• Dental Phobia Support

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Terrified that I'm Beyond help. Please, I need someone to talk to.

S

socialxanxiety

Junior member
Joined
Mar 2, 2012
Messages
14
I'm 24. And I feel like I'm disgusting.

I have cavities in what I assume are all of my teeth. There's no pain, but then again I have a high pain tolerance so who knows how much pain I'm really in.

MANY of my top visible teeth have black holes. Or are rotting from the sides. Are black at the tip. My gums are swollen, I'm pretty sure I have 2 abcesses on my bottom molars.

Its my fault. It's all my fault. I never learned to take care of them, and in my adult years.. I was in such a deep depression that I didn't care. That it got to the point that I just.. couldn't deal with anything. I stopped caring about anything, I stopped trying.

I just, my boyfriend sais it isnt that bad. But I feel like it is. I feel like I'm hideous, and trashy and that no one will want me. And to top it all off. I am broke. I am dead broke. If I get my teeth pulled out, how will I keep my customer service job that I just got?

I'm at such a loss. I'm so depressed about my teeth that I obsess over them 24/7. I'm scared to go in public. I'm scared to go to a dentist or doctor. I cry.. a lot these days. I can't eat anything sweet. Or hard. Or cold or hot. I'm scared to floss for fear I'll break edges of my teeth.

I feel inhuman, I feel animalistic and worthless. I mean even writing this now has me crying.

I'm just scared, and I feel like I'm the worst.. most stupid person in the world. I feel like this could have been avoided and I feel like I deserve it. But I just want to fix it and I don't even know how to start.

Please help me
 
You're never beyond help. Don't go to a dentist and let him tell you that your teeth are beyond saving. That's one thing I've learned, if anything. I'm absolutely terrified of the dentist, myself, and I haven't been in about three years. To be honest I gave up on a lot of my oral hygiene after hearing I had cavities again because I used a hard-bristled toothbrush instead of a soft-bristled one. I have cavities in all of my molars, although my minimal hygiene seems to have kept them somewhat in-check.

I'm also 24, but I can't say I relate completely with you. My incisors are completely healthy (luckily), but absolutely don't feel worthless!! Oral hygiene, I think, is the hardest to keep up with because, even if you do everything right, there always seems to be the chance that cavities will surface, or you'll get impacted teeth or something equally horrible.

Your biggest step would be going to a caring dentist who is willing to work with you for payments, maybe suggest an insurance company for you that he works with, and who is kind and caring and willing to at least try and save those teeth! If he has to remove one out of all of them, then that's pretty good! Especially if he's able to save the rest!

I, myself, am petrified of the dentist, the drills and the needles. I need all four of my wisdom teeth extracted and I've been crying nonstop the past two days at the thought of going. I think if there was someone willing to go with me it'd be easier to go and get it over with. I don't know if that's what you want, but maybe have your boyfriend go with you when you go to the dentist. Most will let family and friends sit in to help ease their patients, nowadays.

You're not disgusting or worthless or animalistic in any way. You simply got out-of-habit of regular oral hygiene, which is pretty common, from what I understand. It's a mistake that can be fixed, I'm sure. Once you get them fixed they kinda become way more important to you and you take much better care of them. You only feel that way now because you think your teeth make you look like you don't care. My suggestion is to get the front ones fixed, first. Then, when you can see your fixed, brilliant teeth, you'll realize that you're not worthless. You're a regular person who had a regular problem!! :) And you'll feel so much better once you get started fixing it! It's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of! The first step is admitting you need work done. The second step is getting into THE ROOM and going through with it! I believe in you, social!! I know you'll come back after all he work is done and tell everyone about your success!! Just like me!! (But I'll cry the whole way ... because I'm like that.) We can be partners in our quest for perfect smiles!!
 
You're never beyond help. Don't go to a dentist and let him tell you that your teeth are beyond saving. That's one thing I've learned, if anything. I'm absolutely terrified of the dentist, myself, and I haven't been in about three years. To be honest I gave up on a lot of my oral hygiene after hearing I had cavities again because I used a hard-bristled toothbrush instead of a soft-bristled one. I have cavities in all of my molars, although my minimal hygiene seems to have kept them somewhat in-check.

I'm also 24, but I can't say I relate completely with you. My incisors are completely healthy (luckily), but absolutely don't feel worthless!! Oral hygiene, I think, is the hardest to keep up with because, even if you do everything right, there always seems to be the chance that cavities will surface, or you'll get impacted teeth or something equally horrible.

Your biggest step would be going to a caring dentist who is willing to work with you for payments, maybe suggest an insurance company for you that he works with, and who is kind and caring and willing to at least try and save those teeth! If he has to remove one out of all of them, then that's pretty good! Especially if he's able to save the rest!

I, myself, am petrified of the dentist, the drills and the needles. I need all four of my wisdom teeth extracted and I've been crying nonstop the past two days at the thought of going. I think if there was someone willing to go with me it'd be easier to go and get it over with. I don't know if that's what you want, but maybe have your boyfriend go with you when you go to the dentist. Most will let family and friends sit in to help ease their patients, nowadays.

You're not disgusting or worthless or animalistic in any way. You simply got out-of-habit of regular oral hygiene, which is pretty common, from what I understand. It's a mistake that can be fixed, I'm sure. Once you get them fixed they kinda become way more important to you and you take much better care of them. You only feel that way now because you think your teeth make you look like you don't care. My suggestion is to get the front ones fixed, first. Then, when you can see your fixed, brilliant teeth, you'll realize that you're not worthless. You're a regular person who had a regular problem!! :) And you'll feel so much better once you get started fixing it! It's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of! The first step is admitting you need work done. The second step is getting into THE ROOM and going through with it! I believe in you, social!! I know you'll come back after all he work is done and tell everyone about your success!! Just like me!! (But I'll cry the whole way ... because I'm like that.) We can be partners in our quest for perfect smiles!!

I'm actually more ashamed to post here because even though I am VIOLENTLY afraid of most social situations. I don't have a fear of medicine. My pain tolerance is through the roof. Literally to the point where I assume that if it wasn't I'd be in pain right now. I'm not scared of needles or pulling. I'm just.. I don't know I'm scared of me. I'm scared of talking about it to my boyfriend because I dont want him to notice. My wisdom teeth are impacted like crazy. One is growing out of the inside of my gum.

I have one bottom mollar that is broken and rotted INTO the gum. My 2 back top teeth are broken. The tooth by my left canine is broken. I broke a hole in my right canine years ago and it's rotting away. And I believe I'm steadily developing periodontal disease. My gums are swollen, theres a little bump on the gum beneath the broken rotted molar that hurts when you put pressure. Brushing HURTS. Flossing hurts. I don't smile. I don't talk.

My biggest fear is that I'll get to the dentist and he'll tell me theres nothing he can do for me because I can't afford it. And it will all have been for nothing and I'll have to deal with the fact that it won't happen. I'll eventually get an absess so bad that I'll develop an infection in my blood that will kill me [Did I mention I'm a hypochondriac?]

I'm just.. I don't know. I'm sad. and I don't know where to go or how to start or who to talk to that won't judge me. I don't have any other reason than that I was never taught. And when I got old enough.. I never did it.
 
There's always a dentist who's willing to go into payment plans. You just have to find him! And you may have some "serious" problems with your teeth that any good dentist will be able to fix in a jiffy! Even if it's not the pain or the meds you're afraid of, the payment is sometimes the hardest part. I'm lucky enough to have dental insurance through my job, even though I'm a part timer, and that brought my wisdom tooth extractions down to $200 for all four. Look into insurances, ask your current job if they offer dental or ask a dentist that you feel you can trust. Dentists are scary to me because it's like I'm paying for pain, and paying A LOT! It seems that everything has gotten cheaper, nowadays, though. In some respects, at least.

Also, I don't think there's anyone who'll judge you here! A lot of the people, from what I see, have horrible problems with their teeth due to fears of the dentist and not going for regular check-ups. I was well on my way to being one of them before I cut my cheek open with my wisdom teeth, got aggravated with them, and decided to show them who's boss by scheduling an extraction. I'm certainly not going to judge you or say "ew, gross!" I'm just not that kind of person. Most dentists aren't either. Schedule a consultation with a dentist, first. Those are usually free (at least where I live) and let him know about your teeth and any issues you have with payments and if he offers some kind of payment plan.

Remember, dentists have seen it all so the last thing you'll see is that disappointed grimace you're expecting when you open your mouth. That's what I expected when I opened mine to show the hygienist, but she pointed out all the good things about my teeth, instead! I'd go ahead and schedule an appointment, if I were you, and let the dentist know what's up before he looks in your mouth. Be completely honest with him and tell him how you feel about your teeth and how it's affecting your everyday life. They're much more willing to help now than they were twenty years ago when I first went!

And, if you need to build up courage, first, or get more reassurance from all of us, don't hesitate to ask! :) If all else fails I'll stick around to listen! I'm a good listener!
 
No-one on here will judge you. I don't think most dentists would either, not these days. And even if one did, Dr. Daniel on here made the great comment, "It is not a Catholic marriage." i.e. you can walk out, same as you would walk out of a shop where you couldn't find what you wanted. I also think most surgeries these days would be able to advise on the financial side of things. I asked around my friends to find a "caring" dentist after a 20-year-avoidance (I've put "caring" in inverted commas because I didn't really believe such a creature existed!) and found a really good guy. A lot of people say e-mailing surgeries is a good way to check them out too. You can explain how you feel in an e-mail and see what responses you get. When you say, "I'm scared of me", oh boy, can I identify with that! I have confidence in my dentist now, but very, very little confidence in myself, and that's so hard to sort out. :("Talking" on here helps, so I'm always happy to "talk"! Keep in touch!
 
You remind me a lot of myself! I just had my first appointment with a dentist after 15 years. I stressed about my teeth constantly,and didn't think I would ever be able to see a dentist as the panic would set in just thinking about it! I was so embarassed by my teeth because like you I have several visable cavities in my front teeth, a lot of plaque buildup on my lower teeth, and all of my wisdom teeth 2 of which are broken down to the gumline. I too am not afraid of the needles or really the pain (my wisdom teeth have caused a lot of pain!) but the social interaction, as well as I suffer from depression and PTSD from being abused. You are not alone! Nor are you beyond help! I didn't believe it either but they're right, most dentist now a days don't judge or embarass you, nor do they lecture and browbeat you because of your teeth. They wouldn't keep much business if they did!
I would suggest you start out with baby steps. Read some more around the site, the articles on embarassment here really helped me. You can check out my story on the success section if you want to know what I experienced my first visit. After a while if you feel up to it, start looking into a dentist in your area, you can search the internet for dentists that help with phobic/anxious patients. Read reviews on them and decide for yourself if you could visit them. Most dentists have email now or a contact section on their websites so you don't even need to call them at first you can send them an email, include what you've posted on here about your anxieties/ concerns about financing, and then wait and see if they respond and HOW they respond. Then go from there. There are so many people on here that will be able to support you through it all. :XXLhug:

What they say is true : A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step!
 
Well. I enrolled for the dental insurance with my new job. Which I assume won't even begin to cover what I need and won't kick in any time soon

I tried to make a couple of calls but they all just kept bouncing me around to other places. I can go to a clinic to get the abcess tooth removed and itll cost 50 up front but then they'll bill me.

I don't know who to call. Or how to try to find a dentist or what to even say when I call them, I stammer and freeze up
 
Well thats good you enrolled in the insurance. It usually isn't much at least in US not sure where you are but it does help. The fact that you are trying to find a dentist is a great first step :jump:. Don't get down on yourself about calling. I am horrible on the phone with strangers. Like I said in my earlier post, try searching the internet and then emailing the dentist. Might be easier for you to type it out then say it over the phone.
Good Luck!
 
I appreciate the support. It's just so hard to get excited because even though I'm taking positive steps. The insurance and saving and maybe getting the abcessed tooth removed.. there's still the problem of my teeth looking so bad that when I smile people hear the deliverance theme in their heads.
 
I know everything seems so overwhelming at the moment but it is baby steps, for people like us on this site, one small step is conquering a mountain. It is so hard looking around for a dentist but to actually start and contact them is a big thing.

If you can get the abscessed tooth removed it will be one problem less to deal with, and it will be a heavy weight off your shoulders. You don't have to worry about it turning to pain if it is gone, I know you said that pain is not an issue at the moment for you, but the longer the abscess is left it will give you pain. I had one for 20 months due to a bad dentist, but I won't go into that again, I have already worn the subject out on this site. It was horrible and made me feel so low and ill, and of course there is the constant worry and stress.

You may have problems with the rest of your teeth but a dentist will be able to tell you this, and how bad or not the rest are, and you and your teeth can't be as bad as you think because you have a lovely boyfriend that sounds very caring and he says they don't look that bad. And he is the closest person to you to see them, people at work or in everyday life don't get that close, other than a dentist.

I wish you well in your search and I hope you find the right dentist for you, so you can get the work you do or don't need done.

Take it one step at a time.
 
I don't know about your job, but I work for Home Depot and their health benefits resources hotline actually did a three-way phone call with me and the insurance company that handles my dental insurance. Of course I have my dental insurance through them, so they have the number, but they were able to force someone onto the line whereas, when I called, there wasn't even an option for getting someone on the line. Apparently there's an "invisible line" on most of those phone numbers that isn't advertised in the menu. If you can't raise a person to ask questions to, try pressing the zero button in one of the menus. If your job has a general "health benefits resources hotline," like Home Depot does, then call that and ask for them to three-way someone from the dental insurance company to you since you can't get anyone. Sometimes that hotline can also answer questions.

And I agree with carole! Your teeth probably aren't as bad as you imagine! It's all about self-imagery! The abscess is probably the most aggravating thing you have to get done, but once it's over you'll see that they're not as bad as you think! I get aggravated with my wisdom teeth because I keep cutting open my cheeks with them, so it makes me hate all my teeth and see all the little imperfections. But I imagine myself with no wisdom teeth and no cut cheeks and the rest of my teeth just seem okay. :) I dunno why it works out like that ... maybe I'm weird for thinking about it like that. Haha! At least you have a kind, understanding boyfriend who'll stand by you! Mine does, too! It makes it all better when they're there, doesn't it?
 
No decent dentist will judge you. That's not what they're in business to do (and I'm pretty sure that if a dentist was judgmental of a patient's mouth, they wouldn't be going back for a second visit, so it wouldn't be great for business either!).

Sometimes the uncertainty and not knowing is far worse than the 'finding out'. The trouble with the human mind is that it tends to fill the gaps with whatever terrifies it the most.

Well done for enrolling with the dental insurance and also making enquiries about sorting out your tooth. That's a great positive step :). The process of starting to conquer your fears and get your teeth sorted is a bit like learning to walk; it's best to take small steps and bit by bit, you'll get there, rather than trying to do everything all at once; it's not a race! You can go at a pace that feels right for you.

If you're finding it hard to make phone calls to check out dentists, many people have found it helpful to email a few places and explain a bit about their situation and then ask them how they can help. You can then compare the responses and maybe go and see one that feels right for you.

You're not worthless and I'm sure that if people who know you were to read your post, they would feel sad that you feel this way about yourself. It takes a lot of courage for most people to post on this forum for the first time, but you've done it :). There are lots of others who have had similar feelings to yours, but bit by bit, with the help and support from this forum, the right dentist and the people around them, they've made real progress... and so will you. :XXLhug:
 
Well. I've contacted a few dentists, and I've begun to look into this thing called carecredit. I know that this will end up costing me thousands. Does anyone have any suggestions of what I could do to try to help that out? Would a credit card or loan be smart?

I've also been looking at the events where dentists will set up for a day and do free basic work like fillings and extractions.

Im just, I don't know, I'm sad about what I look like now. I'm to the point that I'm scared to lose weight because I feel like my teeth have got my jaw so swollen that I'll look wrong without the fat hiding it.
 
Aand I just spent an hour looking at images of periodontal disease and worst case scenarios of gingivitis. I am officially freaked out
 
Some dentists offer interest free payment plans, and you can pay for treatment as you go along, that's what I've read anyway. I'm assuming you're in the UK?
 
I'm sorry, no. I live in the US,
 
Don't do credit cards or ask for loans for that kind of work. That's the worst idea. Credit cards will ruin your credit, even if you make minimum payments each month. Not many people know that only making minimum payments can negatively affect your credit score. Besides that, with interest rates so high, both will only end up costing you more in the long-run. Ask your dentist about a payment plan. Most dentists in the US offer payment plans for people who can't pay it all off right away.
 
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I'm a little blue today.

Called a lot of dentists.. their prices were 200plus for a visit. They were curt over the phone.

And they made sure I knew that if I didn't have insurance, regarding payment plans I was pretty much screwed.
 
Keep trying! Those that are short with you over the phone are generally that way in person, too, so don't bother with them at all. Find the nicest one you can over the phone and see if they offer a free consultation or first visit! I'd recommend my dentist if you lived near me (southeast Louisiana) since he does free first visits and payment plans, with or without insurance. Even if you have to wait a little while until your insurance kicks in (I'd call them to make sure you don't have a waiting period before you can get major work done, though, before making commitments with a dentist), go ahead and brush and floss every day, even if it seems hopeless. The longer you wait to start good oral hygiene the harder it'll be to fix your teeth. I say keep up with it, now!
 
I believe I found a Dentist that can help. 99 a Visit. Though I'll bring extra. And they offer plans.

If I have to, I will pay for everything out of pocket. And these days, getting all my teeth extracted and having dentures sounds so damn tempting. I know the whole.. not unless I need it and receding gum-jawline farther down the road. I just dont want to be ashamed anymore
 

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