Too young.

S

sarako7

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Apr 26, 2019
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6
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So my molar is too damaged to be saved and I have to get it pulled out. Apart from being terrified of the procedure and the long term effects the next thing that's really bothering me is how nobody my age goes through this.

I'm only 16, and while the tooth is at the back of my mouth in my upper jaw probably won't be visible I can't help but feel really embarrassed that I have to get an extraction at such a young age, and I feel so guilty about it because this would've been preventable if I put effort into having good oral hygiene and if my irrational anxiety hadn't kept me from visiting the dentist regularly. I kind of wish my parents would've forced me to when I would refuse to go to the dentist.

I live in a place where people are judged for this stuff all the time. Not just by normal people but by dentists as well, including mine (which I honestly think is worse than other people judging. Of all people you'd expect your dentist to be supportive and reassuring, but no). So missing a tooth or possibly getting an implant at such a young age (I think 16 is probably too young for an implant but maybe in a few years) is humiliating. Not to mention friend and family judgement and the look of utter disappointment they'll give me when they find out, which will just make me feel worthless. Even my dad makes me feel bad about my situation when he tells me he never had dental problems when he was my age.

I'm losing sleep over this and I'm procrastinating getting the tooth extracted which is probably not a good idea. I know eventually I'll go and get it pulled out but does anyone maybe know stories of any young people who've had dental cases as bad as mine (doesn't have to be extraction) just to make me feel a little less alone? Because I feel ridiculous being this young and having a tooth so damaged it'll have to be removed. And when the worst dental cases I've ever seen in people as young as I am would be slightly crooked teeth or a small cavity I feel like a failure and a disappointment that I couldn't do something as simple as maintaining decent oral hygiene like they can.

I know other people have serious medical conditions that I'm lucky to not have to deal with, and some of them are exactly my age. Still, the fact that it's a minority isn't making me feel better about the situation. There must be a way to turn this into a positive situation though, right? Sorry if this was long, I don't really have anyone to talk to.
 
grumpybear

grumpybear

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Aug 30, 2018
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115
I would say what is done is done, don't look back and focus on doing better moving forward. Don't beat yourself up over it, we've all done stupid things and neglected our health in one way or another at some point in our lives, so you are definitely not alone, and won't be the last.

You may have lost this one molar, but you still have your other teeth, focus on taking good care of them from now on. You can also start saving up now to get the implant to replace it when you are older.
 
Dr. Daniel

Dr. Daniel

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2,013
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The Hague , Holland
Hi Sarako7,

Sorry to hear about your tooth and the distress it is causing you.
For a cavity to develop and grow are many factors needed. Some of these factors you have control such as brushing and diet but there are also other factors which we do not control such as genetics, previous dental work and interfaces in the tooth’s development (for example hypo-calcified enamel especially with 1st molars).
My message is: you feel responsible for your tooth’s condition but you are not. There are many factors you cannot control.
As grumpybear mentioned, the best thing is to focus on the future (how to take care of your teeth and prevent future problems) rather than the past. Easier said than done, it takes time to come to terms with it.
By the way, did you ask for a second opinion? Maybe your dentist does not have the means to preserve the tooth but others might manage.
 
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krlovesherkids777

krlovesherkids777

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Sarako,

Welcome to DFC and thanks for sharing your story . 16 is a really hard age to face dental fears and anxiety ..It is definately an age I faced awful dental situations. Having my mom that would shame me about my teeth, and a dentist that was worse, he was awful!! and 15 or 16 was my last time with him then they quit taking me to him and took me to an awful ortho who was just as shaming.. so these experiences took me into young adulthood shaping what I thought of dentists so I avoided them!!

So for you to get on here, talk about it, think about , this is really a great thing.. another good thing is you can find alot of dentists that will not shame you or blame you,, they want to help you!! Are your parents bringing you back to the same dentist? or might you ask them if you can research and pick one you feel comfortable with?

Also.. to get one tooth extracted and implant.. no one will need to know or tell but you , and when you get the final implant no one will know.. my implant tooth actually looks more natural than any of my other crowns. so once you do it if thats what you decide ultimately.. you could have a great tooth for a very long time.. Not to say its a super easy process , but it is not bad. I'm going through another one at the moment and happy to get another tooth.

Your situation is just as important as anyone else. we all have different situations and they are all valid and we all need to process them and support each other.. You are definately in the right place . We hope to know how you process along in all this ..
 
Enarete

Enarete

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Sorry to read how your dad and your dentist make you feel bad about your situation, I wished you would get supported instead of that. It sounds like living in a place where people get judged easily doesn't help.

I understand you feel bad about losing a tooth at the age 16 and feel alone, however I am not too sure if you are really alone. You know, people do not discuss teeth just like that. I started to work in a dental practice last year and one of the things that literally shocked me was how many people miss teeth or wear dentures or have implants, crowns or whatever! I would be having coffee with a colleague I have known for ages and he would suddenly ask me questions about his partial denture that he has had for ages and I had no idea. My lovely colleagues dental nurses, with amazing magically looking white teeth that look spottless and it turnes out they have root canaled teeth and crowns (mostly from the time before they started to work in dentistry which means quite at your age), or are just in the process of getting an implant. I also have seen very young people who had to deal with having several teeth removed and remember posts here on the forum from young people who were about to get dentures... So please do not believe you are the only one going through that.. most of us had a stage of not taking too much care of their teeth somewhere in their lives and most people go through that at your age. I know my boss (a dentist whose father was a dentist) didn't brush his teeth much during his youth.. nobody is perfect.

Another thing is, and that's what the other replies suggest, it doesn't matter where you are now. Dentistry offers such a huge range of options so there will be a good solution for your missing tooth and once it is solved you won't worry about it anymore.

Last but not least, if you have any influence over this, see if you can find a dentist who you like and who is nice to you. There is no point in making people feel bad about their teeth but sadly there still seem to be dentists who do not get it. So walking away and finding someone who can put you at ease and help you instead of judging you might really help... however I realize that this might not be too easy at your age.
 
LenaD

LenaD

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Mar 23, 2018
Messages
69
My father in-law, my mother and my friend(all in there later teens) all had molars pulled due to different issues. My father in law was due cavities same with my mom. Both let there wisdom teeth take there place. Could this be a option? My friend was due to a very small mouth and she had 4 molars pulled before she was 18. A lot of the time we always have the shoulda woulda couldas but you need to focus on moving forward. My teeth habits changed a lot as I grew older I have bad teeth and a lot is from my genetics and a aggressive strain of s mutan. I passed down my wisdom and experience to my children and they have a better dental future. If they faulted I would never for a second make them feel bad what’s done is done how can we fix this would be my mentality.
 
C

comfortdentist

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Verified dentist
Joined
Jul 19, 2009
Messages
2,866
Location
Miami, Fl
So my molar is too damaged to be saved and I have to get it pulled out. Apart from being terrified of the procedure and the long term effects the next thing that's really bothering me is how nobody my age goes through this.

I'm only 16, and while the tooth is at the back of my mouth in my upper jaw probably won't be visible I can't help but feel really embarrassed that I have to get an extraction at such a young age, and I feel so guilty about it because this would've been preventable if I put effort into having good oral hygiene and if my irrational anxiety hadn't kept me from visiting the dentist regularly. I kind of wish my parents would've forced me to when I would refuse to go to the dentist.

I live in a place where people are judged for this stuff all the time. Not just by normal people but by dentists as well, including mine (which I honestly think is worse than other people judging. Of all people you'd expect your dentist to be supportive and reassuring, but no).
COMPLETELY REASONABLE So missing a tooth or possibly getting an implant at such a young age (I think 16 is probably too young for an implant but maybe in a few years) is humiliating. Not to mention friend and family judgement and the look of utter disappointment they'll give me when they find out, which will just make me feel worthless. Even my dad makes me feel bad about my situation when he tells me he never had dental problems when he was my age. Okay I'm a dentist with 4 kids so I have a problem with what you heard your dad say.
Your parents are reasonable for your housing, diet, schooling and health care. They should have been taking you to a dentist regularly somehow. Secondly they should have instilled a proper and healthy diet for you. Now 16 year old and 15 and 14 and 13 all have bad dental hygiene as a rule so not uncommon to have a problem but you are right not common to need an extraction but it does happen
. You are still far far better off than most kids in the world.

I'm losing sleep over this and I'm procrastinating getting the tooth extracted which is probably not a good idea. I know eventually I'll go and get it pulled out but does anyone maybe know stories of any young people who've had dental cases as bad as mine (doesn't have to be extraction) just to make me feel a little less alone? PLENTY Because I feel ridiculous being this young and having a tooth so damaged it'll have to be removed. And when the worst dental cases I've ever seen in people as young as I am would be slightly crooked teeth or a small cavity I feel like a failure and a disappointment that I couldn't do something as simple as maintaining decent oral hygiene like they can.

I know other people have serious medical conditions that I'm lucky to not have to deal with, and some of them are exactly my age. Still, the fact that it's a minority isn't making me feel better about the situation. There must be a way to turn this into a positive situation though, right? Sorry if this was long, I don't really have anyone to talk to.
You are only 16 so it is far easier for you to change hygiene and diet so that this problem doesn't continue. Yes this problem sucks but it has an ending and I can tell you will have learned from this problem and you can and will make changes now to then be able to enjoy your teeth for decades to come
 
S

Stupiddentalfear

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Joined
Jul 6, 2015
Messages
143
Location
North Wales, UK
Hi Sarako7,

I'm sorry you are going through this and finding the situation so difficult. I had to reply because your story is similar to mine. My advanced cavity had been preventable and I was consumed with guilt. I was 36 when I was told my tooth was beyond repair. (I went 19 years without going to the dentist so I know how hard this phobia can be. I was convinced I would beat it but it beat me! ) Based upon my experience, please try and let go of the past and the guilt. It consumed me and made feel suicidal. I came so close!! (I would hate to think that someone else could reach that horrible place too.) We are not entirely to blame for our mistakes. It sounds like you have even less reason to feel guilty - at such a young age your parents haven't helped! (At the time we try to deal with the situation in the best way we can.) As Dr. Daniel says there are other factors that come into play too. We didn't intend upon losing our teeth. We made a mistake: we have learned from it and we will move on. Please try and be compassionate with yourself. Best Wishes in moving forward x
 
E

ESchmidt86

Member
Joined
Apr 30, 2019
Messages
20
Location
Florida
Hi there!

I was 17 when I had a tooth pulled for the first time. I had also procrastinated and dug my feet in and refused to go to the dentist. And by the time my mom was finally able to force me to go, the tooth needed a root canal or extraction. Because I grew up in poverty - an extraction was the only option. I'm not sure which tooth you're having done, but mine was a lower molar (second from the back).

I just had my wisdom tooth pulled on Friday, and I was able to keep my other wisdom tooth since it erupted upright and pushed the other tooth forward. So now my hygienist will use it to replace the missing tooth by pulling them forward when I do braces in a year or so.

Is a crown an option for you right now? At 16 I'd imagine that protecting the bone is important, but a crown if it is a front tooth might be one potential fix.

You are NOT alone having an adult tooth extracted as a teenager. I work with many professionals in the legal field who are missing teeth. The attorney I work for has had several implants and her father is a doctor.
 
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