• Dental Phobia Support

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Some Dentists Aren't Evil: Hearsay or Fact?

N

Nelalvai

Junior member
Joined
Mar 15, 2020
Messages
2
Location
Aurora
Yeah, I'm pretty skeptical that dentists aren't evil, but this rumor's been going around a lot lately, so I'm investigating.

Just the smell of a dentist's office makes me feel so furious and helpless. I hate everything about it. The feel of novocain sliding down my throat, that vile scraper thing, the tastes, the smells the sounds being in the chair...my therapist sent me to this forum as a starting place, to find some people who actually get it. The people I normally can tell anything, I can't talk to about this, the things they say make it worse.

I know I'm supposed to say I'm working towards being comfortable going to the dentist on the regular, but honestly, I just want to be able to think about dentists without turning into a furious tearful mess. I (mostly) don't care if I never see another dentist.

So yeah, that's where I am. If I get anywhere else I'll write an update, send a postcard, etc, etc.
 
Hi Nelalvai :welcome:,

nice to have you here and hope this place will help you find what you are looking for.
Reading about how even thinking about dentist makes you feel and what images come.. you seeing dentist as evil makes perfect sense.

You are not supposed to say or to think anything here, there are no expectations on you here. This page has been created to be a safe place to feel however you feel and be whatever you are. Wishing to think about dentists without turning into a furious tearful mess is a huge thing, by the way.

I can only encourage you to write not only if you get anywhere else but to write whenever you feel like this and whatever you wish to write about :)

All the best wishes
 
Hi Nelalvai,
I am sorry that dentists have let you down thus far. I can relate to how you feel and I have been where you are... wanting nothing to do with dentists ever again and believing nothing good could come from seeing them. I finally had one prove me wrong but it was not all sunshine and roses on the first visit... it took a lot of time to build up trust and there were some setbacks now and then but we got there eventually. There is no quick fix to this phobia and everyone moves at their own pace. Be patient with yourself and realize there is no wrong or right way to feel about it. I don’t talk about DFC or my dental fear with anyone in my everyday life as people really just don’t get it as you said. I find this place to be a great outlet.
 
There’s only one person who knows about me using this forum to deal with my dental issues. I’ve found that it’s just not something you can casually discuss with someone. How’s that gonna go... Hey, how’s the kids? Do you know I haven’t been to the dentist in 20 years and I’m in constant pain but the pain just can’t beat out the fear?
Nope.
I did not tell my therapist about DFC until it’d been a few months. By then I’d been able to go to the dentist and knew what I was in for. (The smell was a trigger but it really didn’t smell like I remembered)
There’s no easy cure for this, but everyone here knows how you feel. There are people on here that have been members for years and still haven’t been able to make an appointment. No one judges anyone. We’re all here to support each other - no matter what.
 
Nelalvai,

Welcome to DFC!! We are glad you are here, and really glad to hear your therapist suggested it to you!! I know for me it has been a lifesaver to be able to come to a place people understand, support and empathize with you. I'm with @Enarete and @kitkat .. journal your real feelings. This is a truly real and authentic place where you will get the support you need. After my childhood/teen/young adult experiences, I did much avoiding myself. only damage control until I got to age 30 when I was desparate and round a lovely young dentist just out of school who started her own clinic. It wasn't like the typical dental clinic.. Not the usual feel or smell and at the time it was a small office and she would take her time and explain everything and was so compassionate. I've never experienced it before.. I was also in a great place of anxiety and domestic abuse sitaution and going to her really changed my life. Well you might not be in a place to go anywhere yet and that is ok.. just thinking about it, talking about it, writing here, is a start.. and we will support you in your journey. Take your time, one step at a time is still getting closer. and there really are alot of kind caring dentists out there now adays for when you get to the place you want to try..
 
Hi @Nelalvai, thank you so much for posting! I just found this site and joined. Yours is the first post I read, and I have to say I am happy to find someone like me for once.

I don't fear the dentist as much as I hate them!! You are so right, they are evil vicious liars and I hate them all. I know this will sound dumb, and I know it isn't true, but the dentist (any dentist) is Satan.

That is how I have felt since my first visit to the dentist at 3 years old where he yelled in my face, shook my head violently and made me cry. At 3 years old! I was scared when they took me in the room without my Mom - I had never been separated from my mom and even thought I went in with my sister (4 yrs older than me) they separated us and I sat in a long line of chairs scared, waiting. Until this ugly man with huge hands took one look at me and started yelling at me. And that horrible hygenist sat there and said nothing. She even took me to my mom after and said everything went great. I was shocked and traumatized. I was never able to tell my mom as a child what he did to me. That every time after that he yelled, shook my head, covered my nose and mouth with his huge hand, even rested his hand so heavy in my mouth after I told him I had a loose tooth that the tooth came out stuck in his thumb when he removed his hand. I still remember him saying "huh, look at that". I hate him. I had to go to him until I was in high school because I didn't know what else to say, but, I don't want to go to him can we see someone else. And my mom didn't know anyone else to go to so she kept taking me back. This was 1970's. I shook the moment his mail reminders came and were posted on the fridge. When we walked in the door I would violently shake until we left but I always lied to them and said I was cold because I hated them so much I didn't want them to know the truth. It was my only power to say I was fine and lay there physically, violently shaking while they gave me blankets. I smiled with my mouth and hated them with my eyes. He filled and silver capped every baby tooth I had. He lied. I know he did because we didn't eat sweets and I brushed my teeth with all the hatred I had in my heart for him. I can kill a toothbrush faster than anyone I know by brushing my hatred away. My older sister rarely had cavities. When I got perminant teeth he started filling them and I counted the day until he had filled them all and rejoiced there would be no more work for him to do. "Oh well look at that, you have a cavity between your teeth!" he laughed the next visit. In my mind I screamed, he would never stop. My sister had the occasional cavity and needed and got braces in high school. All that time I watched how often she went to visits for the braces and vowed I would not have them. How could I bear to be there more than twice a year. In my heart I would die. Then came the day he had the talk with my mom. My sweet trusting mom who never questioned him - what ever you think is best, you're the doctor. She grew up poor with no dentist and tooth aches. She tried her best, I knew that so I was never angry with her but I deteremined I would never trust a dentist! No one will ever tell me anything without me making sure on my own it was true and necessary. I would trust no one in authority. They lie. I told my mom on the way home I didn't want braces. I didn't care. She said if he thinks you need braces, you will get braces. I started to plot. How do I get out of this. I clearly had a small gap between my two front top teeth and the top fang teeth were a little turned. I told mom if my teeth were straight would she let me not have braces and she said yes. I will ever forget every day of 6th grade pushing my teeth in class. I pushed the two front teeth closer, I pushed the fang teeth to be straighter, day after day in class. I did it too. I have beautiful straight teeth, no gap and on the rare occasion a dentist sees my teeth they rave about how great my teeth are. "did you have braces" me, oh no. "Wow, that is so amazing, you teeth are so beautiful. You are really lucky." me in my head - I hate you all, I made them straight to spite that man and you are impressed with my teeth because of me and my determination and my hate and for nothing good that a dentist ever did for me. I only think this in my head. It is my secret, my weapon against you and you will never ever know. Oh, and you will never know how much I hate you! And I just smile. So I won that battle. Dr. Knight never got to make money off my mother for braces, but he went after me with "cavities" until I finally wore my mom down and got to change dentists. Some time after that my childhood dentist had a heart attack and dies. I was so happy he would never harm a child again. I hated that i would never have the opportunity to confront him as an adult. So often I wish I could walk up to him - old and sitting in a chair. I would yell in his face! I would tell him how much I hated him, everything he did to me, I would scream it to the world to hear with him sitting there and I would spew my anger all over him. But he's dead and I can't. So what do I do with it? How do I end it? My husband wants me to find a way to get over it. To just let it go. It's just not that easy.

Now I have children (I have seen how very little I was at 3 years old!). I vowed to make it better for them. To be sure they never feared or hated the dentist. I carefully chose a place that is as good as a dentist can be. I am happy to see them not have a problem with going and being fine with being there. But every time I walk in the door I hate. Every moment I sit, I analyze and wait. I will pounce on them if threatened, if they harm my child. I am always primed and ready until we leave. I can't help it. Overall they have been very good to my boys. When they have not been at their very best, I have complained and changed hygenists. I even made them put a note in our chart that we would never see one girl again because I didn't like how she talked to me, that she wasn't nice enough with my boys.

I haven't been in for a cleaning since I was married 22 years ago. I don't care. It causes me anxiety attacks and I refuse to put myself through that. The only time since that I have sat in a dentist chair is when a metal filling from my evil childhood dentist fell out while i was chewing gum. (I haven't chewed gum since!) I went to my kid's dentist office (they see adults too) and had them fill it for me. I sat in the car and cried because I was so angry and afraid and full of hate before I went in.

I would dearly love to not feel this way anymore but I don't know how. Typing this is helping. You see, I have to take the boys to an orthodontist appointment to see about braces for my 15 and 12 year old boys tomorrow. I can already feel the hate and distrust rise. I already fear they will lie. I hate it. I hate them. I hate HIM so much. I don't know what to do.

I had an idea but I haven't done it yet. I live in TX and I need a warm day when I am not busy and alone. I found out where my childhood dentist is burried. I don't know if this would help. But I want to go to his grave, jump up and down, yell an scream and cuss and be as incredibly disrespectful as I can be without getting arrested. The only time I have ever wished for a penis so I could piss on his grave! But then I had a great idea. I bought palm sized river rocks. I have written on them in Sharpie all the truths about him. How mean he was, how he lied, how he hurt me, how I hate him, how evil he is. One day I will go to his grave and place each of those stones on his tomb stone to tell the world the truth. I don't care if they get thrown away, I plan to only go the once. My hope is that I can walk away and leave my hate and anger with him on those stones. It's what I wrote on a stone anyway. I don't know when I'll do it, but if I do, I'll post in the forum so you all can know.

Thanks for reading this if anyone does. It feels a little better to write it all out. I'm the only one in our house tonight dreading this dentist appointment, hating them and anxious for it to be over. I'm sure my husband and I will fight about it, We always do. He doesn't understand and he never will...
 
I only had two bad dentists, my childhood dentist and where I had my removeable braces checked every two to three weeks. My parents asked for us to see another dentist at the practice after I had my braces.

The braces guy his office smelt like poo
 
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