Sol
Well-known member
- Joined
- Mar 26, 2010
- Messages
- 239
- Location
- USA
Sorry, I couldn’t think of a clever title.
Starting this journal to help process my thoughts and hopefully leave some of the anxiety behind in these words. I’m looking into changing dentists and it has really stirred up my nerves. Caught myself being more forgetful this week, zoning out at work and not sleeping as well.
Hopefully recounting my experiences will remind me of the good experiences and the things I’ve learned so far. I remember the last time I wrote something like this I felt a lot of relief so maybe I can repeat that.
Backstory
If you want to start from the beginning check the link above. This old post from the success story forum recounts my childhood experiences and first visit in 2013 after avoiding going to a dentist for 8 years. After rereading this post, it’s a fairly good summary but I now realize there are a few things that were left out or that I understood better in retrospect. I basically plan on catching up from that post to where I am now. (It will probably be awhile until I catch up to present time.)
The source of the phobia in the last post was listed as unknown, still don’t know what experience caused it exactly, but fairly certain now it was passed on to me by my parents. My father is a redhead and has the issue with getting properly numb. (Thankfully he didn’t pass that gene on.) He has never talked to me about past experiences but I can only imagine the difficulty he had with getting treatment. My mother on the other hand, will gladly share her stories about bad experiences with dentists. In her case its almost like those fears have now morphed her opinion. She can’t understand why anyone nowadays is afraid because the experience is better compared to when she was younger. Guessing this combo is what lead to my fears and why my parents weren’t more proactive in making me go to the dentist until I was ten years old.
The prior post also left out some other memories from childhood and additional bad experiences. I wasn’t ready to share those stories then. However, I’m coming more to the conclusion that I won’t be able to improve from where I currently am if I can’t acknowledge these old memories and how they impact my anxieties.
Two memories from childhood that are similar are from when I was in the first and second grade. The details are fuzzy, I’m not sure if this dentist was the father of a kid in class or if he was just doing this as a public service, but he came once a year to speak to the class about hygiene. Remember wanting to sit as far away as possible and hoped that I was invisible among the other students. I guess this was awkward because unlike the other kids I didn't have prior experiences with dental appointments. In my mind, I also needed to keep my mouth shut. I was terrified the dentist would see my teeth and comment on them. I know that is completely irrational but it shows how deep rooted the embarrassment fear is and how self-conscious I felt about my teeth even at a young age.
Skipping ahead a bit with this next memory but it follows in suit with feeling embarrassed/self-conscious about my teeth. From age 12-15 I had braces. Didn’t really enjoy the experience but the last appointment with the orthodontist office is what really wrecked any confidence in my smile. The prior appointment, the braces were taken off so they did molds for a retainer and took a photo of me smiling with the orthodontist to add to their wall of patient photos. During the following appointment to pick up the retainers, I could hear the nurses talking in the hall. They were laughing at the photo of me smiling. “Can you believe its that girl over there?” Obliviously, I was mortified and wondered what was the point of me having braces in the first place. I did see the photo later; my big toothy grin wasn’t flattering in the photo. The experience made me so self-conscious of my smile I stopped smiling in photos for a very long time. In more recent years I have started to try to smile in photos but it’s still difficult for me to look at the photos. It’s one of those things where I’m trying to actively fight that feeling but I feel teary eyed even as I write this.
I wish the “fun” memories stopped there but they don’t. The dentist from my teens, think age 13-19, was a jerk. I guess I will call him Dr. J for short. (Now I’m thinking of Harley Quinn and “Mr. J”). This dentist is the source of most of the bad dental experiences. In my “success story” I mentioned that I didn’t trust Dr. J and his behavior matched what a lot of people would probably describe as an “old-school” dentist (feeling like the dentist is hiding/not talking to you). The original post left out a lot of detail so I will try to summarize.
In addition to that, I remember my jaw feeling very sore during that appointment and having difficulty keeping my mouth open. Dr. J asked if I wanted a “bite-block”. Now, understand I didn’t know what this term meant at the time so of course I nodded no. Dr. J’s attitude was basically well that’s your loss and he continued on. It wasn’t until much later that I learned what this term actually meant (more on that later).
I’ve said enough about Dr. J so I’ll leave it there and go over one other fear of mine. I have anxiety about needles. Its not dental specific, but I definitely freeze up when injections are happening (this is another thing that I will explain later since it links to other later memories). Keeping my eyes closed and being talked through the process helps quite a bit but its still a challenge.
TLDR: I have anxieties about needles, the probe and shaming. This causes me to freeze up at appointments. I’m looking into changing dentists so this has stirred up some bad old memories that I haven’t really addressed properly.
Feel like I have written enough to get this started…next time I’ll recount things related to that visit from 2013 because my original post was really vague.
Starting this journal to help process my thoughts and hopefully leave some of the anxiety behind in these words. I’m looking into changing dentists and it has really stirred up my nerves. Caught myself being more forgetful this week, zoning out at work and not sleeping as well.
Hopefully recounting my experiences will remind me of the good experiences and the things I’ve learned so far. I remember the last time I wrote something like this I felt a lot of relief so maybe I can repeat that.
Backstory
Thank You For This Site
Hello, I am a 27 year old who had not been to the dentist in about 8 years. I've lurked here for awhile (maybe you can tell by the date I joined) but never posted much. I wanted to write this as a thank you for providing information and a support forum. This site helped me realize what I was...
www.dentalfearcentral.org
If you want to start from the beginning check the link above. This old post from the success story forum recounts my childhood experiences and first visit in 2013 after avoiding going to a dentist for 8 years. After rereading this post, it’s a fairly good summary but I now realize there are a few things that were left out or that I understood better in retrospect. I basically plan on catching up from that post to where I am now. (It will probably be awhile until I catch up to present time.)
The source of the phobia in the last post was listed as unknown, still don’t know what experience caused it exactly, but fairly certain now it was passed on to me by my parents. My father is a redhead and has the issue with getting properly numb. (Thankfully he didn’t pass that gene on.) He has never talked to me about past experiences but I can only imagine the difficulty he had with getting treatment. My mother on the other hand, will gladly share her stories about bad experiences with dentists. In her case its almost like those fears have now morphed her opinion. She can’t understand why anyone nowadays is afraid because the experience is better compared to when she was younger. Guessing this combo is what lead to my fears and why my parents weren’t more proactive in making me go to the dentist until I was ten years old.
The prior post also left out some other memories from childhood and additional bad experiences. I wasn’t ready to share those stories then. However, I’m coming more to the conclusion that I won’t be able to improve from where I currently am if I can’t acknowledge these old memories and how they impact my anxieties.
Two memories from childhood that are similar are from when I was in the first and second grade. The details are fuzzy, I’m not sure if this dentist was the father of a kid in class or if he was just doing this as a public service, but he came once a year to speak to the class about hygiene. Remember wanting to sit as far away as possible and hoped that I was invisible among the other students. I guess this was awkward because unlike the other kids I didn't have prior experiences with dental appointments. In my mind, I also needed to keep my mouth shut. I was terrified the dentist would see my teeth and comment on them. I know that is completely irrational but it shows how deep rooted the embarrassment fear is and how self-conscious I felt about my teeth even at a young age.
Skipping ahead a bit with this next memory but it follows in suit with feeling embarrassed/self-conscious about my teeth. From age 12-15 I had braces. Didn’t really enjoy the experience but the last appointment with the orthodontist office is what really wrecked any confidence in my smile. The prior appointment, the braces were taken off so they did molds for a retainer and took a photo of me smiling with the orthodontist to add to their wall of patient photos. During the following appointment to pick up the retainers, I could hear the nurses talking in the hall. They were laughing at the photo of me smiling. “Can you believe its that girl over there?” Obliviously, I was mortified and wondered what was the point of me having braces in the first place. I did see the photo later; my big toothy grin wasn’t flattering in the photo. The experience made me so self-conscious of my smile I stopped smiling in photos for a very long time. In more recent years I have started to try to smile in photos but it’s still difficult for me to look at the photos. It’s one of those things where I’m trying to actively fight that feeling but I feel teary eyed even as I write this.
I wish the “fun” memories stopped there but they don’t. The dentist from my teens, think age 13-19, was a jerk. I guess I will call him Dr. J for short. (Now I’m thinking of Harley Quinn and “Mr. J”). This dentist is the source of most of the bad dental experiences. In my “success story” I mentioned that I didn’t trust Dr. J and his behavior matched what a lot of people would probably describe as an “old-school” dentist (feeling like the dentist is hiding/not talking to you). The original post left out a lot of detail so I will try to summarize.
- The probe: Don’t think I’ve mentioned it on these forums but I am afraid of the cavity check during exams. Having painful or uncomfortable experiences with this for 6 years makes it so that I still tense when I think about it.
- Disconnected: Where as the dentist I saw in my childhood explained things, Dr. J did not. I feel like I remember most of my appointments being in silence. Not much chatter from the dentist or staff so I felt disconnected from what was going on around me or like they didn’t want to bother talking to me about my teeth. (Example: not knowing I needed a filling until I got to the front desk after a check-up and the receptionist asked my mom when they could schedule the next appointment.)
- Freezing: Pretty sure my habit of freezing up at appointments started during this time as a way to “cope” with what was going on. I didn’t fully understand what I was feeling or experiencing as a teenager. It wasn’t until later appointments as an adult that I was better able to grasp what was happening.
In addition to that, I remember my jaw feeling very sore during that appointment and having difficulty keeping my mouth open. Dr. J asked if I wanted a “bite-block”. Now, understand I didn’t know what this term meant at the time so of course I nodded no. Dr. J’s attitude was basically well that’s your loss and he continued on. It wasn’t until much later that I learned what this term actually meant (more on that later).
I’ve said enough about Dr. J so I’ll leave it there and go over one other fear of mine. I have anxiety about needles. Its not dental specific, but I definitely freeze up when injections are happening (this is another thing that I will explain later since it links to other later memories). Keeping my eyes closed and being talked through the process helps quite a bit but its still a challenge.
TLDR: I have anxieties about needles, the probe and shaming. This causes me to freeze up at appointments. I’m looking into changing dentists so this has stirred up some bad old memories that I haven’t really addressed properly.
Feel like I have written enough to get this started…next time I’ll recount things related to that visit from 2013 because my original post was really vague.