Something Always Goes Wrong

[Lemi]

I’m an idiot thinking things would go as planned today. Getting all happy that all this pain would be behind me. Of course not. They said my gums were too swollen to put on the permanent crown and to come in next week. Everyday I brushed and flossed, finally taking my life into my own hands. They said my teeth are so bad it will take awhile to heal. It’s funny, I told the lady that I was nervous and felt that something would go wrong. She said I’m being silly and stop worrying. She even showed me my “new teeth” aka crowns. 3 weeks I’ve had anxiety thinking about how this would happen. Now I know the worrying is justified. They said I’m maxing out my mom and dad’s insurance and I need a full exam. I’m not going to make my parents pay for my mistakes. If things go bad next week, I don’t know what I’ll do. I won’t live like that. Rather die. Let’s just see what happens.

 

[hatemyself]

I’m an idiot thinking things would go as planned today. Getting all happy that all this pain would be behind me. Of course not. They said my gums were too swollen to put on the permanent crown and to come in next week. Everyday I brushed and flossed, finally taking my life into my own hands. They said my teeth are so bad it will take awhile to heal. It’s funny, I told the lady that I was nervous and felt that something would go wrong. She said I’m being silly and stop worrying. She even showed me my “new teeth” aka crowns. 3 weeks I’ve had anxiety thinking about how this would happen. Now I know the worrying is justified. They said I’m maxing out my mom and dad’s insurance and I need a full exam. I’m not going to make my parents pay for my mistakes. If things go bad next week, I don’t know what I’ll do. I won’t live like that. Rather die. Let’s just see what happens.

Lemi. I'm here for you, I know you're feeling bad right now. I know you'd say you'd rather die. Let's talk for a bit, is that ok? You can always PM me too if you like. I'll reply when I can.

You have obviously had a really, really bad day.I'm sorry about that. It sounds super fucking frustrating. If you want to feel angry about it feel angry. My counsellor always said depression is anger turned inwards, onto oneself. Let that anger out, if you can in a HEALTHY and SAFE way - squeeze a stress ball, scream into a pillow, go for a run, punch a stuffed animal (but say sorry to him afterwards). You can get through this. Take it slow. It will be ok. I know you don't believe that and don't want to believe that but things will be ok.

What's the deal with the gums? Will they not get better? Is it just a matter of time? Is it just that you have to wait longer to get your crowns? I agree with you it's really frustrating but it will happen one day. This is an unfortunate thing to happen but there is always hope. 21st century dentistry is amazing, man. There is always hope.

please call a helpline if you are thinking about hurting yourself in some way. There are healthier and better ways to let out the sadness. Please believe me. I am a sufferer from depression and have had self harming thoughts before. There is someone on the end of the phone who's be more than happy to speak with you. There is hope. Keep going. Just take it slow.

Please keep safe.

 

[Lemi]

I just don’t know what to do. I can tell my parents don’t care. When I got home I sat down and my dad asked how it went. I said “bad” and he didn’t care. Didn’t say anything, just went back to playing with his phone. My mom seems to care a little, i mean, she’s the one who’s been taking me to the dentist. My sister of course just ignored me when I came in. I don’t want to make them suffer financially in any way due to my inaction to take care of myself. I know it would be better if I never said anything about my tooth pain. I’ve been in more pain this last month “treating” the bad teeth than I’ve ever been In before. I just don’t know what to do. I really appreciate you responding. You probably care more than my whole family does. Don’t worry, I won’t hurt myself. Unless things go bad next week. We’ll see what happens.

 

[npraoz]

I had crown lengthening because I didn’t have enough space for a crown with my gums the way it was before. Maybe they can do the same procedure for you???
Idk I’m just adding my two cents, I really feel you when you say that your family doesn’t Care. Sometimes my family just blows off the problems that bother me the most...
if you ever need someone to talk to you can PM me too! I really hope things get better for you, I’m going through a rough time now with a this procedure.. it’s not fun..
May god help us

 

[Animalhouse]

Lemi, I'm sorry to hear that your appointment didn't go as planned. Have you tried rinsing a few times a day with warm salty water? It can help speed up gum healing. Also be sure you aren't brushing too hard as to irritate your gums more.

Maxing out insurance isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's a use it or lose it number. Maybe your parents can tell you when the plan year will be ending, that way everyone will know when it will be replenished.

Try not to be too hard on yourself. Everybody makes mistakes. Some people overeat, some smoke, some neglect their teeth. I've spent too many years avoiding the dentist because I felt too guilty to make my husband pay for my mistakes, but him, like your mother, want you to be healthy. Ignored problems only become more painful and costly down the road. I hope your luck changes soon. Remember that everyone is here to support each other.

 

[Lemi]

Thank you npraoz and animalhouse for your support. I really just had/am still having a mental breakdown right now. I know I sounded depressed or maybe even suicidal in my first post, but I think I’ll be fine for this week at least. Again, we’ll see how things go next Wednesday. Thanks again for your support. It’s really sad that people on the internet care more than your own father but, I guess I have to live with it. Also noraoz, hope you’re doing well too.

 

[Lemi]

Thank you hatemyself as well. Thank you.

 

[Animalhouse]

Thank you npraoz and animalhouse for your support. I really just had/am still having a mental breakdown right now. I know I sounded depressed or maybe even suicidal in my first post, but I think I’ll be fine for this week at least. Again, we’ll see how things go next Wednesday. Thanks again for your support. It’s really sad that people on the internet care more than your own father but, I guess I have to live with it. Also noraoz, hope you’re doing well too.

It's hard for people who aren't going through the same thing to understand how you feel. Your dental woes are always running through your mind while your parents may barely be thinking about teeth at all. That's why this forum is so helpful for all of us. It can be daunting to seek emotional support from friends and relatives when you're self conscious about your ailments. Hope you feel better soon!

 

[hatemyself]

Hey lemi. Sorry I could only reply now. How are you doing? Are you feeling any different? Bear in mine (ha, bear) that your parents and fam may have been worried about you/weren't sure what to say - and yes, that can come across as them not caring but I'm sure that's not the case. Also I'm sure they won't be annoyed/put out by the cost - it's just a fact of life, dental costs (if you're private or live in the US) - it's just a part of life so of course it won't annoy them. Hang in there, girl. I was convinced that my sister couldn't care if I offed myself or not until I was brutally honest with her and told her that and it turned out she just didn't know what to say.

It's hard to feel so bad you want to hurt yourself. Sometimes intense pain is felt. I send you lots of bear hugs to help sooth your pain Remember, it's how you deal with those feelings that matters, and you posting on here is a good and HEALTHY way of coping. I wish you strength, please tell me how you're doing now.

 

[Enarete]

Dear Lemi,

sorry to hear about your difficult situation with your treatment and even more sorry to hear that your family is not helpful with this. I'm at the same time very touched by the fact that you see protecting your parents from unnecessary treatment costs as the highest priority.

It's never easy to feel confident when it comes to dental fear and dental treatment and this is hard even as an adult. In your case you have additional stress coming from the fact that you have to keep yourdental decisions in sync with your parents.

There is something in your posts that I would like to point out to show you things from a different perspective:

They said my teeth are so bad it will take awhile to heal. It’s funny, I told the lady that I was nervous and felt that something would go wrong. She said I’m being silly and stop worrying.

These are heavy words and absolutely inappropriate. This is so rude. I'm so sorry for this experience. No dentist ever should talk to you like this, no matter how old you are an what the state your teeth are. A dentist is a health care provider and his/her job is to help you maintain your oral health and you (or your parents) are paying for this services. Dentists behaving like this are one of the reasons dental fear exists in the first place. It makes me mad because you are so motivated and really try hard to take responsibility and this dentist just ruined that.

You also told her you were nervous, which is great - you communicated clearly and openly and offered her a possibility to put you at ease and she ruined that too.. did you know, that there are dentists out there who go through a special communication training to be able to put patiens at ease? And then there is this person who treats you like a set of teeth and ignores you worries.

The right way would be to explain to you, what is happening with your gums and how can you make sure to heal them as soon as possible to be ready for your crown soon. They should also listen to what your worries are and invest the extra minute to talk to you and put you at ease.

I know that you might not have the possibility to change dentists at the moment, but it's very important that you understand, that you haven't done anything wrong. On the contrary: you are brushing and flossing, trying to take the responsibility for your life, trying to protect your parents from high costs, you are amazing! Please keep this in mind, you are doing such a good job.
So what you really deserve is a kind caring dentist who will treat you nicely and support you on your way because that is what a dentist is supposed to do.

Please hold on and do not lose hope. I will keep my fingers crossed for you on Wednesday and I really wish you could change a practice and find someone who treats you with respect.

All the best for you and let us know how you are doing

 

[ReyCo]

I’m an idiot thinking things would go as planned today. Getting all happy that all this pain would be behind me. Of course not. They said my gums were too swollen to put on the permanent crown and to come in next week. Everyday I brushed and flossed, finally taking my life into my own hands. They said my teeth are so bad it will take awhile to heal. It’s funny, I told the lady that I was nervous and felt that something would go wrong. She said I’m being silly and stop worrying. She even showed me my “new teeth” aka crowns. 3 weeks I’ve had anxiety thinking about how this would happen. Now I know the worrying is justified. They said I’m maxing out my mom and dad’s insurance and I need a full exam. I’m not going to make my parents pay for my mistakes. If things go bad next week, I don’t know what I’ll do. I won’t live like that. Rather die. Let’s just see what happens.

OMG. I know exactly how you feel. I HATE being a burden on my parents. And it seems like no matter what I do, my teeth just get worse. I borrowed money to get $20 Prevident 5000 flouride toothpaste to brush. I got Flouride mouthwash. I cut out soda and candy and anything with sugar and citric acid. And still I find cavity here and sensitivity there. Everytime I feel good about my life and teeth I find another problem. I can relate with you so much when you say you dont want to make your parents pay for your mistakes. I feel exactly the same. My medicare dental insurance is maxed out and if it werent for this tax refund, I wouldnt have any funds to get the 4 fillings I need and possible extraction. But even then, Im constantly worried about another issue popping up. My dad says I told you so. My mom says I told you so. Thank god my girlfriend tells me everything will be ok.
My advice to you would be to take it a day at a time. Keep doing what your doing with your dental care routine and keep being the person you are because I can tell your a very kind and unselfish person with great empathy for others.
If you every wanna talk you can DM me as well. I can relate with everything you said and you are not alone.
Take care.