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Terrified

S

Scared Stupid

Junior member
Joined
Jan 13, 2020
Messages
3
Location
Kitchener, Ontario, Canada
I don't know if I'm posting in the correct spot or not, I don't have any experience with "forums".
I have a terrible fear of the dentist that I believe I have developed for several different reasons. It is so bad that just talking or thinking about going to the dentist causes great anxiety. Even if other people are talking about dental procedures I have to remove myself from the conversation. People will say to me, "the longer you let it go the worse it will be." And I know that...150%. But my fear of going outweighs what I know the right thing to do is. I have lost many teeth over the years, some due to letting things go too far, and some due to domestic violence. I think I only have around 17 teeth left in my mouth. I'm 49 yrs old. I have had many experiences where the freezing just doesn't "take" and have experienced great pain.
During removal of one tooth, it broke in 3 pcs. The pain was horrendous during the procedure and the dentist said he couldn't continue and I would have to come back in a week. Some of the tooth was still hanging from my gum and he sent me home telling me to try to relax more the next time so he could finish the procedure properly. ( I feel like I'm going to vomit right now, just remembering that ) So now I'm at the point where I have to go for some work, and I'm having a really hard time taking the next step. I'm not even sure what I'm looking for here by writing this. Maybe hoping to find a dentist that can put up with me crying, shaking, and hyperventilating in the chair...
 
BoxerMom

BoxerMom

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 23, 2019
Messages
117
Location
Us
So you had a dentist who couldn’t get you numbed up and then struggled to remove your tooth while you were in severe pain, and he said you needed to relax so he could finish? Ugh. So sorry you experienced that. That dentist sounds like a jerk. The good news is that you’ve found somewhere where help is available. Many of us here are or were exactly where you are right now. That was me last year, just typing a post would make me cry. But there are dentists who care, and can deal with your fears. You are not alone. You can find a good dentist.
 
kitkat

kitkat

Well-known member
Forum Buddy
Joined
Mar 27, 2006
Messages
1,455
Location
United States
Yep, you are definitely in the right place! If you feel like you’re ready, you can start researching offices online (many will have patient reviews that will give you an idea of how they treat people). If you aren’t comfortable calling the office, many have options to email or message them through Facebook. You could reach out explaining your situation and see how they respond...if they don’t respond or are not kind, you know not to waste your time with them and can move on to the next one. There is also a forum section where fellow phobics have recommended their own dentists and that’s a pretty safe place to start. Additionally, there is some good reading material on the main DFC site about support for victims of abuse/assault undergoing dental treatment... not sure if the domestic violence you mentioned plays a role into your dental fears or not but thought it was worth bringing to your attention.
 
krlovesherkids777

krlovesherkids777

Well-known member
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Joined
Jul 26, 2017
Messages
2,351
Location
Minneapolis, MN
Scaredstupid,

Welcome to DFC.. I say like the rest, you are in the right place and I agree with Boxermom, what that dentist said,, almost sounds like he was blaming you and shaming you for not being able to finish the work.. that wasn't right and was very jerkish I agree! I agree with Kitkat that there are alot of really safe dentists that will love to treat you kindly and in a very compassionate way to gain their trust little by little.

I was a victim of domestic abuse for 10 years, It was horrific and my self esteem was absolutely in the toilet . And my teeth were almost there too.. so to say.. well. my dental experiences were all pretty awful up until age 30 when I found a young gal just out of school a year.. I remember going to her so embarassed and I would cover my mouth. She got me to trust her little by little and was so very kind and compassionate I will never forget her. It was huge to step into her office and try again having really bad teeth. But she helped me alot. Due to still being married to the abuser and him not liking me going to someone kind and the control factor I eventually needed to leave her..that was about 20 years ago.

I really hope you can find the same, someone who will not shame or blame you , but who will really care and encourage you! They really are out there.. I did some shopping around when my previous dentist left his practice and found several dentists via fb when I approached them with my anxiety they offered for me to come and meet them.. and not even sit in the dental chair at all just talk and see if I felt comfortable.. Maybe taking little steps like this might help.

Either way.. we are here to help you through and process the journey! You are in the best of company..
 
S

Scared Stupid

Junior member
Joined
Jan 13, 2020
Messages
3
Location
Kitchener, Ontario, Canada
Scaredstupid,

Welcome to DFC.. I say like the rest, you are in the right place and I agree with Boxermom, what that dentist said,, almost sounds like he was blaming you and shaming you for not being able to finish the work.. that wasn't right and was very jerkish I agree! I agree with Kitkat that there are alot of really safe dentists that will love to treat you kindly and in a very compassionate way to gain their trust little by little.

I was a victim of domestic abuse for 10 years, It was horrific and my self esteem was absolutely in the toilet . And my teeth were almost there too.. so to say.. well. my dental experiences were all pretty awful up until age 30 when I found a young gal just out of school a year.. I remember going to her so embarassed and I would cover my mouth. She got me to trust her little by little and was so very kind and compassionate I will never forget her. It was huge to step into her office and try again having really bad teeth. But she helped me alot. Due to still being married to the abuser and him not liking me going to someone kind and the control factor I eventually needed to leave her..that was about 20 years ago.

I really hope you can find the same, someone who will not shame or blame you , but who will really care and encourage you! They really are out there.. I did some shopping around when my previous dentist left his practice and found several dentists via fb when I approached them with my anxiety they offered for me to come and meet them.. and not even sit in the dental chair at all just talk and see if I felt comfortable.. Maybe taking little steps like this might help.

Either way.. we are here to help you through and process the journey! You are in the best of company..

Thank you for all of the kind words of encouragement. I will try to take the next step and look for an understanding dentist.
 
Enarete

Enarete

Well-known member
Forum Buddy
Joined
Sep 18, 2017
Messages
2,255
Hi Scare Stupid,

I second everything that had been said above. If people are encouraging you to not to wait then you have been able to talk about your fear to a degree and that's great. Also well done on writing here. Im my experience writing can be a great start in sorting your thoughts and getting clear about what this is about for you so you are already moving forwards. By the way, 17 teeth is superb, sounds like more than 50% of what one can have and like 60% of what the people without any issues have so great job here again. :thumbsup:
In case don't feel like looking up practices yet, then just finding out what things you are afraid of and maybe putting them into an order might be a good start. It may help you (and anyone you will work with later) get some clarity about where your fears are and what to do to make them smaller.

All the best wishes and keep us posted
 
S

Scared Stupid

Junior member
Joined
Jan 13, 2020
Messages
3
Location
Kitchener, Ontario, Canada
Hi Scare Stupid,

I second everything that had been said above. If people are encouraging you to not to wait then you have been able to talk about your fear to a degree and that's great. Also well done on writing here. Im my experience writing can be a great start in sorting your thoughts and getting clear about what this is about for you so you are already moving forwards. By the way, 17 teeth is superb, sounds like more than 50% of what one can have and like 60% of what the people without any issues have so great job here again. :thumbsup:
In case don't feel like looking up practices yet, then just finding out what things you are afraid of and maybe putting them into an order might be a good start. It may help you (and anyone you will work with later) get some clarity about where your fears are and what to do to make them smaller.

All the best wishes and keep us posted

I am actually quite embarrassed about the amount of teeth I have, and I try really hard to make sure people don't see inside my mouth when yawning, laughing etc. I'm just thankful it's the back ones that are missing and not any of the front ones, so I'm still ok with just smiling. I have actually not pursued potential relationships in the past because I don't want somebody to discover my missing teeth. I am now in a relationship of 2 years, and he has still not seen the extent of my missing teeth.
Eating food is difficult of course without having the proper teeth for chewing, and a simple meal could take up to 45 mins for me to finish. Which can create potential digestive issues.
I've been "ready" to take the next step in finding a dentist for around 2 - 3 years now, but being "ready" and being READY are 2 incredibly different and conflicting things for me. I know I'm going to start feeling pain soon and then I will have no choice but to go see somebody. I don't want to end up with the same type of uncaring dentists, so I had better figure out how to start my search.
 
B

baileys

Member
Joined
Mar 15, 2012
Messages
37
Location
S/W London
You got me counting how many teeth I've got left Scared Stupid!!, I've got 19, and I'm not far off your age. I was embarrassed too, I think that was my worse fear when seeing a dentist.
I developed a fear of the dentist at a very young age.
Like you I still have all my front teeth although they are full of white fillings.
I've got 2 molars unfilled that have really deep holes in them and I was waiting for the content pain to kick in, for me that was easier to handle than going to the dentist...but then one of the white fillings on one of my front teeth started to break away, that prompted me to see a dentist because I didn't want to not be able to smile.
I think you have been really unlucky with the dentists you've seen, I've had a few that haven't made me feel comfortable but I've never been in pain with the treatment they have given me.
I wear an upper denture which I'm really pleased with but the bottom one I never got on with but at least I can eat.
I am so pleased I went to see a dentist again, he has repaired my front tooth and next time I go he is going to do my fillings and a deep clean. He was so nice.
Don't think about it too much, just do it, I'm really glad I did before I lost another few teeth.
 
BoxerMom

BoxerMom

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 23, 2019
Messages
117
Location
Us
17 is 17 more than I have, so props to you! But mine were so bad that there were no other options than total extraction. Which I was fully prepared for, and while it’s not been easy, I still feel better than I did 6 months ago. So much better. I sincerely hope you can find a dentist that is compassionate and that you’re comfortable with. It will make such a difference in your life.
 
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