• Dental Phobia Support

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The dreaded appointment..Sorry this is so long :(

M

Muffins

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Joined
Nov 26, 2014
Messages
10
Deleted it...feel like a right baby:cry: Appointment on the 5th, don't know what to do...scared out my mind, can't sleep :( Scared of being shouted at again, of wasting peoples time, of having the dentist and assistant laugh and make jokes about me because I'm scared :cry:
 
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FearfulInMA

FearfulInMA

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You don't every have to apologize for posting -- even a long post! Congrats on making an appointment -- that is a HUGE first step!!! No dentist should ever yell at you or making you feel badly about your teeth -- they are there to help and there is no reason for that.

Please feel free to share more or to ask for additional support. We have all been in similar situations.

Take good care.
 
K

KatyJ

Member
Joined
Jun 5, 2014
Messages
58
Don't be hard on yourself muffin. If anyone laughs at you then just walk out, they should be trying to make you feel comfortable. The waiting is the worst. Try to forget about it if you can (I know it's hard)
 
M

Muffins

Junior member
Joined
Nov 26, 2014
Messages
10
Thank you :)

My boyfriend made the last appointment for me, after not going for 3 years...which wasn't great. I'll post back my original post but the more I think on it the more embarrassed I feel :( I know I'm sensitive, and that they can't work on you unless you cooperate but I didn't expect to be shouted at especially when I was panicking, it was so scary.

Hi all,

I've been reading through these forums for months now and I've finally worked myself up to actually register and make a little post :) I feel so ashamed for being fearful and I can't believe the amount of people who feel the same way on here. I've joined in hope that I'll find someone who understands and can honestly shove me in the right direction!:)

I've never really had a "bad" experience at the Dentist, I'm 19 now. My mum used to take me until I stopped going 3 years ago...she's always been worrisome with and had lots of dental work done and I'm not sure if her constant talking about how bad the dentist is, how horrible it was etc has finally passed on to me! That and the fact I keep getting flashbacks to when I had to have teeth out at the Hospital and the nurse said " You need to change into a hospital gown, so when we take them out we don't get blood all over you"..quite traumatizing at age 10!!!

I've been sort of okay about going up to age 16, just really nervous but nothing a few deep breaths wouldn't calm down. I had an absolutely lovely dentist, so reassuring and always could take the time to speak to me, however she ended up retiring :( and I moved practices to where the rest of my family go and mum made the appointments. I didn't really have a say in this as it was the only available and this practice has a different dentist every time we visit, there's no opportunity to get comfortable with anyone as the staff are constantly leaving. But I was okay with this for a few appointments, just a few more nerves than the previous time and I could squash the nerves down and get on with it.
One appointment I went in for was with this new man and his male assistant...I'm quite nervous around men in general. I did sit down, but struggled to open up as my nerves were getting the better of me.. he also had a very thick accent which was hard to understand which added to my fear as i'm so worried about not being able to communicate with the dentist properly... him and his assistant started joking with each other about me as if I was not there, laughing about how "pathetic", and "like a toddler" I was...:cry:
After that I was so upset I just kept getting mum to cancel the appointments and she eventually stopped booking them (woo at the time!) :innocent::jump:

I met this guy who found out I hadn't been in ages and was in pain and persuaded me to go over several months. I finally gave in and let him make the appointment,I counted down the days..124 of them. Sick many times over it and sleepless nights..I guess staying away made my fear worse, got into the surgery after a few escape attempts and bf talking me back.
Got to room, new dentist. Didn't introduce herself, didnt look at me, just sat sit with back turned.. I sat down with a few encouraging shoves from the boyfriend! I mean I know they don't have loads of times but surely they can say hi, or ask how you are or something? :(Dentist came over, started to move chair back and told me to lie back but I froze..."I cannot do anything with you until you lie back, you are wasting my time, I have so many other patients to see and you are taking everyone time up so just SIT BACK" she shouted angrily at me then was sighing and tutting. That was the first sentence she spoke to me. I was already quite obviously worried as I was shaking and crying a bit before I sat down but that broke me and I had a bit of an attack struggling breathe, it wasn't good at all. My boyfriend came over and she stood in front of him so he couldn't get to me and told him to back off. While I was still panicking she said "I am your dentist NOW and you will LIE BACK. I am doing x rays" She got so angry. :shame::cry:
I did calm down and she got her x rays thanks to a lovely assistant and I felt like I wouldnt be allowed to leave if I didnt..but not before sarcastically commenting on what a baby I was and my unnecessary fuss put all her patients behind. She'd taken her gloves off during my panic and then went on about "Great now I have taken my gloves off, now you're actually going to let me do something you expect me to put them back on and do a checkup. Unbelievable???" and then did all these exaggerated sighs.
I have no idea how I made it through , all I remember her saying is that she wanted to talk to me so get out of the chair if I have such a problem with it...I was apparently in there for just under 15 minutes, how short are check ups + x ray supposed to be? She made another appt for me (the 5th dec!!! :shame: and one with the hospital, apparently pain was because of my wizzies, which I did make my way through but that's another story..

Now I'm having anxiety attacks every day and can't think of anything else. I'm no longer with my bf, I don't have the guts to cancel the appointment myself, and it's looming closer and closer. I know I should go, but I dont know if I can. I want to change practices now I have the choice, but i dont even know where to start. The practice itself I think is generally not good, it has many many bad reviews. All I can think of is her stood over the chair, not being able to get up and her shouting. I feel like I've made such a big deal out of nothing and just need to suck it up and go. I've got no one to turn to and feel like such a baby :shame:
 
M

Muffins

Junior member
Joined
Nov 26, 2014
Messages
10
I totally understand they can't do anything unless you work with them but I feel so humiliated and I felt so forced to stay there. I think what has really set my worry off is that I'd gotten into a state last time where I was struggling to breathe, and then instead of having her focus on calming me down she just got angry.

I totally struggle with loss of control but as long as I can trust the dentist, it's not too bad. The solution seems simple I should just rebook with someone else and that would be half the problem gone. But how is the question.

I know I need to go and I don't want small problems to become bigger, I just don't know how :(
 
FearfulInMA

FearfulInMA

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I'm so sorry! That behavior from a dentist is really unacceptable!!! I know that you don't feel like you can cancel, but if there's any way that you can do that and think about finding a different dentist, I think that would be way better than enduring another appointment with that dentist! I'm in the US and I think that you are maybe in the UK so I don't know much about how to go about finding a dentist there -- but I think that some people have mentioned that there is information on the NHS website.

If you end up going to the appointment, lots of us will be here to support you, but you deserve to be treated kindly by the dentist, not yelled at!
 
S

Spike 1969

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 16, 2014
Messages
678
Location
Derbyshire UK
Hi There

:welcome: to the forum and thanks for posting, that rakes a lot of courage and you should be very proud of yourself. :respect:

I think quite a few of us can relate to your story, especially the high turnover of dental staff at some practices (that's the main reason I moved to my new, Amazing dentist as I saw a different person every time I went to my old practice and some of them were not very good:().

it sounds like you have had an awful experience at your last visit; I have to say that there is no way I would have put up with her talking to me like that; I would have been out of there like a shot as that would only make you more fearful:mad:. If I were in your position I would be looking for a new dentist, there are lots of good ones who don't talk down to their patients and who understand how to treat fearful people in a compassionate, humane manner. It sounds like this dentist has none of those qualities. As the customer, you have the right to go where you wish dentist-wise (I know it's difficult to be a little assertive when you are younger) so I would re take control of the situation and do some research into dentists in your area then contact them initially by email, their response should give you some clues as to whether they are right for you or not.

if you are in the UK, you can search for a dentist using the NHS Choices website, there are a number of forum members who can help you with that.

I very much hope you can get sorted with a new, good dentist as it sounds like this lady was awful. One big thing in your favour you have age on your side so you should be able to get sorted pretty easily with the right dentist.

hope this is of some help.

kind Regards
 
S

ScaredyCat22

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 14, 2014
Messages
1,325
Hi Muffins and welcome!

Your experience is very similar to the one which I believe started by dental phobia and I strongly urge you NOT to go back to that dentist EVER. You deserve to be treated with respect, not made fun of or made to feel like you are wasting the dentists time. I would be afraid too if I was treated like that. It was unprofessional and unacceptable.
 
K

KatyJ

Member
Joined
Jun 5, 2014
Messages
58
What a horrible dentist! Find a better (nicer) one! I have addax decision that if I don't like typecast they speak to me then I'm out of there pronto! When I was 5 a dentist told me off for nt being brave when he did a filling with no anaesthetic! Others have told me off and shamed me and I'm just not tolerating it any more and nor should you! You're not a baby.
 
M

Muffins

Junior member
Joined
Nov 26, 2014
Messages
10
Thanks everyone for your replies, I feel so much better just reading them.:XXLhug:
Not sure how I'll go about cancelling it, they don't have an email or fb, so that leaves one option...calling!!
The receptionists are super rude there as well :(
But I do need to cancel it if I'm not going to go, I don't want to just not turn up :/

9 days to go...finally got to sleep at 7am yesterday! What a nutjob I am :ROFLMAO:

Feeling better today though, I'm so glad I wrote on here, you've helped so much already :)
 
M

Muffins

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Nov 26, 2014
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Actually went to the website today to get the number to call - woo! :jump:
But that's as far as I went.
 
FearfulInMA

FearfulInMA

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D

Dillinger

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Joined
Dec 15, 2009
Messages
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Location
UK
Hi and welcome

Im sorry you had such an awful experience. Having work done from a nice dentist is difficult enough for those of us with varying degrees of dental phobia, let alone from those that are so unprofessional. Its not like dental phobia is so rare that theres countless dentists not knowing it exists! Lets face it, even if you were the only person on the planet feeling this way there was no need whatsoever to be treated like that. My own phobia started with an awful dentist I had when primary school age, she was horrible. Wasn't sympathetic at all, and would do treatments without anaesthetic. Im now 32(!) and hate feeling so anxious about the dentist still, even though I now have a lovely one who understands my fears and is ultimately after my best interests.

Okay so you have the number, have you been able to phone and cancel? If not (and I understand your fears about not wanting to phone) can someone else cancel for you? Or does the dental practise have an out of hours answerphone that you could leave a message on later?

Have you had a look at other dentists in your area? Most are willing to help and Im sure if you explain your fears you will find one that you feel comfortable with.

Im currently anxious about my appointment on the 1st (root canal) but I know deep down its got to be done or I'll be even worse off. Best of luck to you, you can do this! :clover:
 
Aldridge

Aldridge

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Mar 21, 2011
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344
Location
Somerset UK
I am in the UK. It takes me literally years to gather enough courage to phone my own dental surgery, but I am so furious after reading your posts that if you find you cannot phone to cancel your appointment, I'd be happy to do it for you. (politely or not, as required!) :mad:
 
FearfulInMA

FearfulInMA

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Aldridge - maybe you can offer a trade -- you cancel Muffins' appt and she can make one for you :)... You know this is just and old friend talking -- no pressure.
 
Aldridge

Aldridge

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Mar 21, 2011
Messages
344
Location
Somerset UK
That made me laugh, Fearful...a touch of genius there! ;)
 
S

ScaredyCat22

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Actually went to the website today to get the number to call - woo! :jump:
But that's as far as I went.

You don't have to stay on the phone or explain yourself or give them any reason. Just say this is so and so I am canceling my appointment for such and such a date and time, thanks. then hang up. they did not treat you with respect and you do not owe them a reason. though you are within your rights to tell them if you choose to, that you are canceling because you refuse to be treated poorly.

Try to find another dentist in your area. when you find one and you decide to call for an appointment it's ok to tell the receptionist that you have a lot of anxiety about dentists. she can let you know whether that dentist is a good match for your anxiety or not.
 
M

Muffins

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Nov 26, 2014
Messages
10
Haha I love the idea of sorting each others appointments - genius!

I have looked at some other dentists in the area, the waiting lists are up to 18 months but I'm thinking of just joining one - it's far enough away not to have to worry about it and might set me up better for the future.
I'm on the NHS, I can't afford to do private - though I hear you can be private but can go back to NHS if you need treatment :confused::confused:

Got a text from the surgery today with appointment reminder...turns out it's been moved to the 8th :confused: Guess it's a good thing as it gives me a bit more time to sort myself out!
 
M

Muffins

Junior member
Joined
Nov 26, 2014
Messages
10
So tomorrow is the last day I have to cancel the appointment, or I'll get a nice hefty bill for not turning up which I really can't afford. :( I don't know what to do.
 
M

Muffins

Junior member
Joined
Nov 26, 2014
Messages
10
Urgh can't sleep knowing I have to make the choice in the morning about what I'm going to do :redface::redface: I just want to call and rearrange but at this rate I can see me sleeping through the whole day and feeling like I have to go now as it's too late to cancel on the day.
 
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