
vicki
Well-known member
- Joined
- Oct 24, 2005
- Messages
- 978
- Location
- UK
letsconnect said:One thing that struck me - why not send the letter off to the other recommendation you got as well? That way, you'll have a chance to "compare responses" (if they have the time to respond)...
Good idea


Anyway, here's what I've got far (as seems to be usual for me, it's rather long

![Scared [smiley=frightened.gif] [smiley=frightened.gif]](/forum/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/dfcsmilies/scared.gif)
![Hiding behind the sofa [smiley=hiding.gif] [smiley=hiding.gif]](/forum/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/dfcsmilies/hiding.gif)
Since my last appointment, I've realised that I may come across as a little strange or odd. In other words, one minute I seem to be OK and the next I'm not. There is a reason for this so I'll try and somehow explain. Basically I'm (this is really hard for me to admit) terrified...
When I was younger I had a few really bad experiences (nothing to do with dental treatment) that were very traumatic. I won't go into too much detail except to say that although my fear/panic during these incidents was normal given the circumstances, the reactions of the other people present were not and there were bad consequences for me.
The first incident occurred when I was about two years old and it was not long after this that I was taken for my first visit to the dentist. I had no reason to be scared because I’d never been before and so I didn’t know what would happen. However, once there, it became immediately obvious that the situation was very similar in symbolic/metaphoric terms to the previous incident. As a result I became completely terrified and experienced flashbacks (and still do sometimes). Since then, it has been the same and hasn’t really improved.
The main problem is that because I get so terrified, I sometimes find it very difficult or impossible to speak or move (i.e. the fight/flight/freeze response). So, if I don't answer questions I'm really sorry, I'm not ignoring them, it's just that the words are in my head and that's where they get stuck. This means that I may be unable to tell you if something hurts (I know it sounds crazy) and in the past I have experienced painful treatment as a result of my inability to move or say anything.
You may wonder why I'm telling you this. In the past this fear has caused me to cancel appointments. On one occasion I cancelled an appointment and didn't re-arrange another one for seven years. The only reason that I eventually did was because things were starting to get sore from the acid reflux. After many years of being so scared, I’ve decided to try and sort this out because if I don't, I know that things won't improve (I also don’t like the thought of getting to 70 years old and still being terrified!).
So, in searching for 'the answer', I came across a website which contained a lot of useful information and I finally realised that I'm not alone in some of the fears I have, which was a huge relief. It also made me realise that some of the methods of attempting to deal with this that I've tried in the past aren't actually working, so it's time to try something else.
After a long discussion with someone on a message board on the internet, I've decided to change the way I approach the situation then hopefully things may change for the better. One of the things suggested to me was that I should communicate exactly what my fears are and also some things that may help in order to improve things. I couldn’t do this right now because if I’m nervous I tend to either talk complete rubbish or even worse than that, I develop a stammer (even though I talk completely normally the rest of the time – this is also why I don’t talk much). I really don’t want the embarrassment of that so I thought it would be easier if I typed it instead.
Anyway here goes:
Things I fear:
- I really don’t like lying on my back with someone behind me.
(This relates directly to the experiences I had when I was younger).
- When in a similar situation or position to when these events happened, I find it extremely difficult to trust people and as a result feel trapped which makes me nervous and can sometimes cause me to panic.
- I’m scared that you won’t stop if I’m in pain or if I ask you to - even though on a rational level I know that you will.
- I’m also scared of the whole environment and everything/everyone in it – really sorry, no offence meant! (This is a really strange one because I’ve got a couple of other medical conditions apart from the reflux, which mean that I’ve spent far too much time in hospital and had far worse things done than you could ever do).
It might help if:
- (1) If/when I have a panic attack, you’ll stay calm and not get irritated or flustered.
- (2) You understand that I feel seriously humiliated, ashamed and terrified by experiencing panic attacks and anxiety in front of other people.
- (3) You’ll stop if I ask you to, but sometimes I’m too terrified to speak or move. So we need to figure out a way that you’ll be able to recognise this.
- (4) You’ll take things at my pace.
- (5) You’ll explain things before and throughout any treatment, and should I panic, stop and explain what is happening or talk until my anxiety has reduced enough to stop the panic.
- (6) You are honest about things that might cause discomfort or pain and tell me beforehand, and honestly describe what's involved in any procedures.
- (7) You take me seriously if I say something hurts.
- (8) You understand that something I coped well with on previous occasions might cause me to panic at other times, in which case it's back to point (5).
Please understand that I’m not nuts or a complete basket case (not usually anyway!), it’s just unfortunate that you see me the 1% of the time when I’m not exactly my usual self. I hope that this little 'problem' doesn't cause you too much inconvenience.