This Could Be A Very Unpopular Thread; Please Bear With Me

[MagicDuck12]

Hello Everyone

Ive been posting a fair bit recently here. I dont have as much of a story as many people, basically ive started coming here as im phobic of going to the dentist and since about the age of 14-15, ive been visiting the dentist at best sporadically. Up until my last two recent visits, the previous visit was about six years prior to that. I have an upcoming visit in September too.

Ive decided im at a point in my life where i need to be responsible and go to the dentist. So prior to my two visits earlier this month, i made this decision. But....

This is going to go totally against the grain of this forum, whats sensible, and what works with phobias.....but i think im just going to not bother going again, once my hygienist and fillings are out the way.

My reasoning is this:

1) From the moment i made this what i felt was rational, sensible commitment, ive been the most miserable ive ever been in my whole life. Ive pulled out of sports activities, social activities, my work performance is worse, im irritable, im snappy, i feel like a totally different and worse person. I think about dentistry all day. It messes with my thoughts constantly, and I cant think of any way to stop the thoughts, believe me ive tried. I never, ever, EVER felt this way before i decided i needed to go regularly.

2) The checkups.....is there any point? what i mean by this is i stew and stew about the checkups with unbelieveable anxiety that they are going to discover something and have to do something to repair it, despite me not outwardly feeling any discomfort. Then hopefully they give the all clear see you in 6 months. The moment they say that, all i think is "what if i need something doing in 6 months?" and the whole pointless anxiety cycle starts again, the moment i leave the building. So im thinking, why not just totally f**k this chain of pointlessness, and go when i ACTUALLY have a concern. like when i feel the concern, as soon as it starts, THEN go. That way i feel free. I might NEVER go (hopefully) with care and attention.

3) By going when I have a problem, they can either put my mind to rest, or i can deal with a short uncomfortable period waiting for my treatment. And i actually have a legitimate reason to be there IF i need a treatment. I can tell myself "you need THIS to aleviate THIS" and itll actually make the disgusting injections that HURT worthwhile (dont tell me otherwise, they do and have done several times for me). Ive had other treatments for other things in the past and you could argue theyre worse than dental work, but it NEVER seems that way to me because you appreciate youre going there to fix a problem. you usually see progress session to session at the physio for example and its rewarding.

4) This forum - people are going to not like me for this but this forum hasnt helped in any way, shape or form. People who post here are supposedly "phobic"....I mean really, are they? all i ever read except from a handful of people i have great respect for here is....i have such a huge phobia, oh my god its huge, i cant even pick up the phone....but i did pick up the phone and i had a check up which led to me having 14 root canals and none of them hurt and it was actually one of the best things ive ever done and i have no phobia now, im freeeeeeeeeee and so happiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeee.

Give over for crying out loud, if youre a phobic of something this is not how your life goes. I do like to read the opinions of actual dentists here but some people are so wildly over the top, theyre obviously lying. They are "phobics" yet claim none of their injections hurt. They are "phobics" but always seem to turn up to their appointments. They are "phobics" but have no problem sitting through root canals with local anaesthetic....basically what are you phobic about then? oh, nothing.

I just want my life to go back to how it was. If that means im running away from my phobia then yep. Ill run away and be happier.


I appreciate i sound like a bit of a goon, but i cant spend the entire rest of my life living dentist check up to dentist check up, i just want to be free and say f**k it. Its not sensible, it never will be. But I was way happier how i was before.

Any thoughts? if im an idiot, please tell me, knock some sense into me

 

[MagicDuck12]

Hello Everyone

Please please help me. I'm desperate. I've gone past desperation it's just hopelessness and emptiness.

I want my life to go back to normal. I don't want to go down my appointments.

These appointments are solidifying my fears by making me endure everything I cannot cope with.

It's just unbearable. I can't live like this anymore.

I know no one can help I just hope someone can say something, anything.

I'm trying to get my September 4th appointment moved forwards but I want to cancel....but i can't cancel.

I'll walk out of the appointment worse than I went in...I'll have been needled, drilled and subjected to feelings I cannot cope with. Physical pain. Emotional pain. Psychological pain.

In the lead up to the appointment two days prior whenever it'll be ill probably lose half a stone vomitting and be in a constant state of wanting to pass out.

I'm a hopeless cause. I felt this forum might be a last resort for me. I'm too far gone.

I'm just begging for help

 

[letsconnect]

So sorry you're feeling so distressed and hopeless @MagicDuck12 . Seeing a dentist is not mandatory. If it's causing you too much stress, there's no obligation to go. Or if you do go, you're under no obligation to have any treatment you don't want. For example, you could agree to a cleaning, but not avail of any other treatment.

It sounds though as if on some level, you would like to avail of dental care? Otherwise, you wouldn't have made this appointment. If so, but you can't cope with "standard" dentists, you could either ask for a referral to the community dental service (your GP may be able to refer you), or else you could look around for private dentists who have a special interest in helping phobic patients. There are many many people who cannot cope with standard dentistry but who manage to cope in an environment that's more geared towards nervous/phobic patients.

I hope you can find a way forward, even if things are looking bleak at the moment.

 

[MagicDuck12]

@letsconnect I struggle with it so much. There's not one aspect of my life that gives me such constant mental and emotional pain. It consumed and utterly ruins my life and it just feels like every experience I have ruins it further and further.

There's never anyone to talk to. Anyone who understands. Anyone who really cares. They just want you in, needle and drill your teeth to death and shove you out the door as fast as possible. Whether they're consciously doing it or not they never seem to care what you're going through. You're just the weird one for feeling how you do.

The most unpleasant experiences of my entire life have been at dentists.

It's like force feeding nuts to someone with a nut allergy in the blind hope they'll turn around one day and say nuts aren't so bad. The whole experience of being there is awful, it's loud, incredibly stressful, uncomfortable, bright, some of the worst feelings and sounds you could ever imagine, the injections, even though everything should be "painless" the whole environment is tortuous.

I just feel so hopeless coming on here day after day begging to find someone who can make it all end.

Id consider anything, whatever the cost, to be in some sort of dream state where it's over and I never remember it nor think of having that treatment ever again.

I know on a rational level oral health matters so I'll have to explore the possibilities and I really value that you took time to send me positivity

 

[MagicDuck12]

Its horrible when you've tried so hard to be responsible and "normal" and it's just a bottomless pit of zero hope

 

[letsconnect]

Id consider anything, whatever the cost, to be in some sort of dream state where it's over and I never remember it nor think of having that treatment ever again.

Have you considered looking for a dentist who (a) gets good reviews from nervous or phobic patients and (b) offers IV sedation? IV sedation does send you into that sort of dream state where you feel relaxed and don't remember much if anything. So that might be the sort of thing you're looking for.

 

[MagicDuck12]

The IV is probably the only option to be honest.

It doesnt matter how good someone supposedly is with a phobic patient in a review. What can they do? theyve still got to inject you. theyve still got to drill you. you still have to listen to the drilling, you still have to feel the vibrations in your head, you still have to feel whatever that shit is in the needle stinging your face to death and then having a weird face for hours.

Sooner or later every dentist is going to give you a bad experience. theyre bound to do something wrong. Have the dentists in the past tried to leave me bleeding everywhere after yanking out a tooth? have they tried to electrocute my face? have they tried to make my gums bleed everywhere? they havent TRIED do that, but thats still what happened.

Im not trying to be difficult and morbid. Theres just no light. no point.

I think IV is the only option and im so sorry ive been so horrible to be around on this forum at times

 

[shiannabluewave]

How about sedation MagicDuck12? You won't be "in the moment" and when you wake up, it's over.

 

[Natzuk]

@MagicDuck12 I agree with everything you say and please do see if you can be referred to community dentist like I am . They are much more patient and understanding with you plus they can offer sedation/ GA . I’ve never had sedation am so scared but I don’t think I’ll be allowed to be asleep again like I was last time for teeth removal . My daughter is going to ask them too see if I can have them all out and dentures done as I’m scared of the continual mess of my teeth . Don’t know who I bother brushing them anymore

I’ve stopped looking in the mirror now when I brush my teeth. You can always message me as I will reply and I’m very honest and agree that dentist do hurt and they don’t consider your needs unless you are under the community special care .

How are you today ?

 

[Natzuk]

@shiannabluewave hi have you had sedation before?

 

[MagicDuck12]

@Natzuk
@MagicDuck12

Thank you so so much for getting in touch. I do feel the lowest ive ever felt. I wish i didnt. I still have time, IF i wanted to, to cancel my appointment, but im desperate not to do that. I WANT to look after myself.

The thought of sitting through the whole appointment terrifies me and i can be open about that. The only thing i absolutely know is i cannot, and i emphasise that, go on like this. Its not just teeth. Its the impact on everything in my life, friends ive known 2 decades, my job, family life, EVERYTHING.

Ive been focusing on a solid plan to get me through the future, and I think I have one.

Its not the sort of thing a dentist would recommend, but honestly i really dont care what they recommend to a point, I want to be HAPPY, not have the worlds best teeth.

My plan ive been working on looks a bit like this:

1) Find a dentist offering IV at a somewhat reasonable cost. Im happy to pay quite a bit to have no idea whats going on. its worth it to me.

2) I will go the maximum amount of time i can between checkups. Im speculating 4 years or so. Certainly not 6 months. I will try and max out the time to GENUINELY forget about checkups

3) I will never pre book an appointment. I will always wait instead to a point where i feel comfortable mentally, and THEN book. That way nothing will ever hang over me until the very last moment.

4) I will maintain as good as possible brushing and tepe brushing regime as i can and really emphasise this, to keep oral health as good as possible

5) I will seek further help on why i am so anxious, utilising my works wellbeing service and psychologist from the local university to help me which has been kindly offered by a friend.

Thank you for all the help it means so much x

 

[Natzuk]

@MagicDuck12 that sounds like a great plan .
I have a plan on paper to give the dentist but I just don’t think that my teeth can be saved well at least three of them that need deep fillings . I only have like 8 healthy teeth I think . I am like you and hoping once this tooth is out and I have my fillings I won’t need to be seen for a long time but I know that’s not going too happen due to how bad my teeth are . Very stained . Never smiled and probably never will , men don’t stay with me either and I just feel like while I try and fight my mental health every day the added stress of my teeth is not needed .
I have bad dreams of them falling out in my sleep and I wake up choking .

I did just google if dentist can take all your teeth out if they are in a bad state and it says yes of the hospital agree also so if I put it forward to the dentist and they agree then I can’t back out of it .

While some people can just push through things I am not that person and never will be because for me that makes me feel unwell and i suffer for ages !


X

 

[MagicDuck12]

@Natzuk Keep fighting hun. Youve done more for me on this forum than you could ever believe. I hope you can finally get to a place where you are happy with your teeth in whatever way that takes.

As far as mental health, you deserve to be happy. It resonates with me so much because i see the mental damage your dental issues are having on your whole life, its not an isolated issue away from everything else.

Please stay strong, id love to talk if you ever wanted to x

 

[Natzuk]

@MagicDuck12 thanks that is nice too know I’ve helped someone in a way don’t think anyone has ever said that so that means a lot .


I hope it all works out for you also . I’ll be back on here when I have my appointment . Yeah mental health issues and other stuff for the past 11 years and it’s not getting better. Thanks so much please if you can keep us updated with your appointment no matter what you decide to do

 

[HeatherWasHere]

I work in mental health care and I have patients with phobias. After reading your first post I thought “Yep” because EVERY phobic person believes themself to be the most severe case on earth. That is the feeling of your first post— “Nobody else on this website is as severely phobic as I am; nobody understands.” All I can tell you is yes, that feeling you have that nobody in the universe understands your fear is literally the hallmark of a phobia.

(If it’s not clear— what I’m saying is that it is not true. Your phobic brain is telling you that you’re the most severe case on earth, and therefore you’re hopeless. It’s not true. You aren’t hopeless.)

 

[Anxiety Riddled]

@MagicDuck12 that is some of the realist s**t I’ve ever read…

 

[Natzuk]

@HeatherWasHere she might not be hopeless but her phobias are true and so are mental health issues and some people can not change/ improve . Speaking from experience. I will never get over my PTSD , phobia mental health issues. I don’t even understand much of your reply