feeling of a death row inmate waiting for the people to come get him.

EDIT: Next time i have to go in, i am so freaking getting a morning appt. It's still 1 hr, 45 minutes until the appt/1 H, 15 b4 we have to leave. Am about to start climbing the wall.
 
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ACNLGal2013

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back. ugh.

did the exam, xray, and cleaning with no gas. Turns out a couple weird looking areas from 2 years ago turned into cavaties. opted to get them filled today. Opted for no gas. Guess i was cocky from doing the cleaning w/o it. Wish i would of opted for gas. Really did not need those sights, sounds, and feelongs burned into my mind.


Am now back home get 2 teeth on the left aching since i think the went a little rough on cleaning a couple ares and the right side is partially un-numb. Starting to wish I hadnt gone in since ive basically wasted a whole afternoon dealing with this. Next cleaning is supposed to be inApril and i have mixed feelings on that.

However, i am starting to question something. Should i have sought out a second opinions for the 'cavaties'. Im already doubtful about actually need a deep cleaning 2 years ago. The 2 areas looked the same from 2 years ago and all ive done now is set myself up for possibly round 2 of cold sensitivity issues.
 
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ACNLGal2013

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Been a few hours since the last post. This post is going to be mostly thoughts and memos and ramblings. If i don't get this weight off my chest, i am going to have a severe anxiety attack

As far as the "In 6 months" cleaning in April, i just don't know what to do. Today was nothing short of a nightmare. I am sitting here with 2 fillings i'm not even sure just how needed they were, and that weird spot on the front of my tooth is still there and i'm not even sure if i should try bringing it up with them. If i would of been thinking right, i could of handled things so differently.

Instead of being able to use the afternoon doing stuff i like, i wasted it in the dental chair. I am sitting here in tears from the stress of everything catching flashbacks and regret cycles to levels its not even funny. I mean like to a point that its making the dental journey of 2 years ago look like nothing.

It is currently early October. I should be looking forward to my Lego and Shopkins stuff coming in and DMW 2 and the lego book later in the month. I should not be dealing with dealing with THIS problem.

I guess the only good part about the 2 year ago journey is that thanks to it, i know how to deal with anxiety attacks and how to deal with trying to stop nightmares. The methods aren't guaranteed but I'll take a short bad anxiety attack over a longer severe one any day and i'll gladly take a "This makes no sense at all" dream over a nightmare any day.

And also, the more i think about it, I learned during the journey that when things get as bad as they are now, one thing that helps is that i have to force myself to take things one day at a time and hope for the best. And when that stops working, take it at an hour at the time. That doesn't work? Take it a minute at a time. That stops working? Take it a second at a time. That stops working? Find anything to do to force oneself to stay sane and hope things get better.

Oh and you know that little part of my brain that was causing oh so many issues and it the main motive for me going it? Even it is sitting here now screaming "WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF?????????????"

EDIT: 1 more note. Its just occured to me that doing this long ramble has actually helped me a little. I don't exactly feel better or even feeling like i'm not feeling worse but at at least the rambling has helped me put together my thoughts enough to be able to put a line of thoughts together so i can at least make sure to try to put anti-nightmare tactics into play.
 
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