What is the root of your dental phobia?

[kaciee]

I have stated a few times in my posts on here that my father is a dentist. I guess my fears and anxieties come from numerous factors. My father is more than capable of being a caring and loving father and I feel like he's very competent in dentistry,but he's never had much patience for people who do not fully cooperate during dental procedures. I remember being a young child and I had my first cavity and when it came time to "drill it and fill it",I started to fearfully kick my legs at the sound of the drill and try to jump up. My father's reaction was a " you're okay" in a very dismissive tone and instructing my mother to come and hold my legs still and my arms on my stomach. Looking back,he didn't even stop drilling.

I also have a memory of having to get a baby tooth extracted when I was about eleven years old. It was one of my last baby teeth and it wasn't even remotely loose,but the permanent tooth was already attempting to sort of grow over it. I was terrified. I had seen enough of these scenarios in cartoons to know that having a tooth pulled like that was the worst thing that could happen to a kid. When it came time for the extraction,I remember sitting in the chair and my father grinning at me (albeit knowing his sense of humor,he may have thought that he was somehow putting me at ease) and saying, "Are you going to behave?" before he grabbed my lip and started shaking it while injecting me with the numbing needle.

On top of all of this,for some stupid unknown reason, I have chosen to read numerous dental horror stories on the internet and that only magnified a lot of the fearful thoughts within my mind.

 

[MagicDuck12]

So it all started like this really.

When I was little, mum took me to the dentist. i used to get my teeth cleaned and I absolutely hated it. My natural reaction when fearful is to sit there and basically go silent and not move, and just be paralysed by fear. I remember sitting there in that environment, with how the place looked, the sounds of the place, and it was phobia inducing. The dentist i saw at the time, i dont remember her name, but she was pretty abrupt and rude, and she was also rude to my mum. So she looked for a new dentist but by which time I was about 14/15. She knew instinctively I hated going, and at the age I had reached, she was taking a more relaxed attitude, letting me decide basically.

At that point, i was still going, and went to a new dentist. For a bit. Again i was having teeth cleanings, and I was having injections at times. These injections are no joke, they hurt me and feel terrible. A couple of times, The injection really stung and then i had my teeth cleaned. I used to go to school and feel an idiot afterwards, sometimes the cleaning would make me bleed. Whilst the dentist was a sort of "ok" man, there was no "connection" there. It was all "business" when he talked, there was no real consideration for how you may feel, about feeling rushed or anxious.

I got sick of that dentist, his nurse, the rude female dentist and her nurse before that, and the way their reaction to everything was to say "Im aaaaaaaalmost doooone" and never be anywhere close to being done, or "yooooooure ok, relaaaaaaax" in a silly patronising way that never makes anyone relax. So i got to the age of about 19/20 and i said TO HELL WITH IT. Im not going, END OF.

And it never did me any harm, dental wise. No fillings, no extractions for the whole time I didnt go to my next appointment, which was maybe 10 years later......

But during that time, I had started a career. I had way more pressures from that career, mixed with a spell of depression in my late 20s, id had a serious leg injury which i needed to get over, autistic traits i suffer and other intangible things were making me an incredibly anxious person, about many many things. My GENERAL anxiety level was rising.

Coupled with the spells of depression, i had started to neglect my teeth and appearance. So when I got to about im guessing 30 ish, I decided I had to go to the dentist again. Id matured a bit, and thought.....maybe its not so bad after all. And, it was the first attempt at me trying to be an adult and take a mature approach, particularly as my physio treatment for the leg injury was incredibly positive for me (and pain, but a sort of "rewarding pain", unlike dentistry).

So i get a check up, everything is STILL really good. But i have to have a filling on a top tooth and deep cleaning. The deep cleaning comes around quickly, HATED IT. DREADFUL sounds, injections, and ANOTHER rude dentist who made some of the most inept comments to me ever. Ive remembered them to this day they are so stupid. Classics like

"How can you be nervous? im not even touching you?"
"Its really not so bad, we even have children in here having the same thing done"

and my personal favourite, standing there with a look on his face as i beckoned him to stop, and frustratedly asking me "Whats wrong NOW?""

I had the filling, the injection was sort of so so, i dont remember it that much so it must have been semi-ok, but the filling process was terrible. HATED the sound, HATED the vibrations, HATED the stuff they use for the filling itself, and i really struggled not to pass out. At the end of the appointment, the nurse tipped the chair all the way back to stop me passing out, and gave me some funny drink and just said "drink that, itll sort you out"....not rinse, it must have been some sort of high energy drink i guess.

So AGAIN i say to hell with it, im not going. Because by this point ive had numerous bad experiences, i cant stand the environment there, i cant stand the pain, and im a far more anxious person overall.

But the coup de grace came 5 years later.

I started to feel pain in my lower left gum. It was unusual, the only pain ive ever had. So begrundgingly, i had to go to the dentist. Its a different dentist, at the same practice.

I get the X-Rays, he said i had a gum infection and gave me antibiotics to settle it down. He THEN told me i needed 2 extractions. I pretty much passed out there and then. WHAT???? 2 extractions from a little bit of pain? He said yes, and explained why. it was the wisdom teeth impacting on the molars next to them on both sides. He was very matter of fact about it and i was sweating profusely, my heart was racing. Because of bent roots, they referred me to an expensive, private dentist.

So the day comes from the first extraction, and the private dentists place is nice. its like, upmarket. I felt oddly calm.

Except, i get into the room, and the dentist was there, ALREADY, with a needle in his hand. Im thinking HOLY SHIT, ive not even had chance to explain how much this sort of thing sends me into oblivion. He speaks quietly but im IMMEDIATELY being injected. And this injection was the WORST THING I HAVE EVER FELT IN MY LIFE. THE PAIN WAS EXCRUTIATING. It felt like the whole side of my face had been electrocuted, it was like i couldnt SEE properly, it was AGONY for what felt like an eternity (although im sure it wasnt). The dentist and the assistant seemed to think it was normal, they didnt check on me.

Then I HAD the extraction, he was wobbling the tooth about and my whole body was moving. He wouldnt explain a thing what he was doing, and i was getting seriously scared and upset. I was moaning very loudly and grunting, whilst the nurse was basically holding me still. This felt like it went on for hours, it was the most unpleasant thing ive ever felt in my life, until finally, the tooth came out. Its THIS particular experience, that has done the most damage to me by far.

The second extraction, about 6 months later, was not as bad, but i required 2 injections not one to not feel any pain, as the first time around I DID feel pain as the extraction started. The damage had already been done. By that point i was a complete shell at the dentist, not speaking, not being nice, not listening, just basically wanting to be anywhere but there, even though i knew it needed doing.

So from THEN to NOW, 5 years have passed, and ive made a pledge AGAIN to try and be a bit more responsible. Theres too much scar tissue now. Every mention of a dentist, every thought that goes through my head, im in meltdown.

I tried to do the right thing, again by being more grown up. But this is the most trapped ive ever felt now. And i feel like once September is out of the way, i feel like im going to say enoughs enough. I cant live like this. My entire brain thinks of dentistry, all day, every day, to the point i can barely function as a human being, because I KNOW there are going to be so many more days of drilling, pain, discomfort and torture ahead, and I just do. not. want. it.

So thats where I am now. I feel like as of right now, having started to go back to the dentist, my world is in tatters.

 

[kaciee]

Thank you for sharing this. I know it had to be difficult to share it. I'm very sorry that you went through all of that. I don't mean to talk more about myself, but after reading your post I realize that maybe my dad isn't as much of a monster of a dentist as I thought he was. At least now if I cry or show obvious signs of distress during a procedure he softens up some and typically tries to find a way to attempt to comfort me.

"Im aaaaaaaalmost doooone" and "yooooooure ok, relaaaaaaax" are two of the worst things for a patient to hear while sitting in a dental chair,I wish dentists would get that through their heads. Neither of those phrases comfort anyone.

I think it was the third dentist that you mentioned: he sounds like the world's biggest insensitive jerk!! Is he still in practice? I would be very surprised to learn that he was popular in his profession.

You're much braver than I am though. If I had just walked into a room and someone was ready to stab me with a needle before I get a chance to sit down,I would have bolted! If they wanted to catch me,they'd better run fast.

 

[MagicDuck12]

@kaciee What the hell is "yoooooooure ok relaaaaaaaaaax" even supposed to MEAN? People who are ok and relaxed dont screw their face up in discomfort. or make funny noises. or feel like theyre going to pass out. or need to be pinned down in a chair.

Its obvious im not ok and im not relaxed.....So do something then!!! stop torturing me for a while. Say something. Just do something that ISNT saying "yoooooooure ok relaaaaaaaaax" because you know its utterly meaningless and will have zero effect. itll probably make things worse!!

That time when i walked in and the dentist had the needle in his hand as i walked in, christ..... i imagine thats what being stood in front of a firing squad feels like. ive never actually passed out, but in that moment there and then, i could barely see straight, i was like jelly. I had no chance to process what was going on whatsoever and the PAIN was off the charts.

What seems to have happened to me now, after all these incidents is, its created a personality within me where im deeply phobic of going to the dentist. But as ive explained in other threads, theres a constant tug of war going on in my head now, i think of it as the "child side" of my brain vs the "adult side" of my brain.

Child side of my brain says, you are a SIGNIFICANTLY happier person when you DONT go to the dentist. So dont go stupid! you feel no discomfort, you feel no pain. You dont really care about having the perfect smile and no one else does, so why bother? you had years without going, and now all you do is sit around crying, lurching from breakdown to breakdown.

Adult side of my brain says, you arent 22 anymore. Youre basically 40. At what point are you going to start taking this kind of stuff seriously. Yes, the dentists are jerks, we get it, but you are setting yourself up for a serious problem if you dont do something. Get a regular dental schedule going.

So on the face of it, im doing the right thing, im convincing myself "adult brain" is correct.

Problem is, "child" brain is right. My ENTIRE LIFE has fallen off a cliff since ive started going to the dentist again, and given that it wasnt previously, im rationally concluding its going to the dentist thats killing me. I can barely (and i mean BARELY) make it through each day, such are the thoughts I have.

I left my last cleaning appointment, literally sat in the car afterwards for like an hour, crying uncontrollably. Because even though the cleaning went well....so what? the end destination is being back at the dentist again further down the line.

I feel trapped because EVERY SINGLE TIME i go back, which ill have to do, forever, its just another opportunity to be told you need a surgery, another opportunity to be hurt, another opportunity to be treated terribly, and no matter what happens the phobia will never lift.

Because even if i had the greatest filling in the world, that could ever be conceived, thats what happened ON THAT DAY. And that one day in time doesnt represent forever. That tooth will fail at some point. Itll need more work at some point. Then something else will need more work etc etc. one of these checkups is going to lead to a dentist saying "You need THIS doing". and ill be straight back to square one.

So the only "solution" to all of this, is to somehow get to a point where I dont care about any of this anymore, but how is that ever going to happen? I dont see a pathway to how that will happen, unless I have some serious, serious therapy.

I speculate my strategy will become go the absolute maximum amount of time you possibly can between appointments, do not book them immediately after your last one, wait and only THEN book, when my mental state is such i feel i can handle it. I feel like thats the way to keep "child brain" and "adult brain" happy.

Is it what a dentist would recommend? no. But i dont really care what they recommend, they dont live through what I live through, and the impact it has on my life as a whole. They dont know anything beyond teeth, I live this nightmare every single day physically AND mentally.

So this is how I feel my phobia has manifested itself now in approaching middle age. It has become a never ending worry cycle and worry about the next surgery cycle, because as soon as one checkup or surgery ends, the clock immediately starts ticking down towards the next one. And when i say immediately, i really mean IMMEDIATELY. I mean there is no high or sense of happiness whatsoever. That cavity gets filled, i walk out the door and im still crying. A new timer has been set, and its ticking down....

 

[kaciee]

@MagicDuck12 I can relate to the feeling of it being a never ending cycle. I'm only in my late 20s,but when I was in my early teens I developed a nightly ritual of drinking a full glass of 2% milk before I went to bed. The problem with this habit was I would never brush or floss after doing this and I would go straight to sleep afterwards. I did this for at least a year and possibly even over a year. I guess the sugars of the milk didn't get along with just staying on my teeth overnight because I developed eight moderately deep cavities. I think my dad was more shocked than anything when his hygienist informed him of this information during a cleaning that I had at his office. I do remember my teeth badly hurting every time I sucked air between them prior to that,but for whatever reasoning that I had at the time I never told my dad. I don't think my dad ever did figure out how I wound up with eight cavities at one time. I remember the interrogation with him and the hygienist like it was yesterday. I could sense both shock and severe disappointment in his voice:

"Are you flossing?"
"Are you brushing your teeth ever?"
"Don't your teeth hurt?"

Well,that was over 10 years ago and like dental fillings eventually do,mine are starting to fall out and that terrifies me because I have learned that when dental cavities fall out they have to be re-drilled even deeper. These cavities were already so deep initially. So far,I have thankfully only lost one,but my dad had to re-drill it so deep that he actually hit a root and made me bleed. He didn't mention the blood much to me though because he knows how I am,but I know that I was bleeding from eavesdropping on the conversation between him and his assistant. Anyways,at the time after my dad doing the filling he sat down and informed me that there was a chance that I needed a root canal. Thankfully,I didn't.

This is the point that I was trying to make though,I'm constantly afraid that I'm going to lose another filling and that that filling is going to need a root canal. I'm terrified to eat anything hard,anything chewy,anything with any type of nut, anything sticky,etc. It's not a fun way to live.


Sorry for another looooooong story.

 

[MagicDuck12]

@kaciee I think at least on a subconscious level, but its not even subconscious its actually conscious, having all this done in your mouth is a real issue too.

Ive had an absolute ton of physiotherapy in the past, which has ranged from having shockwave therapy, to accupuncture, to cryotherapy, to cortisone. All awful on paper, especially the cortisone, but for whatever reason it just doesnt induce that sense of fear the dentist does.

The whole environment is totally counter intuitive to one that produces a nice outcome

 

[kaciee]

@MagicDuck12 It is. It seems like teeth are the one thing in the body that just can't repair and heal themselves even with assistance. I've had pins surgically placed in broken bones,but at least those bones healed and I don't have to constantly worry that I'm going to need those pins replaced.