terrified_in_Toronto
Member
- Joined
- May 22, 2010
- Messages
- 28
- Location
- Canada
Hi everybody,
I am 47, female, single mother of one adult child, on disability due to C-PTSD (with Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia and Emetophobia)... and I have three - count 'em THREE - good teeth in my mouth. The rest have broken off at the root. Oh, and I have an underbite. Sexy huh??
My mouth has been in this horrible condition for 15 years because the emetophobia has made it impossible for me to even sit in a dentist's chair... until yesterday that is (I'll get back to that in a bit).
I am on disability so I can't afford the extensive dental work I need (permanent dental implants) and here in Ontario Canada the only thing our healthcare covers for low income people is the very basics: extractions, fillings, and the cheapest denture. Because of my "issues" you couldn't pay me to wear a denture. I literally gag just looking at one.
So I've been walking around (when I DO get out) with little shards of black decay stuck in my gums, never smiling. But now my daughter will be graduating from university next year and... well... I want to be there with a smile that reflects just how incredibly proud I am of her. So, I wrote to a gazillion dentists explaining my situation and asking if they could help me find a way to get the dental work that I desperately need.
I heard back from ONE. He invited me to see him for a complimentary consultation (he normally charges $250) to see what he could do for me. I was sooo excited!!! And VERY grateful that SOMEONE had at least offered me some hope.
The dentist's office is an hour and a half (by public transit because I don't have a car and certainly can't afford a taxi) away from my home but beggers can't be choosers so I had to find a way to make the trip. I'm areabound agoraphobic, so that's like 847347343843 blocks wayyyyyy out of my "comfort zone" BUT during the couple of weeks leading up to my appointment I did some "exposure therapy" on the subway so that I could at least get there! And get there I did (thank you God!)... with my "agoraphobic/emetophobic survival kit" in tow (a couple of barf bags just in case, anti-nausea medication, water, mints, written reminders of WHY I HAD TO do this, biblical scriptures, and an elastic band on one wrist and Seabands on both haha).
My psychotherapist was going to meet me there for moral support (because I have no friends left) but, of course, I arrived a half hour early (gave myself PLENTY of time to panic along the way) so she wasn't there yet.
I guess I expected a standing ovation or something when I got there (DIDN'T THESE PEOPLE KNOW WHAT A MIRACLE IT WAS THAT I EVEN MADE IT??!!) but nobody seemed impressed. I gave my information to the less-than-enthused receptionist and sat down (cue drilling noise and gurgling sounds from behind door #1).
"Have a seat, you're early." (Thank you, Einstein!)
Wait
Wait
Wait
"Okay come with me, please."
(WHAT? My therapist isn't here yet!)
She sits me in the dreaded dentist's chair, puts the pretty pink bib around my neck, and then traps me in there by pushing the tray with all the various torture instruments on it. in front of me.
Calm down calm down breathe breathe you can do this don't run you have to do this this could be your ONLY chance to fix your broken smile.
I push the tray out of my way, rip off the bib, and walk out of there saying, "I have to use the bathroom!"
"Okay" she said, not caring.
Out the door I go, down the stairs, and outside to freedom!
Every fibre of my being wanted to get back on the bus to the subway and go home. Who am I kidding? I can't do this! This was a crazy idea. He's wayyyy out of my comfort zone and if I can't even sit in the chair, how on earth am I going to tolerate the entire procedure?! And where the hell is my therapist?? She said she'd be here! Okay at least wait for her... you have to do that much... she's doing this for you... no just leave... no wait... leave, it doesn't matter... wait... leave...wait....
So I sat down on a bench and waited. Finally, I see her pull into the parking lot, all smiles, while I'm there DYING!
"They had me in the chair and I can't do that right now. I just want to TALK to the dentist!"
"Okay then that's what we'll do, let's go back up." ( yeah easy for her to say)
Looong story longer, I did go back up, by some miracle was able to get the xrays and let the dentist take a quick look.
(again, nobody realized what a miracle this was so again no standing ovation.
)
After all that he says that I don't have enough bone for a full set of implants so my best option is an implant supported denture, for two reasons:
1. I would have to go to the hospital to get a bone graft for the fixed implants, and
2. The cost. Each implant is roughly $4,000 and while he very generously offered to donate his time and expertise, he (understandably) has to cover his lab costs and materials.
Sooo, the fixed denture would still end up costing me approximately $7,000 (which may as well be $7 million because I don't have that either). And even if by some miracle I found a way to come up with the money, what if after all that I can't tolerate the implant supported denture because it still IS a denture! Ugh!
Oh and while he's being VERY generous, he offers no kind of sedation whatsoever - only freezing. Double ugh!
Anyway, that's where I am now. Sorry this is so long.
I am 47, female, single mother of one adult child, on disability due to C-PTSD (with Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia and Emetophobia)... and I have three - count 'em THREE - good teeth in my mouth. The rest have broken off at the root. Oh, and I have an underbite. Sexy huh??
My mouth has been in this horrible condition for 15 years because the emetophobia has made it impossible for me to even sit in a dentist's chair... until yesterday that is (I'll get back to that in a bit).
I am on disability so I can't afford the extensive dental work I need (permanent dental implants) and here in Ontario Canada the only thing our healthcare covers for low income people is the very basics: extractions, fillings, and the cheapest denture. Because of my "issues" you couldn't pay me to wear a denture. I literally gag just looking at one.
So I've been walking around (when I DO get out) with little shards of black decay stuck in my gums, never smiling. But now my daughter will be graduating from university next year and... well... I want to be there with a smile that reflects just how incredibly proud I am of her. So, I wrote to a gazillion dentists explaining my situation and asking if they could help me find a way to get the dental work that I desperately need.
I heard back from ONE. He invited me to see him for a complimentary consultation (he normally charges $250) to see what he could do for me. I was sooo excited!!! And VERY grateful that SOMEONE had at least offered me some hope.
The dentist's office is an hour and a half (by public transit because I don't have a car and certainly can't afford a taxi) away from my home but beggers can't be choosers so I had to find a way to make the trip. I'm areabound agoraphobic, so that's like 847347343843 blocks wayyyyyy out of my "comfort zone" BUT during the couple of weeks leading up to my appointment I did some "exposure therapy" on the subway so that I could at least get there! And get there I did (thank you God!)... with my "agoraphobic/emetophobic survival kit" in tow (a couple of barf bags just in case, anti-nausea medication, water, mints, written reminders of WHY I HAD TO do this, biblical scriptures, and an elastic band on one wrist and Seabands on both haha).
My psychotherapist was going to meet me there for moral support (because I have no friends left) but, of course, I arrived a half hour early (gave myself PLENTY of time to panic along the way) so she wasn't there yet.
I guess I expected a standing ovation or something when I got there (DIDN'T THESE PEOPLE KNOW WHAT A MIRACLE IT WAS THAT I EVEN MADE IT??!!) but nobody seemed impressed. I gave my information to the less-than-enthused receptionist and sat down (cue drilling noise and gurgling sounds from behind door #1).
"Have a seat, you're early." (Thank you, Einstein!)
Wait
Wait
Wait
"Okay come with me, please."
(WHAT? My therapist isn't here yet!)She sits me in the dreaded dentist's chair, puts the pretty pink bib around my neck, and then traps me in there by pushing the tray with all the various torture instruments on it. in front of me.
Calm down calm down breathe breathe you can do this don't run you have to do this this could be your ONLY chance to fix your broken smile.
I push the tray out of my way, rip off the bib, and walk out of there saying, "I have to use the bathroom!"
"Okay" she said, not caring.
Out the door I go, down the stairs, and outside to freedom!
Every fibre of my being wanted to get back on the bus to the subway and go home. Who am I kidding? I can't do this! This was a crazy idea. He's wayyyy out of my comfort zone and if I can't even sit in the chair, how on earth am I going to tolerate the entire procedure?! And where the hell is my therapist?? She said she'd be here! Okay at least wait for her... you have to do that much... she's doing this for you... no just leave... no wait... leave, it doesn't matter... wait... leave...wait....
So I sat down on a bench and waited. Finally, I see her pull into the parking lot, all smiles, while I'm there DYING!
"They had me in the chair and I can't do that right now. I just want to TALK to the dentist!"
"Okay then that's what we'll do, let's go back up." ( yeah easy for her to say)
Looong story longer, I did go back up, by some miracle was able to get the xrays and let the dentist take a quick look.
(again, nobody realized what a miracle this was so again no standing ovation.) After all that he says that I don't have enough bone for a full set of implants so my best option is an implant supported denture, for two reasons:
1. I would have to go to the hospital to get a bone graft for the fixed implants, and
2. The cost. Each implant is roughly $4,000
and while he very generously offered to donate his time and expertise, he (understandably) has to cover his lab costs and materials. Sooo, the fixed denture would still end up costing me approximately $7,000 (which may as well be $7 million because I don't have that either). And even if by some miracle I found a way to come up with the money, what if after all that I can't tolerate the implant supported denture because it still IS a denture! Ugh!
Oh and while he's being VERY generous, he offers no kind of sedation whatsoever - only freezing. Double ugh!
Anyway, that's where I am now. Sorry this is so long.
