• Dental Phobia Support

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Supporting a Partner with a Dental Phobia

  • Thread starter Thread starter danceypants
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danceypants

Junior member
Joined
Jan 15, 2025
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Canada
Hi everyone! I am starting a thread for advice on how to best support a partner who has extreme anxiety surrounding the dentist and their teeth. We have been in a relationship for over 3 years and they have never shown me their teeth. They have trained themselves to smile with their mouth closed and even speak in a way that conceals their teeth as much as possible. They adamantly refuse to go to the dentist, but will not tell me why other than that it makes them anxious. My partner is normally very open with me, but this is the one issue they will not elaborate on further. I have tried to be very patient and understanding, but I also don't want this anxiety to debilitate my partner for the rest of their life. I have offered to scope out multiple dentists and dental hygienists to find one that is friendly and supportive. I have tried to create a safe space where we can discuss this, but they just completely shut down and tell me they don't want to talk about it. I dropped this for almost a year, but I brought it up again yesterday to ask them if there was something I could do to support them and they said that they are creating a boundary around this topic and will not talk about it. I don't know what to do. People need time and space to process things at their own pace, but I'm worried there might be a health concern that they aren't addressing. Is it way out of line if I recommend that they join a support group or see a therapist for this? It's fine if they don't want to talk to me about it, but it might be helpful to work through this with someone. Any advice is appreciated.
 
Hi danceypants :welcome: ,

thank you for reaching out here, I can tell from your post that you really wish to help your partner. I also see how defeating it is to be there, understanding and non-judgmental, ready to help however possible and your partner still seems to get more and more closed off. :(
People need time and space to process things at their own pace, but I'm worried there might be a health concern that they aren't addressing. Is it way out of line if I recommend that they join a support group or see a therapist for this? It's fine if they don't want to talk to me about it, but it might be helpful to work through this with someone.
There is a lot to this and things are difficult. First of all: you cannot do anything about it and no amoount of talking or suggestions will help your partner to move forward. In fact, it may rather cause the opposite, as it seems to me based on the answer you got last time. When it comes to health concern, of course, that is exactly what dental fear is about: people who suffer from it are not able to move on although they know they are having issues.

My take is that the shame and maybe past traumatic experience surrounding this topic are so strong for him that he cannot do anything about it. It is very likely, that even talking causes massive distress and he just cannot do it now. As crazy as it may sound, these things are not done by simply finding a friendly dentist, because even that may be too fast and too much for your partner. If you are not anxious yourself, it may sound strange, but severely anxious people can struggle even with seeing a webpage of a dentist or sometimes even seeing ads for toothpaste, not to talk about actually going. Looking at this page and the forum may be so distressing that they can only see some posts for a couple of minutes and even that can lead to a panic attack.

It is lovely that you are there for your partner and that you let him know that you do. Now it is about giving him space and allowing this inner process to happen. Your partner knows he has an issue and he will be able to face it one day. And when he does, you are ready to support him :)
Maybe you would like to give him this page so he can look into it in his own pace if he likes. But even if not, it is okay. Maybe he will find us once he is ready.
:grouphug:

All the best wishes
 
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