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So depressed and so fed up over my teeth



Junior member
Apr 30, 2021
United Kingdom
Hiya everyone,

So I've always had problems with my teeth, when I was younger a dentist told me after causing pain that by 21 I'd lose all my teeth, which caused me deep anxiety and fear over dentists. Obviously that didn't happen when I turned 21 but I didn't take care of my teeth and my diet was awful. My parents never really ingrained into us that caring for your teeth is important, they never cared if I didn't brush my teeth and quite often when I was younger I didn't actually brush my teeth.

In my 20s I fell into lots of mental health problems, I ended up shutting myself inside and not do anything, I was smoking heavyily, eating unhealthy and snacking a lot, and still not took care of my teeth. So every time I had a pain I went to the emergency dentist and lo and behold a tooth needed extracting. And this happened several times and it always was a lower jaw molar so no one on the outside knew. Something happened in 2016 that made me stop smoking, stop snacking often and stop eating unhealthy foods and I went to the dentist again this time I registered and made the appointment for the first time ever outside of emergencies. And at the time I needed an extraction, a filling and they did a scale and polish, I was fine through the filing, the scale and polish hurt so much and felt like the dentist didn't actually care. But for the extraction I had another dentist and she was nicer and she was the one doing my extraction, at this point they knew about my anxieties and problems, but each time they injected me to numb the area it didn't work I was just in pain a lot, they gave me the max dose they could and nothing worked, so they stopped. And I never went back or followed up.

After this time I did actually start brushing my teeth twice a day and used mouthwash at times and somewhat sorted my diet out. But I still didn't go to the dentist. And my mental health was still really bad and every time I tried to get that under control the GP constantly told me in the area there is no mental health help.

In 2019 I came out as transgender after being made redundant, for the first time I was happy. I went back to college to up my grades in maths and then in 2020 I applied for university and got in. I was soooo over the moon and soooo happy because I was finally sorting myself out. When I moved for university I ate healthily and towards the end of 2020 I actually had a partner and I was so happy, I had a life plan and I was going to stick it out.... But then after coming back from visiting them on the 1st March they broke up with me, only reason they gave was "it wasn't working out" and for the first time in awhile I was alone again and I spiralled mentally I was eating sweets and chocolate every day, going through 2 litres of pepsi a day I was like that until towards the end of April. And then I discovered I have a wobbly tooth, I panicked and spiralled so much I was dissociating every day I couldn't concentrate on my uni work at all I told my best friend who is the only person that supports me. So I emailed dentists in the area that takes on NHS patients (I'm a student and I have no other income other than maintenance loans) and the ones I've emailed said their waiting lists for NHS patients are 18 months long

And from that moment I was noticing everything wrong with my teeth or whats left of them, so I've been running my tongue along my teeth, pushing them gently and everything else to make sure the rest are ok. And they are not, every single one of my front teeth slightly move when I push it with my tongue so I've been panicking so much that my friend did NHS 111 for me and now got to wait, waiting is all I can do. And inside I am so depressed, so distraught because I know most of whats left of my teeth will probably have to be extracted and I'll be stuck with dentures and I have no idea when I'll be able to raise the huge cost of having implants and I know the longer I do without the teeth the more expensive it becomes and the more limited my options become. So now I am scouring the internet for every single "ways to earn money online" so I can raise the cost.

I am so anxious, scared and depressed over my teeth and the thought of having to wear full dentures all the time, and im scared I will never be able to raise the money to get implants.....and I'm only 30 years old.
Just to update.
I do take anti-anxiety medication from my GP but its early days and so far they're not working. And I'm struggling to find a dentist because the ones I've spoken to have long waiting lists for NHS and I can't wait, I need to get my wobbly tooth looked at, the hole in another taken care of and the rest looked at. I called NHS 111 and they told me they can't help me and told me to find a NHS dentist and contact them which is what I've been doing. I feel like there is no hope.
Hi there and welcome to DFC ?

First of all, congratulations on all that you have achieved over the last few years, it sounds like you've made some massive strides! Sorry to hear that your last relationship didn't last - I hope you'll find a perfect match in the not-too-distant future ?.

Are you in touch with any mental health services at the moment? Either way, I'm wondering if you might be eligible for Community Dental Services. We have some more information on this page:

Depending on where you live, their services might be great, or not so good - it's a bit of a postcode lottery, by all accounts.

You could also try contacting your local Healthwatch - some people here have found them very helpful, but again, it varies from area to area.

The other option would be to find a phobic-friendly dentist near you and go private (finances allowing). Unless it's an emergency and you're in pain, inexpensive treatments (such as a cleaning or tips for preventing things from getting worse) can go a long way. Often, it's possible to wait with more complex things until you can afford them.

Teeth are designed to move slightly, there is a ligament between the bone and tooth which acts as a sort of shock absorber. So when you focus on your teeth, you may be able to feel them move when pushing or poking at them.

Please let us know how you get on!
Hi Chlopril :welcome:,

I'm so sorry to read what you have been through lately. It sounds like you have made such a huge leap towards happiness and well being in 2019 and so many positive things finally happened.. and then the break-up... :( the explanation your partner gave you must have left you feeling so confused and devastated. Looking at your past, I am sure that you will be able to bounce back to where you were - over the course of your past, you demonstrated few times that you can do it. But right now it's just heavy and difficult and overwhelming. You are doing a great job trying to find solutions and contacting NHS. I'm glad you reached out here too.

When it comes to your teeth, the first thing you should know is, that wobbly teeth absolutely don't mean you will lose them. I have seen people with extremely mobile teeth and they still didn't need extractions. Also, teeth are always a bit movable. So while I don't know what exactly will need to be done, please don't buy into the fear of dentures that easily, it doesn't have to be the case and any dentist will make it first priority to save as many teeth as possible. If you can, try to keep this in mind in the lowest moments, because dealing with anxiety is able to send us down the road to full dentures within just seconds, all based on fear. And fear is a liar. There is always hope.

I wished your parents did a better job in showing you what is healthy in terms of dental care.. and some positive experience with a dentist as you finally decided to start anew, may have helped too. On the other side, you seem to be such a strong person, going through ups and downs and always managing to get up after you have been down. It seems to me that this is not your first crisis so again, you can do this.

It sounds like getting an exam and just learning what needs to be done and what is the highest priority and what can wait, would be the most important thing for you now. I can only encourage you to keep on looking for a NHS dentist and not to give up. Also, I was wondering, whether it would be doable to get at least an exam privately so that you have some clarity about what needs to get done? I know money is tight, but wanted to mention it. Maybe just getting some accurate input may help.

Changes in teeth need some time to happen, so not being able to get a dentist immediately also doesn't mean you will lose your teeth. I see you got some great advice from @letsconnect, so I'll keep my fingers crossed for you to be able to find someone soon. For the mean time here and here are some articles on home care. It can be difficult to take care of teeth and nutrition in moments of depression, but it may prevent things from getting worse.

All the best wishes and keep us posted
thank you Letsconnect.

Money is very tight I have a maximum budget of £300 and that'll wipe me out of any form of "disposable" income for the next 4 months at least. but every dentist I've emailed the waiting list is at least 12 months. The recent dentist I've emailed said it'll cost £75 to get my teeth checked, 2 x-rays but I won't be able to afford the work anyway.
Hi Chlopril I hope you're doing ok! I just realised that I hadn't replied to your last post, my apologies ?‍♀️

Treatment can often be spread out and done a little at a time. It's easy to jump to conclusions about what work needs to be done. But even if there are a lot of problems, once any really urgent things have been sorted (as in, acute pain), it's often possible to stabilise things. A professional cleaning and getting tips for effective cleaning and changes to our diet can make a massive difference in the long run - even if you can't afford any "real" work at the moment.
You have come so far in doing things to care for yourself, please hang in there. It sounds like you haven't been to the dentist yet so you can't really know what needs to be done. (That said, I totally understand being consumed with dental worry.) I believe you will have a good life; this is just a bump in the road, if even that.
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Also, as I think someone may have mentioned, many times, it seems, a dentist can do an immediately less costly solution and then you can do something more advanced and longer-lasting down the road when money is better.

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