The Pointlessness Is Worse Than The Phobia

[Stewart]

Hello Everyone

What I dont really understand to be honest about this forum is basically everything boils down to this, one of two options:

1) Im really scared of the dentist - I plucked up the courage to go to the dentist - Im not scared of the dentist now ive been.

2) Read about my amazing experience at the dentist and by doing so, your fears will evaporate just as long as youre told youll be ok and your dentist is oh so nice and friendly and theres nothing to worry about over and over and over.

To be honest there's a part of me that thinks whats the point?

Like, whats the point in "beating" a phobia, just to sit at the dentist every 6 months forever anyway?

Its like to me, is the only goal to have had that many needles and drills in your mouth you just don't care anymore?

Ive been going to the dentist more in the last few years and ive had some treatments.

I didnt like the treatments. I didn't want them. I was no happier after having them. I was in no pain before I was told I needed them. The experience of having the treatments done wasn't pleasant. Im no less anxious as a result of them. And no one knows ive had them done or outwardly cares.

All I wanted to do was to go to the dentist to get a "phobia monkey" off my back and say ive been, and maybe start ticking treatments off the "list" so to speak....i had x and it was ok, i had y and it was ok.

Well, yeah obviously its ok, people dont walk into the dentist and die, they come out afterwards. If you stuck a tarantula on my arm i wouldnt die, but i wouldnt exactly be rushing back to do it every few months forever.

So what was the actual point in any of it?

Is there just a stigma attached to being phobic??

Like, if i never went to the dentist for the rest of my life, as long as i never felt any pain why should i care?

 

[smirked]

If you don't care, then why are you here?

You post with the most pessimistic and abrasive attitude I've experienced on this forum. Quite frankly, you come across to me as being somewhat of a troll.

This forum helps people.

To quote your post above -

"Is the only goal to have had that many needles and drills in your mouth you just don't care anymore?"

Yes. Precisely.

It is called exposure therapy and is proven as being effective in eliminating fear and/or anxiety.

 

[Stewart]

@smirked So given that ive had needles and drills in my mouth, all of which feel like crap at best and in my experience usually hurt anyway, this is as good as it ever gets then?

 

[Stewart]

So essentially the people with the most fillings shouldnt be phobic then, seeing as they are the ones who need a drill in their mouth all the time.

The answer to the problem would be have terrible teeth then id need needles constantly whereas by having quite good teeth i dont get enough needles and drills

 

[Lioness]

@Stewart, I also would love that exist more effective ways to keep one's teeth healthy than brushing a few times a day and using mouthwash and \ or flossing. Probably it's diet... Maybe in some very disciplined people it works...

It's so irritating to try and take care of teeth and still have problems despite all the efforts...

Because I've read this yearning between your lines...
I really sympathise with you.

 

[Stewart]

@Stewart, I also would love that exist more effective ways to keep one's teeth healthy than brushing a few times a day and using mouthwash and \ or flossing. Probably it's diet... Maybe in some very disciplined people it works...

It's so irritating to try and take care of teeth and still have problems despite all the efforts...

Because I've read this yearning between your lines...
I really sympathise with you.

YES!!!!!!!!!!! @Lioness Thank You!!!!!!!!!!!

All you want is some upside to all this!!!!!

overcome your phobia......you still come to the dentist forever anyway.

So theres nothing to beat then!!!! youre coming here forever regardless

This is EXACTLY my point!!

 

[letsconnect]

Quite frankly, you come across to me as being somewhat of a troll.

Precisely. Unfortunately, banning "Stewart" doesn't really work because he keeps popping up with new usernames and assumed identities, morphing seamlessly from middle-aged guy into 19-year old having their first filling and back again... In the meantime, I'm doing my best to keep his nasty remarks and put-downs aimed at other forum members at bay by deleting about 90% of his posts/sarcastic comments.

 

[smirked]

@letsconnect yes I had noticed his posts being edited by moderator. Thanks for that.

 

[Stewart]

Precisely. Unfortunately, banning "Stewart" doesn't really work because he keeps popping up with new usernames and assumed identities, morphing seamlessly from middle-aged guy into 19-year old having their first filling and back again... In the meantime, I'm doing my best to keep his nasty remarks and put-downs aimed at other forum members at bay by deleting about 90% of his posts/sarcastic comments.

@letsconnect yes I had noticed his posts being edited by moderator. Thanks for that.

Whatever you two think, i am not a troll. I have a phobia, and I have mental issues.

Ive had to come back here as different people because you keep restricting my posting access and you keep editing my posts.

Neither of you have ever met a person with a real dentists phobia in your LIFE. This is FACT.

If you came across a person who's phobia couldnt be cured by patting them on the shoulder and telling them everything will be ok, you wouldnt have a clue what to do. Accept it.

 

[ScaredyCat22]

Not sure if you are trolling or not but to me it doesn't really sound like you have dental phobia. You have had multiple procedures and didn't seem to have a problem with them. Nobody enjoys going to the dentist. Disliking it is not the same as having a phobia. I hate washing the dishes but it doesn't terrify me. There is nothing that will make me fall in love with washing dishes but I don't need to love it in order to do it. I don't cry or feel like throwing up every time I see a dish. It's not a phobia. Not every unpleasant experience is a phobia. "All I wanted to do was to go to the dentist to get a "phobia monkey" off my back and say ive been, and maybe start ticking treatments off the "list" so to speak....i had x and it was ok"
Well congratulations. Good for you. That is all you wanted and that is what you got. so why are you here? And yes actually people have died under sedation and anesthesia, including during procedures at the dentist. Do not take anyone's fear so lightly just because you don't have it.

 

[Stewart]

Not sure if you are trolling or not but it doesn't really sound like you have dental phobia. You have had multiple procedures and didn't seem to have a problem with them. Nobody enjoys going to the dentist. Disliking it is not the same as having a phobia. I hate washing the dishes but it doesn't terrify me. There is nothing that will make me fall in love with washing dishes but I don't need to love it in order to do it. I don't cry or feel like throwing up every time I see a dish. It's not a phobia. Not every unpleasant experience is a phobia. "All I wanted to do was to go to the dentist to get a "phobia monkey" off my back and say ive been, and maybe start ticking treatments off the "list" so to speak....i had x and it was ok"
Well congratulations. Good for you. That is all you wanted and that is what you got. so why are you here? And yes actually people have died under sedation and anesthesia, including during procedures at the dentist. Do not take anyone's fear so lightly just because you don't have it.

Im sick of being accused of being a troll firstly. It makes me feel even worse because its not true.

"Didnt have a problem with them"

Crikey. Could you be any wider off the mark. Like literally any wider off the mark? people like to bring out the "theres always someone more phobic line", well have you met anyone who:

1) Faints anywhere between 3-6 times a day because they think of injections constantly?
2) Spent over a week missing to avoid an appointment and turned up 180 miles from home when i was found after being reported to police?
3) Has had his face electrocuted on multiple occasions by injections?
4) Has lost his amateur sports career for months on end to the point he has needed thousands of pounds worth of psychology to overcome the focal dystonia induced by dentistry thoughts, VERY LUCKILY ive had some extremely kind people and a sponsor who have paid for this
5) Lost a previous job through a total lack of abilty to focus as dentistry was filling all my thoughts and in the end i had to resign as i felt i was a danger to myself and others, again kind people helped me through this and my career is on track
6) Has deliberately injured themself as not to go to an appointment?
7) Lost nearly a stone in 2 days in the lead up to an appointment through constant vomitting and dehydration?

I could go on.

Ive been caused serious, serious pain at the dentist, and its just brushed under the carpet like its nothing. Like i must be lying when i say how painful the injections are, or just get a flippant "find a better dentist" quip back at me.

Ive sat in dentists car parks before appointments, or for hours after as a blubbering wreck. I have literally LEFT one appointment and been a wreck about the next one ALREADY in a YEARS TIME because its a YEAR AWAY one day at a time.

Ive sat through these extractions and fillings, it was deeply, deeply unpleasant on many many levels. But i thought hey, feel the fear and do it anyway.

Its done nothing for:

1) My phobia
2) My happiness
3) My quality of life

THAT is why i posted my post, and i know im not alone because ive spoken to real people, not just the people who post here, real ones and psychologists costing thousands of pounds.

I will end up being sick, passing out, emotionally devastated every time the dentist cycle comes around because no matter how many things i have done, you end up back at the dentist for more anyway. more treatment, more checkups, more everything.

I want the life i had years ago, when i was in my late teens and i didnt care. I was the happiest ive ever been, i didnt care about my teeth whatsoever and im glad i didnt.

 

[Stewart]

I find the "washing dishes" analogy inaccurate. Nobody in the world cries or feels sick washing a plate, it's not even remotely comparable.

 

[Stewart]

Literally as i write that I worry that yore going to look up "dirty dishes" phobia and somehow create an equivalence between the two phobias to justify the analogy

 

[letsconnect]

@stuart The trolling that is being referred to is not in relation to your own experiences. Clearly, you do have a phobia, and nobody is denying that you've consistently had bad experiences with dentists.

Rather, what leads to most of your posts and direct messages being disallowed is the constant belittling and invalidating of others who have had better experiences than yourself, and whom you accuse of lying. It's particularly saddening to read your replies to people who have posted their success stories, laughing at them and telling them they're lying and/or they didn't really have an extreme fear or phobia. After riling people up, you then report them to the moderators if they reply to you in a manner that you find disrespectful. To me, this meets the definition of trolling:

"a troll is a person who posts deliberately offensive or provocative messages online... Trolling behaviors involve tactical aggression to incite emotional responses, which can adversely affect the target's well-being." (Wikipedia)

You have made dozens of posts which meet these criteria over the last months. Your argument seems to be that your behaviour towards other forum members is solely due to the mental distress you're experiencing as the result of your phobia. At times, this justification comes across as a Get out of jail free card.

I honestly don't think that an online forum can help you. Perhaps you could get help from a qualified psychologist. If you don't want to spend thousands of pounds, you can ask for an NHS referral from your GP, or self-refer:

NHS talking therapies for anxiety and depression

How to access free psychological therapies (talking therapies) like cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), counselling and guided self-help on the NHS.

www.nhs.uk

 

[Stewart]

@letsconnect

Maybe youre right. I have a phobia that meets this...what i can only describe as all consuming envy, anger and spite that dentistry has left me with.

I feel a sense of spite at times that ruins my whole life. we can debate the pros and cons but the spite has got worse because i feel im more phobic than 99% of people here. I just feel I am, theres no point in quantifying it. And yet i feel a combination of trying to beat my phobia, eg doing the "right thing" and feeling as if I'm being constantly shunned by people who are nothing like as phobic as i am, nowhere even close when you should be taking difficult people aside and helping them, it just makes me feel so bitter, on top of the phobia.

If my phobia could be cured with a cup of tea and a "youll be fine", i wouldnt even be here @letsconnect

Ive absolutely worked my a**e off to beat these feelings. i made myself go to the dentist, forced myself. forced myself through treatments i didnt want. all for nothing.

It just makes me boil with visceral anger one moment, to complete despair when i want to die the next.

I wish i could just die with crap teeth. Happy.

Than have 10 filings and wish i was dead.

 

[letsconnect]

Ive absolutely worked my a**e off to beat these feelings. i made myself go to the dentist, forced myself. forced myself through treatments i didnt want. all for nothing.

In your previous incarnation as MagicDuck12, you recalled an incident 6 years ago which sounded absolutely horrific. You described how you had 4 teeth removed with extremely painful injections and insufficient numbing, and a dentist who showed no empathy. Many people, except perhaps the most stoical individuals, would have the same reaction as yourself (i.e. post-traumatic stress disorder).

I strongly believe that having some more sessions with a psychologist who is a good match for you might help a lot. It feels as if you're currently caught in a maelstrom of negative emotions - anger, spite, envy, and fear - that runs so deep that an online forum isn't really the best place to resolve these issues. Do you agree?

 

[Stewart]

@letsconnect

I remember that day like it was yesterday. I can feel everything i felt that day still. Ive had grade 3 muscle tears and broken bones that dont come anywhere close to the suffering i had that day. not just the pain, but the whole ambience of the day, from having a needle shoved in my face the moment i showed up, silly sarcastic jokes that were never going to be funny or calm me down. blood everywhere. being blamed for not eating enough before i got there, whilst conveniently ignoring i had been sick in the lead up.

Im never going to trust a dentist ever again. They can maybe work on me if they HAVE to, but i would never ever trust them. They can act all sweetness and light to me, and thats fine, its certainly better than being treated rudely. However, every time i go in the future, every future visit has the potential to be like THAT visit. Could have 50 perfect visits....its irrelevant if visit 51 is so painful it leaves you begging for mercy.

Youre actually right in that the feelings i feel are so, so deep, and so visceral, that its got to a point where its ruined my entire life. everything about it, no matter how much i try and pretend it hasnt.

I cant even begin to tell you some of the things ive done, and contemplated between now and then. I literally could not do it out loud with the world watching what im writing. I seriously fear sometimes the place i might see the next dentist is an asylum, or a jail cell. Thats so far removed from the 20 year old never went to the dentist never cared man that was happy, and i can cry for days on end to have those days back. Sometimes i get agonisingly close, scarily close, to ripping out all the work te dentists did, so i can have MY mouth back, ugly and ruined, but its MINE, not THEIRS telling me come back in a few months time.

I just want to never engage with this subject ever again, but i know i cant. Thats why its a death sentence i cannot wait to be free of. I just dream of that day coming when its finally all over for good. There aint a dentist in the sky.

 

[letsconnect]

Did you talk about these feelings and experiences when you saw the psychologist about the impact it was having on your sporting activities?

 

[Stewart]

Did you talk about these feelings and experiences when you saw the psychologist about the impact it was having on your sporting activities?

Its a multi layered thing because ive seen psychologists who are trying to improve my mental state, and sports based psychologists who have tried to work on the sports feelings, and the two need to come together to "cure me".

I wont make it boring and throw us off topic but the thing i have in a sports sense is essentially a career breaker now. You dont get over it, or certainly dont be the same. I essentially no longer have control of certain motor skills because i cannot control the pressure of my grip at the thing i do in the same way i did when i was good. This doesnt sound like much on paper, but the knockon effect it has causes a havoc of knock on effects.

Im not being melodramatic but that part of my life has gone, its not coming back. It would have been my full time career post 50, but thats certainly gone.

Whilst it causes me pain every single day, i can live with that, i can make peace with that (eventually) if i can get my life in a better order as a whole.

 

[Stewart]

Ive explained to the psychologists how the issue started to manifest itself into sports and theyve been working with me constantly on it though which is really reassuring.