Thisismyjournal (thisisme)

[thisisme]

Hello everyone!

I have a dental journal now, which is crazy. I have begun my dental journey after avoiding it for 16 years. So far, I have had a cracked molar (due to an old filling) re-filled, a cleaning, exam, and a treatment plan. As someone who could not speak the word dentist a few months ago, I have come such a long way. I have found a lovely and kind practice, and I really do look forward to my next few appointments.

I’ll need the following immediately (all of these are scheduled):
4 cavities filled
2 cavities re-filled (due to leakage)
1 wisdom tooth extraction

I’ll need the following eventually:
Oral surgeon consult for 3 remaining wisdom teeth (2 of which are impacted)

I want the following eventually:
Braces (preferably lingual top and clear on bottom)

None of this seems that bad after avoiding the dentist like the plague. My last visit was when I was 14. The next time I had an appointment, I hid and eventually, my mom just gave up trying. Then, I became an adult and continued to avoid it until my molar cracked... and here we are.

I used to wake up in the middle of the night, unable to sleep, remembering that one day, I would have to make an appointment. I remember the pure panic the night I lost my filling and the pure panic when that tooth cracked years later. I can pinpoint exactly where I was and what I was doing in those moments. I was very serious about visiting a dentist 7 years ago when I first lost my filling. I looked at practices, joined the forum, etc., but I couldn’t take the next step. It was not until July 30, 2019 where I was able to call and make an appointment. If you are reading this, know that my dental journey began with me standing at the starting line for 7 years. It takes time. I once read on here that “once you decide to go to the dentist, it could take months, years, and even decades.” Do not get discouraged.

Anyway, going has been the best thing I could have ever done for myself. I found a journal entry from June 2013 where I mention that I had been keeping something to myself for (at the time) 11 months. I didn’t write what it was, but it was the lost filling. I write about how I couldn’t tell my mom, my best friend, and I didn’t even write it down. I had eventually learned to live with it and my life was pretty okay, but it was always in the back of my mind. I also always carried around temporary filling and was paranoid when going on trips.

In 1.5 months (after the immediate needs), I will no longer have these concerns. I can be free. I already feel free in a way. I feel much happier than I’ve been in years. I no longer have a lost filling/cracked tooth that I live with for years, I have had the first professional cleaning of my entire adult life, and I have a plan!

All this being said, I’m not mad at myself for not going sooner. It really felt like things fell in place. The practice I found took over an older place only 1.5 years ago. The dentist is maybe 31-32 years old, which means he was basically my age (14) when my phobia started. Everything happens for a reason, and I just feel like waiting and finding this place was meant to happen.

I know this is long, but I feel so liberated. Next up, upper wisdom tooth extraction on Sept. 17! Besides the blood and having a hole in my mouth, I’m not totally freaked out... yet. I trust the numbing stuff to work, so it’s really the aftermath and any bloody tastes that worry me. I can do it, though... I think!

Thanks for listening.

So, thisismyjournal.

-thisisme

 

[thisisme]

I told my mom about my wisdom tooth extraction tonight. She gave me tea bags. I guess that is supposed to help clotting. It feels good to have someone I can talk to outside of the forum. She’s surprisingly been very supportive. I don’t know what I was expecting. It’s weird because I hid my other illness from her for a year ago, and she was equally supportive.

Maybe I just feel like I can handle things on my own, or maybe I am embarrassed that I have these issues. Like completely normal problems to have embarrass me for some reason. I sometimes wonder if it’s some deeper psychological thing. Like I’ve watched my brother and sister rely and depend on her so much that I never want to be an inconvenience or cause her unnecessary stress.

It really is nice to be open with my mom, though. It makes me feel more comfortable with the process. Would I want her there? Absolutely not. Would I like her to coddle me afterwards and bring over soup? Absolutely.

12 days until I say bye-bye upper wisdom tooth.

Side note: I found out her dentist (not oral surgeon) pulled out her two erupted upper wisdom teeth, so that makes me feel way more confident.

 

[thisisme]

I had a dream my dentist pulled the wrong tooth! But on the bright side, I was semi sedated, so the procedure was a breeze! My wisdom tooth extraction is now 5 days away. I’m honestly sure it’s going to be absolutely fine, and I’m not super stressed about it. Well, maybe in my dreams I am, but logically I know that after I’m numbed up, I won’t feel a thing.

And the numbing feeling is kind of cool. ? I guess I’ve never had a top tooth worked on, though, so I’m curious if it’s easier or harder than a bottom one?

 

[thisisme]

Tomorrow was supposed to be the day of my wisdom tooth extraction but I’ve rescheduled until Oct. 22. I really did want to get it over it, but I have this chest cold with this icky cough that kept me up two hours in the middle of the night.

They said I could come in as long as I didn’t have a fever, so I have my doubts like maybe I shouldn’t have. Rescheduling seemed to be taking the easy way out, so I am disappointed in myself.

The cough is worse when I lie down, so I didn’t think being in the chair would help. And I worried about gauze flying out when I coughed or just somehow feeling more trapped because I can’t cough every 2 seconds like I need to.

Ugh. So my next appointment is for two fillings on Sept. 30. Then, Oct. 14, and then, Oct. 22.

My whole treatment plan was pushed a week, which I guess in the big picture isn’t too bad. I’m still pretty mad at myself, though.

 

[Tracey]

I understand being upset with yourself, I have rescheduled my tooth extraction many times and it’s been going on two years that I have been waiting to do it. Saturday is the big day for me and I’m thankful I found this group because I’m terrified. I think you should be proud of what you have done so far and I wouldn’t want to get any dental work having a chest cold. The doctor would usually want you to reschedule that anyway. Good luck and let me know how it goes

 

[thisisme]

I understand being upset with yourself, I have rescheduled my tooth extraction many times and it’s been going on two years that I have been waiting to do it. Saturday is the big day for me and I’m thankful I found this group because I’m terrified. I think you should be proud of what you have done so far and I wouldn’t want to get any dental work having a chest cold. The doctor would usually want you to reschedule that anyway. Good luck and let me know how it goes

Thank you, Tracey. Good luck with your appointment on Saturday! I’m sure you will do great. I have a filling appointment for Monday. Somehow, I am still sick. I am hoping I keep getting better every day because I refuse to cancel again. They said as long as I don’t have a fever I can come in. I just hope I can clear my stuffy nose and my cough is less by then. This is day 13 of this cold. It feels like it’s never going to end. Of course, I would get hit with something like this the moment I decide to combat my dental phobia. Grrr.

 

[krlovesherkids777]

Best of luck to you both in your appointments, and hope you are feeling much better by Monday Thisisme!!

 

[Tracey]

Best of luck to you both in your appointments, and hope you are feeling much better by Monday Thisisme!!

Thank you!! I’m terrified and sick to my stomach about it.

 

[thisisme]

Big day today. Getting two fillings tonight. T-minus 8 hours. I’m more so excited than scared. That may change but 3 months ago, this wasn’t even a blip on my radar. I couldn’t even imagine the day I’d have an appointment. It’s just so crazy that tonight will be the first night I don’t need temp filling on the left side of my mouth. I’m so excited! I hope it goes well. ?

 

[Tracey]

Good luck! You will do great! I know now after my extraction I will keep up with my teeth and never let it get to this again. I will do the filings and cleanings with a smile on to take care of my teeth the best I can. Still hate the numbing though!

 

[krlovesherkids777]

Thisisme...

Can't wait to hear how it goes!! Thinking of you.. we know you totally got this!! and your dentist too!

 

[frostgirl]

Hoping everything goes well for you thisisme. Thinking of you

 

[thisisme]

I’m not totally over my phobia. I’m sitting in the parking lot like come on, you got this! Going in in one minute. I know I can do it, but I’m still nervous. ?

Here goes nothing, you guys!

 

[thisisme]

You guys I’m in the chair and I find out that their plan is to extract my wisdom tooth today. Calmly freaking out. Just got numbed up. I hope I’m able to work tomorrow. I have a few presentations. Freaking out! ???

 

[Sol]

Wishing you good luck. If your extraction is like the molar I had out recently you should be good to go tomorrow.

 

[Tracey]

Good luck. Sometimes it’s easier this way. When I went in for my extraction Saturday they called me in soo fast, started with numb gel then injections and I didn’t have time to think. So maybe this is good because you didn’t have time to go over this too much. Let us know how you do! You got this!!!

 

[thisisme]

I survived! More to come. Paying now.

 

[thisisme]

So, I don’t know how I didn’t see this coming. I had a treatment plan, which had an order (treatment 1, 2, and 3), and yet, I feel so blindsided. The whole day I was getting two fillings. I had some anxiety but nothing too bad. I was able to work without issue and didn’t really feel my heart start to pound until I was about 2 minutes away.

Anyway, I get there, and the dentist is like, “Okay... looks like we’re extracting that troubling wisdom tooth...”

Me: “Oh? I thought I had two fillings scheduled.”

Dentist: “We have to get this out first because it’s causing issues, so we’ll just do the fillings next time.”

EASY FOR YOU, MISTER.

Anywho, why fight it. It would be like fighting the inevitable anyway. He does one shot, which was not bad at all. I thought I was done before he came back and was like, “we’re going to do one more.” Oh great...

It was on the inside of my back tooth. It was unpleasant but not the worst thing. Out of nowhere, he puts his hand on my shoulder and says, “You did really good. I know that one isn’t fun.” It was comforting because 1.) he’s adorable, and 2.) It made me feel less alone.

Then the assistant read me some of the “warnings,” which is great and really reassuring, haha. Things like “this probably won’t happen, but we need to tell you it anyway.” Great.

So, he comes back and leans me back all the way and I put in my music. He tells me I shouldn’t feel anything sharp but may feel some pressure and tugging.

Then, he was exactly right. My god. It is crazy how they take out a tooth. They literally start rocking it. At times, he told me to slide my jaw to the right to help. I don’t know what that does, but I trust him. The assistant checked in on me once. Probably could see my hands shaking. It wasn’t painful... don’t get me wrong, but it wasn’t the best experience of my life. You can feel the tugging and hear some crack sounds. I don’t want to scare anyway because it was 300 times better than I imagined, but it wasn’t like going to Disney World. Anyway, it felt like forever. I legit felt bad because it seemed like he was struggling, but it took probably like 3 minutes total, haha. I felt like my mouth was open so wide, and he had to pull it wider. I felt so bad thinking this might be the most challenging extraction he’s ever had.

Then, it was out. I wasn’t 100% sure it was out because I didn’t taste any blood but there were no more hands in my mouth. Then, he said it’s out. Yay! They put gauze in and five minutes later, she checked it and said the clot already formed. I still have gauze in now to be safe. I will tell you that all of my fears about this extraction were pretty much put to rest.

They both told me it was one of their easier extractions and they didn’t have any complications. That is reassuring. I joked and said if that was easy, I’d like to see what a hard one looks like! Haha. I am hoping I do not bleed anymore and will try to eat something soft in about an hour or two.

At the end, he asked if I wanted to see my tooth. I said pass. Then, said he’s going to a root canal conference at the end of the mouth and asked if he could keep it. I guess they need to bring in teeth? I was like “Uh, sure.” And, then, I felt so thankful I have a job that doesn’t require me to bring in teeth.

I can’t believe I did it. I really do have a fabulous dentist and team. I was also in the room I was in for my first appointment, which was oddly comforting.

Anywho, two more appointments for fillings, and I am basically caught up at 16 years of avoidance!

 

[Tracey]

Great news!! You did soo good! Speedy recovery! Let me know how you’re feeling tomorrow I’m going into day 4 of recovery tomorrow.

 

[thisisme]

So it’s been over an hour, and I went to change the gauze, and NOW, I taste blood. I don’t think it stopped bleeding yet, either that or the clot came out? I don’t know what is normal. I wanted to eat, but now, I don’t want to take out the gauze. Grr. It feels so weird. No real pain yet, but I’m kind of waiting because it feels weird. I guess I will try to eat in an hour? I’m also trying not to cough because I worry the clot will fly out, but that’s pretty hard when I’m still somehow sick. Grrrrrr.

And, yay! Day 4?! You are doing amazing, Tracey. I’m so glad you got it over and done with too. I’m so ready for my fillings to be done now. We are so brave.