• Dental Phobia Support

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Sometimes I really wonder what's wrong with me.

S

Sagira

Junior member
Joined
Sep 10, 2007
Messages
7
..I really, really do.

I can't remember the last time I went to a dentist. I can very vaguely remember recieving some stickers and a little yellow toothbrush, but it seems so blurry that I'm not entirely sure if it really happened or not. It's been that long.

I am so embarassed about my teeth. More than that, I know there must be a million things wrong with them (and wrong with me?). I have some really OCDish tendancies. It takes me forever to get into the routine of doing something, but once I DO.. I don't stop. This is good, and this is bad. My parents, though they encouraged brushing all the time, never really enforced it, and thus far my OCD has stopped me from being able to DO it regularly, because I never got into the routine of doing it, and now I can't seem to for the life of me. I've tried, and a few times I've managed to keep it up for a week or so, but.. afterwards I just can't anymore. That may seem silly, but.. it's hard to explain how weird compulsions like that work. I've never been formally diagnoised with OCD, but I know that I have it on some level. It's really frustrating, because I feel like no one would understand why it truly feels impossible. What's even more frustrating is that I find it easy to slip into a routine with some things, but not this.

I've always had problems like this, though.

I didn't start brushing my hair regularly until 6th grade. Not because I didn't want to be hygenic, or look good, or anything of the sort; I just couldn't. I can't explain this any better.

Anyway, I'm a month away from turning 18, and I just don't know what to do. I'm terrified of what the dentist will think. I don't want to have to explain why I have such a hard time brushing and getting into a routine and all those other OCD things that I don't want to explain. My parents never forced me to get braces or have teeth removed and you have no idea how much resentment I have towards them because of that. And now, I'm just unsure what to do. I want to get my teeth fixed, but.. I fear that I (we) won't have the money. I'm afraid that my Dad's coverage of me will run out when I turn 18, too. I'm afraid of having to explain to them why I need so much money because so many things are wrong with my teeth.

What's worse? I KNOW his family dental coverage will not cover braces for me anymore because I'm over 16. I know that I can't get teeth pulled unless they have to be pulled for reasons other than them growing in oddly. And I'm so terrified that I have some horrible infection that will result in pain and sickness and other horrific things. Ohgod.

This feels like so much weight to be holding at 18! I have a beautiful boyfriend, a job and I get good grades, and I'm going to be traveling, but.. having my teeth in this condition is enough to make me panic and forget all of that. I have better things to be panicing about! Like getting into uni and getting my passport and.. normal things.

This is not a normal thing. *sigh*

I'm getting desperate, and I don't like it.
 
Re: Sometimes I really wonder what's wrong with me

I can relate too to some of those things , and I wouldn't doubt that I am OCD in some form as well . I could have also taken better care of my teeth as well , but its hard sometimes when I look at them in the mirror only to be reminded how much it truly pains me that they have become the way they are . I constantly look at others who have beautiful teeth and think to myself 'Are those real ? Maybe if I had not been as stubborn so many years ago Mine would look like that' ::sigh::

I also haven't been to a dentist since I was 14-15 (I'm 26) it was a big mistake on my part ...I should have had braces years ago and have impacted wisdom teeth which have Definitely been a major cause for the condition they are in. I not only feel a deep sense of regret because of it , but also resentment towards myself too .

As for getting whatever treatment I may need , I have No idea how I will be able to afford it either , and it is also a touchy thing for me in that regard as well when it comes to trying to come up with a way to ask family members for help because I truly cannot afford it on my own . I have a job , but lately "living paycheck to paycheck" would be an improvement at this rate!

My family doesn't know *How* bad it really is , as I make it a point to more or less 'hide' that from everyone due to being ashamed of it (Most of my family has white , straight , nice teeth ..and mine are , well...::sigh:: terribly embarassing when I worry about whether or not my teeth are visible when smiling and so forth ...

Luckily though , this forum is Wonderful and the support from everyone goes beyond words . I have not been here long myself , but I am certainly glad that I came here .

Good luck :)
 
Re: Sometimes I really wonder what's wrong with me

A lot of what you are feeling now is so similar to what so many of us were experiencing before we managed to get that first dental appointment under our belts and, far from being abnormal, I am finding it is more and more normal to have such worries.  You are so young (which makes me sound so old) but really, in such a short time there can't be that much wrong with your teeth. And believe me, dentists today would never tell you off for not going to them before now (or if you happened to find one that did, then I would straight away march out and find a proper dentist).  Even with modern techniques today, painless injections through what is called the wand, high speed drills, lovely light and airy surgeries and none of the horrid disinfectant smelling places of yesteryear, going to the dentist can still be scary.  Don't know if you have read through any of the journals: in my case, I know it got so long its like a biblical epic but if you read it you will see that my fear spanned nearly 40 years (well actually the fear was longer than that but it took tht long for me to get to the dentist. Even so I was terrified, hence my name, and it was only through the support of this board that, despite the fact I knew I had to go to the dentist, that I actually managed to go through with it.  Finding the right dentist for you, is the main thing, finding one with whom you will feel comfortable and trust implicitly. Their attitude and caring will help you through it, they will be happy that you have come to them for help, they will not tell you off for not looking after your teeth up till now, they are there to help you and they will do so. It's an awfully big step to take, that very first one actually contacting a dentist for the first consultation, but once you have been able to do that, it does get easier and remember, there are dozens of us here on this site ready to cheer you on and support you every step of the way.  You've already made an important step in the right direction by signing onto this site. It really does help to write about your problems, your fears etc but as a lot of us have found, we let our imaginations run riot and when it comes to the treatment most find its never half as bad as they had imagined. Best of luck and look forward to reading further of your progress. :grouphug:
#By the way, scorpiodreaming says her family didnt know about her problems. All the time I hid my fear of dentists and my dental problems I thought I ws the only one to know but, once I started treatment it turned out that all my family knew, only they didn't know how to tell me I needed treatment without my taking offence.  I tell you, if only they had said something, I might not have paid so dearly in the end. I only mention that because we think we're hiding things, but we can't really hide things from family and they, as well as us, can be a tremendous rock to you.
 
Re: Sometimes I really wonder what's wrong with me

Thank you for sharing your story.  I hear so much of myself in what you write, and I bet lots of other folks here will identify with your story.

First, there is nothing wrong with you.  You're bright, articulate, a great writer, sensitive, and you have some very interesting things going on in your life.  Sure, you might have some foibles--for you it's OCD tendencies, for others it's compulsive overeating, codependency, workaholism, etc. -- but you are fine.

I do know what it's like to resent your parents.  The dentist I had growing up told them that I must have braces or I will have serious dental and digestion issues when I become an adult.  My parents refused the braces saying that the dentist was pushing them for cosmetic reasons and to make a quick buck.  Lo and behold, 15+ years later, I'm in need of crowns, fillings, and TMJ treatment because I never had the braces.  I also have a lot of stomach and digestion problems because I can't chew properly.  Add to this that I have the privilege of paying to fix it all when it could have been taken care of for a fraction of the price so long ago, and you have a recipe for some serious anger and resentment.

I know it all seems overwhelming now, but remember that you can take all this step by step.  Work on what you can emotionally, financially, and creatively handle right now.  Maybe you just work on finding someone to help you with the OCD tendencies or find a good dentist and work on just one tooth that hurts you most.

Good luck and keep posting.   :grouphug:

The Other Me

Edited to fix typos.
 
Re: Sometimes I really wonder what's wrong with me

This forum seems incredibly supportive, and I could relate with a lot of the things people were posting, so.. I'm really glad I found it and joined. You're all so wonderful. :) My Dad has actually commented on my teeth before, but.. not until after I was 16, by which point the specific things he was grumbling about couldn't be fixed anyway. I really wish they just would have MADE me get things done earlier. Sure, I would have been grumbly for a little while, but I would have gotten over it and in the long run been so much happier.

I just.. don't understand. They made me go to doctors, and eye doctors and everything else imaginable, but.. not a dentist. Why not a dentist? *seethe*

Okay, I'm done. Haha. Thankyou all for your support and responses. They've meant a lot to me. Luckily, none of my teeth are hurting really badly right now. They've never hurt really badly, though sometimes they ache a bit. I'm not sure if this is a good sign or not. Even so, I want to do something about this before it does get to the point where they're hurting constantly.

:hidesbehindsofa:

I e-mailed a few local dentists and explained my situation to a certain degree. I'm much more articulate in letter form than I've ever been over the phone, so I thought that was a better way to go about it. Wish me luuck, and I'm sure I'll post a very bouncy update if I go through with it. I found one place that offers entirely free consultations, so I can atleast find out what's wrong with them (which is a terrifying prospect on its own, but I digress..).

:grouphug:

PS: I'm going to go read loads of the journals now! :)
 
Re: Sometimes I really wonder what's wrong with me

Yes scaredstiff, I am pretty sure that my family knows more than I might think they do about my situation too, I can also liken that to my weightloss (which is yet again in progress..isn't stress eating wonderful ? :jump: lol) I began that 2 years ago ..oh well , never too late . Basically though , everyone told me how much weight I had lost and how good I looked , but before that point no one really ever said anything except for certain things here and there , but it was obvious all along , even if I was in a state of denial over it . Perhaps I can look at it like that . No one ever says "Wow! You have gained so much weight!" like they would say the opposite about one who has Lost weight .

Anyhow though , I would definitely agree with you on that (congrats on your progress by the way! I have read your journal). 18 is quite young and looking back myself , if I would have gone to a dentist at 18 maybe things would have been Much better for me ...there would also surely be alot less damage done from drinking too many carbonated drinks too , which for the longest time I honestly had no knowledge that it was so detrimental to teeth .

It is very good to hear that you are looking into a dentist which offers a free consultation Sagira , that is what I am looking into myself not only so that I know what will need to be done (and I , but so I know how much it will cost and then go from there . The idea of what that entails is rather worrisome to me too , so I can relate to that too ..here's to both of us finding that it won't be as bad as we think it will! :cheers:

scaredstiff said:
By the way, scorpiodreaming says her family didnt know about her problems. All the time I hid my fear of dentists and my dental problems I thought I ws the only one to know but, once I started treatment it turned out that all my family knew, only they didn't know how to tell me I needed treatment without my taking offence.  I tell you, if only they had said something, I might not have paid so dearly in the end. I only mention that because we think we're hiding things, but we can't really hide things from family and they, as well as us, can be a tremendous rock to you.
 
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