• Welcome! This is a forum for anyone who is affected by a fear of the dentist, dental phobia, or specific dental fears.

    We are lucky to count a number of dentists among our members and moderators. Look out for the "Verified dentist" badges. If you are a dental professional who likes to help, please join our community!

    Register now to access many more features and forums!

Surprise appointment made by someone else

S

Shakinginmyboots

Member
Joined
May 7, 2019
Messages
35
Location
New Jersey
I saw this blog and the thought of an ambush dental visit makes me want to pass out! Lol
Her husband tricks her into dental visit, just drives her there. I can’t imagine the feeling of loss of control.
What would you do? I could never forgive him!

[broken link removed]
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Enarete

Enarete

Super Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Sep 18, 2017
Messages
2,743
This is heavy. He even took her phone? :mad: And made pictures of her filling the forms? This sounds so sick. :sick: And then he choses a practice where the hygienist ignores her anxiety and starts preaching her about coming more early? I can't believe this. Wow. :confused:

So now, there is the writer who hates dentists even more than before and her anxiety probably got worse because how shall you get rid of your anxiety if you get literally forced into treatment - not even by a dentist but by a husband. I am sure she will never ever get back. Also there is another source out there who displays dentistry as something terrible which has to be hated.

This makes me so mad... oh and what would I do? Divorce!!!

By the way this again only shows how much work there still is when it comes to being empathetic, understanding anxiety and having a good patient communication (talking about the hygienist).. and obviously couple's communication and empathy (talking about the husband).
 
kitkat

kitkat

Super Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Mar 27, 2006
Messages
1,582
Location
United States
This actually happened to me! My mom did it when I was 15 and refusing to go for a filling! I didn’t really fight because I think I knew I had lost the argument and I was too embarrassed about being scared to make a scene out in public. Somehow it worked out for me because my dentist was extremely compassionate and kind. She took extra time to be patient with me and address all of my fears (she’s still my dentist 15 years later) but I think if it had been just any dentist, I could have been scarred for life to the point of no return.
 
S

Shakinginmyboots

Member
Joined
May 7, 2019
Messages
35
Location
New Jersey
This is heavy. He even took her phone? :mad: And made pictures of her filling the forms? This sounds so sick. :sick: And then he choses a practice where the hygienist ignores her anxiety and starts preaching her about coming more early? I can't believe this. Wow. :confused:

So now, there is the writer who hates dentists even more than before and her anxiety probably got worse because how shall you get rid of your anxiety if you get literally forced into treatment - not even by a dentist but by a husband. I am sure she will never ever get back. Also there is another source out there who displays dentistry as something terrible which has to be hated.

This makes me so mad... oh and what would I do? Divorce!!!

By the way this again only shows how much work there still is when it comes to being empathetic, understanding anxiety and having a good patient communication (talking about the hygienist).. and obviously couple's communication and empathy (talking about the husband).
Divorce does seem a good option! I would have run down the street. The comments were all so complimentary about the husband being so great and caring. 🙄
 
S

Shakinginmyboots

Member
Joined
May 7, 2019
Messages
35
Location
New Jersey
This actually happened to me! My mom did it when I was 15 and refusing to go for a filling! I didn’t really fight because I think I knew I had lost the argument and I was too embarrassed about being scared to make a scene out in public. Somehow it worked out for me because my dentist was extremely compassionate and kind. She took extra time to be patient with me and address all of my fears (she’s still my dentist 15 years later) but I think if it had been just any dentist, I could have been scarred for life to the point of no return.
Parents are different because well...they are parents taking care of a child, or minor in your case. This guy is control freak! Glad it worked out for you with the compassionate dentist.
 
M

MountainMama

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 1, 2018
Messages
2,189
I would have been furious as well, but looking at it from the other point of view, the husband cares about his wife's health. I have considered doing this for my husband. He refuses to go to the dentist or the doctor, not because he is scared, but because he is stubborn. He lost two upper molars due to an abscess he had for two years or better that he refused to get treated. He actually had the infection into his sinus cavity, and the abscess got so painful he was on the floor with his head buried in his hands. (This from a guy with a really high pain tolerance). I told him to call the dentist or I would. He did call. If he hadn't, I may have done the same thing this woman's husband did. Obviously it is different, as my husband isn't scared (well he is a little, but wouldn't admit it).

Did the husband handle it well? Nope, not even close, but his heart was in the right place. He should have been more sensitive to her fear, and prepared her.
 
Enarete

Enarete

Super Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Sep 18, 2017
Messages
2,743
This only shows how difficult it is for 'normal' people to understand severe dental phobia. If someone is not nervous or just doesn't like dentists, then getting through it and forcing yourself is the way to go and it will work as there is no trauma involved, there are no effects on other areas of the person's life and they will be fine after the visit. Having a phobia is a very different story and forcing yourself without being committed and appropriately prepared mentally will only cause another traumatic visit and make things worst. In my experience this is what a lot of friends, family etc. don't get. This is also why I wouldn't encourage anyone to book an appointment for a relative or friend. If they do not feel ready to make that call, they likely will struggle with getting the treatment as that part will need much more mental energy than the call.

I have been wondering whether this lack of understanding is the case for other mental issues as well, such as depression or health anxiety or generalized anxiety.. I never was diagnosed with depression but try hard to understand it because there are so many people affected. I read all those fb posts that explain how hard it is and what a hell it is and how other people do not grasp it and say things like 'you should go out to distract yourself'. Lately I talked to a woman who was terrified of dentist, but had been in therapy because of generalized anxiety for the last year. She said generalized anxiety was such a hell that a silly dental phobia is nothing against it.

I believe the husband had mistaken dental anxiety with the 'just not like going' and probably did more damage than good. Haven't read the comments but if he got praised for it then those people do not understand how hard things can be.. which is the experience that a lot of people here had made. And also the reason why this forum is so important and such a great help..

Of course we do not know whether this woman has severe dental anxiety or not, I might be perceiving things through a filter that sees everyone as a nervous dental patient. But taking someones phone away and driving them to a dental practice sounds very inappropriate to me.
 
M

MountainMama

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 1, 2018
Messages
2,189
Enarete, I completely agree with you about a phobia being a whole different thing. From reading the article, it didn't sound like she had a phobia, especially since she posted the pictures he took on her blog. She didn't look terrified, just mad. Which she had every right to be. He should have researched and found a dentist office that catered to anxious patients, and prepared her (and not taken away her phone).

When does the person's health trump the fear, though? I don't know her story, but in my husband's case, if he had kept refusing to go, I would have done anything to get him into the dentist or doctor. His abscess was bad enough to start spreading, and I was scared it was going to cause other health problems. I would have researched and found a good place, and told him I was doing it, though.
 
Top