• Dental Phobia Support

    Welcome! This is an online support group for anyone who is has a severe fear of the dentist or dental treatment. Please note that this is NOT a general dental problems or health anxiety forum! You can find a list of them here.

    Register now to access all the features of the forum.

still haven't gone

  • Thread starter eightiesmetal1986
  • Start date
E

eightiesmetal1986

Junior member
Joined
Jul 24, 2008
Messages
12
New here and need help

Hello everyone-
I'm new to this site and this is my first post. I know this question has been written a zillion times. I'm at a loss because of my fear of the dentist. I'm embarassed & scared of what the hygenist and the dentist will think of my teeth. I haven't been in about 12 years because of this. As a result, i don't smile. This affects every part of my life. Even my last relationship suffered. For example, we'd travel atleast once a year. of course, we'd take alot of photos of us together. In 99% of them, i'm not smiling. Does grinning count? though i'm happy inside, i can't smile. I have nightmares too about this & waking up in cold sweats. I think its not being in control, what the dentist will think, the FEAR, anticipation on the first appointment.....EVERYTHING!!! I really want to go & have my life back and be able to show how i feel inside. Anyone that has the same feeling as myself, a response would surely help!!! Thanks everyone & good luck with everything. Enjoy your day and i'm behind you 100% if ya need help people:)
 
Re: New here and need help

I'm new here myself and cannot help you,

But I replied because i know and can relate with every word you have posted and wanted you to know your not alone in the way you feel.
 
Re: New here and need help

:welcome:

Do you currently have a dentist? If not it is probably a good idea to try to find one that might specialise in phobic patients.
 
Re: New here and need help

Hello and :welcome:You are definatly in the right forum...and you should consider your post a big first step,I am proud of you.
I too stayed away from the dentist for about 12 years(give or take a year)I found this site and got tons of support and did what I had to do and let me tell you that the dental appointments we're nothing like I had imagined.
first you need to find yourself a nice caring,friendly dentist....they are out there and hopefully the majority:)
Then your first appoointment will be a consultation and looksy if your comfortable and then you find out what needs to be done.
When I finally went it turned out that I need a full upper denture....Was I scarde?...oh ya...but I did what I had to do to be healthy and enjoy my life which I am finally doing.
another thing is that at the dentist....YOU ARE ALLWAYS IN CONTROL!
When you find the one right for you,work out a hand signal with him/her that if you need to stop you could raise your hand....and a good dentist willl respect that....you are the customer there for remeber that you are in control and everything is your decision.
I was afraid and embarrassed about what the dentist would think and before I opened my mouth I even said"I know my teeth are in bad shape and that's why I am here"and when I opened my mouth he said"Oh honey,I have seen worse"
Having a good dentist makes all the difference in the world,so take your time and do some research.Dentistry has changed so much....I had 14 teeth extracted and felt no pain:)
well again congradulations and once you take the steps nesassary it is such a gift to be able to smile again:)not to mention being able to eat and no killer toothaches.
Your in my thoughts....and we are defanantly here for you.:XXLhug:
 
Re: New here and need help

Just wanted to say I know how you feel. I've avoided some vacations with friends because I know it's going to be a non-stop battle with the camera. I feel like I ruin all the pictures I'm in, and every big occasion or trip with friends I'm completely stressed out because of having to hide from the camera or endure "smile!...SMILE!!!" and some people won't take no for an answer. And now that loads of people are obsessed with putting pictures on facebook, there's a photo shoot every time you go anywhere. Little by little, I'm coming to terms with what I need to do to get my teeth fixed, but til then, yeah it sucks. Hang in there.
 
Re: New here and need help

thanks for the support. i just wish i could get over this crippling fear. i feel like i've gone so long without seeing a dentist that i'm a lost cause. you would think that its affecting my personal life, i would go. i'm just scared of the whole thing & the pain involved. i'm mad at myself for letting it get this far and the way it has ruined my personal life. man, i'm such a wuss. like that dude says, "stick it to the man"!
 
Re: New here and need help

thanks for the support. i just wish i could get over this crippling fear. i feel like i've gone so long without seeing a dentist that i'm a lost cause. you would think that its affecting my personal life, i would go. i'm just scared of the whole thing & the pain involved. i'm mad at myself for letting it get this far and the way it has ruined my personal life. man, i'm such a wuss. like that dude says, "stick it to the man"!

What pain are you expecting to be involved? I think you may have an exaggerated view of what modern dental treatment is like: Fear of pain during dental treatment

Then there are also loads of different sedation options if just local anaesthetic and a sympathetic dentist won't do it for you. :grouphug:
Chances are your longstanding phobia was caused by a bad dentist but there are loads of great ones out there...the first step is to find one you would consider visiting for a chat.
 
Re: New here and need help

do ya know how to go about getting a chat with a dentist? i actually got the nerve to do this but the reception lady told i have to have a cleaning first then have the consultation/chat with the dentist. i found this kinda odd cause how am i going to feel comfortable if i can't meet them first. thanks for the reply and yes, i had some bad experiences when i was younger. i want to say sorry to everyone if i don't post a reply to their post. once i get past this fear, i'll be able to help any of you with the problems i'm facing now. to let everyone know, i'll pray for all of you & the fears/problems you are facing. hope everyone understands & i don't want to come acrosss being selfish or anything. i'm here for anyone who needs eyes to type too. take care everyone and best of luck!!!!
 
Re: New here and need help

Call someone else. The place you called has a very odd way to do things. Never heard about anything like that before. Probably the dentist won't do the cleaning, so your first meeting with the dentist would be for a chat, but it won't be easy for you to have a cleaning first. So this receptionist doesn't seem to understand dental phobia. Go somewhere else.
 
Frustrated with myself

I'm pretty much at a loss now. I feel like i'll never get over this damn fear of mine. I sometimes get the nerve up to call and make the appointment but, like always, i chicken out!!! It's a never ending cycle that i NEED to break. This has affected my life so much. This might sound weird but the otherday, i was thinking of how embarrassed i'll feel when the hygenist/dentist looks in to my mouth. So, i took a picture of my mouth. Bad mistake!! I feel even more worried on what they are going to think. Obviously, you can tell my self esteem is low because of this. I'm not sure how or what to say when contacting a dentist for just a visit with them to see if i'll be comfortable & if they will be concerned for my needs as a patient. Does anyone know how to go about doing this? I really want my life back and to feel confident again. How can i get passed this & how did all of you out there get passed a similar fear such as mine? Thanks for taking the time to read this. Peace everyone!!
 
Re: Frustrated with myself

Well unfortunately a pain issue is what brought me back to the Dentist. That pretty much got all the what will they think and will they judge me stuff right out of the way. I don't recommend that route at ALL. If you can, find someone ahead of time and someone you can feel safe with so IF something strikes such as a pain issue you willnot have ot make last second decisions or wait around in pain finding a dentist to take you. It was Thanksgiving day when my tooth went and it was horrible pain.

Try to think of an initial visit as you interviewing the Dentist to see if you would like to have them care for your mouth. You are under no obligations for treatment at that point and you can tell them all about how you feel and see how they react. Call the office ahead and ask them if they Dentist has much experience with nervous or phobic patients before you ever make an appt.

Keep in mind that office staff while it's helpful for them to be nice don't always reflect how the Dentist will be. My last Dentist is a really kind and gentle person while his front office girl and I don't really hit it off at ALL. But she's not treating me so I'm ok with it.

I have a panic and anxiety disorder so you can imagine the Dentist visits can be tough for me even if I wasn't phobic. Honestly it's getitng better over time and learning that I will be ok. I just had a tooth extracted yesterday and I had a twinge of panic when I went in the office but it settled fast and I did fine. In the beginning I'd be stressing and crying days before the visit.

Talk to people or just start calling offices or searching on the internet and see who you might like to meet the most and set something up. Remember it's just a meeting. Take a friend or family with you or something that gives you security. You can do it! Dentists exist because people have teeth problems, they've seen so much already. Don't make yourself suffer, give it a try. You are worth the confidence and everything you have to gain.
:grouphug:
 
Re: Frustrated with myself

Hi there!

Oh, you sound just like I did when I started this whole journey. In fact, most people here can relate to what you're feeling right now.

First, you need to acknowledge the progress that you have made. Believe it or not, posting here is a great first step to dealing with your phobia. It also looks like you've made some good discoveries about the things that have been stopping you from going to the dentist.

Trust me, embarrassment plays a big part in avoiding the dentist. For many of us embarrassment was one of the key reasons that we avoided the dentist.

Scared2bethere has given you some good advice already. I would just add a couple of things - they are the things I tell most everyone and they are the things that worked for many of us here, myself included.

  1. Realize that you're not alone. Just by coming here you've found a large number of people who share your feelings. However, we're just a drop in the bucket. I've heard estimates that nearly 25% of the population has some fear of the dentist (whether it be minor or a full-on phobia). So, cut yourself some slack.
  2. Look up some website for dentists in your area. Are there any that make you a little less frightened than the others? For instance, when I found my dentist, I really liked her emphasis on relaxation techniques. It made me realize that this was a person who realized that many people stress out about going to the dentist.

    Asking friends and family for recommendations is also a great plan if you can bring yourself to do that.
  3. It can be a lot less scary if your first encounter with a dentist is via email. This was a technique that worked wonders for me and for many others here. In my email, I poured out my heart. All of the fears and worries that had kept me from the dentist for over 20 years came pouring out.

    Writing an email is a great way to explore what it is that has kept you from the dentist and to admit those fears without really worrying about anybody else's reaction. It can also be very cathartic. This email is also a good first step to see if a dentist is right for you. The reaction to your email can be a really good indication to how the dentist will treat you.

    Be warned, though, that some dentists don't check their email all that regularly. That happened to me. In my case, once I made that first email contact I was impatient to "get it over with" and I ended up calling the dentist's office before I got a response.
Those are a few good first steps. Above all, though, remember that you're not alone and that you have friends here who are cheering for you and who will help you along the way. :grouphug:
 
Re: Frustrated with myself

Reading your first post is like reading so many of our first postings. Embarrassment seems to go hand in hand with our fear or full blown phobia. I had stayed away from the dentist for 40 years so when the time came that I knew I just couldn't wait any longer (and it was only by finding this site that I got up the courage) embarrassment of someone else seeing the state of my mouth which I thought no one except I myself knew was huge. But, believe me, the instant you open your mouth embarrassment flies out of the window and in its place it feels that the whole weight of the world has been removed from your shoulders. I suppose its rather like a problem shared is a problem halved sort of thing.

You are not alone, there are countless numbers of us on this site, and loads of others who haven't yet found there way here, who feel just like you. It is completley normal and not only that, the dentist will know exactly how you feel and they will always have seen someone worse than you.

You say you've made appointments and then cancelled but the time will come when you make that appointment, perhaps you haven't yet found the right dentist. Have you been able to have a chat with one or been corresponding by email to let them know exactly how you feel? It really does help to let the dentist know a little about yourself before the appointment.

Anyhow, keep posting here, read people's success stories, their journals, they will give you support and inspiration and I'm sure that pretty soon you'll be treading the path of your own dental journey. Though you may not realise it yet, you've already made a great start by posting here.:grouphug:
 
hello everyone...it's been sometime since i've posted on here. i was hoping to be telling all of you i did it & went to the dentist. i haven't. i do brush my teeth in the morning & at night with a floss (something i never did consistantly but now i do). i still can't get the courage to go. i am missing some teeth towards the back due to my fear and my wisdom teeth i never had removed. they haven't come through but if i feel back there, they are loose. i'm so scared of what the dentist will think of me because i haven't gone in years so it keeps me from going. i feel like this fear has been with me for so long that its part of me now. its hard for me to think on how better i will be when i go and this makes me sad. i'm afraid of the pain, the cost..everything!!! i feel like a failure to all of you because i have posted before saying pretty much of what im saying now. i have gotten through the toughest 2 years in my life so far. i feel better about myself, my sprituality is stronger and i'm so much happier getting things out of my life that weren't letting me progress in my life. this fear though is killing me. i just needed to vent & hope i get over this. i hope everyone has a great christmas & new year. "Desire keeps us moving forward, Memory keeps us moving in the right direction" i keep telling this to myself. its starting to help & maybe its something someone could use too. take care everyone & good luck on your fears.
 
Hi :welcome:
I've merged your previous threads so people can see what was said before...maybe you could re-read the whole thread again and see if that helps spark any ideas. You also asked in the Dentistry Questions section about how to find a dentist you are comfortable with but there's this page here on that one: Find a phobic-friendly dentist

I'm guessing you are in the USA and that's why you are being told you have to have a cleaning first and can't just see the dentist BUT this surely can't be true...you need to explain your situation..embarassment etc say you are willing to pay for the dentist's time but you first off just want to meet for a chat before doing anything else....any dentist unwilling to do this isn't the right dentist for you. A dragon receptionist may however behave like she is all powerful when in fact she isn't...so you could send a letter or email maybe explaining the situation and requestoing a chat only appt.
Try looking at internet websites, also a dentist who practises alone is maybe less likely to operate the 'production line' system of having several patients at once.

Very best of luck and congratulations for posting again...the countless posters to this site who have started/finished a course of treatment during 2008 have got there by finding a dentist who treats them right.....have you looked on our Dentistfinder for your area yet? If others have gone before it does make it easier.
You'll get there when you are ready or more ready....:grouphug:
 
Last edited:
I'm in the USA and had a few things done before a cleaning, they even measured up for my permanent crown before doing it.
 
Hello,

First of all, I'd like to say how well you are doing already. Posting on the forum and brushing and flossing your teeth are both major achievements. Often all we see is the journey ahead and so we forget to look back at how far we've come.

For me, the first step in terms of making an appointment was to write an email telling them about my fears. (I couldn't bring myself to phone because I just couldn't talk about it without bursting into tears and even talking to the dentist's receptionist over a phoneline made me shake). I promised myself that the only step I was commiting to was the email and that if their response wasn't good then I would find another person to email. Fortunately, after some research, I happened upon a fantastic dentist who responsed in a way that gave me the confidence I needed to take another step.

The important thing is to do it at your pace and remember you are doing really well already. :grouphug:
 
Back
Top