So scared (for no good reason)

[giggle]

The corner broke off one of my molars last week, which finally pushed me into making my first visit to a dentist in well over 10 years. I was so scared even though all he did was have a quick look and turns out that as well as breaking the tooth on one side I also have to have a filling on the other side (which kind of shocked me at the time but actually I should have been expecting as I do get pain in that tooth too - its just it comes and goes so I always assumed it wasn't anything worth getting checked out, in hindsight I am so stupid). I have a follow up appointment to have the work done in a couple of weeks but I am beside myself with fear now - really struggling to get to sleep at night, stomach tying itself in knots.

I went through a brief phase of dental fear when I was a kid after some "well-meaning" adult seeing me enjoying a packet of sweets gave me a rather unpleasant account of what the dentist would do to me if I ate too many... up until that point I'd never known any reason to worry about the dentist but from then on I was rather tense at each visit even though I never needed any treatment. I eventually got over the fear when I had braces at 11/12 - I didn't have to have any extractions or anything and having to go every 4/6 weeks just normalised the whole experience for me I think. And then when I reached 16 they took an x ray and decided to refer me to the dental hospital for my wisdom teeth. Some of my friends had already had some fairly unpleasant experiences in that respect and I wasn't experiencing any trouble from them (still haven't actually - apart from one time the gum got slightly infected but that cleared up on its own fairly quickly and I've been careful about brushing ever since)...long story short I decided I didn't want to have them removed but I didn't have the guts to say anything so I simply stopped attending for check ups and roll on 10 years later...

The thing is I know what I have to have done really isn't a big deal - my husband has already had a filling on a tooth that broke in a similar way to mine (only he lost a bigger chunk of it) and the dentist has said that the other filling is pretty small - in fact he was doing his best to reassure me, despite the fact that actually I just tried to get out the room as soon as I could (which in retrospect was probably the wrong thing to do)...he explained that I wouldn't feel anything with the local anasthetic and as they are top teeth apparently that makes it easier too (not sure why?)

And I know rationally, that this is indeed the case. He probably does hundreds of these a year, it's not a big deal...in fact after avoiding the dentist for so long I think I have probably gotten off pretty lightly. But I have never had to have a filling or a local anaesthetic or anything like that before and although I'm not afraid of pain (I don't like it very much but it doesn't scare me) I am very much afraid of the unknown. I just don't know how bad (or perhaps how odd) it would feel. I'm scared that the anasthetic will just feel too weird - it doesn't help that some guy in work was complaining about having a reaction to the adrenalin in the anaesthetic the other week and although I wonder if in fact he had a mild panic attack and was trying to act manly about it, I don't know anyone else who has reported feeling the same way, but I am quite prone to anxiety anyway and it does worry me a little bit. In fact my biggest fear is probably that I will get halfway through and get too scared and have to stop the whole thing and be stuck with a half-drilled tooth! Even when he was doing the x-rays I was shaking which is ridiculous because I've had them done before and it really is no big deal - having them on my back after I'd fallen down the stairs was far more scary (and painful too).

It doesn't help that there are a few other major things going on in my life (which I won't go into detail here). Nothing insurmountable or life-threatening but they are all stressful in their own way when dealing with them on their own, its even worse when it is all happening together.

But I feel so stupid for getting into such a state over all of this - rationally I know it's all ok but yet I still feel so awful. I wish I could just go in tomorrow and get everything done because the waiting is so bad! I've read some of the posts here and I can relate a lot (although some of you who have needed much more treatment - ick, that's scary too!) but...any advice would be appreciated - I know there is nothing to be afraid of but I can't stop feeling afraid! (and sorry for the long post)

 

[robotguy]

Hi and welcome.

First of all don't feel silly about feeling the way you do, you have some real fears, only people with the same or similar fears know how you feel, most of us here CAN understand. Just because you tolerated treatment in the past does not make the fears any less for you.

I can read in your post that you often feel like you have no say in your treatment and that the only way you have controlled it in the past, is by avoidance. Well now is the time to break the past and be treated how you want. You don't have to have any treatment that you don't want to, you don't have to have any particular dentist work on you if you don't want them to, everything is your choice. Getting the right dentist helps enormously, one that listens to you, takes time to explain things and will allow you to go at your own speed will make everything easier for you.

Having a local anesthetic should be painless. The dentist will put a numbing gel on the gum for a minute or so then give the proper stuff. There should be no pain when this is given. Try to relax as the LA is given, don't tense up, trust the gel to have numbed the gum (it will have), I've found that if the LA can be given slowly then its much less likely to be felt.

Once you are numb from the LA you shouldn't feel a thing from the filling. If you do ask the dentist to stop (my dentist will stop if I raise my hand), tell them what you felt and they will top-up the LA. I find it helps if I'm allowed to feel my gum with my finger before she starts work on my teeth, just to prove to myself I'm numb.

The sounds of the filling will be much louder to you than they really are, this is because the vibrations will be traveling directly through the bone to your ear rather than going through the air. Honestly, it sounds worse than it is.

As you are afraid of the unknown ask the dentist to explain exactly what they are going to do BEFORE they do it. I also find that a running commentary really helps, it doesn't have to be in detail, just that its 'going fine', 'now we put on some gel', 'just shaping the filler' etc, this works wonders and stops you imagining all sorts of things.

Let us know how you get on.

 

[giggle]

Robotguy - thanks so much for your kind post! You are completely right about how I dealt with things in the past, but remember that at that stage I was still a teenager and a very shy one at that, especially when dealing with "authority figures". I also had some bad experiences when dealing with some medical professionals (and unfortunately my parents too) when I experienced some minor mental health problems in my teens and I still have a great deal of distrust there. I only really developed confidence at dealing with adults when I started working full time, which is pretty normal I guess - I know I can get my confident face on and assert myself if I feel I need to and if that wasn't the case I don't think I ever would have booked an appointment in the first case - even though I think I left it behind in the waiting room, I'll remember to take it with me next time... The big difference is that this time, as much as I fear it, I do actually want these fillings because, quite frankly, my teeth hurt!

I have spoken to a few friends about the way I am feeling but I think the standard response was trying to make me feel better by, again, telling me that it's not a big deal (I know this already). Last night was the third night in a row I haven't been able to sleep properly (but remember - this isn't the only thing I'm worried about at the moment - for various reasons the past two months have been the most stressful time of my life - but it did start feeling a little bit like the final straw) - it got to 6am and I just told myself that I would ring the dentist up and tell them I was scared to just see what the response is. After that I was actually able to get to sleep for an hour. So I rang them up and spoke to the receptionist and her response could not have been better - she as good as said that it was ok (well I think her words were "quite normal") to be scared which made me feel a whole lot better. She will ask the dentist to give me a ring some time next week and I feel so relieved because I'm not anxious about a phone call in the same way I am about an appointment - it's much easier to hang up than it is to physically run away. I am working on a list of everything I am really worried about, up to the most ridiculous things so that I can be competely honest about my fears and I will decide what to do next based on his response.

To be honest my biggest fear is that I will have a panic attack - which in itself is not a big deal, it happens sometimes, it feels like the end of the world at the time but that feeling passes very quickly - however my fear is that he will respond badly to it - if it happens (in my case) its not at all dramatic but it does make some people uncomfortable (actually, I find it really hard dealing with other people who are having a panic attack because I experience it as a step beyond empathy right now) and I do have some trust issues related to things briefly mentioned above. But I think, as you say, if I find the right dentist, it won't be a problem - all I'd need is for the dentist not to flap about or desperately try and make me feel better and a couple of minutes for it to pass.

 

[robotguy]

Thats the beauty of growing up, you can become assertive and be treated how we want to be treated. The moment you stop seeing the dentist as an authority figure and more as a skilled health engineer (mouth division), then its a lot easier to get treated how you feel comfortable.

Being honest with the dentist is vital. They see many 'scared' people each day, but many of us on here are way beyond that, this is what you must get across, it if means you cry then that is fine, don't try and hide your fears otherwise they will not know how they are effecting you.

Defiantly tell them about the panic attacks and how you want to be treated if one happens, if they are prepared then that is one less thing to be worrying about.

I'm sure that soon you will be free of pain again.

 

[giggle]

The weird thing is - my dentist is practically the same age as me, maybe even younger, so not an authority figure at all (in fact it made me feel quite old, even though of course most of my friends from uni days etc. are doing grown-up jobs too haha, I'm still in training to be a professional and secretly hoping I'm still 21) - yet as soon as he put the mask and stuff on, I started feeling differently and that's when I really clammed up... I think that's a bit of irrationality I will probably be able to deal with on my own though it was just weird reflecting on it.

 

[funnyc]

Hey giggle!
RG and many others here very wise. Their words have helped me a great deal.
What I can add is...
You're scared. It's real and how you feel.
I go back and forth with the severity of my fear and anxiety. Over the last few weeks I had two deep cleanings then my first surgery (yesterday). I have been a wreck. I can't sleep, I cry, I feel down, angry, then all proud of myself for getting through it.

That's just within the past 48 hrs!

I was very honest with my hygienist, Periodontist, his hygienist and the nurse how scared I am, and they have been absolutely wonderful.
I also have some very good friends that I share with.

The panic attacks usually happen before I walk in to the office. Once I'm there I take it minute by minute. I breathe, I get a little teary, but I also very openly say I'm scared. Talking helps.

I hope all goes well with your visit!