Telling your family

[MarkGeordie88]

I’m in the situation now where my full teeth extraction is going to take place in March. Then I’ll wear immediate dentures before getting my “proper ones”.

My family have never said anything and I don’t see them often anyway and even more so this past year but I’m sure they have seen my bad teeth and just haven’t said anything to me.

How do I tell them what I’m having done? How do I explain my poor upkeep of my teeth and how I let it escalate?

I don’t see them much but talk most days on the phone and I’m sure after it I’m going to find my speech if affected for a bit so they would know something was up anyway.

 

[Enarete]

Hi MarkGeordie88,

sounds like you are moving on with your treatment.. I guess telling your family is a complicated thing but as with everything around dental anxiety: your comfort is what counts here so whatever you feel comfortable with saying is ok and whatever you don't, you don't have to say. Teeth and health are intimate topics. I see how they will probably notice the difference, but just because something changed visibly, it doesn't mean that you have to tell if you don't wish so.

So putting it together, there is a range of options for you, going from not saying at all, through just saying "I had some dental treatment" up to explaining the background. So the question here is: what is your most preferred scenario?

 

[Dr. Daniel]

Hi MarkGeordi88,

The most important thing is that you want to improve your quality of life. Surely you have specific complains that your treatment plan should be able to solve.
I would recommend when talking with your family, to emphasize how the dental treatment plan will help improve your life in a specific way as possible: esthetics, comfortable chewing, dental pain and so forth.
extracting a tooth has a great advantage: it gives you certainty that the source of the infection is gone. Many time dentists perform a cavity or a root canaltreatment a not many years later the treatments don’t work well and need to be redone. With extractions that is not the case.
finally, I would like to share a video I made about blaming one-self on dental problems. Hope it helps.

 

[MarkGeordie88]

Thanks. I do want to be honest with them, so I’m going to have to build up the courage to let them know.

 

[Sgb]

My mom was the toughest. "You had perfect teeth as a child. Gasp. What happened?"

Three babies, hyperemesis and no money for dental care happened. Stop gasping.

My grandma, I accidentally blurted it to. She said, "that was the best thing I ever did. No more pain."
And grandma officially became mynsupport person when I had my top teeth removed.

You will learn who will be the best supports for you quickly when you start to talk about it. Good luck.

 

[Enarete]

Thanks. I do want to be honest with them, so I’m going to have to build up the courage to let them know.

May I ask you what are you worried about? Is this about what they may think?

 

[MarkGeordie88]

May I ask you what are you worried about? Is this about what they may think?

Yes pretty much so.

 

[LittleLynnie]

I would just be blunt and say something like, "By the way, I'm finally going to get my unhealthy mouth fixed by getting dentures". Then, if they have questions, you can answer them.

 

[BoxerMom]

Hi Mark,

I know how you’re feeling right now. I was worried about the same thing but on a smaller scale as my family is pretty small these days. In the months following my extractions and instant dentures, no one - NO ONE, ever once said what’s wrong with you - you’re talking funny? Or what happened to your teeth? Or anything along those lines. Maybe your family members are more outspoken than mine but I never faced any questions. In my head my voice sounded sooo different but everyone that knew kept telling me it was not that bad. As for what anyone will think, well that’s something you have no control over. If you find that you’re not comfortable telling people outright that you have dentures just tell them you have had some major dental procedures - they don’t need the details unless you want to offer them.
I’ve also found that I’m way more critical of myself than anyone else is. I feel guilt and remorse for the state of my teeth before my dentures but again, no one ever has ever said anything. My mother had every right to tell me off after all the work I had done when I was young. But she didn’t. She was just glad that I wasn’t going to be in pain anymore.

 

[MarkGeordie88]

Thanks for the kind words and support.