W
Woundedheart9
Junior member
- Joined
- Mar 15, 2016
- Messages
- 2
First of all, I just wanted to say that it took a lot of courage for me to make the decision to join this forum and post. I don't know how I'm going to say these things to a dentist right now - I'm trying to work up the courage to make my first appointment in two years. God, I feel ashamed of myself even just saying that.
i promise not to write a novel on my first post, but just to give you the basics. I'm in my mid thirties and sadly, very single, and probably permanently at this point - but that's another story.
that's my lifelong companion, depression, talking, by the way. I've struggled with it on and off for years, but in the last five years it's been really bad. So bad that I've been neglecting my health for a couple of years, honestly believing that I didn't deserve to be healthy or happy. Which sounds horrible to say, but that's how I felt.
Anyway, as a result, my teeth are horrible. I know that without having to look. Like I said, it's been two years since I saw a dentist, and there are aches and pains and my teeth have shifted. I've been avoiding looking in mirrors because I'm terrified of seeing the outward sign of the neglect that I feel every day.
how did I go on so long like this? I guess when you're in so much emotional pain, you block out physical pain. Like, you know it's there, but you ignore it, because... Well I guess I'd say I deserve to be in agony as punishment for being a horrible person.
the thing is, my sister is getting married and I'm supposed to be her maid of honor. I'm going to be required to smile in that day, and my teeth... Everyone will see and know what a terrible person I am. I've hidden all of this for so long, but now it's going to come out. And that just makes it all worse.
Im so scared of facing the music at a dentists office, and I'm so disgusted with myself in general. The person that my depression has warped me into - this is not who I'm supposed to be, and my teeth are not supposed to look like this. It all feels like a horrible nightmare that I've been praying to wake up from. But really, I know this is real - I've wasted so much time like this and God only knows what the reality inside my mouth is. I don't know if I can face it - and even with insurance, I don't know if I can afford to fix things.
im just so scared and humiliated and... I know I need to get help - mental as well as dental. I just don't know if I have the courage to face all of my mistakes and move on to whatever kind of future might he possible. In my current condition, I can't imagine anything positive.
Anyway, that pathetic, awful me in s nutshell. If nothing else, I'm glad I could at least just say all I've said aloud to someone else, even if it's just through an anonymous forum. Thanks for listening, so to speak.
i promise not to write a novel on my first post, but just to give you the basics. I'm in my mid thirties and sadly, very single, and probably permanently at this point - but that's another story.
that's my lifelong companion, depression, talking, by the way. I've struggled with it on and off for years, but in the last five years it's been really bad. So bad that I've been neglecting my health for a couple of years, honestly believing that I didn't deserve to be healthy or happy. Which sounds horrible to say, but that's how I felt.
Anyway, as a result, my teeth are horrible. I know that without having to look. Like I said, it's been two years since I saw a dentist, and there are aches and pains and my teeth have shifted. I've been avoiding looking in mirrors because I'm terrified of seeing the outward sign of the neglect that I feel every day.
how did I go on so long like this? I guess when you're in so much emotional pain, you block out physical pain. Like, you know it's there, but you ignore it, because... Well I guess I'd say I deserve to be in agony as punishment for being a horrible person.
the thing is, my sister is getting married and I'm supposed to be her maid of honor. I'm going to be required to smile in that day, and my teeth... Everyone will see and know what a terrible person I am. I've hidden all of this for so long, but now it's going to come out. And that just makes it all worse.
Im so scared of facing the music at a dentists office, and I'm so disgusted with myself in general. The person that my depression has warped me into - this is not who I'm supposed to be, and my teeth are not supposed to look like this. It all feels like a horrible nightmare that I've been praying to wake up from. But really, I know this is real - I've wasted so much time like this and God only knows what the reality inside my mouth is. I don't know if I can face it - and even with insurance, I don't know if I can afford to fix things.
im just so scared and humiliated and... I know I need to get help - mental as well as dental. I just don't know if I have the courage to face all of my mistakes and move on to whatever kind of future might he possible. In my current condition, I can't imagine anything positive.
Anyway, that pathetic, awful me in s nutshell. If nothing else, I'm glad I could at least just say all I've said aloud to someone else, even if it's just through an anonymous forum. Thanks for listening, so to speak.