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The Letter

  • Thread starter Thread starter vicki
  • Start date Start date
I think you may be right about a second opinion (however much the prospect of it scares the sh*t out of me [smiley=frightened.gif]), so I'm going to try and email the place I found on the internet as a first option (the website looked quite promising - but as the saying goes, the proof of the pudding is in the tasting). It's probably too late to get an appointment before the 17th, but I can try.

Sounds interesting... Out of sheer curiosity ;D - could you PM me with URL?


I would go for the one that was recommended but because the place is part of the same company as where I currently go, they're sure to ask where I'm currently registered and I wouldn't want any awkward questions if I did have to revert to 'plan A'. :-/.

I sort of doubt they would "report back" to the other place, if you're only going in there for a chat. You could simply say that someone recommended this dentist and would it be possible to come in just for a chat. If that's not possible, the place probably isn't right, anyway :)... and if it did work out, Plan A would go out of the window, in any event...

Sorry to hear about your cold - hope you're feeling better soon [smiley=grouphug.gif]
 
letsconnect said:
Sounds interesting... Out of sheer curiosity  ;D - could you PM me with URL?

See your PM's.

letsconnect said:
I sort of doubt they would "report back" to the other place, if you're only going in there for a chat. You could simply say that someone recommended this dentist and would it be possible to come in just for a chat. If that's not possible, the place probably isn't right, anyway  :)... and if it did work out, Plan A would go out of the window, in any event...

I suppose my concern is that if I did manage to get an appointment at the recommended place, they would ask about my history - including where I'm currently registered. Because both practices are part of the same company (they have over 100 practices all over the country), they do communicate. The last thing I would want is for them to say "we saw one of your patients today" - if they turned out OK it wouldn't matter because plan A would go out the window, but if for some reason it didn't work out, then I would probably have some potentially awkward questions to answer. Adding to that, this particular company advertises in the yellow pages as accepting private patients only - where I go is a mixture of NHS and private but they stopped accepting new NHS patients years ago. It would seem that they're not all that keen on keeping their NHS patients (which could be the reason for their bad attitude on the phone :-? Both my parents are also patients at this practice, my dad is an NHS patient and my mum is private - they both see the same dentist, but guess which one they're nicer and more helpful towards over the phone?), so if that situation occurred, they could turn round and tell me to @#$% off.

What do I actually need to say if I email one of these places? I know I'm after a second opinion and to find out what they're like, but I don't really want to lead them into believing I'm registering as a patient permanently in case they don't turn out to be OK, I don't really want to be in a situation where I've committed myself to signing up for anything unless I'm completely sure.

Once I've got a better idea of what's needed, then I'll know if I can afford private treatment. But because the reflux is an intermittant but ongoing problem, I don't know whether they're putting off treatment due to lack of experience/confidence or they're waiting for something which may never happen - not that I actually want treatment of any sort [smiley=frightened.gif] [smiley=frightened.gif] [smiley=frightened.gif], definitely not yet anyway - I need to sort the fear out first, but sooner or later I think things do need to be sorted out :-/.
 
Thanks for that PM :D!
It looks like you can get an appointment there pretty quickly (within a week). It also looks as if they might be quite pricey (then again, you get what you pay for). One of the things I wasn't too keen on was the lack of explanations of pros and cons of the described procedures, but that doesn't always reflect the actual philosophy of a practice (the marketing people may have been at work here :P - I'm sure you know all about it...).

But if you're interested in the place, I'd e-mail them, briefly explain the situation, and ask if you can get the dentist's private e-mail address. It's oftentimes easier to judge if someone might be suitable from their e-mail responses. Actually, I'd try and get both dentists' private e-mail addresses (if you can) and then compare responses.

I know it's a bit of an awkward situation with that other recommendation being part of the same "chain", but I'm wondering if it would be possible to get in contact with that dentist directly (e. g. by e-mailing them and asking for his private e-mail, by phoning and asking if he could give you a call when he's free, or by simply explaining the situation to the receptionist). I know you've had bad experiences with the receptionists at your current dentist, but the situation may be entirely different at the other practice. What I might do if I was in your situation would be to give them a call, explain to the receptionist that you're extremely anxious about dental visits after some bad experiences, and that someone mentioned that (insert name of recommended dentist here) might be able to help - and would it be possible to either meet him for a chat/e-mail him directly/talk to him on the phone (whichever you prefer). If the receptionist is sympathetic (and many are), you may even want to tell her that the situation is quite delicate because you are currently registered with an NHS dentist in the same group and he seems like a nice guy, but you feel you need someone who's especially good with nervous patients. That way, you could be open about what's going on, without offending anyone.
That might be one way of going about it.


I suppose my concern is that if I did manage to get an appointment at the recommended place, they would ask about my history - including where I'm currently registered.

Just leave that field empty? Or do they actually read out the questions to you?
Or alternatively, be straightforward about it - saying that someone seems like a nice person but you need someone who's very good with extremely nervous patients wouldn't really be offensive in any way.


The last thing I would want is for them to say "we saw one of your patients today" - if they turned out OK it wouldn't matter because plan A would go out the window, but if for some reason it didn't work out, then I would probably have some potentially awkward questions to answer.

I wouldn't be so sure that practices that are part of large chains actually communicate with each other on an informal level :-?. This might only really come into play if you *did* decide to switch, in which case they'd want your records sent over.


What do I actually need to say if I email one of these places? I know I'm after a second opinion and to find out what they're like, but I don't really want to lead them into believing I'm registering as a patient permanently in case they don't turn out to be OK, I don't really want to be in a situation where I've committed myself to signing up for anything unless I'm completely sure.

If you're only meeting someone for a chat, you don't have to make any decision or commitment until you're actually sure that you feel happy and comfortable with that person. You've got the letter - you could put something at the end of it along the lines of "I'm now looking for a dentist who can help me with this, and if you're prepared to do so, I'd like to have a chat with you" (<-- not that exact wording, but you get my drift).

If you pay in cash for the chat, I don't see any reasons why you would need to make a commitment of any sort. You can bring up your concern about being able (or not, as the case may be) to afford private treatment during the initial chat.
 
I'm going to try and email the recommended practice tomorrow when I'm back at work. I think there's probably more chance of me being able to do it then because my mind will be on other work-related things as well as this so hopefully I won't be quite as scared about it.

letsconnect said:
I wasn't too keen on was the lack of explanations of pros and cons of the described procedures, but that doesn't always reflect the actual philosophy of a practice (the marketing people may have been at work here  :P - I'm sure you know all about it...).

:P I suppose it depends - there are pros and cons of listing pros and cons! It would depend on the kind of patient they're trying to attract - some people (like myself) like to know the far end of everything, both good and bad so that they can make an informed decision. Other people, no matter how many 'pros' there are on the page will only see the 'cons' and in that situation, it may put them off having some treatments - obviously that wouldn't be very good for business! Then of course there's the financial considerations. The agency I work at charges anywhere from £250 to £500 per page for web design and construction, so they may not have wanted to fork out that little bit extra. On the other hand, it could be that they just haven't thought about it in that much depth.

After thinking about it a bit more (and reading your post - which put my mind at rest a bit :)), this is more of a back up option in case plan B (or plan A) doesn't work. Hopefully, I'll get a reply to my email fairly soon - and hopefully they'll be a bit more accommodating than their 'partner' practice where I currently go.

What I do know is that right now, this is one seriously scary journey for me [smiley=frightened.gif]. I think it's probably fairly likely that the earliest I'll be able to get an appointment for the other place will be after my next appointment (unless I opt for plan C) but I'm going to do it anyway. I'm even more scared than I normally would be now though because after my last appointment and their reaction towards me, I guess I must be going through the 'they think I'm nuts, I can't possibly go back and face them at another appointment' thing. [smiley=hiding.gif]
 
The Email

Well, I'm sat here at work now with two internet browser windows open; one is this forum and the other is the website of the practice I'm trying to email [smiley=frightened.gif] Luckily, they've got a 'book an appointment' facility on their website so most of it is just choosing from a list of preset options - but the bit I'm really struggling with is the 'comments' section - i.e. the bit where I have to confess to being terrified [smiley=hiding.gif] [smiley=frightened.gif]
 
All the best with that "comments" section [smiley=grouphug.gif]

I don't know if you're actually booking an appointment straightaway, or if you're just trying to get a personal e-mail address for the dentist first? If you're actually booking an appointment, it might be a good idea to provide fairly detailed information (you could copy and paste stuff from your letter) (though I don't know what the word limit might be), whereas if you're just trying to get hold of a private e-mail address, something along the lines of "I'm absolutely terrified - would it be possible to get so-and-so's private e-mail address" might suffice...
 
I finally managed to hit the send button - thank god they've got a website to submit queries/bookings through - for some reason I don't think I'd have been able to pluck up the courage to send it via my own email account[smiley=frightened.gif] [smiley=scared.gif].

I didn't actually ask for an appointment, just briefly outlined the situation (i.e. that I'm absolutely terrified and always have been but something's got to change because it can't continue) and said that they'd been recommended by one of their patients as being very good with 'nervous' people. I didn't get as far as asking for a private email address - for some reason the thought of that scares me too much at the moment (considering I'm now in complete panic mode now because of the next appointment), but I did ask if they'd be prepared to 'discuss' (<--- euphemism for me sitting there shaking!) things further and I also mentioned that I'm currently registered at another practice (didn't say where).

I am really seriously dreading receiving a reply now (I know it sounds stupid) although according to the info on the website, it could be up to a week before they reply. At least I know that their reply will be via email and not phone - the last time someone phoned from the dentists to remind me of my appointment (it's policy), the minute they said the word 'dental' and I realised who was calling, I went [smiley=scared.gif] and dropped my phone on the floor.

[smiley=hiding.gif]
 
Fantastic ;D (I mean hitting the "send" button)

At least I know that their reply will be via email and not phone - the last time someone phoned from the dentists to remind me of my appointment (it's policy), the minute they said the word 'dental' and I realised who was calling, I went [smiley=scared.gif] and dropped my phone on the floor.

[smiley=hiding.gif]

I had to laugh when I read that (sorry, your description was just too funny :P).

Well done for e-mailing them [smiley=grouphug.gif] - I hope they'll get back to you soon!
 
letsconnect said:
I had to laugh when I read that (sorry, your description was just too funny :P).

It really wasn't funny when it happened (although I can laugh about it now :P) I was in the middle of a supermarket at the time. I dropped my mobile on the floor, the screen cracked, I was stood there going [smiley=scared.gif], other people were looking at me going :o and there was a faint voice through my phone on the floor going "hello...?".

I've figured it out this time though. My appointment is on a tuesday which means they'll probably try and phone on the monday, so I'll just leave my phone switched off. I just hope they don't leave a message because I can't delete them without listening to them first. The last thing I want to hear is "Hello, this is [name of dental practice]. I'm just calling to remind you of your appointment tomorrow"

letsconnect said:
Well done for e-mailing them [smiley=grouphug.gif] - I hope they'll get back to you soon!

Part of me really hopes that they don't (probably sounds really weird) and part of me really hopes that they do. Things are getting way too scary now and it feels like there's too much going through my head with this :'( - I don't know whether I'll get a reply to my email or not and if I do, what will it be like? If they're willing to see me, when will I get an appointment?

I've got my next appointment at the current place on the 17th and I don't know what's going to happen with that either - I'm now completely convinced they think I'm nuts (haven't a clue whether this is actually the case or not) and it's going to be really hard to go in there and face them again. If I can either hand the letter over or speak, what will they say? Will it all turn out to be OK afterall or will it all go horribly wrong (in which case there's plan B if it comes off, but who know's how that'll turn out)?

Reading the cards isn't telling me much at the moment either - all they're saying is that I've got a big change on the horizon in my personal life :-/.

[smiley=hiding.gif]
 
vicki said:
I've got my next appointment at the current place on the 17th and I don't know what's going to happen with that either - I'm now completely convinced they think I'm nuts (haven't a clue whether this is actually the case or not) and it's going to be really hard to go in there and face them again.

Does it really matter what they may or may not think :-? You're paying for the pleasure (even if mostly indirectly, as an NHS patient). I'm sure they see people who are very anxious on a fairly regular basis and won't give it a second thought.
 
Yes and no :-/. It doesn't matter what they think in the bigger picture of my life and like you say I'm the customer. For example, if I went to the opticians or doctors and was nervous and they reacted in a bad way as a result, I'd just go somewhere else - there's plenty more fish in the sea. But for some reason (that I haven't figured out yet :-/), if things were to go badly at the next appointment, it could be quite likely that I might resort to avoidance again (which I know from experience isn't the answer) and I really don't want that to happen because I need to sort this out.
 
Looking at it rationally, all you can really do is give it your best shot, and if that doesn't work...

there's plenty more fish in the sea!
 
letsconnect said:
Looking at it rationally, all you can really do is give it your best shot

Looking at it rationally, I know that :-/ but one week today will really be a different matter altogether [smiley=frightened.gif] [smiley=hiding.gif]

Still no reply from the other place either [smiley=confused.gif] - so I'm going to try emailing them again.

I don't think I've ever been as scared before an appointment as I am right now (if that's possible ::)), but then again, this is the first time I've ever come out into the open about it let alone tried to address any of my fears [smiley=hiding.gif]
 
vicki said:
Still no reply from the other place either [smiley=confused.gif] - so I'm going to try emailing them again.

Did you e-mail them directly (or did you mean trying to e-mail them through "head office")? Just wondering because you said "again"...
 
I meant emailing the practice directly rather than "head office" - I'm just trying to find a copy of what I sent before so I can send it to them. Because I didn't send it through my email account, it's not in sent items - I wrote it down on a piece of paper somewhere.

Maybe they didn't reply because a nervous patient is too much hassle for them :-? I didn't mention the exact nature of my fears though - I just outlined the situation (didn't want to put them off!). Hopefully I'll have more luck emailing them directly :-/.
 
I hope the new e-mail works out [smiley=grouphug.gif]!

I can imagine you feel under a lot of pressure to "get this right, or else...". The fact of the matter is - if they're "put off" by the exact nature of your fears, they're probably not right for you, anyway - so would being honest about it right from the start not be a better strategy?

Oh, and the reason they didn't reply - no, it's got nothing to do with not wanting to deal with nervous patients (why advertise this otherwise?), but everything to do with disorganized headquarters... (as mentioned in PM).
 
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