• Dental Phobia Support

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So ashamed of myself (new person here)

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Woundedheart9

Junior member
Joined
Mar 15, 2016
Messages
2
First of all, I just wanted to say that it took a lot of courage for me to make the decision to join this forum and post. I don't know how I'm going to say these things to a dentist right now - I'm trying to work up the courage to make my first appointment in two years. God, I feel ashamed of myself even just saying that.

i promise not to write a novel on my first post, but just to give you the basics. I'm in my mid thirties and sadly, very single, and probably permanently at this point - but that's another story.

that's my lifelong companion, depression, talking, by the way. I've struggled with it on and off for years, but in the last five years it's been really bad. So bad that I've been neglecting my health for a couple of years, honestly believing that I didn't deserve to be healthy or happy. Which sounds horrible to say, but that's how I felt.

Anyway, as a result, my teeth are horrible. I know that without having to look. Like I said, it's been two years since I saw a dentist, and there are aches and pains and my teeth have shifted. I've been avoiding looking in mirrors because I'm terrified of seeing the outward sign of the neglect that I feel every day.

how did I go on so long like this? I guess when you're in so much emotional pain, you block out physical pain. Like, you know it's there, but you ignore it, because... Well I guess I'd say I deserve to be in agony as punishment for being a horrible person.

the thing is, my sister is getting married and I'm supposed to be her maid of honor. I'm going to be required to smile in that day, and my teeth... Everyone will see and know what a terrible person I am. I've hidden all of this for so long, but now it's going to come out. And that just makes it all worse.

Im so scared of facing the music at a dentists office, and I'm so disgusted with myself in general. The person that my depression has warped me into - this is not who I'm supposed to be, and my teeth are not supposed to look like this. It all feels like a horrible nightmare that I've been praying to wake up from. But really, I know this is real - I've wasted so much time like this and God only knows what the reality inside my mouth is. I don't know if I can face it - and even with insurance, I don't know if I can afford to fix things.

im just so scared and humiliated and... I know I need to get help - mental as well as dental. I just don't know if I have the courage to face all of my mistakes and move on to whatever kind of future might he possible. In my current condition, I can't imagine anything positive.

Anyway, that pathetic, awful me in s nutshell. If nothing else, I'm glad I could at least just say all I've said aloud to someone else, even if it's just through an anonymous forum. Thanks for listening, so to speak.
 
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Woundedheart9

Junior member
Joined
Mar 15, 2016
Messages
2
Couldn't figure out how to edit my post. I just wanted to add that I have anxiety issues too.
 
Sevena

Sevena

Super Moderator
Joined
Jun 24, 2012
Messages
809
Location
UK
Hey, welcome to the forum! It's a first step in coming here and telling your story. Well done :) I know it can be hard to write it all down, but sometimes it helps too.

We've had lots and lots of folks here with depression and other mental illnesses. I myself struggled with anxiety and agoraphobia for years. My teeth went downhill during those years, though they were in a pretty bad state before that anyway. But it took me a while to make that appointment. It was a terrifying prospect!

First off, you're not a terrible person because of your teeth. So many of us have been in similar situations. You're not a bad person. Just someone who needs some help.

Secondly, you don't know how bad it is until a dentist takes a look. It's so easy to imagine the very worst, but sometimes things can feel or look worse than they really are. The work may not be as bad as you are expecting.

It sounds like you could do with speaking to a professional, perhaps your doctor first. You say you don't think you have the courage, but you did post here, and that took courage too! Talking about it is very hard, but once you've started that ball rolling, being honest and explaining your feelings gets a little easier.

When you're depressed, it's really hard to think of positives. But reaching out online is a good first step. :hug4:
 
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comfortdentist

Well-known member
Verified dentist
Joined
Jul 19, 2009
Messages
2,792
Location
Miami, Fl
Depression and anxiety often go hand in hand. I often see people who have neglected their teeth. It is my chosen job to assist that person in achieving better dental health. It isn't my job to shame or embarrass that person. I always try to see how I can interact with someone in order to allow them to feel safe and comfortable with me and any treatment that I will render for them.
 
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Donna311

Junior member
Joined
Mar 19, 2016
Messages
2
ETA: I'm new here also. This is my first post.
 
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ScaredyCat22

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 14, 2014
Messages
1,332
Hi Woundedheart
welcome to the forum
please don't waste your time being embarrassed or ashamed, those are just useless emotions. It is what it is.
We all have our fears that keep us away/ Usually people's teeth are not as bad as they think and I am sure yours will not be the worst the dentist has ever seen. I never even had my teeth cleaned until I was 21 and it was such a horrible experience I never saw a dentist again for 15 years.
 
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newbieindeatalfear

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 11, 2016
Messages
149
Don't be embarrassed we all have busy lives and sometimes we try and it still isn't enough.
I would encourage you to go because I haven't been in 10years also before I first went.
I had 1crown and 6fillings just for now. I'm scared to go to this new dentist in 6months.
The biggest advice I can give you is Stop eating as much sugar and soda because they aren't good for teeth
I also noticed my anxiety levels way down after stopping soda.

Go to dentist before it becomes more serious infections are no joke

I will probably been embarrassed going to my new dentist also
 
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nessy81

Junior member
Joined
Mar 15, 2016
Messages
4
2 years is nothing, i went 16 years, and my 1st visit back wasn't scary at all, i spoke to the dentist beforehand and was made very comfortable.
 
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nonesuch

Junior member
Joined
Dec 1, 2015
Messages
5
"I have issues with my teeth" doesn't make you a terrible person. "I have issues with my teeth because I gnaw on unsuspecting victims' toes while they sleep," that would make you a terrible person.

You're just afraid, and that completely makes sense - for everyone here, dental issues are really scary.

We're going through the same thing, though I'm a few steps ahead of you. I waited ten years to do something about my teeth, and it's been rough. But as you move forward and make progress, your self-confidence will build and things will get easier. You'll learn to talk about it and express your anxieties, which is really helpful.

When you first go to the dentist, make clear to them two things: (1) I have a lot of anxiety about this, and (2) I really want to make an effort to improve my oral health. A good dentist will respect those things, and will treat you with dignity and respect. They'll understand what a huge and brave effort it was for you to come in at all.

Be prepared for bad news, but be aware that the news will almost certainly not be as bad as you think. If you're anything like I was, you're half convinced that they're going to say, "Unfortunately, we need to remove your face." The truth is likely much closer to one or two difficult things that need to happen, followed by some unpleasant-but-routine things, followed by maintenance etc. Try not to focus on the immediate personal stuff (what does this mean for me? is this going to hurt?). Keep your mind on planning and ask lots of questions - what are the next steps? What's the timeframe for getting this done? What are my options?

And most importantly, don't dwell on those feelings of shame or humiliation - trust me, you'll have plenty of time to wrestle with those particular demons later on. Practice focusing on just how courageous you are. You are BRAVE. You are GETTING BETTER. You're preparing to become someone who doesn't spend all of her time in fear. You should be celebrated just for getting this far. Now go make the next move.

(Also, I'm telling all of this to myself as much as I'm telling it to you.)
 
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newbieindeatalfear

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 11, 2016
Messages
149
don't fell bad, i fell ashamed also
 
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AsaGohan

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 13, 2015
Messages
155
Location
Las Vegas, NV
I firmly believe that this quote from Nonesuch needs to be on the front page of this website in bold

"I have issues with my teeth" doesn't make you a terrible person. "I have issues with my teeth because I gnaw on unsuspecting victims' toes while they sleep," that would make you a terrible person.

Thank you .
 
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