Sorry I Was MIA Forever BUT I Am DESPERATE!

[CollegeBound]

I am a horrible forum member. I admit it. I'm so sorry. Please feel free to message me and I'll give you my email. I check it daily.

I come back in a time of need however. Remember when I had to go for an exam in November and my boyfriend and I talked about how both of us are afraid of dental appointments. Which is great. Except the part that we are both afraid and his mom still normally goes with him and sits with him in exam rooms for moral support.

Well, my now FIANCE ? has an appointment Thursday for 2 fillings. His mom, whom is a saint and I love her loads, is working on making both of us more independent. An important skill, but when you get two 21- year-olds who are not even capable of the simplest of adult functions such as a budget, the road to adulthood is a hard and long journey. Not one for the weak.

In this quest, we have now been introduced to functioning in society as a couple. We have mastered the grocery store, bank, work, school, both sides of family functions, and two doctor's appointments. Our biggest challenge has been given to us, to test our faith.

His parents have agreed that we will be going to his dentist appointment Thursday alone. Just the two of us. Two young adults against our largest and scariest demon.

Any advice for our quest would be appreciated. The CB-CB's fiance duo needs renforcement.

 

[brandi97]

So far, the best advice I have seen on here is:

You will leave the dentist's chair better than you went in.

And that is the truth. I hate to be that bearer of bad news, but I was coddled until I was 38, LLLLOL. It hindered my development, and I wish I had not been held back from experiencing the negatives so much. As, I honestly have grasped what independence is like for only 3 or so years, now.

You and your fiance WOOHOOO!!!! will be in for the shock of your life: that it is NOT that bad. Some things just suck about the dentist. But once you get them fixed, things suck less and less. Then next thing you know, you are there for cleanings and slaps of high fives from the hygienist, since you do not have do crap since you already took care of all of your issues!!

You got this. Welcome to the real world. Sucks, eh? Listen to Paramore's "Ain't It Fun?" - that is the STORY of my life. Hehe

You'll do great! And your fiance will admire your bravery and follow in your shoes!

 

[leilani]

Be there for HIM just as he will be there for YOU even though you are scared. Put on a brave face and show him you are strong and supportive. Let him lean on you and you be there to comfort him. Don't be needy when he needs you. This is what I do for my children when I need to be strong for them.

I also fear the dentist. When I go to my children's dental appointments (they are 7 and 11), I am brave and fearless (or so they see). This is not MY time to be scared and needy but my time to tell them the dentist is helpful and painless and caring. I give them courage and let them know they will be ok and that they can do it! I tell them they are strong and will be so proud when it's over. I offer incentive so they have something to look forward to when it's over (a movie or shopping).

You do this for you husband. He should do it for you when you have to have dental work done. Be strong for him, he will feel more confident. Promise him some fun time at home afterwards or make him his favorite dessert.

GOod luck!

 

[FearfulInMA]

Fiancé?! YAY!!! I'm not sure I told you, but my bf and I got engaged too

You can do this! You need to focus on supporting your fiancé. Just be there for him. Ask him what he needs and put all of your focus there. You can also think of it as a way to practice managing your anxiety during a time when you know that you don't have to have any treatment.

PM me if you want. Glad to 'see' you back, but sorry it's under less-than-ideal circumstances.

 

[Courtenay]

So the science actually suggests that most people do better without a support person in the room, especially if said support person is anxious about the experience. I know I no longer go in with my 8 year old and she does better without me there. He may be more successful.knowing you are waiting outside rather in the room for the procedure where you can somewhat feed each other's anxiety. Just my two cents. I had the most ridiculous dental anxiety before booking my appointmental, I won't say it's gotten better, it's definitely still there, but each visit has been a little easier. I agree with the above advice that you won't leave the chair worse off than going in. Good luck!

 

[comfortdentist]

So the science actually suggests that most people do better without a support person in the room, especially if said support person is anxious about the experience. I know I no longer go in with my 8 year old and she does better without me there. He may be more successful.knowing you are waiting outside rather in the room for the procedure where you can somewhat feed each other's anxiety. Just my two cents. I had the most ridiculous dental anxiety before booking my appointmental, I won't say it's gotten better, it's definitely still there, but each visit has been a little easier. I agree with the above advice that you won't leave the chair worse off than going in. Good luck!

With the right dentist you wil l progress most without mom

 

[CollegeBound]

I agree that his mom is right to not go, but I'm just a bit scared because now I will be going to the exam room with him. He has high-functioning Autism, and does not want to go back alone. I need to learn how to keep my cool and fear in check to be able to support him.

 

[brandi97]

Have either of you tried meditation? I know it sounds hokey, but even another girl on here said that she has heard of "my guy" Jason Stephenson on YouTube. He really is good at teaching you how to control your reactions to things and to gain control of stressful situations.

You might wanna check him out. Or browse for some others you might enjoy. Just a suggestion.

http://time.com/4470517/neuroscience-of-mindfulness/

This article shows the actual science behind it and how it works. I never bought into that "peace be within thee" crap, but it has literally changed my life. AND my fiance who has debilitating panic disorder is getting on a PLANE next month - all due to meditation and mindfulness. It really is at least worth looking into.

My $0.02.

 

[CollegeBound]

Thank you all for the support. Today is Doom's Day. Any last words?

 

[FearfulInMA]

Just think about how awesome you will both feel when it's over! Plan something nice for yourselves

 

[Mugz]

Hi CollegeBound!! Looks like you're now MarriageBound !! Congratulations on your engagement AND making it to your double dental date!! Anxious to hear how it all went. Hope you remembered your cape Proud of you!

 

[FearfulInMA]

CB - just checking in. And MUGZ - HELLO!!!